And even though I wonder aloud to Kate if it actually is a good idea for my family to meet Meg, we drive to Beth’s together, pick her up and tell her we have some people we’d like to introduce her to.
Mom’s eyes light up when she sees the girl, and Skyler softens. Matt is already at ease, and I catch Dad breaking into a smile. Charlotte and Wayne have been allowed down and appear more curious than anything. And, as for Meg, just like her first night with us, she doesn’t mind the new faces or show any fear around them. After everyone has been introduced to her, she tells all of us, in great detail, all about the Elsa doll we’d gotten her, including the entire storyline of the movie. Of course this being told by a three-year-old leads to some interesting variations that I doubt actually played out on the screen. I half expect Charlotte to argue the finer points, but she restrains herself, and eventually she and Wayne invite Meg outside to kick around a soccer ball.
After making sure the kids have coats warm enough, the rest of us gather out on the front porch. Mom and Dad are in the double rocker, Matt and Skyler in separate chairs and Kate and I standing together, my arm wrapped around hers.
“She doesn’t really look like you,” Skyler says in a hushed tone, just loud enough for those of us on the porch to hear. “I realize that probably sounds cold, but it’s true.”
Mom looks down at the porch floor while Dad looks right at me and nods in silent agreement.
“I know,” I say. “We’ve got a DNA test scheduled for next week.”
“And then what?” Mom is wringing her hands in her sweater. “If the mother isn’t found, I’d hate to see a girl as cute as her pushed into the foster system.”
“We won’t let that happen,” I say.
“Maybe Skyler and I could take her in?” Matt pipes up. “If there’s an issue with you and Kate not being married.”
“We could…” Skyler replies, her eyes landing on Meg who is giving her all to keep up with the older kids.
“Or maybe Kate here will just marry me.” I can’t stop the grin as I look down at the girl who I hope might just say yes.
“I do love you,” Kate says, a blush spreading across her face before she steps away from me and leans on the porch rail.
I don’t join her right away. I figure all of this has been overwhelming for her and maybe bittersweet too. Instead I pull up a chair, tilt it back and rest my feet on the same porch rail Kate is gripping. I cross my arms over my chest, and like everyone else, I keep an eye on the kids and am sure I’m not the only one who can imagine this being a weekly thing, that somehow Meg not running out there with Wayne and Charlotte wouldn’t be quite right.
Eventually, Kate turns to smile at me, walks over and sets herself into my lap, not seeming to care what anyone else thinks. With my arms now around her, she whispers, “I really do love you, Garrett.”
“Right back at you,” I say, breathing her in and loving the extra warmth her body provides on a chilly day.
As evening approaches, all of us except for Mom and Dad end up in the yard with the kids and get an impromptu game of kickball going before daylight gets taken from us. All of us try to kick a little softer with Meg toddling around, but she holds nothing back, kicking as hard as she can. She’s a pro in the making.
But as much energy as a three-year-old has, Meg eventually runs out of gas, and we have to carry her to the truck when it’s time to leave. She barely makes a peep when Kate and I get her settled into her bed for the night.
“My dad said she was a good kid before we left,” I tell Kate after she flips on the switch to Meg’s Elsa nightlight.
“Oh? Well, that’s good. I imagine she could melt anyone’s heart.”
“I’m not sure he’s all that pleased about the situation, though.”
I could see it in the way he looked at me, with a little less shine than usual, knowing I hadn’t acted honorably around women. And here I gave Evan so much shit all those years ago about getting Lexi pregnant in high school. He’d been younger than me by a good four or five years by the time I’d met Kayla, and even with those extra years of life experience, I’d made the same stupid mistake.
“He’ll get over it,” she says, taking my hand and pulling me toward the door. “What matters is what you do now.”
“You’re right. I’ll do my best.”
Out in the hall now, Kate closes Meg’s door. “You know, she asked me about her mom earlier today… when I was helping her put her jacket on.” Kate says this in a hushed tone.
“She did?” I’m already walking toward the master bedroom, Kate at my side.
