by Lucas Coon
Alexsteppedslowlyintothelivingroom andstaredintothe darkness.Theintruderhaddefinitelyenteredthegarage,the doorwascrackedopenandtherewassomefaintnoisecoming from theotherside.Heglancedaroundtheroom tofind something,anything,thatcouldhelphim withthissituation.His eyesmetwithaceramicplatefrom thenightbefore,theonethat Ciarahadleftonthetablebeforeshewenttobed.Without hesitationhewrappedhishandaroundtheedgeandwalked towardthedoor.
“Dammit!There’snothinghere!”Thevoicethatechoedinthe garagesoundedfamiliar.“No!”Hekeptscreamingtothepointof almostsoundinginhuman.“Whydoesithurt!?Ithurtssogoddamnbad!”Alexlistenedtothemanashescreechedinhis garage.“Oh,god!”Themanwasclearlyinatremendousamount ofagony.Alexwasbotheredbythefactthatheknew thevoice. Hepushedthedoortothegarageopenslightlyandglancedinat themanthathadbrokenin.
“Howard?”Alexwhisperedtohimself.“Theoldguynextdoor? Whatthehellishedoinginhere?”Ashefinishedhisout-loud thinking,themaninthegaragestartedtowalkbacktowardthe door.Thelookinhiseyeswaslessthanhuman,helookedasif hewasbeingcontrolledandwasgoingthroughthemotions. Somethingwasseverelywrongwithhim,andonlyonewordfit thebill;infected.Thepooroldmanhadbecomeinfected.Based onthefactthathewasstilltalkingandhadn’tfullyturned,it wasrecent.Alexpushedhimselfagainstthewallbehindthepath ofthedoorandwaited,hewasgoingtohavetotakethisman down.Permanently.
“MisterHagen?”Ciara’svoiceshotattheoldmanashe enteredbackintothelivingroom.Hepausedandstaredatherin silenceformorethanafew moments.“MisterHagen,areyou OK?”Ciara’sconcernwasquicklyreplacedwithscreamingasthe oldmanmadehiswaytowardher.Alexknew hehadtoact immediatelyandtherewasnowayhewasgoingtobeableto protectCiarafrom whatshewasabouttowitness.
Alexsteppedforwardandswungtheceramicplateat Howard’sheadashardashecould.Theplateshatteredintoa numberofpiecesandthecollisionknockedtheoldmanoff balance.Alexgrippedtheshardthathestillhadinhishands anddidn’thesitatetofollow throughwiththerestofhismotions. Heswungthesharpedgeasquicklyashecouldagainsttheside oftheotherman’shead,knockinghim downandcausinghim to bleedfrom thetemple.Alexkneltdownontothemanand jammedtheedgeofthebrokenplateagainstHoward’sthroatas manytimesashecould.Afterafew strikes,theceramicwasno longercuttingandthemanwasgaspingforair.Alexstaredhim intheeyesashehoveredoverhisbody.Hiseyesweredark,his airwaywasdamagedbeyondrepairandhehadstartedtograbat hisneck.Alexstoodupandlookedaroundonthefloornear wherethescuttlehadoccurred.Hereacheddownandgrabbed thegun.
“Dad,no!”Ciaraprotestedinhorror.Alexdidn’thearher,his eyesweresetonhiscurrenttargetandhewasgoingtofinishthe job.Withoutlookingup,Alexraisedthegunandaimeditat Howard’shead;hisdarkeyesalmostseemedtopleadwithhim to sparewhatwasleftofhislife.Alexknew thatwasn’tanoption. Hepulledthetriggerand,instantly,theman’sbodyfelllifeless.
