I drive by Rocko’s, or what used to be Rocko’s. His store is gone. Not closed, not empty. Just gone. It used to sit between the laundromat and the exotic fish store in the strip mall. But today, those places are neighbors as if Rocko’s was never there.
I keep driving. It doesn’t matter where I go since Grant is forced to stay close by, but the park feels like our spot now. I pull my car under the elm tree and rush over to where Grant is already sitting on a bench.
“Why don’t they play poker in the jungle?”
I stop in front of him and stare down at his goofy grin. “I don’t know. Why don’t they play poker in the jungle?”
Grant’s smile grows even wider. “Too many cheetahs.”
I snort out a laugh despite my better judgment. Stupid jokes are starting to grow on me.
“Careful now.” Grant raises his eyebrows and pats the open seat on the bench next to him. “Wouldn’t want anyone to know you have a secret sense of humor and an affinity for bad puns.”
“I’m going to need you to take that secret to the grave.”
I regret my words the second they leave my mouth. Today I have to decide if I’m taking all of us to the grave.
“So…” Grant looks across the park. “Did you sleep on it?”
I suck in a deep breath of morning air that tastes and smells like nothing. “I was up half the night, or whatever it was, digging into the VALR system. I found the code for the VR.”
Grant sits up straight and stops looking around. I now have his full attention.
“It’s beautiful. I know they went about this whole tricking us into a VR thing all wrong, but Jesus. The code…it’s amazing.”
“Can you stop it?” Grant’s voice is soft, like he’s afraid of jinxing my answer. “Do you want to?”
I shrug. “The code is self-replicating. It’s how they can maintain such a large world without needing hundreds of simultaneous coders. I can’t destroy it a bit at a time. It moves too fast. To take it down I need to study it and build a virus that takes down the self-replicating code first. Then everything else would be vulnerable. But that’s not an option anymore.”
“Why not?” Grant jumps out of his seat and paces in front of me. “Look. I know that this is big, really big, but you can’t quit on me now. I don’t know anything about coding, but if you’re ready to do this I can help. I don’t know how since I’m useless in this world, but I can be there.”
My body aches with Grant’s conviction. I don’t think I’ve really understood until just now how much he needs this. It isn’t a want or even a fierce longing. Grant needs to get out of here, and the only way to do that is to shut it down. Something I can’t imagine accomplishing.
I shake my head. Shit. I hate disappointing him. “I can’t because VALR took all my computers this morning. They terminated my internship and deleted the only store in town where I could get new hardware on loan. I have no money, no computer access, and no way to program a new virus before tomorrow.”
Grant’s head pops up from where he was staring at his feet. “What happens tomorrow?”
“I’m out of time. My body is shutting down.” Even as the words leave my mouth, a headache springs up at my temples. “Tomorrow I have to let VALR know if I’m going to integrate. If not, they’ll shut me down, and I’ll become another ghost in the machine. Though, they don’t know that.”
Grant sits back down, and we lapse into a comfortable silence. I stare out across the open grassy area toward the bridge that leads to the Remnants. I was going to shut it down. Now that the option is gone, I realize how much I really wanted it. Not just for me, but for all of us. I wanted to set us free to move on to whatever is next.
“Maybe I should just integrate. I don’t know what all will happen, but Dr. Spencer made it sound like I would have a lot more control over the world.”
I spin to face Grant, a new realization hitting me. “Maybe I could fix the ghosts. The coders don’t know you’re here because they never even knew to look for you. But I do. If I have control over the code, I could find yours and make it so you aren’t invisible anymore. You could interact with everyone, everything.”
The more I say it the more real it feels. It’s not perfect, but better than both of us ending up living a half existence under the shiny surface of the VR.
“I don’t think so.” His chin dips down to rest on his chest.
“Do you doubt my skills? Butterfly is legendary on the deep web. I can do it, Grant. I know I can.”
Grant looks at me, sadness filling his eyes. “I’m sure you can, but I wouldn’t want it. What would I do? Go live with my fake parents and pretend that this is all real? That I’m not really buried six feet under? We’re not going to grow up, get married, and make plans for the future. This isn’t real life. Real life has the unexpected. It has dreams.” He lets out a soft sigh. “Without dreams, what’s the point of being awake?”
“Grant, I—”
“Do me a favor.” He stands up and takes a few steps away from me. “If you integrate, don’t fix my code. Delete it.”
Grant walks away, deeper into the park. I could follow him, but there’s nothing else to say.
He’s right. I can’t integrate. I can’t live every day the same as the day before from now until forever. I never had dreams. Not when all I could focus on was getting through the next surgery or round of chemo. I wouldn’t wish that kind of existence on anyone. A life without dreams is no life at all.
C:>TWENTYSIX.exe
The coffee shop is empty. I guess the coders decided to give me space today. They must be sitting on pins and needles waiting for me to figure out my future. They’ve been hoping to find someone to integrate for over forty years. I was about to be a big disappointment.