“She hadn’t seemed all that worried before, but maybe a week is the longest she’s ever been left by her mom. I’m not sure what to tell her.”
I turn to the master bedroom door and extend my arms so that Kate can slide in before me. “The DNA test is set for Tuesday, and hopefully the cops and the lawyers will have had some luck tracing Kayla down by then. Maybe we can get some answers, start to make some plans.”
Like second nature, Kate sits at the edge of my bed and slips her heels off. “What kinds of plans are you thinking about?” Then she stands and shimmies out of her skirt and blouse, turning her eyes away from me while she awaits a response.
“Marriage… parenthood… us being a family.” With each word, I’ve gotten closer to her until I gather her now half naked body up and hold her close to me.
She lets out a breath and closes her eyes. “I want that… I do…”
“But?” I just know there’s a but in there.
“But I’m afraid… afraid that now the idea of you having your own daughter has entered your mind, that what I can offer you won’t be enough.”
I sigh into her. “Are you trying to push me away? What more do I have to do to prove to you I want you no matter what?”
“I’m sorry,” she says, her voice in a near whisper. “I know these are my own hang-ups, but the more complicated things are, the less sure I feel we’ll make it through them.”
“Please don’t say that.” I hold her tighter than usual, but it forces her to look into my eyes. “We will make it through… whatever life has to throw at us. Isn’t that what your parents did, Kate? Even though your dad got some shitty disease, they still had a chance… they still had a life.”
She looks at me for a moment, her eyes frozen. And then, as if some unseen force has compelled her to do it, she begins to cry. “I just don’t want to disappoint you… or us,” she whimpers out, burying her face in my chest.
“The only way you could do that is if you left me, baby.” I kiss the top of her head, and then, as she inches her face back up, I ease my lips onto her forehead and then along the soft spot of skin between her eyebrows.
I wipe the tears from her pinked cheeks, then hold one hand to the side of her face while I wipe the last of the moisture away from her chin with my thumb.
“I love you so much,” she says, her tears lessening, her tongue sliding out to lick the last of the salty tears from her lips.
“I love you even more.” I bend my head down, bringing my lips to hers, tasting her, then move another hand between her thighs, hardening at being able to touch her there.
She draws her hands to my jeans, tugging the button loose and then pulling the zipper down. “I want you,” she says, and my hard muscle contracts as her hand slides further down, caressing my stiffened shape.
“I’m going to bend you over,” I whisper into her ear, then take hold of her naked hips and gently turn her face away from mine.
She grabs hold of the comforter that she is now bent over, gripping it in her slender fingers as I pull her panties until they’ve slid down her legs. With one hand on the smooth softness of her rear, I use the other to push my jeans and boxers down, releasing my hardness, then stepping forward, spreading and lifting her.
Her breaths are heavy, maybe even heavier than mine, but I doubt her heart is beating as fast. I grip my erection and guide it up and into her, immediately overcome
by a deep sense of pleasure, of fullness.
She cries out, then says my name, “Garrett,” in a yearning that I’m sure would be reflected in my own voice if I dared speak.
Her entrance is still tight, but I’ve learned to ease myself in slowly at first, to give her body time to acclimate. And when it does, I hold tightly to her smooth hips and thrust.
As much as I want to see Kate’s face, there are times when I want to see the rest of her, to admire the graceful arch of her back and the way it curves into her rear, her slender white neck and the thick blonde hair that falls over one shoulder in one beautiful wave.
I don’t take my eyes away from her, and it doesn’t feel like a choice. When she and I are connected like this, it’s as if I completely belong to her, and I don’t want this feeling to ever end.
Closing in on an orgasm, I slow my thrusts so she can have hers first. Hers don’t always come as easily—it can take patience sometimes, but I’m a patient man. I wrap one hand around to her soft stomach, holding her tight to me, then angle myself into her in a number of ways, hoping to hit the right spot, hoping to make her feel relief.
