His face says it all. No matter what happens now, he’s not going anywhere. It makes me think of Mama; the way she was always there, even when the nurses suggested she’d be more comfortable waiting in the hall during the particularly painful procedures.
She’s somewhere in this building right now. Not here in the VR, but in the real world. My body is slipping away, and I have zero doubts that the world’s best mom is standing right there next to me, holding my hand and telling me how much she loves me.
Tears spring to my eyes, but I blink them away. I’ve already told her how much I love her, and nothing is ever going to change that. Right now I need to focus on staying present so I can figure out how the hell to get myself out of this. Because no way am I going down immobile on a stretcher while the world blinks out around me.
We push inside a brightly lit, sterile room. Just like the one my real body is in. Dr. Spencer is there waiting for us. She turns, a huge smile on her face like she hasn’t seen me in years.
“Hello, Viv. Time to be reborn.”
C:>THIRTY.exe
Panic claws at my throat. I will my body to move, but it’s as if fifty-pound sandbags weigh down all my limbs and an elephant sits on my chest.
“Dr. Spencer, you said I had a choice.” My voice is raw with the effort of forcing air out of my lungs. “I don’t want to do this.”
Grant slides into the room and finds a clear spot by the head of my bed. It’s surreal seeing him and Dr. Spencer at the same time. Her face is calm and welcoming, but Grant is full of rage directed right at Dr. Spencer.
“I have never wanted to be able to punch someone more than I do right now.”
I want to laugh at Grant, but my body can’t even muster the energy for that.
“Viv.” Dr. Spencer’s voice is all soothing, dulcet tones, like she’s speaking to a child. “You do have a choice, but why in the world would you choose to die?”
“That’s what I picked a month ago when I entered VALR.” Tears spring to my eyes, but I can’t even wipe them away. “I can’t live here in this fake world and pretend some woman in a computer lab is really my mom. I never wanted this.”
Dr. Spencer takes a step back, her eyes going wide. “Oh Viv, I’m sorry. We should have explained this all, but you seemed to be handling the transition so well, and then time snuck up on us. This is just the VR. Once you integrate, everything changes.”
“Explain everything.”
Grant growls at Dr. Spencer. “Yes, explain it.”
“Once you integrate, you won’t simply be living inside the VR. You will become the VR. Right now, we control most of the world and the people who live inside it.” She shrugs as if it’s not a big deal that I’ve been living inside a giant puppet show. “But when you integrate, that ends. This world becomes everything you want it to be based on your own memories and dreams.”
“How?”
Dr. Spencer shrugs, and Dr. Brooks hustles into my field of vision. “The science is…inexact, but we know it works. Your mind started giving over to the system the minute you entered. All those little details that made this place seem real? We could never have programmed those.”
My mind flashes back to everything I’ve seen or done since I got here. The little nicks and scrapes on my steering wheel. Daddy’s spot on the couch. The unique scent of my mom that brings up all my best childhood memories. He’s right. There’s no way they could have programmed all of that in.
Grant is silent, staring wide-eyed at Dr. Brooks. He had no idea. I can practically see the gears in his head churning as he thinks back to his own experience as the controller.
“So if I integrate, all the programmers go away?”
Dr. Brooks smiles, but it isn’t the warm smile of Dr. Spencer. He looks more like a spider that caught a fat, juicy fly. “For the most part. Your own memories and subconscious take over. If you don’t have a memory, the programmers can augment. Have you ever been to Hawaii?”
I glare at Dr. Brooks. Most months Mama and I were lucky to keep the lights on and food on the table.
Dr. Brooks snaps his fingers, and our tiny room is instantly transformed into a gorgeous, white-sand beach. Sunlight dapples off the waves as they roll lazily onto the shore. I lick my lips and taste the salt hanging in the warm air.
Grant lets out a low, soft whistle. “Holy shitballs.”
My thoughts exactly.