Alex’sheadwaspoundingandtheroom feltlikeitwas spinningashestareddownatthesightofthedeadman.This manwasoncehisneighbor;he’dmadelewdjokesabouttheother neighbors.He’devenmadeinappropriatecommentsaboutAshlyn thatAlexcouldn’thelpbutlaughat.EvenAshlynthoughtthere washumorinthem.Thismanhadmowedtheirlawnwhenthey wentonvacations,pulledtheirgarbagecansbackuptotheir garageforthem,helpedAlexreplaceshinglesontheroofafew yearsback.Whilehewasabitofapervert,hewasanideal neighbor.‘Was’happenedtobetheimportantwordhere.Atthe currentmomentintime,hewasadeadmanlyingonthefloorof theLangleyhousehold.Hisstatementof‘there’snothinghere’ wasenoughtotellAlexthathehadbeenlivingoffthethingshe wasfindinginotherpeople’shouses.Thiswasalsoenoughtotell Alexthathewaslikelythepersonthatbroketheirdeadboltinan attempttogetinandloottheplace.Thesightwasenoughtoput Alexinafamiliarstateofmind.Hehadn’twantedtokillanyone, buthehadnochoice.Itwaseasierforhim tofocusontheperson asnothingmorethanatarget,justlikehehadinthemilitary. Theywerejusttargets,nothuman,nototherlivingpeoplethat hadlives;justtargets.
Alexcouldn’tpullhiseyesawayfrom thelifelessbody;hadhe reallyjustdonethistohisneighbor?Hisearsslowlystopped ringingandfadedbackintoreality.Thesoundoflabored breathingandsobsquicklyreplacedthehighpitchtone.He lookedup,thenoveratCiara;shewasstaringathim withalook ofpureterror.Herchestwasliftingandfallingrepeatedlytothe pointofherseeminglikeshewasabouttohyperventilate,her facewaspaleandhereyeswerewide.
“Ciara,breathe!”Alexstartedwalkingtowardher,shebacked upandhitthewalltothestairs.“Comeon.Youneedtobreathe, you’regettingpale.”Heputhishandsonhershouldersand staredherintheeyes.“Don’tyoupassoutonme.”
“You…”Ciarastruggledtogetthewordsout.“Youkilledhim.” Shestatedtheobvious.Alexknew thiswasn’tgoingtobeaneasy situationtocorrect.“YoustabbedMisterHagen… youshotMister Hagen.”Shetookdeepbreathsandsatonthestep,droppingher crutches.Alexputhisarm behindherandhelpedhertobalance asshesat.“Youkilled…”
“Yes,Ciara.”Alexkneltdownandstaredherintheeyes.“I killedHoward.Hewasinfectedandwasgoingtogoafteryou.I know it’shardtoacceptwhatjusthappened,butIneedyouto know thatIdiditbecauseIhadto.Ihadnochoicehere,Ciara.I hadnootheroption.”Hekepthisgazestraightintohereyes, hopingshewouldunderstand.“Iftherewasanyotheroption,I wouldn’thavedoneit.IfIdidn’tthinkhewasabouttorunat you,Iwouldhavedoneanythingthatwasn’tlethal.Please, believeme.Ididn’twanttodowhatIdid.”
“MisterHagen… Hewasrunningatme.”Ciarawastryingto pieceitalltogether.“Helookedcrazy.Somethingwaswrongwith his…”Shekeptpausingandtakingdeepbreaths.“Hiseyeswere black.Helookedcrazy.Somethingwaswrongwithhim.”She startedrepeatingherselfinherresponses.“Heranatme.You stabbedhim.”
“It’sOK,sweetheart.”Alexhuggedher.“It’llbeOK.Wejust needtokeepgoing,OK?Wejustneedtomoveonandeverything willbefine.”Alexkeptatightholdonherasshecriedinfearand struggledtotakeinoxygen.Herubbedhishandonherbackand kepthisgripuntilsheseemedtobeinafairlynormalstate.He pulledawayfrom herandonceagainlookedherintheeyes.“Are yougoingtobeOK?”
