by Nancy Warren
– Robert M. Hutchins
Somehow, they got Linda back to their cabin, with an honor guard of attendants still wearing their fluorescent green ball caps and bright red life jackets, complete with dangling red whistles.
Linda was laid down tenderly on her bed once more. And Dr. Madsen was once again paged.
“Well,” the jovial old man said, peering up and down and then finally looking right over the top of his glasses. “Damn trifocals,” he said to no one in particular. “Can’t get used to ’em.”
He picked up Linda’s wrist and once more calculated her pulse. He listened to her heart and asked her a few simple questions like what day it was and her name. She aced the test, luckily. And at least this time she was conscious, so Toni was less worried.
“Well, it’s not often that I get called twice in the same day to the same patient,” he said, sounding pleased to be useful.
“And we haven’t even left the dock yet,” Tiffany said, like the voice of doom.
“Your grandmother will be fine. She’s had a shock, that’s all.” He looked at Linda.
“Thank you, Doctor. It was a shock.”
He patted her shoulder. “Try and get some rest. You’ll be as good as new in the morning.”
Toni walked him to the door. He paused there. “Normally, I’d give her a mild sedative, but with all the Dramamine still in her system—” He shrugged. “—she’ll probably sleep through the night. If you’re worried about her, there’s a doctor on call twenty-four hours a day. One of my colleagues will assist you.”
“Thank you, Doctor.”
When she returned, Linda was already closing her eyes.
A few minutes later there was a knock on the door. Tiffany crept forward and opened it and their personal steward stood there with a silver tray. On the tray was what was left of Linda’s hairpiece.
“It looks like road kill,” she whispered to her mother. “What do I do?”
“Hide it,” she whispered back, knowing there weren’t enough tranquilizers on board to calm her mom down if she saw what they’d done to her hairpiece. Toni decided to take the ill-treated hair to the salon tomorrow and see if the on-board stylist could fix it.
Tiffany stashed the hair in her school backpack. Then she walked in and looked at her two roommates. “When you told me this trip would be a real adventure, I thought you were joking.”
*
Linda woke up refreshed the next morning and no one made any mention of the mutilated hairpiece. Fortunately, she’d brought almost as many with her as she’d brought pairs of shoes, so she was back in all her platinum glory well before breakfast.
Linda was also full of plans. Each night a newsletter was delivered to their cabin outlining the next day’s activities. They were motoring to a private island in the Bahamas, their first port of call, but today was a day at sea. “So many activities. So many ways to reach three thousand potential customers.”
Toni shook her head. “There are another fifteen hundred people working on board. That’s a pool of forty-five hundred future Lady Bianca customers.”
Linda glanced over at Tiffany. “This is why your mom wins all the prizes. She sees the big picture.”
Tiffany looked up from her book. “I wish I could see the wall in my room at home.”
“What do you think would be fair, Toni? Should we split the boat into sales territories? You work one part and I work another?”
“Sure.”
“Tiffany? Do you want a territory?”
“I’m Switzerland.”
“Huh?”
“She’s neutral, Mama. She means, she’s staying out of it.”
Linda shook her head at her granddaughter. “One day, honey, you’ll be in the business. It’s in your blood. You should embrace your destiny.”
“Gang members probably say the same thing to their kids.”
Since Linda was as used to Tiffany’s unfortunate attitude to Lady Bianca as Toni was, she pretended she hadn’t heard. “Well, let’s see.” Linda pulled out a map of the ship. “Would y’all look at this? There are sixteen floors to this ship. How do we split up the territories? I mean, how would you even know if the person you were talking to had a stateroom on deck five or deck fifteen?”
She turned the map. “Then there’s fore and aft and port and starboard. I’m already dizzy.”
“What about trying a team approach?” Toni suggested. “We’ll work together and split the new recruits down the middle.”
Tiffany glanced up, amusement sparkling in her pretty eyes, but for once she didn’t say anything.