“You could go anywhere, be anyone, do anything.” Dr. Brooks snaps his fingers again and paradise disappears, replaced by the sterile white room.
“I—” White hot pain seers through the numbness holding me down. My body writhes on the bed, completely out of my control.
“This is it, Viv.” Dr. Spencer is crouching over the bed holding my hand. “Your body is giving up. You have to decide.”
I try to nod, but nothing is working. My body is focused only on dying. I know what I have to do. I grit my teeth and breathe out my answer. “How do I integrate?”
Dr. Brooks lifts his hand, and sticky electrode pads are stuck to my temples. There’s a warm buzzing to them, but that’s almost comforting compared to the pain in my chest.
“I know it’s hard, Viv, but you need to relax.” Dr. Spencer squeezes my hand. “You don’t have to do anything. Just let it happen.”
“G.” I can’t say his name out loud, but Grant knows I’m talking to him. He races over to stand next to Dr. Spencer, his hand hovering over mine. “I’m scared.”
“Don’t be scared.” Dr. Spencer reaches up and closes my eyelids.
My heart beats erratically in my chest. I always pictured dying as a calm experience full of white light and little baby cherubs singing hymns. This is the opposite. Darkness and pain and fear.
“What kind of tea is hard to swallow?” Grant’s voice is soft, but it pushes through the pain into my brain and eases the panic clawing at my chest.
“What kind of tea is hard to swallow?” I repeat back to him in mushy words, my tongue struggling to move.
“Reality.”
I huff out a breath, the closest I can come to a laugh as the dark nothingness pulls me down. “Good one.”
C:>THIRTYONE.exe
I open my eyes but shut them again instantly, the bright white light overloading my senses. This isn’t right. I’m supposed to be integrated. I squeeze my eyes shut tighter and picture the Hawaiian shore that Dr. Brooks took us to. I imagine the warm sun beating down on my face while waves slap against the fine sand of the shore.
I create the picture in my mind and go over every detail I can remember. This is how they promised it would work. I can create whatever reality I want.
My left eye squints open, and the air sucks out of my lungs. No tropical paradise. Not even a warm sun. I open my eyes and glance around in disappointment. I’m stuck in a plain white, overly bright room that feels vaguely familiar.
“Look at you.”
I spin around, and it all comes back to me. “Daddy.” This is where I was when they put me in the coma. When I woke up and they told me the cancer was gone, I forgot all about this. But now I remember.
I rush over to him and let his strong arms scoop me into a warm hug. My cheek rubs against his flannel shirt, worn soft by years of wear.
Tears spring to my eyes. The integration didn’t work. I should be a ghost like Grant, but I’m not. At least it doesn’t feel like it. I can still touch my dad. A shiver runs down my spine at the thought of being this close to him and not being able to soak in the comfort of his arms.
But that means I left Grant alone in the VR. Stuck in a half-life, waiting on the next controller. He stayed by my side and then I abandoned him, even if it wasn’t on purpose.
“I told you I would be here when it was your time.” His warm breath tickles the hair on my forehead and eases the pain in my heart.
“I’m ready, Daddy.” I snuggle in closer to him. “Wherever we go from here, I’m ready.”
His deep laugh rumbles across my skin. “You always were a
n all-in kind of girl. Other kids would hem and haw over all the options at the ice cream store, but you always walked in knowing exactly what you wanted.”
I lean back to look at him. “I’m out of options here.”
“Are you sure about that?” He smiles down at me and walks over to a small couch that wasn’t there a minute ago. “There are very few times in life when we are truly out of options.”
I join him on the couch and try not to roll my eyes at him. “Except this isn’t life.”
“It’s not death either.”
“But my body died. I felt it.” Or at least I thought I did.
He shrugs in a way that reminds me of Grant and makes my heart hurt. “That’s true, and yet here we are, having a perfectly normal conversation. If you’re really ready, we can go.” He looks over his shoulder to where a thin black line shows the outline of a door. “But I need you to be absolutely sure, because there’s no coming back out. If you have any unfinished business…”
He lifts his eyebrows, and a lead ball drops into my stomach. Grant. Could I walk through that door and leave him knowing he’ll be stuck in the VR alone?
