I looked down at my hands and the blond hair clasped in my fingers. It was bleached. There was nothing natural about the girl on her knees in front of me. She looked up at me with big blue eyes and I had to look away. She wasn’t the woman I wanted, so I kept my eyes closed and wished it would be over already. I’d give her one thing, though; she won a ton of extra points when I told her I was going to come and she kept going until I was dry.
I tucked my junk back into my boxers and zipped up my jeans. The blonde adjusted her shorts as she sat on the couch next to me and attempted to snuggle. There was once a time in my life when I enjoyed snuggling, being close to the woman I cared about and breathing her in—not so much anymore. In fact, I fucking hated it. Not to mention, I didn’t give a shit about the girl I was with. I hadn’t even asked her name. I think at one point she’d told me, but I’d heard a lot of names. She had given me no reason to remember hers.
“Listen, babe, I appreciate the good time, but I think it’s time I get some sleep,” I said as I yawned.
I hated bringing girls on the bus, but a man had needs, and when there was a girl all ready to fulfill those needs, then what else could you do? It wasn’t like I forced them to do anything. They should’ve thought twice before they dropped their panties for just anyone.
“Should I give you my number?” she asked sweetly.
She ran her knee suggestively across mine, and I slid over and grabbed my beer.
I hated the part when they thought there’d be more. I always made it clear beforehand, but they all thought they’d be the one that did the trick—like they had a magic mouth that would snap me into some romantic Romeo. Not so much. I’d been burned before. No way in hell was the shit happening again.
“Nah, I’m good,” I said carelessly. “Thanks again, though.”
Her eyes widened and she looked at me like she couldn’t believe I had the audacity to say something so rude to her. I had all the audacity in the fucking world since she’d been dumb enough to drop to her knees in a strange bus with a guy she was never going to see again. Her purse swung close to my face when she grabbed it and ran from the bus. I chuckled to myself and shook my head. It was just another day in the life.
“Dude, tell me you got some of that,” Chet said as he stepped onboard the bus.
He turned back around and watched her walk across the parking lot. Licking his lips, he said, “Damn, look at that ass.”
I ignored his words. “Grab me another beer, man.”
Reaching into the refrigerator, he grabbed two bottles and threw one at me. The table beside me became a bottle opener as I popped it open on the edge. Six beers and three blunts later, we were laughing with Zeke and Tiny and getting ready to play our asses off in front of the thousands of people who’d come from all over to watch Blow Hole play.
I could hardly believe the life we were living these days. We’d definitely moved up in the world. We’d gone from shit to shoe shines in less than a month. Everything had happened so fast. One minute we were getting a contract, and then next we were moving to California and rubbing elbows with the big dogs. I loved being the front man for Blow Hole. When I stood before thousands and sang the lyrics I’d burned inside to write, it did something to me—took away my anger for just a few hours. It was the therapy that I definitely needed.
When I was on the stage with my boys, nothing else mattered. Girls in the front row screamed my name, and I knelt down to run my fingers across theirs. To my right, Zeke, the lead guitarist, shook his head at me with a knowing grin as he jumped up on the large speaker at the front of the stage and played his guitar solo.
That fucker could play guitar like no other, and he reminded me so much of Kevin. It was fitting that he’d be my right-hand man. I felt okay with him taking Kevin’s spot, and I knew if Kevin had the chance to meet Zeke, he would’ve agreed. Maybe that was why I’d accepted him into my world so easily. It wasn’t every day that someone walked straight into my life the way Zeke had. He had a fucked-up home life, and Mom and I had taken him under our wings until he was able to fly on his own.
Although he flew crooked, getting all mixed up in drugs and sex, he was making his way. Truth be told, Zeke was a fucking wreck until he’d gotten with his girl, Patience. I knew all too well what that was like. She straightened him right out and smoothed away his permanent frown. I liked the new Zeke, even if I did bust his balls about being all domesticated and shit. I was happy for him. Patience was a sweet girl, and I could see her appeal to Zeke, but settling down wasn’t for me.
I stepped back toward Chet’s drums to grab my drink. Red mystery liquid mixed with something strong slid down my throat as I tipped back my red Solo cup. I didn’t care what it was as long as it took away my inhibitions, not that I had many.
“Blonde, front and center,” Chet called out to me as he nodded his head in the direction of the girl he was talking about.
He was always pointing out the girls he wanted to bring back to the bus. I did what I could to help him out since he was stuck at the back of the stage behind the drums most nights. As the drummer, he got lots of ass, but he liked to pick his own.
I beat on Chet’s drums with my palms, making a loud rumble, and he pointed his drumstick at me during a break as he mouthed the words “fuck face” at me. The crowd went wild at our display. I loved giving Chet hell, and even though he acted like he hated the shit, I knew deep down he liked it.
Chet was the one to worry about. He had no fear, and fearless men were scary as fuck. Of course, he also had no filter, which meant he was the funniest piece of shit I’d ever met. Him and Zeke were younger. They were like my badass little brothers, and even though I’d bite off my tongue before I said it, I guess I loved the assholes.
