by Mary Eason
* * * *
That’s what Kate kept telling herself for the rest of the day. The morning was over and done before she knew what happened, but the afternoon seemed to go on forever.
Out of sheer desperation, Kate confided some of the details leading up to their marriage to Brandy over sandwiches ordered in from the deli around the corner.
“Wow, so what are you going to do?”
“What choice do I have? Tom says the ruling is binding. I have no choice. I have to live with Alex for six months.”
“Hum...” Brandy murmured, then lowered her eyes the second Kate looked at her.
“What?” Kate demanded. Brandy was being unusually un-Brandy-like. Normally, she was quick to offer an opinion.
“Nothing.”
“Oh, don’t give me that! You were going to say something.”
“No.”
“Spill it, Brandy.” Kate ignored Brandy’s attempts at dodging the question.
“Well, okay. But just hear me out before you yell at me, okay?”
“I don’t yell at you,” Kate said defensively, but saw the truth in Brandy’s eyes.
“Uh, excuse me cousin, but you do. Or at least since you and Alex have been together. You’ve been irritable and weepy and nothing like your old self. Either you’re in love or you’re pregnant, or both. So, which is it?” The second she saw Kate’s reaction, Brandy stopped.
“Oh, Kate. You’re not, are you?”
“No, no...” Kate waved a dismissive hand then shook her head, but she didn’t sound very confident and Brandy picked up on it right away.
“Are you sure?”
“No,” Kate admitted reluctantly. She wasn’t sure of anything about her life at this point. Their lovemaking in Colorado had been wild—reckless. Uncontrolled. They hadn’t even thought about using protection.
“Oh, Kate. So what are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. Nothing, I guess. I mean I’m not sure, right? It might just be stress. God knows I’ve been through enough of it lately.”
“But what if it’s not. I mean are you going to tell Alex?”
“No.”
“Kate, he’ll know soon enough. You’ll be living with him for the next six months. It’s going to be hard to hide the fact you’re pregnant by that time unless—” Brandy suddenly stopped.
“Unless what?”
“Unless you aren’t thinking about having it. If you’re thinking of—”
“No! Of course not! How can you ask me that?”
“Sorry, but if you’re not having an abortion, then you’re going to have to find a way to tell him the truth.”
“Brandy, I don’t even know if I am pregnant. I’m not telling Alex anything until I’m sure. Anyway, I’m sure this is all stress related.”
“And if it’s not?”
“Then I’ll deal with that problem when and if I come across it. Right now, I have to figure out how to get through tonight. I don’t need to deal with the possibility of being pregnant. I’ll think about it tomorrow, or the next day, or never...”
“Okay, Scarlet O’Hara, but sooner or later, whether you like it or not, the truth is going to come out.”
* * * *
Kate hadn’t been back to Alex’s house on the quiet cul-de-sac in Cat Mountain since the morning she’d found those clippings.
She’d never planned to set foot in the house again. And yet here she was, forced to live with him for six more months. It seemed like an eternity when faced with remembering how much in love the woman who shared Alex’s bed had been that night. She still couldn’t believe she’d been so naïve, foolishly believing a fairy tale of her own creation.
Kate parked her SUV out front and glanced up at the house. It was beautiful. Everything she could have ever dreamed of possessing. The lights were on. Alex was home.
She’d left work early to go and retrieve Earl and pack some of her things. The dog absolutely loved road trips and was overly excited.
Kate grabbed his leash and hooked it to the collar.
“Ready, boy?” she asked, but Earl was already out of the vehicle and pulling at the leash.
“Hi,” Alex called from the doorway. He’d been waiting for her to arrive. “Just in time. I was getting worried. It’s almost six.”
“Sorry, I couldn’t decide on what to bring with me tonight. I’ll finish up with the rest of my things over the weekend.”
“I’ll help you get settled.”
“That’s not necessary. I’m only bringing some clothing and personal items.”
“Kate… He stopped her. “I’ll help you. Surely, we can be civilized to each other. Otherwise, six months is going to seem like forever.”
She smiled in spite of her nerves. Alex didn’t seem pleased with the judge’s verdict either. “I thought you’d be thrilled by this.”
“I never wanted to force you into staying with me, Kate.”
She nodded, unable to speak over the lump forming in her throat. They sounded like strangers talking to each other.
“Why don’t we take Earl out back, so he can explore his new home while you get settled?”
“Okay.” Alex took the dog’s leash. Kate followed him to the French doors leading out to the deck.
“I wasn’t sure which room you’d want to use—the master bedroom is the biggest.”
“No!” she said hurriedly, then tried to control the quiver in her voice. She could never set foot in that room again. “No, I won’t need that much space. Just a bed.” Seeing his smile at her answer, Kate wondered if he were remembering their first and only night here together as well.
“Okay.” He opened the door next to the master suite. “How’s this? It even has a bed.”
“Thank you, its fine,” she said without looking.
“Okay, well, I’ll leave you alone to unpack,” he told her, but didn’t make any move to leave.
“Yes?” Kate’s nerves were frazzled enough to realize if he didn’t leave soon she would need to.