“So if I don’t…go with you, then I’ll be integrated into the system.”
My dad nods, but his face pinches with concern.
“I have a friend in there.” It’s weird to say it out loud. I can’t remember a time in my entire life when I would have openly called someone a friend. Rocko at the computer store was a good guy, but I don’t know anything about him except he owns a computer store and lets me buy things on credit. And there are the other white hats on the deep web. A lot of them shared things they were going through in the real world, but I ignored any questions that got too close to who I was. Butterfly was a class-A hacker. No need to mix that up with a sick girl dying from cancer.
None of those people were friends. I never would have asked any of them to sit with me while I waited to die. Grant didn’t even hesitate when I asked him.
“If I go back…” I suck in a deep breath. “It’s not real, but it’s something. Some parts actually seemed really nice. I could live in Hawaii.”
Dad chuckles and hugs my shoulders. “That does sound nice. I’m curious though. Why do they want you to integrate?”
“They…” My mouth snaps shut. I have no idea. Something about AI, but I don’t know why they want to do that. Dr. Brooks never told me the why behind integration, just how great it would be.
“How much money do you think VALR has spent to get someone to integrate?”
Forty years of research and candidates. A rich VR system maintained by a huge team of programmers. Billions, maybe trillions.
Dad’s head drops. “What do you think they expect from that investment?”
“I’m guessing more than just giving me a perfect afterlife.” What would be next? Would my virtual world turn into some kind of side show for freaks? Come peak behind the curtain and marvel at the girl trapped inside a computer. Or worse…what if they send other people inside my world? Dr. Brooks even said that once I’m integrated, the programmers still have the ability to code changes.
“You need to decide, Viv. Time is a fickle beast right now, but it’s not eternal.”
I slide in closer to him and press my body under his arm. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. If I go back I could be trapped in a sort of undead freak show. If I leave, I abandon the only friend I’ve ever had. Those aren’t good choices.”
“Are you sure they’re the only ones you have?” Dad leans his head to the side so it rests on top of mine.
“Do you have a door number three?”
His laugh shakes our linked bodies. “Sorry, sweetheart.”
“How about a crystal ball? You seem to have an awful lot of answers.”
“I can’t see the future, though that certainly would make it easier.”
I sigh. “I don’t want to live in the VR anymore. But I can’t leave Grant there. I need a way to take down the system so we can both leave.”
“Then do that.”
I pull away so I can look into my dad’s eyes. He’s just like I remember him, with a wide smile and little crinkles around his eyes. “You always believed I could do anything, but this isn’t something I know how to do.”
“Viviana Mariposa Maria Quiroga, are you or are you not, one of the top—if not the top—white hat hackers out there?”
“Well, I was until I died.”
He gives me a classic Dad look. The one that says I love you but I’m .03 seconds from strangling you. Man, I’ve missed him. “Semantics, Viv. This is a coding problem, and no one does that better than you.”
I squeeze his hand and try to soak in some of the confidence he has in me. And then it hits me. The answer is right in front of me.
“I’m scared.”
He squeezes my hand tightly between both of his. “I’d be worried about your mental stability if you weren’t. But when has that ever stopped you before?”
I stand up, still gripping his hand. “I think I’m ready.”
“I know you are, baby girl.”
I walk with him over to the door, holding his hand like a life line. I wipe away the tears that I can’t hold back anymore. “Am I going to see you again?” My next steps would be easier if I knew he would be there waiting for me.
“No crystal ball, remember, kid?” He wraps me up in a hug that feels better than I remembered. “But I have a feeling this isn’t the last time you have to put up with me.”
“I love you, Daddy.”
“I love you, too, sweetheart.”