“Well, obviously not split the recruits down the middle, because that would be messy and unproductive, but if we have let’s say two thousand people sign up to sell Lady Bianca cosmetics by the end of the cruise, then you’ll get credit for a thousand and I’ll get credit for a thousand.”
“Two thousand new recruits. Can you just imagine?”
“Of course I can, and I always believe that every person I talk to will eventually sign up to sell Lady Bianca.”
Linda shook her head admiringly. “It’s a gift you have. That’s what it is. A true gift.”
Toni was having trouble deciding between the blue striped T-shirt with white cotton slacks or the lilac cotton sweater and a jean skirt. In the end she went with the lilac cotton, as it was the Lady Bianca signature color.
“Oh, I almost forgot,” she said, digging in her big bag. “I brought us all lanyards so we can hang our key cards around our necks.” The ship issued the cards not only to let them into their staterooms, but also to function as ID and to allow them purchase drinks or items easily aboard ship.
The lanyards were from the last Lady Bianca sales convention and they were mauve. Imprinted in gold on the pale purple ribbon were the words, Proud to represent Lady Bianca Cosmetics. “This way, we won’t lose our cards or misplace them somewhere.”
“Plus, it’s a little bit of soft selling,” Linda said, accepting her lanyard, slipping her key card into it and hanging it around her neck. She’d been flipping through the daily newsletter outlining the day’s events. Suddenly, she put a hand to her chest and cried out, “Oh, look at this! A shopping seminar. And it’s about diamonds and jewelry.” She gasped. “And they’re giving out prizes.”
“Perfect. Women who love diamonds—and who doesn’t?—will love Lady Bianca. And by the time they’ve finished an hour-long seminar on shopping, they’ll be pumped to buy. This is a golden opportunity.”
“Or a diamond one,” Linda said, and the pair of them started giggling.
“Okay, Betty and Wilma, I’m heading for the gym,” Tiff said, grabbing her card. She was already in shorts and an athletic shirt, her hair tied back in a ponytail. “I’ll catch up with you both later.”
“Wow. Aren’t you committed to fitness,” Linda said admiringly.
Toni watched as her daughter mumbled something and headed for the door. Toni wasn’t sure it was a commitment to fitness so much as a desire to bump into the cute young guy from yesterday.
She noticed that Tiffany hadn’t taken advantage of the Lady Bianca lanyard.
“Let’s start with the Zumba class,” Linda suggested. “Lots of great women who care about their appearances will be there. Plus we’ll get a workout.”
“Deal.”
She abandoned the lilac sweater and jean skirt for workout gear and headed for the nightclub where the class was scheduled. The teacher had set up on the stage and by night, the class gym would be the disco dance floor.
While they waited for the class to start, they checked out their fellow classmates for potential Lady Bianca clients. Toni immediately picked out a few likely candidates.
She smiled and moved close to one of them. An older woman, maybe late fifties, with diamonds at her ears, her throat, and on her fingers. Big, gorgeous diamonds. She had a sad look to her and Toni thought maybe she needed a lift—like, say, a free makeover.
“I’ve never done Zumba before. Min
d if I follow you?” she asked the woman.
“I’ll try not to lead you astray.” She had a New York accent. She was attractive, with frosted hair cut in a sleek bob, and a lean figure.
The music began to boom out of the speakers while the instructor shouted instructions into her mic. Toni had no time to focus on anything but where her feet were supposed to go. It was a fun workout, with pumping music, stepping this way, jiggling that way, and trying not to crash into anyone.
After the class, when the women were all glowing and feeling good about themselves for choosing to exercise off a few calories instead of packing on more at the buffet, Toni turned to the woman who had more diamonds on her body than Toni did, and whose skin proclaimed regular facials and a beauty regime. “I don’t know about you, but I’m ready for a coffee or a fruit juice or something after all this work.”
The woman immediately agreed, and since Toni’s voice had a carrying quality, a fairly large group of women in workout gear decided to join them. They headed outdoors to a covered area with tables and chairs.