Time almost stops when we’re together, or maybe it just speeds up. No matter, it never seems long enough.
“Uhhhh…” she cries out, our bodies melded, hers tensing and then shivering.
I kiss her neck, keep her close to me and then finish myself off inside of her, releasing myself in grunts and groans that probably make me sound like an animal in a zoo, but I can’t care right now. Relief washes over me, relief coupled with the love I feel for this beautiful girl.
And I can’t not see her face now as I still contract into her, planting more kisses on her neck and the slight line of her jaw, pulling out and turning her around, looking into her eyes as the last of my spasms push against her belly.
“I love you,” I tell her in a voice I hear as ragged and rough. I just can’t seem to say it enough.
“And I love you,” she says, her eyelashes fluttering but her eyes sparked into life.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
KATE
I’ve had to take a leave from Forester’s while Meg is under our roof, but Beth and Ben have both been very understanding. In fact, it’s almost worked out better in some ways because I can simply take Meg over to Beth’s and watch Nathan and Cord while she works at Pamela’s or takes classes at the community college. So, whatever money I might have missed out on making at the grocery store is made up in what I get paid for babysitting, and Garrett has been generous too, insisting on helping me out.
This morning, though, I’m at the farmhouse with Meg because Beth took the boys with her to see a cousin or an aunt, someone she’d said a visit to was long overdue. And Garrett is out on the land, talking with some suppliers and beginning preparations for future planting. I can tell that so many things happening all at once have been stressful for him, even though he doesn’t say so in words, even if he likely wouldn’t admit it even to himself. But he’d snapped at me this morning when he turned the kitchen faucet on, only a trickle coming out while we heard a bang in the basement, a pipe below having burst. I knew where to find the turn off before Garrett did, and somehow that upset him. It wasn’t like him.
“Don’t take it out on me,” I’d told him right after. As low as my self-esteem could go, I refused to have a man be cross with me for something that wasn’t my fault.
“I’m sorry,” he’d said just as quickly, brushing his hand through his hair. “I’m sorry,” he repeated, and I knew he was.
The DNA test would take place tomorrow morning, and as prepared as we both seemed for Meg not to be Garrett’s, deep down I was sure he was as sad as I was at the prospect.
“Elsa wants a bath,” Meg tells me while she eats some cereal on the coffee table in the living room.
“Oh, does she?” I’d missed out on coffee since the water went out, so I’m sitting on the chair opposite her drinking orange juice. “Do you think you’d like a bath too?”
Meg nods. “I stink.”
At that, I laugh. Thankfully Garrett and I had both gotten showers in before the water had to be shut off, but Meg had done plenty of running around at Garrett’s parents’ yesterday, and I could see why she might want to get clean.
“We’ll have to go over to the big farmhouse that we were at yesterday,” I tell her. “We’re all out of water here.”
“All out?” She wrinkles up her entire face.
“Yes,” I laugh. “The pipes in this house are old, and the plumber won’t be able to come until later today. But I think Garrett’s family wouldn’t mind having you over.”
“Okay,” she says, taking another scoop of her cereal and spooning it into her mouth.
It still amazes me how amenable this little girl is to anything new. To be dropped off at some strange house with people you don’t know and to not be absolutely terrified is beyond me. Kayla might not be mother of the year material, but whatever she’d been doing has made Meg strong, a child who is able to sail through the changes in her life without the kind of upset most of us would feel.
But no matter how strong we think we are, there are always limits to how much your life can bend until it breaks. I don’t want Meg’s life to change anymore. I want her to stay here with Garrett and I, regardless of her paternity. I want us to be the stabilizing force in her life, to be the family Garrett talked about last night.
I don’t call ahead to Garrett’s mom or dad but instead just leave a note for Garrett and set Meg into an old wagon that Garrett and I had discovered in the barn and cleaned up. She seems excited at the prospect of being in something so old, but I’d still lined it with a blanket so she won’t have to sit on rust.
“Will I fall through?” she asks as I pull her closer to the big farmhouse, her voice expectant, as if that’s exactly what she wants to happen.