I’m not really hungry. I don’t think I’ve had anything to eat or drink since I really pieced this place together. But the bitter scald of coffee is the only thing I can taste, so I deserve one more cup before I slide into the background of someone else’s VR experience.
The same waitress from my last visit here walks out of the back room and heads straight for my table. “Some coffee to help clear your head?”
Real subtle programmers, real subtle. It’s like every coder at VALR has given up even pretending to keep the VR normal. It’s a cold splash of water to my face. This is exactly what every day would be like if I integrated. No more pretending that this is my world. It would be like living in a fish bowl.
“Black.” If they aren’t going to keep pretending that this is real, then I don’t have to pretend to use manners. A final day to give absolutely zero fucks.
The waitress doesn’t seem to mind and heads back into the kitchen to get my drink.
So what will I say to Dr. Brooks tomorrow? I have to imagine he’s going to try to talk me into the integration. No one would take too kindly to getting this close and then watching the missing piece decide to walk away.
Maybe I could just drive around all day. Forget going to bed. It’s not like I need sleep. I’ll drink my coffee, go find Grant, and just drive. How far would they let us get? I’ve never been to California. Do they have California programmed into the VR?
Probably not. We probably wouldn’t make it out of town before they’d find a way to stop us. They could close the roads or even shut down my car. Still, it would be fun to make them work for it.
The waitress brings my coffee over at the same time the door opens and two guys my age walk in. I have to hold back a chuckle. They’re both all-American, straight out of GQ, pretty boys. I’m not into it, but I can imagine that your average teen girl would be just about drooling into her coffee.
They both pause just inside the door and look around. They smile over at me and wave. The programmers have lost their ever loving minds. GQ #1 takes a few steps toward me as if he’s going to sit in the arm chair next to mine.
Not gonna happen. I swing the chair around in front of me and prop my feet up on it. He just smiles, and the two of th
em find seats closer to the kitchen. Fine by me.
I glance over at a table in the far corner. I’d been so busy rolling my eyes at the programmers’ lame attempts to sway me, I didn’t notice Adam walk in with a few other people.
They all seem to be chatting away, oblivious to everyone else in here. The waitress gets the orders for the two guys, but completely ignores the group in the corner. More ghosts.
It’s a good mix of people. Some of them are young like me, but most are middle-aged, with a few who would qualify for the senior discount if they could order anything.
I take a sip of my coffee and soak in the bitter bean water. It’s not what I would have requested for my final meal, but beggars can’t be choosers.
Adam doesn’t sit with the others. He spins toward me and flashes a big smile as he makes his way across the coffee shop.
“Tick, tock, tick, tock, controller.” Adam touches his wrist even though he’s not wearing a watch. “You’ve got to be getting close to time’s up.”
“Go away.”
Adam ignores me and perches on the small table in between the chairs. “I don’t see Grant. I assume you checked into his background and realized exactly who you were talking to.”
I take another sip of coffee and let the hot liquid seep around my mouth. I swallow dramatically and smack my lips. “So good. I’d offer you some but…” I give him an ugly, go to hell smile. “I know what Grant did, and I don’t care.”
It was true. At some point, I stopped caring that Grant ended his own life. We’ve all got demons, and we just have to figure out how to live with them the best we can. But sometimes the demons are more than we can handle. I’m feeling a lot like that today.
Adam watches me drink my coffee and glances over his shoulder at the other ghosts he came in with. “Look, I think we got off on the wrong foot. I’m glad you’re still friends with Grant. He’s a good guy, but he’s not really taking full advantage of the time he’s been given in here.”
“And you are?”
“I figure you’ve got maybe another day, two at the most.” He shrugs like it’s not a big deal that he’s talking about me slipping out of this virtual reality into something even less. “Forever is a long time to only speak to one other person. Why don’t you come meet some of the others? If you decide you hate us all, you’ve got the rest of eternity to ignore every one of us.”
He’s not wrong. I can’t integrate, no matter what Dr. Brooks says. I’d rather be left alone than forced to play along in some weird role playing game forever. It wouldn’t hurt to know a few other people. At least it would create some variety.
I take one last sip of coffee and set the empty cup down. Sayonara, taste buds. I stand up to follow him to the corner when the door opens again. This time it’s two girls who look like they just finished up walking the spring fashion show in Paris. I have to give it to the programmers. At least they’re trying to sway me.
Of course, I’d be more interested if one of them was carrying a terabyte hard drive.
Just like the guys, they both turn toward me, smiling and waving. I return their smiles with a glower. At least they take the hint and don’t try to join me.
Instead, they head for the seats in the far corner where Adam’s friends are sitting. A woman around my mother’s age sees them coming and gets up in time, but the older man with them isn’t as fast. He has his back to the door and doesn’t realize what’s happening until one of the girls sits down right on top of him. His body flickers as the program tries to validate two lines of code, one of which it isn’t aware of.
The older man waves at his friends, an oh-well expression on his face, and disappears.
“What the hell?” I blurt into the now crowded coffee shop.
The others leave their seats and walk over to me and Adam as if nothing happened.
