I couldn’t answer. I was utterly and completely frozen. And not because he might’ve been the sexiest man I’d ever seen, or… at least not only because of that. I’d seen him before.
I needed his gaze on me again. Surely it hadn’t just been in my mind. I knew him. I was sure of it. Could feel it. I knew him. I wasn’t sure how or where or when, but I did. Even more puzzling was how I could have met a man like him and not remember.
“Yeah. Just the two. Front and back.” Harrison cast me a puzzled glance and answered for me. “The back door leads to the rear exit and up the stairway to Jasper’s place.”
Russell turned to Harrison, and I used the moment to try to get myself under control.
“That’s good. That helps. Fewer places to secure.” But as he spoke, he continued to walk around the store, going slowly up and down the aisles of books. “You said he broke in here a few days ago?”
“Yeah. He left a rose.”
I finally found my voice. “We don’t know that was Neal. There was no note. The windows weren’t broken; nothing was wrong with the locks. It had been crazy busy in here the day before. Someone might’ve left it and I didn’t notice.”
Harrison shot me an exasperated grimace. “We’re not going through this again. It was him. We both know it.” He turned back to Russell. “Like I told you on the phone, Neal sent Jasper a postcard a couple of weeks ago. Of Fort Nashborough.”
It was one of the top tourist places in Nashville, and the location of Neal’s and my first date.
Russell interrupted. “He sent it here, to the shop? Or to where you live, Harrison?”
“Here. Lavender Pages.”
“So he definitely knows where Jasper is. He’s not just taking a guess because he saw you on TV.”
“Exactly.” Harrison nodded, and his tone grew angry. “We’d been promised that Jasper would be alerted if Neal got out of jail early. He wasn’t. And of course that postcard was the first we’d heard of it. I called the day he got the postcard, and sure enough. Out on good behavior or some shit.”
Russell paused in his pacing, seemed to be doing some figuring in his head. “He sent a postcard a couple of weeks ago, and then nothing else until the rose?”
“You got it.”
I tried again. “We don’t know that it was from Neal. It really could have been from someone the day before. I think we’re overreacting.” Even as I said the words, I knew they weren’t true. The constant storm of anxiety I’d felt since that postcard was all the confirmation I needed to know it was only a matter of time before I saw Neal.
“It was from him, Jasper. We both know it.” Harrison sounded more apologetic that time.
Russell studied the length of the store again before speaking. “If it was from Neal and he was able to get into your shop without leaving any sign of breaking and entering, then we also have to assume that he could get into where you live.” He pointed upstairs. “He might’ve already done so.”
Though I hadn’t admitted it to Harrison, that thought had already entered my mind. I held it at bay most of the time, except for in the dark of night when I pictured Neal sneaking into my apartment, watching me as I slept.
It had been bad enough after the postcard, but then the flower…. All my protests of having Harrison stay with me since then had been nothing more than show. Which he knew. The same was true for the bodyguard idea. As silly as it made me feel, I figured I’d fall to pieces without it.
It pissed me off more than anything. For more than seven years I’d been free. I hadn’t lived in fear, hadn’t been controlled, hadn’t been dominated. I’d finally reclaimed Jasper Getty. He’d been lost for the nearly five years I was with Neal, and I’d fought hard to get him back. I’d managed to build my dream life, with Harrison’s help and money, and regardless of my insistence that Neal wouldn’t truly hurt me, I knew he had the power to take it all away, one way or another.
Suddenly I realized Harrison and Russell were in the middle of a conversation. I’d been so caught up in my anxiety about Neal, I’d slipped away from them.
There I was doing exactly what I’d done all those years before—disappearing because of that man. I hadn’t even seen him face-to-face yet, and I was reverting back to old shit.
It took me a couple of minutes to fully reengage, which was fine. Harrison and Russell were catching up on mutual friends and acquaintances.