I laugh, looking back at her. “Through the wagon?”
“It’s very old,” she says. “Sometimes people fall through old things… in lots of cartoons they do.”
“Well, I think you’re safe for now, and you’d only fall a couple of inches.”
“We’ll see,” she says, and I can tell she’s almost willing the old wagon to break just to prove it can.
Meg remains talkative on our way to the farmhouse, and about halfway there, she says something somewhat unexpected. “Mommy’s house used to be big, but we moved because Daddy is mean.”
I stop in my tracks. We’d never pushed her to talk about whatever life she’d had with Kayla, no more than she was willing to tell us at least. And maybe there was a part of us that didn’t want to know for both selfish reasons and for fear her answers would be heartbreaking.
“You have a Daddy?” I ask her gently.
Meg nods. “I don’t like him. Sometimes he hits Mommy. But I don’t see him a lot. He was always gone.”
I clutch my chest. I’m not entirely surprised she’s witnessed abuse, but I still hate that she has.
“Do you know where your Mommy and Daddy live?” I ask, not wanting to waste this opportunity to find out more. Based on the last name Garrett’s friend had provided him, Garrett’s lawyer had found an address for Kayla Millbanks at an apartment building outside of Minneapolis, but when the local police attempted to find her, it had been cleared out.
“It was a biiiiiig house,” Meg says, stretching her arms out wide. “There were lots of trees and a lake. I don’t like it. It’s cold and I have no friends there.”
“Do you know what town it was in?” I ask, imagining it might be somewhere outside of Minneapolis.
She shrugs. “Dina? Mommy called it Dina I think.”
“And did your mommy ever tell you your daddy’s name?”
“Uh uh,” she says while shaking her head. “He was just Daddy.”
“Okay, Meg. Thank you for telling me.” I start pulling again, not wanting to pressure her with more questions, maybe just not ready to know more and imagine her having to go back to a father
who would hit her mother.
When we get to the house, Skyler answers.
“Is everything all right?” she asks. She doesn’t look especially worried, maybe just slightly annoyed.
“There was a pipe burst at Garrett’s,” I tell her. “And the plumber can’t come until later today. I was wondering if I might give Meg a bath here?”
“I suppose so. Mom and Dad are at a doctor appointment in Spokane, but I’m sure they wouldn’t mind.”
I had placed a small pack of fresh clothes and bath toys in the back of the wagon for Meg along with a bottle of shampoo and body wash that had Disney princesses all over it, so I pick that up and lead Meg into the house. I thank Skyler who seems to have gotten over that initial annoyance, which I think was really just surprise coming across the wrong way.
We use the bathroom on the main floor, and I fill it with just enough water for Meg to float her toys around in. When I see Skyler standing outside the open door, I get up, walk to it, keeping an eye on Meg while turning the rest of my attention to Garrett’s sister.
“Thanks so much for this,” I tell her. “Meg decided she got pretty dirty playing here yesterday and wanted a bath, so this will keep her happy.”
“You didn’t think to take her to your mother’s?” Skyler asks me. Again, she comes across as irritated, but I think it’s just curiosity or confusion. Or at least I hope that’s all it is.
“I… well, my family doesn’t know about Meg. I didn’t want to worry them until we find out what’s going to happen with her.”
“Ohhhh,” she says, drawing the word out and giving a short nod. “But it is a small town, Kate. Things always have a way of getting out whether we want them to or not.”
For a moment, I think she knows about me, knows about my condition and that I can’t have children, but in the next moment I’m not so sure, and maybe I don’t even care.
“The DNA test is tomorrow,” I say. “So, we’ll have a better idea of what to do then.”
“Will you though? If she’s my brother’s, are you going to stand by him… or are you going to run off like that sister of yours did?” With her eyebrows raised, I can tell this is a question she’s likely been wanting to ask for a while, regardless of whether Meg ever came into our lives or not.
Unbroken by Love (The Basin Lake Series Book 4) Page 24