by Lucas Coon
“Ithoughtthebugswereinthewater.”Ciara’sstatementwas asurprisetoAlex.Shehad,apparently,beenlisteningtomore thanshe’dleton.
“Youmeantheparasite?Yeah,itis…”Shesmiledandlooked upatAlex.“Partofmethinksthatreallydoesn’tmatterforme though,doesit,Alex?”Alexshiftedhiseyesovertoherwitha frown;hedidn’tneedtosayanythinginresponse,sheknew the answeralready.“That’swhatIthought…”Hersmilefellintoa frownasshelookedbackoutthewindow.Alexwantedtotellher thewholesituation.Hewantedtoletherknow that,yes,shewas infected,buthehadsavedherfrom somethingmuchworsethan hercurrentfate.Hewantedtoremindherthathehadput himselfandhisdaughterinjeopardyjusttogethersomewhere shecouldbecomfortableasshepassedaway.Hewantedtotell herthathewassorryforallofthis.Hewantedto,butdidn’t.
“Oh,areyou…”ThelightaboveCiara’sheadwasnearlyvisible asthepiecesallfittogether.”I’m sorry,Aria.”
“No,don’tbesorry,Ciara.”Aria’seyeswerestartingtowellup. “Iexpectedit,honestly.WhenIwasattacked,IfeltlikeIknew thenandtherethatitwasallover.So,IthinkthebestthingIcan doisjustmakemyselfcomfortablewhileIwaittoturnintooneof thosemonsters…”
“Or…”Alexpulledtheleathercaseoutofhispocketandheld itouttowardAria.“It’squickandpainless.Itwilldothejob withinaminuteandyouwon’tfeelathingotherthanabitofa sinkingfeeling.Youfallasleepandthat’stheend.”
“Yousaythatlikethere’snothingtoit…” “Iknow.”Alexgrimaced.“It’sacrazythoughtbut,sadly,there isnothingtoit.I’vedonethisbefore.”Heplacedthecaseonher lap.“Obviously,itwaswhileIwasinthemilitary,andon someoneelse,notmyself.Idon’twanttodiscussitreally,butI know how thisstuffworks.”Hesighedagain.“Just,considerita partinggiftfrom Andrei.”
“Whatdoyoumean?”Shegrabbedthecaseandplaceditin herpocket.Alexthoughtabouttellingherhow Andreiwaswilling tolethergo.Hewantedtoletherknow thatAndreiwashuman andgavehim thewaytomakesureshedidn’tturnandthatshe didn’thurt.Hedecideditwasbettertolethercontinuehating him.
“Whatdoyouthinktookmesolong?”Hegrinned.“Getting thecarwaseasy,Ijusthadtofindafriendlysalesmanthatwas willingtohelp.IhadtobreakintoAndrei’slabtostealthat.”
“So,wereyougoingtotellmeatsomepoint?”Ariasounded distressed.
“Yes,Aria,Iwasgoingtotellyouallaboutit.Iwasjustgoing towaituntilwegottoyourplaceandgotyouinsidesoCiara didn’thavetobeinvolved.Itreallydoesn’tseem likemyplan mattersnow though,doesit?”Heshiftedthewheel,pulledintoa driveway,andpressedthebrake.“Thisisit,right?Thebigblue house,prettyflowersontheside?”
“Yep.Thisisit.” “Alright,isMitchellhere?That’shiscar,right?”Alexpointed tothesmallbluehatch-back.“Iknow it’snotyours,blue’snot yourcolor.”
“It’shis.Iwonderifheisstillherethen.”Ariasmiledatthe possibility.
“Well,there’sonlyonewaytofindout,isn’tthere?”Alex pastedafakesmileather;itfeltsopensive.“I’m sorryithastogo thewayitis,Aria.Iwouldhaveneverwishedthisonsomeoneas greatapersonasyou,norwouldIhaveeverwishedthison Mitchell.Youguyshavealwaysdeservednothinglessthana perfectlife.YouarethesweetestwomanIknow and,basedonthe onetimeImettheguy,heseemedlikehewasyourotherhalf,for sure.”