Finally, Harrison turned to me, his gaze searching and intense. Russell was across the room, giving us space, whether intentionally or not I wasn’t sure. “How do you feel? Are you comfortable with Russell being here with you? I’ll stay, Jasper, you know I will. Adrian won’t mind. Neither will I.”
The thought of that pushed away the other spike of anxiety that had risen at the mention of Russell staying with me. “No. Stop that. You have to go. And yes, I’m totally fine.” I looked past Harrison to where Russell inspected the deadbolt. “I really am. He seems more than… capable.” I refocused on Harrison. “Go enjoy your anniversary. You and Adrian need to paint San Francisco red. You deserve it. You both do.”
I had no idea how I’d gotten fortunate enough to have a brother who was genuinely considering postponing his anniversary to stay with me. Although, that wasn’t new. That had always been Harrison’s nature where the two of us were concerned.
“Harrison, I mean it. If you bring it up again, I’m seriously going to get pissed. I agreed to have a bodyguard. You say you trust him. Let that be enough.”
Though he hesitated another few seconds, Harrison finally acquiesced. “Fine. And you’re right. I do trust Russell. Honestly, he’ll keep you safer than I could.” He grabbed my hand and hardened his gaze to the one that said there was no room for argument. “Text me tonight and in the morning. I don’t want to hear about it being my anniversary. I won’t be able to enjoy it unless I know you’re safe. Don’t argue.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it.”
“Yeah, you being stubborn.” He smirked. “Wonder what that would be like.”
I squeezed his hand before releasing him. “I promise. A text tonight and in the morning. I’ll be safe.”
Satisfied, Harrison said a quick goodbye to Russell, and then he was gone, leaving me alone with my bodyguard.
My bodyguard! Whose life was I living?
“I left all my stuff in the car since I’ll be moving in for a while, but I’ll get it later.” As he crossed the room, Russell gestured upstairs once more. “For now, how about you give me a tour of the rest of the place so I can see what we’re dealing with.”
“Sure. I can do that.” As he drew closer, the tumult of sensations he’d sparked before began to boil again. He was overwhelming, not just in his size and attractiveness, but in the pure intensity that radiated from him. He paused on the other side of the counter, and when he met my gaze, that recognition returned.
I knew this man. How the hell could I know him and not remember?
“Jasper, I’m sure your brother was probably asking the same thing, but it’s important that you feel safe with me.” He leveled his stare, and though it was still intense, there was a gentleness in it, genuine concern. “I know we don’t know each other yet, and you don’t have any reason to trust me, but you will. This isn’t my first time being with someone when they’re dealing with the crazy ex. I promise you, I’ll keep you safe.”
I nodded and looked away, unsure how to respond. Whether it was because of his sincerity or because we’d met before, I believed him. I felt fully and completely safe.
No. I realized that wasn’t right. I didn’t feel safe. From the fire raging in me at his nearness, I felt very much in danger.
Protected. Russell made me feel protected. But not safe. So very far from safe.
When I turned back to him, I caught him studying me. For a moment, I figured it was nothing more than how he’d inspected everything else. Just doing his job. But then those brown eyes flashed up to mine, and there was heat.
It was gone so quickly,
shoved behind walls thick enough that they left his warm brown eyes cold and guarded. So quickly I would’ve decided I’d made it up, imagined what I wanted to see. But I hadn’t.
That moment, that flash, was all I needed. And I remembered Russell Wallace. Though I’d not known his name. Though it had been a matter of minutes years and years ago. There was now a beard and an intensity he’d lacked before… but I remembered.
Two
Russell
The range of emotions flashing over Jasper’s face caused me to take a couple of steps back from the counter. I wasn’t the most emotionally astute man in the world. Chances were high I wasn’t the most emotionally astute man in the bookshop. Hell, the same could be said when I was alone in the bathroom. I was willing to bet the man in the mirror had more insight into my psyche than I did. Having lived my first four decades as the Russell Wallace I’d been expected to be, been designed to be, I was at a disadvantage as far as interpreting the finer points of not only my emotions, but everyone else’s.