We’d just started touring and getting adjusted to the larger crowds. Back home in South Carolina, we mostly played small clubs. One of our favorites was The Pit, an underground concrete club. On a good night there, we’d play for maybe five hundred people. Looking out at the crowd in front of me, I couldn’t believe how far we’d come.
Once the show was over and I’d crowd surfed and had my cock grabbed too many times to count, we ran off the stage and were ushered to our bus by security.
“We love you, Finn!” girls screamed as I passed by.
A particularly bold one flashed her tits at me. They were fake and I preferred the real thing, but that didn’t stop me from telling her they were nice and letting her hug me with her top still up. I grinned down at her, and the girls around us screamed louder. Fuck it. I gave them what they wanted… always.
I looked back just in time to see Chet peel off his sweaty “Fuck me. I’m pretty!” shirt and throw it to a chick standing on the side. Since he was the jokester, the girls responded to him and he took full advantage. A different girl every night wasn’t enough for Chet most times, and he was into some pretty hardcore shit sexually. To each his own, though.
Zeke walked a straight line to the bus and ignored the girls. He was the hard-ass the girls loved to hate. I never understood how he could be such an asshole to them and still they’d flock to him. Of course, since he’d been seeing Patience, the sleeping around had stopped. I could respect that.
I was totally against finding the one. The rest of the group would probably agree with me, but Zeke was good and whipped. He was the last one I expected it from, but you could tell by looking at him that he was crazy in love. I just hoped he didn’t get his heart ripped out the way I had so many years ago.
“That was a hell of a show, Finn. We rocked that shit,” Tiny said as he hugged a girl in passing.
Camera flashes lit up the path, and I had to blink away the balls of light that stuck to my vision. I looked over at Tiny and threw my arm around his neck.
“Hell yeah, we did.”
Tiny stuck with me no matter what. Believe it or not, he’d actually grown more since he was in high school. He towered over the rest of us and worked out constantly. The working out had started after t
he accident that almost took his life. I was thankful to still have him around. He didn’t have much family so he stuck around my place a lot. I never asked questions, but he was a loner and needed Mom and me. At least that’s how it seemed. Mom hadn’t only adopted me; she took in my boys, too. I loved that woman.
Tiny hadn’t only gotten taller; he’d gotten better at a lot of things. Even his bass playing had improved. Not that he was bad before, but after the accident, he had a hard time with his nerves. Playing hurt him, and even though he didn’t complain, I think it still did. I didn’t push. I only knew I wouldn’t pursue anything musically without him, and I’d always keep his secret. No one but me knew about the awful scaring under his clothes, and no one else needed to know. He was strong and loyal to the fucking core, and I’d be the same to him. We’d been through it all together.
The funny thing about Tiny was the fact that even though he didn’t realize I noticed, he never slept with girls. He made out with them plenty, but I couldn’t remember a time when he’d actually broke the back out of one of them. And he could do it easily since he was every bit of three hundred pounds and hard muscle.
At one point, I’d almost asked if he batted for the other team, but there were times when I’d catch him checking out girls. Either way, he’d been there for me through a lot of shit and I’d always been there for him.
All in all, I was pretty happy with the way things were going for the four of us. We were Blow Hole since there was no way in hell I could continue using the name Original Malice with half of the band gone. The name Blow Hole fit. After Faith left, I went back to selling cocaine. Uncle Lester, my old supplier, used to call it blow, and since my garage was the place to go when you wanted some blow, my garage became known as the blow hole. The name stuck.
It was good, though. You couldn’t turn on the radio without hearing a Blow Hole song, and after signing what could only be described as a kickass contract, we’d been living a much different lifestyle than what we were all used to. None of us were complaining.
“Zeke, pack us a bowl, man. I’m going to change. Some bitch poured her entire beer over me when I went surfing,” I said as I went to the back of the bus.
We spent the rest of the night bullshitting on the bus and getting high out of our minds. Zeke kind of chilled on the side. I got it, being all domesticated and shit, but it wasn’t for the rest of us. We playfully teased him about it, but even though we didn’t believe in only one girl, we understood and respected him.
A ton of shit had happened since we’d been on the road. We practically lived on our bus or on a plane, but home was a big-ass condo in California.
The next morning, I called my mom to check on her. I called her at least twice a week no matter what.
“I’m good. Rick planted a garden in the back yard and I was helping him. You should see how nice the tomatoes came out.”
Mom was now settled down with her new husband, Rick. He was a nice guy. He treated her good and took good care of her. I couldn’t ask for more.
“That sounds great, Mom. Listen, we’ll be heading that way here soon. I miss you and was hoping we could get together for a nice dinner or something.”
Even though she hated it and swore she wouldn’t use it, I sent her a couple thousand dollars a month. Needless to say, she didn’t live back in the old neighborhood or drive that piece of shit Jeep anymore.
“Of course, Jimmy! I can’t wait to have you home for a little while. Y’all be careful out there with all those crazy people. Be good and try not to get into any trouble.”
I got the same speech every time I called and I loved it. It was nice after being on the road with a bunch of bitches that only cared about your wallet or your name to have someone who actually gave a real shit about you. My mom would always be the only woman in my life for those exact reasons.
“We will. I love you, Mom. See you soon.”