“That was so much fun,” Toni said to her new friend as they settled side by side.
“Isn’t it? Whenever I’m on a cruise I never miss a Zumba class.”
“You’ve been on a lot of cruises?”
“I’ve lost count. I love cruising. I’m a Gold VIP cruiser.”
A waiter appeared as soon as they sat down. Toni, feeling virtuous from her Zumba workout, ordered a green tea and a large glass of ice water. “Of course,” she confided to the older woman she’d befriended, “I really want coffee, but I’m trying to cut down.”
“Not me. I need some pampering. I’m having a latte. With whole milk.”
There was a gasp from a woman so thin and hard-bodied she must count calories at night instead of sheep.
When she wasn’t selling Lady Bianca, Toni loved nosing out people’s personal business. So, sensing an interesting story, she said, “Wow. Whole milk? Things must be really bad…?” She left the question mark hanging there. The woman could pick it up or she could leave it hanging. Her choice.
She picked it up and leaned in. “You have no idea.” Her eyes pinched with pain. “I was supposed to be on this cruise with my husband. Instead, I’m traveling with my grandson.” She sighed sadly. “I have my divorce lawyer on speed dial.”
“Oh, no. I’m divorced. I know how tough it is. I’m so sorry.”
“This will be my third. I don’t think any woman has worse taste in men than I do. I keep dreaming I’ve found someone who loves me for myself. But so far, it’s turned out to be all about the money.” And her eyes filled with tears.
Toni’s sympathy was immediately roused. “Do you want to talk about it?”
She gave a bitter laugh. “It’s an old, old story. About a girl who grows up with a big trust fund and low self esteem.” The lemon water arrived at that moment, placed before them by the efficient staff member uniformed in a blue and yellow Duchess shirt and beige Bermuda shorts. Her nametag announced that her name was Maricel and she was from the Philippines.
The woman took a sip of the lemon water and Toni did the same. “I’m Alicia, by the way,” she said, holding out her hand. “I guess if I’m going to tell you my life story, I should tell you my name.”
“Toni Diamond. Real nice to meet you.”
They shook hands and Toni noticed Alicia’s fingernails were painted a pale shade of coral, the manicure so fresh she must have had it done right before they left, if not on board ship.
Across the table, Linda was the life of the party and Toni imagined that sometime in the next half hour she’d casually drop into the conversation what she did for a living. Nothing pushy or overt, but she’d let this group of women know that she was always available for consultations, “complimentary, of course,” and that she’d be more than happy to give them a free facial and makeup application lesson.
Alicia sipped more of the ice water with lemon and the efficient Maricel returned with a tray full of the beverages the women had ordered.
Toni accepted her green tea with a cheerful thank-you and then sipped. “Maybe if I try real hard I can make this taste like coffee.”
“And maybe if I try real hard, I can time travel backward thirty years and make different choices.”
Toni patted Alicia’s hand.
“I’m being morbid, I know. But I really thought this man was different.”
“What happened?”
In the background, music played, sounding like a Top 40 radio station. The sky was a perfect blue and the ship barely swayed as it chugged along. “The usual. He started working late a lot. All of a sudden he got a personal trainer and put in extra hours at the gym. He watched what he ate. He even bought himself some new clothes suitable for a hipster.” She shrugged. “The only thing missing was the neon billboard announcing he was having an affair. So, I snooped into his personal credit card bills. And I found a pretty hefty bill from a jewelry store.”
“Such a cliché.”
“I know. My birthday was coming up, so I thought, give the man the benefit of the doubt. And I waited, hoping I was wrong.”
“Oh, honey.”
She turned to Toni impulsively. “I don’t know if you feel this way, but even though I have a jewelry case full of rings and earrings and necklaces and bracelets, I love getting new jewelry.”
“Oh, I know how you feel. I am exactly the same way.”
“Well, as I’m sure you’ve guessed by now, when my birthday arrived, my husband did not give me jewelry. He presented me with a brand-new handbag. It was a very nice handbag by one of my favorite designers.”