“Ireallyappreciatethat,Alex.”Shetriedtosmileinreturn. Alexcouldtellthatshewasinastateofmentalanguish.“Ireally do.”
“I’m goingtomissyou,Aria.”Ciaramadehercommentfrom thebackseat.“You’reareallynicepersonandI’veenjoyedallour conversations.Thankyouforcomingtovisitmeatthehospital.”
“I’m goingtomissyoutoo,Ciara.”Ariaturnedtowardthe backseatandhuggedher.“Domeafavor,OK?Iwantyoutoact morelikeatwelve-year-old.Iknow you’vebeenthroughalot,but youneedtoenjoyyourchildhood.Evenwithallthis,withthe infectionandtheoutbreak,well;justtrynottoactmoremature thanyourfather,OK?”Shelaughedslightly.“Otherwise,bythe timeyou’refifteen,you’regoingtobeanoldlady.”
“Iwill,Ipromise.”Ciarasoundedlikeshewasgoingtocry, Alexlookedbacktoseethatshewasactuallyemotionalinthis situation.“Iknow wehaven’tknowneachotherverylong,butI’ve appreciatedallofit.You’vebeenagreatfriend,Aria.”
“See,that’snotwhatagirlyourageshouldbesaying!”Aria laugheduncomfortably.“It’sOK,though.Oneofyoutwoneedsto beanadult.”ShelookedbackatAlex.“You,Alexander;thereis nothingIcouldpossiblysaythatwouldeverfixyou.”
“Oh,thanks.I’m notthatbadofaperson,am I?” “No,you’renot.”Shesmiledathim again.“Ifitweren’tforyou, Iwouldn’thavegottenthisfar.Iwould’vebeenstuckinacage beingpokedatbyAndreiandhisgoons.You’reagoodman, Alexander.Youdothingsthatsomewouldsayaren’t‘good’,butI know,deepdown,you’reagoodman.”
“Yeah,Iknow.I’vedonealotI’m notproudof;inallaspectsof mylife.”HelookedupintothemirrorandfocusedonCiara.“I thinkthat’salloverwiththough.I’m notthatmananymore.I cansitherealldayandlistoutwhoI’vehurtandthedamageI’ve done,butIthinkmytimeisbestspentfixingallthewrongI’ve done.”HestaredatCiara’sdarkeyesinthereflection,shestared backathim.Theywereoneinthesamefrom hereon.Sure,he wasanex-militaryhardassthathadmurderedpeoplebasedon thewhim ofthoseabovehim,andhehadbeenunfaithfulanda failureasahusband,buttheywerethesamethingatthispoint. Theyweresurvivors,andhewasgoingtomakedamnsurethat theystayedthatway.“Idon’twanttosaygoodbye,Aria,butI thinkmylovelydaughterandIhavesomewhereweneedtobe.”
“Where’sthat,dad?”Ciara’seyesturnedinquisitive. “Anywherebuthere…” “Thenightbeforetheaccidenthappened,doyouknow what yourmotherandIwerefightingabout?”Alexpeeredoverto Ciara,thenbacktotheroadafew times.Hollyhaddonewhat shecouldtoriphisdaughterfrom hishands,theworstofwhich wasthatshewassimplyhonestwithher.ShehadtoldCiaraall aboutAshlynandthathewasn’tfaithful.Thebiggerquestion was;whathadn’tshetoldher?
“No.Iwasinmyroom tryingtoignoreyouguys.”Ciaraglared backatherfather. “Naturally.”Alexsmirked.“WewerearguingbecauseIfound hersecret.Sheknew mine,Icheated.Beforeyoustartinonme, yes,it’swrong.Yes,I’m ashamedofitandyes,I’m sorrywhatI didhurtyou.Iknow Iwasabsentfrom agoodamountofyour life.Partofthatwasthemilitary,partofthatwasbecauseofthe otherthings…”
“Iknow.Idon’tblameyouforallofit.”Ciarasoundedsincere. “Good,becausethat’stheotherhalfofit.AsIsaid,Ifoundout thatshehadasecrettoo;pills.Ifoundhersecretstashof medications,mostofwhichdidnothavehernameonthem.”Alex lookedbackatCiara.“SheneverthoughtIwouldfindoutthat shehasanastyhabitofherown.WhenIdid,Ithinksherealized thatIwasn’ttheonlybadparent.What’sworse,Ithinkshe realizedthatwhatshewasdoingwasjustasbad.Iwashavingan affair,butIneverbroughtmybadhabitshome.She,ontheother hand,kepthersathome.”