“Yeah.”Ciarashylyrepliedfrom behindherdark,now unkempt,hair.“I’llbefine.”Shetookadeepbreathinandlooked beyondAlex.Hereyesonceagainwentpaleandsheleanedaway from Alexanddry-heaved.Alexknew whatshewasgoing through,thiswastheanxietythatsetinafterthecalm tookhold. Fear,sorrow,confusion,calm,andanxiousness.Theyweren’tthe standardstepsinvolvedwithdeath,buttheywerecommon.He kepthiseyesoffherasshecontinuedtomakethehurlingnoise forafew seconds,hewasfairlythankfulthattheyhadn’teaten anythingyettoday.Aftershehadstoppedforafew seconds,he lookedbackatherandputhishandonhershoulder.
“Now you’reOK?”
“Yeah,now I’m OK.”Shetookanotherbreathandlookedupat herfather.“Whatdowedonow?”
“Well…”Alexstaredattheroom behindhim.Heshookhis headandclosedhiseyes.“Westillneedtogotothestore.” “ArewegoingtodosomethingaboutMisterHagen?”Ciara soundeddesperateinherresponse. “There’snotexactlymuchwecandorightnow,Ciara.We can’tgooutbackandburyhim rightnow andI’m goingtoneed tocleanuptheroom.”Alexstoodstraight.“Weshouldgetoutand gettothestore.We’llgetasmuchaswepossiblycan.Then,when wegethome,I’llgetthiscleanedup.”Helookedbackathis daughter.“I’m sorry,Ciara.I’m sosorryyouhadtogothrough this.”Shedidn’trespondwithanythingmorethananod.He helpedherupandthetwoofthem startedtowardthefrontdoor. AlexcouldtellCiaraheldinastheypassedoverthecorpse,she startedtolurch,butstoppedherselfandsteppedforwardquicker. Thetwoofthem gotoutsideandAlexturnedtolockthedoor.He huffedangrilywhenherememberedthatthedeadboltwas broken.Heshovedthekeyintheknobandturnedit,verifying thatithadlockedsuccessfully.
AlexandCiarabothclimbedupintothetruckinsilence.Alex startedthevehicleandstaredatthedash.Therewasastrange noise,onethatheknew butcouldn’tfullyrecognize.Helookedat Ciarainquisitivelyandsheshruggedinastatementthatshe didn’tknow whatitwaseither.Heturnedhisheadtotheback seatandnoticedasmallbox;aradio.Therewasavoicethatwas comingfrom thespeaker;Alexshiftedthevolumeknobtothe rightandlistened.
“We,asinthegroup,areresponsibleforthedeathofone psychoticcreepnamedDenvergrant.”Therewasabriefpause.
“Whatthehellisthis?”Alexchuckledandstartedlisteningas thevoicestartedupagain.
“Iam personallyresponsiblefortheactionsthatledtothe deathofKevinHarrisonandwhoeverthehelltheoneguywas thathewaswith.Oh,yeahI’m alsoresponsibleforthedeathof StephenChase.Iknow youguysprobablydon’tcareaboutthat onesincehewasanotherofyour‘prisoners’butIfeelbadfor whathappened,soI’llincludehim.”Therewasyetanotherpause.
“Isthisguymakingconfessionsov
eramilitaryradio?” “And,finally,Iam directlyresponsibleforthedeathofAshlyn Morris.”ThissentenceechoedinAlex’shead.Thisman,theman thatwasconfessingtorandom murders,hadjustconfessedto murderingsomeoneAlexcaredfor.“So,that’swhoIam.Iam,by yourdefinition,amurderer,andbymyown,afather,husband andfriendthathasdoneeverythinghecouldtomakesurethe peoplehecaredfordidn’tdie.Ineversetouttohurtorkill anyone.Ineversetouttoendthelivesofothers.Ithurtsme morethanyou'lleverknow thatIhadtodowhatI'vedone.For therestofwhatevertimeIhaveleftofthislife,Iwillhavetodeal withtheseblood-stainedhands.Now,ifyoudon'tmind,this murdererisreadytogohomeandrelaxinhisrecliningchair whilestaringatthewallforafew hours.”