“But he didn’t get it at that jewelry store.”
Alicia shook her head sadly. “I am such a fool. I even made a special trip to the jewelry store to check whether they sold handbags.”
“They didn’t?”
“No. They only sold jewelry.”
“And I’m guessing the bling wasn’t for his mother or his sister?”
“His mother’s dead and he doesn’t have a sister. What he did have was a new executive assistant. Her name is Sondra with an O. She’s thirty-two years old and trained to be an actress. I guess she did such a good job acting like she was crazy about my sixty-two-year-old husband that he bought a front row seat to every performance.”
“I’m so sorry,” Toni said again. There was nothing like the heartbreak of being cheated on by someone you loved and trusted. Nothing. If Toni lived to be a thousand years old she’d never forget how much Dwayne Diamond had hurt her. “What did you do?”
In Toni’s experience, being cheated on brought out two kinds of women. There were the conciliators, the women who suggested marriage counseling and maybe a holiday to try to rekindle the marriage; and then there were the women who treated cheating like it was a huge pair of scissors to a marriage. Their first call when they discovered the awful truth wasn’t to the marriage counselor. It was to the divorce lawyer.
She’d never had a chance to find out which group she belonged to. Dwayne had snuck out like a thief in the night, leaving her with nothing but her infant daughter and his fancy last name.
“First, I called a very discreet private detective agency and had him followed. Then I called my lawyer.” Alicia gave a dry chuckle. “The only good thing to come out of this is that it’s the same lawyer who drew up the prenup.”
Okay, so Alicia was more of a scissors girl. “Well, as heartbreaking as this is, I guess you have to look on the bright side. At least you have a prenup.”
“Oh yeah. I seriously think he believed he’d get away with the affair and I’d never find out about Sondra. It was almost comical how passionately he denied that he was cheating. But, of course, I had pictures and the detective’s report. So then he tried crying, suggested marriage counseling, thought maybe we should go on a cruise together and rekindle our marriage.” She sipped her drink so suddenly Toni suspected she was forcing herself not to cry. “This is the cruise we we
re supposed to go on.”
“Oh no.”
“Oh yes. After promising me that he had ended it with Sondra, of course he hadn’t. All he’d done was to get her a different job. Maybe he thought that if I knew they weren’t working together, I would believe they weren’t sleeping together.”
“Why do dumb men tell lies to smart women and think they can get away with them?”
Alicia looked at her in surprise. “How do you know that David is dumb?”
“Please. He had you and instead played hide-the-weenie with thirty-two-year-old Sondra with an O? All he had to do was genuinely try and make things work with you and you would have forgiven him.” In a way, she wasn’t talking about Alicia anymore. She was remembering how she’d hoped and prayed that Dwayne Diamond would return, after he’d walked out on her and Tiffany. It shamed her to admit it, but she was fairly certain that she’d have taken him back.
She’d recently become reacquainted with Dwayne when he’d got involved in a foolish moneymaking scheme that led to him being arrested for murder. She was pretty sure he’d have been better off if he’d stayed with her. She wasn’t big on revenge, but it was reassuring to know that she’d built a good life for herself and Tiffany, enjoyed her own home and a thriving business she loved, while Dwayne was still working as a two-bit country and western singer off the strip in Vegas, still trading on his fading good looks.
She felt a kinship with Alicia. “And what is it about smart women like us that we fall for the dumb, unethical ones?”
“I don’t think I am smart. I never learn from my mistakes. Do you?”
Toni sipped green tea. “You know, I think I have.” She thought about Luke, who was so honest she sometimes wished he’d tell a little white lie just to save her feelings. But he never did. Luke was not the kind of guy who, if you asked, “Do these jeans make my butt look fat?” would tell you that you were the most beautiful woman in the world. He was more likely to tell you to spend more time at the gym and lay off the Twinkies. But he was also one of the most ethical people she knew. In balance, she was willing to accept the brutal honesty that came with the rock-solid morals of the man.