“Iknow shehadadrugproblem already.”Ciaraturnedaway. “Onnightsyouweren’thome,shewouldtellmeshe‘hada headache’andwouldstarttakingmedicationanddrinking heavily.Ijustusuallystayedinmyroom.”
“So,youknew shehadaproblem,andyouknew Iwashaving anaffair?”Alexshookhishead.“Thisisthethingtheynever warnyouaboutwhenyouhavekids;theypaywaymoreattention thantheyleton.Rememberthatwhenyoufinallyhavetoraise oneofyourown.”CiarasmirkedatAlex’scomment.“Alright,next question.”
“How manywomenwereyouseeingbehindmom’sback?” CiarahitAlexwithahardrighthook. “Ciara,whydoesthatmatter?”Alexglancedoverather.“Why doesitmatterhow manypeopleIcheatedonyourmom with?The factthatIdiditatallshouldbeameasureofhow terriblea personIam…”
“Yousaidanyquestions.Noholdsbarred,right?”Ciarastared athim intently.“Youcan’tbackoutonthatafteryoumakea promise,dad.”Alexsighed,shewasright.
“Threeoverthespanofourentiremarriage;Ariabeingoneof thoseandthatwasonlyonce.So,really,it’sliketwoandahalf.”
“Iknow aboutAriaandAshlyn.”Ciarapressedfurther.“Who wasthethirdone?”
“Youraunt,Madeline.”Ciarastaredathim indisbelief.“Itwas beforeshehadthethreekidsandahusband,Ciara!”
“Areanyofthekidsyours?IsmycousinGeraldactuallymy brother?!”
“What?No!”Alexshookhishead.“Whatthehell?No,Gerald isnotyourbrother.No,noneofherkidsaremine,andno,weare nottalkinganyfurtheraboutmyaffairs.Asksomethingelse!” Alexcouldn’thelpbutlaughatthewholeexchange.
“Whatdidyoudointhemilitarythatyou’resoashamed about?”Ciarahithim withanotherhardone.Alex’slaughing smilequicklyfellflat.“Hey,yousaid–”
“Iknow whatIsaid…”Alexcutheroff.“I’vedonealottokeep mymilitarypastfrom youthough.”
“Whythough?Shouldn’tyoubeproudofyourservice?” “Yeah,Ishouldbe.”Alexsighedagain;therewasnoway aroundthis.“Alright,fine.Ifyoureallywanttoknow…” “Idowanttoknow.”Ciaranodded. “Well,youknow Iwasspecialoperationsalready.”Alexcould feelthepitinhisstomachgrowing.“Iwasbasicallyasniper.An assassinwitharifle.Myjobwastousemilitaryintelligenceto findtargets,andremovethem.Idon’tevenknow how manymen I’vekilled.Mostofthem wereshot,someofthem Ihadtoget physicallyinvolvedwiththeirexecution.”
“Oh,wow…”Ciara’sfacereflectedhersurprise. “Itoldyou,thisisn’tpretty.”Alexpulledthecaroverand parkedonthesideoftheroad.“No,wearen’tstayinghere,Ijust don’twanttobedistractedwhiledriving.”Heturnedtoward Ciara.“Anyway,yes,Iwasbasicallyoneofthementheycalledon whentheywantedsomeonedead.Mostofthetimetheywanted thewholethingtobesilent.EveryshotItookwaswellcalculated,theintelligencegatheringtookdaystoweeks.Wehad todeterminethebesttimetodothejobbasedonwhenthey wouldbeoutofthepublic’seyeandnotaroundpeople.Wewere, moreorless,ghosts.”
“Didyouguysevergetcaught?”Ciarawasmoreinterested thanAlexhadhoped.“Like,didanyoneknow itwasyouguys thatwerekillingthesepeople?”