I could sense danger coming, could tell several heartbeats before the action occurred that someone was getting ready to throw a punch, probably knew before the thought even crossed their minds. Could feel the electrical charge begin to build in a room before a rumble broke, even before all participants were present and accounted for. But… if I was expected to look a person in the eyes and label what they felt, if it was something besides murderous rage or conflict, well… I’d fail that test every time. Only in the last several years had I begun to do it for myself, let alone figure out other people.
While I wasn’t sure what Jasper Getty was feeling as he stared at me, it clearly wasn’t a comfortable sensation. His blue eyes had seemed cautious, maybe even confused, and then went wide, with a flinch. Probably afraid.
That had to be it. His brother, and, from what I could tell, protector had just left him alone with… me—a big brute of a guy, especially compared to the ginger-haired bookseller in front of me. Combined with what he had to be feeling with his newly freed jailbird of an ex sneaking around, he more than likely was second-guessing the merits of my presence.
And if I thought I’d seen lust, desire, somewhere in those blue depths… that was just projection.
Even as I moved across the store to give him breathing room, such a notion of desire was ludicrous. I could almost feel hurt and irritation radiate from him. More proof I had no emotional aptitude whatsoever. I’d just met the man. There was no reason for him to feel hurt or irritated, or anything else for that matter.
I walked toward the window, though I could swear I felt his gaze on my back as I leaned against the edge of the bookcase and inspected the view of downtown Lavender Shores. I hadn’t been exaggerating before. The little bookshop truly felt like it was out of a storybook, and the same was true for everything else. Hell, directly across the street, the entire block was made up of a bakery, toyshop, charcuterie, wine store, Mexican restaurant, and a Christmas shop. Each one charming and unique, yet comprising a seamless aesthetic. “It’s like someone took the sets from a Hallmark movie and decided to turn them into a real town.”
From behind me, Jasper didn’t answer for several moments, which was okay as I hadn’t even meant to speak my thoughts out loud. When he did, he sounded closer than I expected. “In a lot of ways, I think you’re probably right.” There was another pause as Jasper appeared beside me and leaned against the other side of the window. “Though I don’t think it was fashioned after movies or anything. From what I understand, the founders of Lavender Shores set up the town as an idyllic place. It’s only around eighty years old or so, so everything is relatively new, and everything has been controlled since then. Even when I decided to redo part of the bookshop and the apartment upstairs, every change had to go through a committee. That was just with the interior, which they aren’t all that strict about.”
He didn’t look my direction and just kept staring out the window. “In one way, it’s extremely controlling, but in another, a little liberating. Guarantees a life of beauty, a place founded for equality no matter what your race or sexuality, a place where you’re safe.” His voice grew a little distant. “It’s not perfect, but for the most part, Lavender Shores has been everything it promised it would be, everything I hoped it would be. Up until this last little bit, I’ve been safe.”
A stunningly handsome brunet man walked by the window, a ring of keys in one hand, two leashes in the other that led back to two of the ugliest dogs I’d ever seen. Probably feeling our gazes, he paused, glanced my way, gave a nod, and then looked at Jasper and mouthed, “You okay?”
“Yeah, I’m okay, Joel,” Jasper answered audibly.
I wasn’t sure if the man could hear him or not, but he seemed satisfied as he gave another nod and then continued down the sidewalk, refocusing on his keys.
“That’s Joel Rhodes. He owns a sports memorabilia store two doors down. Harrison did the rounds to all the businesses several days ago and let them know what’s going on. Everyone’s keeping an eye out.”
He almost sounded embarrassed about that fact. Or irritated. Perhaps he was still irritated at me for whatever reason, if I was reading him correctly. “So a little bit Hallmark and a little bit Mayberry.”