“I was just thinking. Well, I was just about to make dinner.”
“I’m not hungry,” she answered without even considering it.
“Kate, you have to eat. I have to eat. Earl even has to eat. What’s the problem? I promise I won’t try and seduce you over the dinner table.”
It took everything for her to try to remain unmoved by those words. God help her, she felt like crying. She’d have to get control over her emotions and soon; otherwise, she’d be crying all the time.
“I’m sorry, you’re right. Thank you, that sounds nice. I’ll help you.”
“That’s not necessary. I think I can handle it. Take your time.”
When the door closed behind him, Kate waited until she heard his footsteps on the stairs before she sank down to the expensive tile floor and wept. If she wasn’t pregnant, she was certainly behaving about as out of character as it got for her.
Kate long ago learned to control her emotions after the lousy childhood she’d endured and then the rough knocks along the road of romance. She was always super cool and collected. But since meeting Alex, things had gone from one emotional extreme to the next in such a short period of time.
She needed time to regain her bearings. She was strong; she could survive this.
Kate unpacked the few things she’d brought from the apartment and then showered and dressed in faded jeans and a dark hunter green tee. When she looked at herself in the mirror, she knew she wasn’t going to make Alex burn with desire appearing like this. She looked pitiful. Her normally tanned complexion was ghostly white. Her green eyes looked like huge pools of light against the paleness of her skin. There were dark marks beneath each eye giving away the sleepless nights she’d experienced since this whole nightmare began.
When she could actually bring herself to go back downstairs and face Alex again, she found him outside on the enormous multi-leveled deck, grilling steaks.
“Those smell wonderful,” Kate told him with a smile, as she
stepped outside and saw Earl lying at Alex’s feet. Her dog merely wagged his tail a couple of times at her appearance.
“Looks like you two have become good friends,” Kate said with a hint of jealousy. Alex’s smile told her he’d caught it.
“Don’t worry, he still loves you. He’s just enjoying the extra space. Sit down. These are almost done.”
“Can I help?” she asked, but Alex had everything ready and waiting. The table laid out in candlelight. It all looked very romantic. Kate fought with her chaotic emotions once more. Alex went to a lot of trouble preparing the meal.
“I was planning this for our first night,” he explained and Kate felt her heart grow cold. Another part of the charade?
“This is very good.” She took a sip of the wine he handed her.
“Thanks. I have a friend who owns a winery in the Hill Country. This is his best line. Cheers,” he said absently, touching his glass to hers.
Kate didn’t respond. She didn’t feel like celebrating.
The steaks were excellent, but Kate ate very little. Her appetite had deserted her completely.
“Not done enough?” Alex asked when she sat staring at her plate.
“What? Oh, no, no it’s very good. I guess I’m just not hungry.”
“Go to bed, Kate. You look tired.”
“No! That is, I don’t think I can fall asleep yet. I’m way too keyed up.”
The minute she spotted his grin, she wished the words back.
“I could help you with that, if you’d like.”
“That’s not what I meant. I wasn’t asking.”
“I know,” he said quietly. “Stop being so defensive. I meant I could give you a massage.”
“I don’t think so.” Was he crazy? There was no way she was letting him touch any part of her body.
“Calm down, I happen to be very good. And it will help you relax, I promise.”
“No, really—I don’t think so.”
But Alex wasn’t listening. He stood and came round behind her. He was far too close for normal breathing. Kate held her breath.
“Close your eyes and relax.” When she made no move to do either, Alex added, “Trust me, Kate. I’m not that desperate.”
His words hurt. She was making a big fool of herself. Sex was the last thing on his mind and the first in her thoughts.
Kate closed her eyes, because it was easier to hide her embarrassment that way.
Her breath caught against her throat the second his warm fingers began massaging along her tense shoulders.
“You are so tight. Let yourself relax. You’re safe here. Just imagine your favorite trip.”
This was easy enough to do. Too easy, in fact. Their honeymoon had been magical. Everything any woman could ever want. Alex was the perfect lover. Patient, generous, skilled.
She wasn’t even aware of the soft moan that escaped, when she remembered their first intimate embrace as husband and wife. She’d come so close to giving up on meeting the perfect man and giving in to the various boyfriends in her life. But Alex made her so grateful she hadn’t. Even though he wasn’t her first, he’d still made her feel special. With him, she felt special.
“That must be some trip,” Alex’s whispered against her ear. His lips brushed the hollow beneath it, sending her sensitive body close to the edge of control.
It would be so easy to pretend she didn’t know what he was talking about, but if she didn’t escape the seductive stroke of his hands, the soft demanding touch of his lips, soon she would end up begging him for more than just a massage.
Kate stumbled to her feet and Alex let her go.
“I have to go to bed.” She stopped when she spotted his eyes. They were dark with desire. He felt the same way.
“I’m exhausted. I just want to get some sleep.” Kate didn’t wait for him to answer. She ran back inside the house and all the way up the stairs to her room before stopping. Earl would just have to take care of himself tonight. She needed to escape the disturbing presence of the man who was her husband and yet wasn’t, so she could breathe again.