“Almost,afew times.”Alexsmirked.“Weweregoodatwhatwe did.Iwasespeciallygoodatmyjob.”
“Why’dyouretire?” “Thereweretworeasons.”Alexleanedhisheadback.“The firstreasonwasthatyouwereborn.ThedayIheldyouinmy armschangedthingsforme.Youweresonew tothisworld,you werealifeIhadhelpedtocreate,whenallIhaddonepriorwas endthem.Onthatday,myperspectiveshifted.Ithitmelikea brickwall;thepeopleIwaskilling;theywerehuman.Itwas probablethattheirfatherheldthem inhishandswithsucha strongsenseofjoyandpride,thinkingtheexactthoughtsIwas. Hell,someofthem hadkidsandhadmostlikelyfeltthosesame feelings.”
“Buttheywerebadguys,right?”Ciarashookherhead. “From acertainpointofview,yeah,buttheywerejustpeople. Theydidthingsthatcertainpeopledidn’tlike.Yes,someofthem weremurderersorplottingterrorists,buttheywerealljust people.Theirdeemingof‘bad’or‘good’wasentirely
circumstantial.Tothem,Iwasthebadguy.Whichleadsmeto thenexthalfofthat…”Hesmiledather.“Thedayyouwereborn, ItoldmycommanderthatIwasgoingtoberetiringinthenear future.Hecompletelyunderstoodwhy.IhaddecidedthatI couldn’tleaveyouwithoutafather.Ifoneofthose‘badguys’had realizedwhoIwas,senttheirownguysafterme,andhewasjust asgoodasIwas…”Alexstareddownward.“…Iwouldn’tstanda chance.Theywould’veremovedmejustasquickandyou wouldn’thavehadafather.Icouldn’tchanceit.”
“Andwhatwasthesecondreason?”Alexknew hewasn’tgoing toavoidthisquestion.
“Oneofmylastmissions.”Hesighed.“Ihadtokilloneofour own.”
“AnAmerican?”
“Anotherspecialoperationssoldier…”Alexcorrectedher. “Specificallyanotherspecialopssoldierthathad,tosomeextent, defectedandgiveninformationtotheenemy.Normally,he would’vebeenarrestedandtried,butthey’ddeterminedhewas toodangeroustoletlive.Theyarrangedforhim tomeetwitha decoy,andItookhim out.Halfamile,oneshot.Justlikethat, FelixGrigorevwasnomore.”
“Grigorev?Likethatdoctor?” “Yes,justlikeAndrei.”Alexstaredoutthewindow atthe desolateroad.“FelixwasAndrei’sbrotherandItookhim down likehewasjustanothertarget.Ofcourse,theydidtheirresearch onAndreibeforeallthisandtheyhaddeterminedthathewasn’t involvedorawareinanyway.Afterthewholethinghappened, theytoldAndreithathisbrotherdiedinactiveduty,butheknew itwasalie.Hefigureditalloutimmediately,andheknew Iwas theonethathadtotakehim down.”Thesunglaredinit’slow positiononthehorizonandstraightintoAlex’seyes.Hepulled thevisordowntoblockthelight.“Iknow hefigureditallout, becausehetoldme.Itwasaboutayearlater.Heapproachedme andaskedmeabouthisbrother’sdeath.Itoldhim thesamelie themilitaryhad.Hestaredatmewithcolddeadeyesandjust simplyasked‘Whydidtheydecidehewasathreat,Alex?’Itwas thenIrealizedhow awareofitallhewas.Hewouldn’taskifhe didn’tknow,andhewasn’tgoingtoaskmeunlesshewassureI didit.So,Itoldhim.Itoldhim everythingthattheydugupon Felixandthattheyhadclearedhim ofanyinvolvement.Itwasso strange;hedidn’tseem tohaveanyfeelingsaboutthefactthat hisbrotherwaskilled.Hell,healmostseemedtosupporttheir decisiontotakehim out…”
“Wow.”Ciaratookitallinandstaredblanklythroughthe windshield.“I’m sorryyouhadtogothroughallthat,dad.”