“Sir,wearegoingtohavetoaskyoutoidentifyyourlocation.” Anothervoicerespondedtotheman.Therewereseveralmoments ofsilenceontheradio,untilthesecondmanspokeuponce again.“Youneedtotellmewhereyouare,weneedtodiscuss everythingyou’vedone.”ItwasthenthatAlexrealizedthisvoice wasthatofJudasGrigorev.Hesoundeddesperateinhisrequest. “Please,justtellmewhyyoudidit!Justtellmewhyyoukilled him!”Alexshiftedtheknobbacktothelow positionandclickedit off.Hestaredblanklyattheradio,thenturnedandstaredatthe dash.Ashlynwasgonetoo;helostHollyandAria,andnow he hadtoacceptthathehadlostAshlyn.
“DidhesaythathekilledAsh–”Ciarabrokethesilence,but herstatementwascutshort.
“No…”Alexshiftedthecarintoreverse.“Let’sjustgotothe store…” TheroadcontinuedtorollunderthewheelsasAlexcontinued downtheroad.ItwasstilldarkandAlexhadtheheadlights shiningintotheemptinessthatwasthecitytheylivedin.The lightbouncedoffthebumpersandbackintothewindshieldof thetruck.Theairwascoldandtheoutsideworldwasechoing soundsatnearsilentlevels.Therewastheoccasionalscream of aninfected,therarechirpingofabirdandthatwasit.Nogun shotsandnoaudiblehumanscreaming.Thecitywas,moreor less,abandoned.
“Well…”Alex’svoicehadanupwardinflection.“Atleastwe won’thavetodealwithanylinesatthestore,right?”Hechuckled andlookedovertoCiara.Ciara’sfacecrackedintoafakesmile thenfellbackintothenormalstraight-forwardstare.Alex’s laughingceasedjustasquicklyashersmile;itwasnouse.After theincidentwithHoward,therewasnogoingbacktojoking aroundliketheyhadthismorning.Itwasgoingtobealongday, averylongday.“You’restillthinkingaboutit,aren’tyou?”
“I’m tryingnotto,butIcan’tseem togettheimageoutofmy head.”Shefrowned.“Isthiswhatitwaslikeforyouinthe military?”
“Atthebeginning,yeah.”Alexglancedather.“Thenitgot easier.Itstartedagainattheend.”
“Doesitevergoaway?” “No.”Alexshookhishead.“Letthatbealessontoyou.When youwitnessalifeendinglikethat,itputsacertainperspectivein yourhead.Youstarttoseethevalueoflifeandhow fragileyour realitycanbe.It’simpossibletogetoverit.Nomatterhow much youthinkyou’vemovedon,it’llsneakuponyou.Whenyou’re eatingdinneratRobin’swithyourdaughterforherbirthday. Whenyou’resittinginthewaitingroom ofthelocalcardealership waitingforthetechstofigureoutwhatthehell’swrongwithyour transmission.”Hiseyesnarrowed.“Sometimes,it’llevencreepup onyouinthemiddleofthenight,whileyou’refastasleep.You’ll wakeupgaspingforbreathinacoldsweat,panickingandtrying tofigureoutwhereyouareandwhatwasthreateningyourlife justthen.Whenyourealizethatitwasnothingbutyourown mindplayingtricksonyou,that’swhenitsetsinhow messedup youreallyare.Somepeopleturntodrinking.Someturntodrugs. Somearesmartandactuallygototherapy.Thentherearepeople likeme;theonesthatstarttodistancethemselvesfrom theones theylove,turntoinfidelityjusttofeelsomething.Sometimesthat feelingisjoy,moreoftenthannotit’sguilt.Theproblem isthat guiltisstillafeeling,andaprettydamnstrongone.”