We got a break in our tour a week later and went back to California for some downtime before going on the run again. Our lush condo was nice and decorated with some of the most expensive shit our label could find. I remember the moment we all stepped into the massive place and how we all flipped out over how nice it was. None of us were used to living in such splendor. We’d each came from the other side of town, living in either a shitty little house, a fucked-up trailer, or the ghetto apartments where all the single moms and meth heads lived.
I threw my shit on my bed and went into my bathroom for a shower. I didn’t even notice how nice our place was anymore. After staying in some of the nicest hotels in the world, I was accustomed to the best.
I stepped up to my shower and turned the water on full blast before stripping down naked and tossing my dirty clothes onto the floor. I’d called a temp agency for a maid. We were a bunch of messy asses and none of us wanted to clean when we were home from being on the road for so long. I could tell by looking at the bathroom that she’d already started her job and was damn good at it.
I turned around to grab a towel, and when I did, I ran straight into the maid, who was holding a large pile of fresh laundry in her arms. She screamed loudly before dropping all the laundry to the floor. The smell of fabric softer and washing detergent filled my senses as a thick white towel fell over my face.
I pulled down the towel, ready to see the shocked face on the maid when she realized that she’d just walked in on her employer naked as the day he was born. My eyes started at the top of her head and took in the long chocolate locks. Big brown eyes stared back at me. I’d thought I’d shock her with my nakedness, but instead, the shock was mine. I took in the woman in front of me and my chest got tight. Faith stared back at me with flushed, embarrassed cheeks. Her plump lips opened in a gasp before she collapsed at my feet.
Nineteen
Faith
“What do you mean I’m fired?” I asked Jesse, my manager.
I couldn’t afford to lose my second job. It was the only one that worked with my busy schedule and it was the main reason I was able to keep us above water. I was drowning and I hadn’t slept properly in four years, but my family was taken care of and that was all that mattered to me.
“I’m sorry, Faith, we can’t afford to keep you, and the owner’s pretty pissed at you still for giving away free gas,” Jesse said as he slid my final paycheck over the counter to me.
“But I paid for that out of my pocket!”
“I’m sorry.” He turned and walked away from the counter, letting me know our conversation was over.
The truth was I hated working in the gas station after dark. Especially in that neighborhood, but luckily some of the Spanish guys who lived in the trailer park nearby kept watch over me after I gave them a free tank of gas one day. But regardless of not being safe working there at night, it paid well enough.
I hated searching for a new job. With my day job at the grocery store by my apartment, it made it hard to get away to find another job, and honestly, I couldn’t afford to take a day off to search for another one.
After grabbing my final check, I ran outside to catch my mom before she pulled away. Thankfully, she’d needed gas before she went home. Otherwise, she would’ve been long gone.
“You aren’t working tonight?” she asked, confused.
“Nope. I got fired,” I said as I climbed into the front seat and slammed the door behind me.
She got into the driver’s seat and cranked up the car. It was hard to believe Mom’s old Taurus was still kicking. “I’m sorry, honey. I’ll start looking for something. It’s not fair for you to be working two jobs when I could find something.”
Mom had a stroke right after she and my dad divorced, and I was determined that she wasn’t going to have to work. I think it was the stress of the entire ordeal that did her in. I’d been so shocked when Mom had come into the room while Daddy was beating me and stood up to him. She’d done it once before, but that last time had been different. It might have had something to do with the fact that I was six months pregnant
by that point.
“No, Mom, I got this.” I smiled over at her.
“Mommy, is work over?” Jimmy said from the back seat as he rubbed his sleepy eyes.
He must’ve fallen asleep right after I got out of the car. I turned around and ruffled his soft brown curls. The last thing I wanted was for Jimmy to get upset over me being upset.
“Yes, baby, work’s over. I’m going to take you home and we can watch your dinosaur movie until we fall asleep. Does that sound fun?”
Mom and I laughed at his excitement as we drove home, but still, I couldn’t help but feel stressed about our situation.
Both Mom and I had always lived under Daddy’s thumb. He worked and took care of us. When we first started out on our own without him, we were both lost as to what to do. Daddy no longer had anything to do with me since I’d shamed our family, so it wasn’t like I could ask him for help even if I wanted to, but we were making it. Barely, but we were making it.
The next day, even though I hated to do it, I took the day off. I spent the entire day job searching. At the advice of my mom, I went to a local temp agency and applied, even though I knew nothing would come of it. I’d only ever had four jobs in my entire life and none of them required any real skill since I didn’t get a chance to graduate from high school.
Daddy forced me quit the minute he’d found out I was pregnant, so I only made it to the end of my junior year. I had dreams of going back and getting my diploma and going to college. I wanted to make a life for Jimmy and me, but that was hard to do when you had to work every minute of every day just to make ends meet.
There were days when I thought about contacting Finn. I’d followed his career even though it killed me to do so. He was a big-time rock star now; he could afford to pay some child support. But then I’d realize the error in my thoughts. I hated Finn and Finn hated me. He had the money and the ability to take Jimmy away from me, and I knew he would. I’d die before I let anyone try to take my baby.
Finding Faith Page 15