“Don’tbe.ThehellIwentthroughwasenoughtogetme whereIam today.”HepattedCiaraonthehead.“Iwouldn’thave itanyotherway…”Hestaredattheinteriorofthevehicle.“OK, somaybeIwouldchangeacoupleofthingsaboutthisexact moment,butyouknow whatImean.”
“Iknow.”Shesmiled.“Iwon’taskanymorequestionsabout yourworkinthemilitary.Ididn’trealizeallthatyou’ddone.I’m sorryifyoudidn’twanttotalkaboutit.”
“No,myfault.Itoldyoutherewasnothingofflimits.”Alex shookhishead.“Youdeservedtoknow.I’vehiddensomuchfrom youforyourwholelife,butyoudeservethetruth.Hopefully, everythingI’vedonewrongisenoughtodissuadeyoufrom repeatingmymistakes.”Alexsmirkedagain;heknew Ciarawould neverdowhathehaddone.Shewaswaytoomuchanadultto stoopdowntohislevel,andshewasonlytwelve.
“So,whatdoyouwanttodonow?”Ciara’svoicewasalmost hopeful.“We’vebeensittingheretalkingforawhile,soweshould probablycomeupwithsomething.”
“Yeah,weprobablyshould…”Alexagreedwithher.Theonly issuewithagreeingwithherstatementwasthefactthathehad noplanwhatsoever.He’dbeendrivingaroundvarioussidestreets justtoseeifanythingwouldstrikehim asagoodidea.Nothing had.Itwassoweirdtobedrivingaroundthecitywithnoone elseanywheretobeseen.Theyhadn’tpassedasinglepersonon theroad,noonewasoutintheiryardsdoinganysortofwork. Theentirecityhadseeminglydisappearedovernight,withalmost notraceofthereevenbeingapopulationtoinfect.Hadeveryone reallybeenevacuated?Morelikely,hadeveryonejustupandleft thecity,despitewhatthemilitaryhadbeenbroadcasting?
Thetwoofthem satinsilenceastheyboththoughtabout whattodo.Thesunhadcomeupawhilebeforewithitbeaming downonthehoodofthecarandreflectingintothecab.Itwasn’t toolateintheday,buttimewaspassingthem bywitheach second.Thequietwasalmostawkwardbetweenbothofthem. Alexassumedthatheshouldcomeupwiththeplansincehewas theadulthere,butCiara’splanwaslikelytobebetterthanhis. Hewantedtoleavethestate,headasfarnorthashecould,get throughCanadaandsetupanew homeinAlaskawhereheand Ciaracouldstartover.Whatdidshewant?
“Ithinkweshould…”Ciarastartedtospeakup.Shesounded unsurebut,atthesametime,shehadasenseofdevotioninher words.“Yeah,Ithinkweshouldgohome,justlikeAriawantedto. Itseemslikewewouldbesafethereandmaybewecancomeup withabetterplan.”CiaralookedupatAlexwithhopefuleyes.“I mean,ifyouthinkweshould…”Shereturnedtohershy disposition.Alexthoughtabouthercomment;itlikelywassafe fornow andtheycouldeasilystickitoutforalittlewhile,at least.TheonlynegativeAlexcouldthinkofwasthatitmeant theyweren’tgoingtogotoAlaska.
“Wehavefoodthere.Wehaveplentytokeepushydrated;we havetonsofbottledwaterthankstoyourmother’srefusalto drinkanythingoutofthesink.We’dhavepower,comfortable beds,lockeddoors,accesstoentertainment…”Alexlaidoutthe entiretyofwhathecouldthinkhewouldneedtosurvive.Going homeactuallysoundedbetterthanAlaskaforthemoment. “That’sactuallyagoodidea.Aslongasthepowerstayson,we shouldbefine.”Henodded.“Alright,Ciara.Let’sgohome!”She smiledasheshiftedthecarintodrive.Ifeverythingwentright, theywouldbeabletoholdoutintheirownhouseforawhile,at leastlongenoughforsomeofthistoblow over.Whileitwastrue thatthemilitarywasn’tdoinganythinginregardstotherescue efforts,theywouldhavetodosomethingeventually;evenifthat somethingwasasweepofthecity,bootsontheground,taking everyonethatwasinfectedoutalongtheway.Sure,they’dendup backatamilitarycamp,butitwouldbefortheendofthis horrifyingsituation.Afterthat,theycouldgotoAlaska.Alex smiledatthispossibility.