“Thenitnevergoesaway?”Ciarastaredatthedashinfrontof her. “Noand,tobehonestwithyou,itshouldn’t.Thatmeansyou haveaconscience,orasoulorwhateveryouwanttocallit.In theend;itmeansyou’rehuman.”Alexturnedthesteeringwheel. “Let’stalkmoreaboutitlater,though.Wehavesomethingtotake careofhere…”
Alexpulledthetruckontooneofthebusierroadswithinthe city.Hestoppedthevehicleandstaredaround,itwasn’t somethingthathe’dintendedtodo,itwasjustsostrangetohim thattherewasnoonethere.Heheldthegaspedalatastable positionanddrifteddowntheroadatfive-miles-per-hour.His eyespassedoverbuildingafterbuilding;agasstation,ashoe store,theauto-partsstore.Theyallappearedtobeempty.There wereahandfulofpeoplethatwereclearlyinfectedhanging aroundtheshoestore,buttheredidn’tseem tobemuchelse goingonanywhere.Despitethelackofmovementthroughout, theywouldstillneedtobecarefulastheywalkedthroughthe store.Alexshiftedthewheelandpulledintotheentranceofthe largegrocerystore.Hepulledthevehicleasclosetothedooras hecould,withCiara’sdoorfacingtowardtheentrance.
“Hey,there’sonebenefittoallthisgoingon;upfrontparking.” Alextriedtomakeanotherjoke.Thisonehititsmarkalittle betterandCiara’ssmileseemedgenuine.Alexwascontentwith thisandopenedhisdoor.Hewalkedaroundtheothersideand openedCiara’s,helpinghertoexitthevehicle.Theysteppedout ontotheconcreteandstaredattheirdestination.Thereweredim lightsshininginsideandalongtheoutsideofthestore,butnone ofthemainlightswereglowing.Thetwoofthem walkeduptothe entrancedoor,itdidn’topen.“Ididn’tthinkthatwasgoingto work.Itwasworthashotthough,right?”HesmirkedatCiara andlookedbacktothedoor.Afterstaringattheglassforafew seconds,hegotanidea.Hepulledhishandgunoutofhispocket andnoddedforCiaratostepback.Hesmackedtheglassbythe handleafew timesandstoppedwhentherewasenoughofahole topushhishandthrough.Hereachedinandunlockedthefront door,thenpulleditopen.“Therewego.”Hepulleditopen. “Ladiesfirst.”HegesturedandCiarasteppedintotheentryway. Alexpulledthedoorshutbehindhim andwalkedinfrontofhis daughter.Hesteppedforwardandgrabbedoneofthewheelchairstylecarts.“Iknow youdon’twantto,butthisisgoingtobethe bestwayforustogetthroughthisquickly.”
“No,it’sOK.Igetit.”Ciaraliftedthebasketandpulledherself intothechair.Onceshewascomfortable,Alexpushedthebasket backdownandputhercrutchesintheopenspotunderthe chair.Hepushedforwardandenteredintothemarket.
“Huh,it’sgenuinelycreepyinhere.”Alexwhisperedhis statement.“Weneedthingsthatwilllast,andthingsthatwon’t requirewaterormuchinwaysofpreparation.”
“So,morefrozenpizza?”CiarasmirkedandlookedupatAlex. Hereturnedthesmileandnodded. “Maybeafew.”Hewalkedslowlyintotheopenfloor.“Iwas thinkingthatweshouldstartwithbreakfastthough.How about sometoasterpastriesandgranolabars?”Heenteredtheaisleand stoppedatthesectionwiththevarioussugar-filledfoods.
“Oh,getthechocolateones!”Ciaramadehercommentalittle louderthansheintendedandAlexsignaledforhertosettle.She noddedandlookeddown.“Sorry.”
“It’salright.”Alexgrabbedthreeboxesofthechocolate pastries,thenasecondgroupofthree,strawberryflavored.He arrangedthem inthecartandaddedafew boxesofchocolate granolabars.“Wecan’tjustliveonchocolate…”Hegrabbedsome ofthefruitandnutonesaswell.“Therewego.Thatshouldbe enoughtokeepusalivethroughbreakfast.”Hepressedonand stoppedattheendcap.Therewereahandfulofdifferentdried meatsallovertheshelf,rightnexttovariousbrandnamesnack cakes.Alex’sfacelitup.