He squeezes me tighter and then lets go. I can barely see him walking away with all the tears in my eyes. Not goodbye, not for good. It takes all my willpower not to follow him through the door, but I stay strong. I plant my feet on the white ground until he’s all the way through and the door closes behind him, the thin black line fading away until it disappears.
The door closes without a sound, and I’m alone once again.
I walk back to the couch and wipe away the last of my tears. If I’m going to make this work, I need to focus. “Alright,” I say to the empty room. “Time to integrate.”
I close my eyes and wait.
C:>THIRTYTWO.exe
Viv?” Grant’s soft voice whispers in my ear, but it’s like my whole body can hear him. His vocal vibrations radiate around me and float like a gentle touch around my skin.
I sit up in the bed and rub at my temples. The headache is gone, but that’s not right. It feels more like the part of my head that hurt is gone.
“Are you okay?”
I jump out of the bed, searching the stark room for the threat I can feel all the way to the soles of my feet. “Where are they?”
“Dr. Dee and Dr. Dum? They peaced out of here ten seconds ago.”
Running to the door I peer out of the tiny rectangle window. The hallway is completely empty, and I can’t hear anyone nearby. “Which way did they go?”
Grant snorts. “Out.” He pops his hands in front of him like an explosion. “They didn’t use the door. One second they were standing there watching you like a hawk. The next they were gone.”
I march back over to the bed, feeling oddly uncomfortable in my clothes, like Mama used a whole can of starch to iron them. “Probably off to go tell the world they have the first fully functioning AI.”
Grant stares at me with a mix of wonder and disappointment. “So you integrated.”
“I took door number three.”
“What does that mean?”
“No time.” I kick my shoes off, and it helps ease the feeling that I’m walking around in someone else’s skin. It’s probably a side effect of the integration, my brain still getting used to the idea of fully living inside the VR. I could probably get used to it after a while, but I don’t plan on sticking around long enough to find out. “We need to get to the room Dr. Spencer took me to.”
Grant doesn’t even hesitate. He rushes over to the door and motio
ns for me to open it. “Where is it?”
“Fourth floor. Just a few doors down from Dr. Spencer’s office.” I wrench the door open and let Grant through before stepping into the hall. “I think the elevators are that way.”
Grant and I turn and run down the empty hallway toward the lobby. I can’t remember the last time I ran, really ran and not just a quick three-step dash to the bathroom to avoid ruining the carpet after another dose of chemo. My legs fly underneath me, and I’m not even close to over-exerting myself. The faster I want to go, the faster my legs carry me.
I round the corner to the lobby and skid on my toes, nearly toppling forward into a disgraceful somersault.
“Where are you going?”
Dr. Brooks stands in the middle of the hall, his hands on his hips with his feet splayed apart like he’s ready to scold me for running in the halls.
“I’m just…” I can’t think of a lie. My brain is too focused on the task at hand. I take a step backward, and Grant mimics my motions.
“Stop her.” Dr. Brooks’ voice echoes against the cold walls and vibrates back to me, but there’s no one else with him. My ears ring from the noise, like the time Mom let me go to a concert and I stood too close to the speakers.
I don’t wait to see what he’ll do next. I spin on my heels and sprint back down the hall, but pull up short again as a solid brick wall springs to life in front of us. Grant nearly hits it. I’m not sure if he would simply go through it or get transported out of here, but we don’t have time to experiment.
“They aren’t going to let you do whatever it is you’re planning, Viv.”
I look over to Grant. The look in his eyes is fear, but behind that is trust.
“The hell they aren’t. Two can play this game.”
Dr. Brooks walks around the corner, calmly stalking toward us like a man who just found the secret to eternal life. Which I guess he kinda did.
Focusing on the stretch of hallway a few yards in front of me, I picture my own wall. I imagine brick after brick stacking on top of each other with heavy mortar oozing between the bricks. I picture it taking up the whole width of the hallway and stopping Dr. Brooks in his tracks. I close my eyes and create the perfect mental image in my mind.
Ghost Code Page 14