“It’s not a big deal,” Adam says with a shrug of his shoulders. “It happens sometimes when we accidentally interact too much with the code.”
“Is he…gone?” I can barely spit the words out.
The woman who got up just in time lets out a soft laugh. “No, he’ll pop back up somewhere else good as new and be back in no time.”
I stare at the smiling group, all of them taking this in stride as if it’s no big deal that their existence can be squashed any minute by the dominant code inside the VR.
A teen around my age points out the front windows. Sure enough, the older man is outside the coffee shop, smiling and waving as if this is all one great big adventure.
No fucking way.
I don’t bother with any niceties. I sprint to the door, flinging it open and rushing past the old man staring at me in surprise.
I can’t spend the rest of forever with my life so inconsequential that taking the wrong seat could mean getting laser-beamed out of place. Beam me up, Scotty. No thank you.
I jump into my truck and pull out into the middle of traffic, forcing the sea of black sedans to flow around me. It takes less than a minute to get to the park.
There’s no point in following the rules so I don’t even bother parking in a designated spot. Dr. Brooks can kiss it.
Jumping out, I sprint into the open field. “Grant! Grant, I need you.”
The irony isn’t lost on me that it’s not until my final day in existence that I admit to actually needing another human.
“What is it?”
I spin around to find Grant standing right behind me. There isn’t time for questions, like where the hell did you come from.
“I can’t integrate, and I’ll never make it as a ghost. I’ll go crazy. Maybe even lose it enough to become a Remnant. We have to take this bitch down.”
“I thought you said you couldn’t?” Grant’s face is controlled but there’s no missing the hope in his words. “What changed?”
“Nothing. I still have no idea how to do this, but I have to. Even if it means breaking into the VALR building, ninja style.”
Grant leans back on his heels, a bright smile on his face. “I have an idea.”
C:>TWENTYSEVEN.exe
I don’t bother to wait to hear it. It’s not as if I have the option of turning him down and going with plan B. Whatever Grant is thinking of doing is our one and only shot at getting out of this virtual hell.
We race to my truck, and I throw open my door, pausing only for Grant to jump into the front seat before gunning the engine and peeling out of the parking lot.
“Okay, where are we going?”
Grant takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “My parents’ house.”
I plow down the middle of the road, completely ignoring all the traffic signs and cutting off any black sedan that even thinks about getting in front of me.
“Is there something there that can help us get inside the VALR building?”
“Nope.”
I resist the urge to scream. “I told you I have to be inside the building to shut the VR down. A brute force attack is the only way this can work.”
“You also told me you need time to study the code in order to write a virus that will destroy the self-replicating code lines.”
I glance over at Grant. “Look at you. You almost sound like a real hacker.”
“Well.” Grant rolls his eyes at me. “You can only hear someone drone on and on about something for so long before it starts to sink in.”
I grunt in response. “I’m going to let that go since it seemed like you were on the verge of telling me how I can get access to the code.”
Grant bounces in his seat. “That I was, mi amiga. When a controller goes nuclear, they simply cease to exist, but it would be a lot of work for the programmers to remove any history of their existence from the VR.”
“Still not following you.”
“When I was the controller, I visited the parents of the girl who was the controller right before me. I asked them if they knew where Sharon was, and they told me she was out, but would be back soon. Of course, that wasn’t true since Sha
ron was a ghost standing right next to me.”
Grant sucks in a deep breath and keeps talking a mile a minute. “I went to visit the homes of half a dozen other ghosts. Each time I had an almost identical conversation. I’m guessing when a controller dies, the programmers insert some standard code for their family in case anyone goes to check out other program participants. That means everything at my parents’ house should be exactly how I left it when I stopped being the controller.”
He stops and looks at me with a silly grin on his face.
“Still not seeing how this helps.”
“I thought you were some kind of genius, Butterfly. It may have been a while since I was the controller, but I did have a computer. A really nice one actually.”
I take a hard right into Grant’s neighborhood. “Why didn’t you just say that to begin with?”
Grant shrugs. “Where’s the fun in that?”
“Okay, funny man, so you have a computer that we have to assume still works. How do I convince your parents to let me use it?”
Grant taps the clock on my dashboard. “Right now everything is still running on standard code. The programmers have no reason to think that you’d come here. My parents don’t come home before five, which gives us a good hour before we have to worry about them.”
“You want me to break in?”
Grant throws his hands into the air. “Viv, get it together. It’s not a real house.”
I shake my head and pinch the bridge of my nose, where a headache is coming on strong. “Right. It’s not going to take the coders long to figure out what I’m doing.”
“Probably not, so you’ll have to work fast.”
“Got it.” I pull the truck to a stop outside of Grant’s house and jump out.
Grant is right behind me, racing toward the door. “Grab that rock.”
I bend down and grab a decent-sized rock from the garden out front. There’s a big bay window next to the front door, so I plant my feet and pull my arm back to let loose.
“What are you doing?” Grant shouts from the front porch.
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