“Oh,no…”Ciarasmirkedandshookherhead.“You’regoingto getfat!” “Probably,butsowhat?”Alexgrabbedtwoentirecasesofthe beefsticks,thenseveralboxesofstrawberryswirledcakes.He thenalsograbbedfourbagsofthedonuts.“Perfect.”Hestared downatthebasket.“Weshouldprobablygetsomeactualfood, huh?”
“Yeah,Ithinkweshould.”Ciarastaredintothebasket.Itwas largerthanmostwheelchair-connectedshoppingcarts,butitstill wasn’tafullbasket.Thetwoofthem pressedonintothenext aisle,thenthethird.
“Whatkindofsodadoyouwant?”Alexsteppedbackand staredattheselection.“Youcangetthebrandname,I’vegotthe moneyforit.”HelooksoverandwinksatCiarawhochucklesat thecomment.
“Well,thanks,dad!”Shemockinglymakesherexcited comment.“Iwant…”Shestaresatthevariousboxesofsoda. “Thatone;thecherrycola.”Alexsteppedforwardandaddeda twelve-packofthecolaintothebasket.Hethenalsograbbed anothercasefulloflemon-limesodaandplacesitontop.He pushedthecartandtheboxshifted,causingaloudclanking noise.Aleximmediatelystoppedandheldhisbreath;therewas thepossibilitythattherewasaninfectedinthestoreandnoise wassomethinghewastryingtoavoid.Afterafew moments, nothinghadhappened,sohecontinuedon.Hegrabbedtwoof thelargestwaterpackshecouldandaddedthem tothebottom of thecart.
“OK,wehavebreakfast,soda,snacksandwater.”Helaughed. “Arewehavingasleepover?”Hepushedthechairagainand continueddownthelane.Theypassedthenextaisle,therewasn’t anythingofimportanceinit,thenwalkeddownthelane
withthe freezer.Alexstoppedinfrontofthefrozenpizzas,openedthe door,andgrabbedseveralofthem,droppingthem intothecart.
“Really?Thatmany?”Ciarastaredintentlyathim. “Ifyou’regoingtosteal,stealenoughforseveraldays.”Alex
keptgoingandlamentedatthelackofcartspace.“Alright,we’ve madeaterriblemistakewiththisshoppingtrip.”Heshiftedsome oftheitemsandmadeasmallamountofextraspace.Alexnever likeddoingtheshoppingforthefamily,mostlybecausehe believedinbuyingtoomuchofwhathewantedandnotnearly enoughofwhatheneeded.Hewouldspendwaytoomuchmoney onrandom thingshesaw lyingthroughoutthestorethen,when heleft,hewouldrealizeheforgotsomething.Theypressedon downtheaislesandstaredatthevariousotherfrozenfooditems. Alexdebatedgrabbingsomeofthem,butdecidedagainstit.“You know what?Wereallyshould’vemadealistforthistrip. Seriously,iftherewaseverasingletripthatalistwouldhave beennecessary;itwasthisone.”
“Wedidn’texactlyhavetimebetweenwakingupandleaving thismorningthough,dad.”Ciarawasright.DealingwithHoward hadtakenupmoretimethanAlexhadanticipated.
“Well,nexttime,weshouldreallyconsidertakingcareofitthe nightbefore,huh?”Alexchuckled.“Sincewedidn’tdiscussit, whatdoyouwanttoget?”
“I’m goodwithanything.”
“Aslongasit’snotfroz–”Alexwascutoffbywhatsounded likesomethingcrashinginanaisledownattheotherendofthe store.Theybothlookedinthegeneraldirectionofthenoiseand staredsilentlyforafew moments.“OK,thatdidn’tsoundgood.”
“Doyouthinkitwasoneofthem?”Ciaralookedupathim. “Idon’tknow,andIdon’tintendtofindout.”Helookedback