Chapter Twelve
Damn, damn, damn! Why couldn’t he be in the same room with her and not show her how much he wanted her? Kate was like an addiction. The more he made love to her the more he wanted her.
Eddie’s pretend ruling today seemed like an answer to prayer. It gave him time. He’d pulled in every favor his old college friend owed him to get Eddie to agree to it, though. He knew he owed both Eddie and Tom a great deal. Everything was riding on him changing Kate’s mind about the divorce and his true intentions toward her and yet he couldn’t think clearly when she was in the same room.
Kate hadn’t seen the ruling the same way. Her reaction told him how hard it was going to be for him to break through all the obstacles he alone was responsible for putting in the way of their being happy together. But he couldn’t let her go without trying everything, could he? She didn’t need to know about the judge. He prayed she never found out about Tom either.
Her reaction tonight told him she still wanted him. At least sexually. It was something. She wasn’t totally repulsed by him and his actions.
He gave Earl Kate’s half-eaten steak, then took their plates inside. Once the cleanup was finished, he wasn’t any closer to relaxing than Kate. He couldn’t control his body’s reaction to her whenever she was close. Just thinking about her now made him swell with desire.
He grabbed Earl’s leash and found the dog. He needed to walk this off before he did something he might regret. Like go to her room. Beg her to let him love her.
He could only imagine her reaction to that. She’d probably run away for good. Take her chances with Eddie and figure out the truth about their so-called legal arrangement.
Alex walked for more than an hour around his quiet neighborhood. When he unlocked the door to the house, it was after midnight and yet he was no closer to getting her out of his head than he was getting over his need to touch her.
* * * *
“I’m not going to be sick.” Kate set up in bed and glanced at the clock. Exactly five-thirty in the morning. The usual time.
“I’m not going to be sick. I’m not—” So much for positive thinking. Kate clamped her hand over her mouth and ran for the bathroom. She had the foresight to shut the door in hopes she could keep the retching sound secret from Alex.
She had no idea how knowledgeable he might be in interpreting the signs of morning sickness, but she wasn’t prepared to take that chance just yet.
She got slowly off the bathroom floor, brushed her teeth, and then listened for any sound from down the hall. There was only silence.
Kate climbed back in bed and considered her options. Brandy was right, she would have to tell Alex the truth, but first she needed to be sure. No need to panic until she was certain.
Somehow she managed to fall back to sleep. When she awoke, it was late. Kate jumped out of bed then stood perfectly still waiting for the room to stop spinning. She dressed as quickly as possible and hoped Alex would have left for work already.
The house appeared to be empty. From the kitchen, the smell of coffee filtered through her lingering nausea. She needed coffee more than she felt repulsed by it. Kate poured a cup and closed her eyes, breathing in the rich aroma.
“Are you okay?” she heard him ask quietly from the doorway.
“Yes. Why wouldn’t I be?” Don’t turn around, Kate warned herself. Instead, she opened the pantry and found the cereal.
“Well, you didn’t sound so good this morning.” She closed her eyes and willed her hands to stop trembling.
“Nerves.” She told him so calmly that it surprised even her.
She was feeling pretty proud of herself until he asked, “Nerves. Why are you nervous? Do I make you nervous, Kate?”
Yes. “No. Don’t be ridiculous. Why would you make me nervous?” She wished he would just leave. Wasn’t he late for some meeting or wrecking someone else’s life by now?
�
��You certainly were last night,” he said so softly she almost didn’t catch the words.
Kate drew a deep breath and forced herself to face him at last. “Don’t flatter yourself.” She sat the cereal down. “I’m late. I’ll grab something at work.” She tried to walk past him without so much as goodbye, but Alex stopped her, reaching for her arm. He forced her to look at him. He was angry. She saw it in his eyes.
“Alex, don’t.” Kate hated that her voice actually shook as she tried to free herself from his touch.
“How long, Kate?” he said in a controlled tone.
“How long what?” Kate stopped trying to fight. Her eyes met his and held them.
“How long are we going to play this game?” He pulled her into his arms. For a moment, Kate struggled. But he was too close. She couldn’t be this close to him and not show him everything she was feeling.
“No.” His arms tightened around her and held her close. Kate closed her eyes. Her body responded immediately to his. Alex’s fingers stroked the soft material of her top and Kate shuddered.
The second his lips found hers, she remembered all the promises she’d made to herself.
“No, Alex. I’m not doing this with you again. I, I don’t even like you.” So, it wasn’t a good attempt, but the best she could come up with under those circumstances.
“I think you like me just fine, Kate.”
She told herself she hated him for hurting her and making her want him. Was this all he thought this was about? Was it just about the sex? That thought hurt.
“This isn’t anything to do with like—it’s just sex!” she told him and saw anger turn his blue eyes to ice once more.
“Sex? Is that all you think there is between us? Is that how you feel?” he added more slowly as if the words hurt to consider.
For the first time, since he’d started touching her, Kate froze. Kate wasn’t sure what he meant by those words. Her eyes went to his, trying to believe he was only making fun of her But Alex never looked more serious or more uncertain than he did at this moment.