Thecarpressedon,passingemptyhousesandabandoned vehiclesalongtheway.Itwasstillsostrangethattherewereno peoplearound.Itwasaquiettown,that’swhyAlexandHolly settledthere,butthiswaseerilyquiet.Hespedupandmadethe curvesasquicklyashesafelycould.Withinminuteshewas there.Thecarcreptintothecul-de-sac,thenintothehouseon theeasternedgeofthecircle.Heparkedinthedrivewayandthe twoofthem staredatthegaragedoor.
“Well,Ashlyn’snothereanymore.”Alexspurtedoutwhathe wasthinking.
“Ashlynwashere?”Ciararespondedwithherconfused question.
“Shestayedtheothernight,yeah.Ifiguredshewaslikely calledinwhenallthisstartedtogodown.”Hegrinnedandlooked overatCiara.“Atleastwegettoavoidthatinitialawkwardnessof bringingy
ouhome,huh?”Helaughedslightly,Ciaradidn’t reciprocate.Alex’schucklingfadedoffonceherealizedshedidn’t finditasfunnyashedid.Therewasanothermomentofsilence betweenthetwoofthem asneitherofthem rushedtogetoutof thetruckandintothehouse.
“Well,we’rehome…”Ciara’svoicesoundeddistant.Itwas prettycleartoAlexthatshewasreplayingthemorningofthe accident;thatwasthelasttimeshe’dseenthehouseanditwas goingtocausesomementalflashbacks.
“Alright.”Alexpulledthehandleofhisdoor.Ciarastartedto dothesamebutAlexsignaledforhertostop.“Youstayinthecar fornow.I’m goingtogothroughthehouseandmakesureit’s safe.KeepthedoorslockedanddonotgetoutuntilIcomeback. Gotit?”Shenoddedathisstatement.Hesteppedoutofthecar andpulledthehandgunhe’dstolenfrom hispocket.Hestepped slowlytothefrontdoorandwatchedalldirectionsjusttomake surenoonewassneakinguponhim.Everythinglookedthe sameastheroadstothehouse,motionlessanddeserted.Hegot tothefrontdoorandputhishandontheknob,turningit.The doordidn’tresisthispush.“Dammit,Ashlyn.Yousaidyouwere goingtolockup!”Hishousehadsatunlockedforalmosttwentyfourhoursatthispoint.Thenhismindshiftedelsewhere;whatif Ashlyndidlockthedoorandsomeoneelsehadtakenup residenceinhishouse?Therewereafew driftersinthecity,most ofthem werealright,buttherewereafew thathetendedto avoid.Wasalittlemorethanadayenoughforpeopletostart raidinghouses?
Hepushedthedooropenandwalkedquietlyintothehouse. Theentrywasuntouched,nothinglookedtobeoutofplace.He continuedonandcreptintothelivingroom.Thetelevisionwas off,thecurtainwasdrawnoverthelargewindow,thecouchhad allofitspillowscollectedliketheyshouldhavebeen.Everything seemedtobehow itwassupposedtobe,itactuallyseemedmore cleanthanwhenheleft.Hecontinuedonandquicklystepped aroundthewallintothekitchen,pointingthehandgunintothe emptyroom.Stillnothing.Helookedaround;thedisheswere done,thecounterswerecleanedupandeverythinglookedtobe initsplace.Ifsomeonehadbrokeninandtakenupresidence, theywerekeepingittidierthanhewas,andhewaspayingonthe house.Alexloweredhisweapontohissideandwalkedupthe stairstothesecondhalfofthehouse.Hepushedthedooropen toCiara’sroom andglancedaround;nothingunusual.Hestared intotheopenbathroom;onceagain,nothing.Lastly,hepushed thedooropentohisbedroom andwalkedin.Hestaredatthe perfectlymadebedandfoldedclothing,thenhiseyesmetwith somethingwrittenonthemirror.