He cast a quick smile at me, but I couldn’t see his eyes with the glare from his glasses. “Throw in a really queer version of Belle’s village in Beauty and the Beast, as Harrison likes to say, and yeah, that pretty much sums up Lavender Shores.”
I decided to try for some empathy, even if emotional awareness was a challenge. “I imagine it feels a little revealing having everyone know what’s happening with Neal, but that’s a good thing. Everyone watching out a little makes things safer.”
Jasper nodded but didn’t reply, his attention out the window once more.
“Harrison said you installed a security system last week.” I didn’t really need clarification on that fact, but for some reason I felt the need to keep him talking.
He didn’t look back, but he nodded again. “Yeah. A very un-Lavender Shores thing to do.”
“You almost sound guilty about that.” The words were out before I gave them a second thought.
Again he looked over at me, but this time it must’ve been at a different angle as I could see his eyes. He seemed surprised. “I don’t think I realized that, but now that you say it, yeah. I think I do in a weird way. In that sense, you’re right. It is kind of like Mayberry. I don’t think I even need to worry about locks on the doors, not really. The town could probably get by with Barney Fife for protection. Least until I showed up.”
Look at that. Mr. Obtuse labeled an emotion correctly. Though I wished I hadn’t. I didn’t like what it revealed. “Like I said before, this isn’t my first time being with someone to protect them from their stalker. I noticed that the women often feel guilty, as if they’re somehow responsible. As if by being with their jackass boyfriend or husband somehow made them deserve it.” The realization always made me feel even more protective of them, and somehow, though it made no sense, I felt that even more so for Jasper.
He considered, his gaze flicking to me and then out the window, then back. “The ones you’ve helped in my situation before have always been women?”
I wasn’t sure if I’d suddenly been bestowed a miraculous gift from the heavens, if I was projecting, or if there was something different about Jasper Getty. Whatever it was made me not have to guess at his emotions. Embarrassment and shame radiated from him. Maybe not a miracle. Perhaps he simply wore his emotions on his sleeve and anyone could see them.
Before I could figure out how to respond, Jasper left the window and walked back through the store. “I need to open in about half an hour. But I’ll show you the apartment. That way we can get your stuff unloaded and you can see what we’re dealing with.”
The tour Jasper provided was quick, efficient. Though his tone wasn’t harsh, again I got the sense he was irritated, that I’d done something wrong. Harrison had made it c
lear when he called that his brother was agreeing to this under pressure, so maybe that was all it was. Not only did he have to deal with the fear of his stalker, but a stranger being forced into his space and shadowing his every move.
The main living space of the apartment matched the bookstore below. It was long and narrow. And while everything was clearly top quality, it wasn’t showy or extravagant. More homey and comfortable. From the stairway, we walked into the kitchen, which gave way to a small table, then a couch and TV for the living space. It all led to a little alcove on the far side of the open-floor plan. As I had downstairs, I walked to the window. It was recessed into a little nook with a cushion forming a type of bench on the deep windowsill and flanked by angled bookshelves on either side. From the elevated view, it was easy to make out most of downtown, and then farther in the distance small groupings of neighborhoods, followed by the densely forested national park of Point Reyes Seashore that encapsulated the town. Storybook indeed.
The shelves were completely filled with books and small knickknacks. I started to inspect, then had the sense I was snooping into highly personal aspects of the man’s life, not just perusing bookshelves as I had been downstairs. “You like books, huh?”
At Jasper’s snorted laugh, I looked back at him, pleased to see a small smile that seemed to wash away some of his irritation. “Typically that’s a must-have for someone to open a bookshop.”
I supposed it was. Obviously it had been a dumb question. I cast another glance at the book-laden shelves. Emotionally stunted or not, it didn’t take a genius to literally feel the life in that little alcove. Almost like stepping into a cathedral and sensing you were on hallowed or sacred ground.
Maybe it was that aspect causing the sensation when I looked back at Jasper, or maybe it was simply more projection. Whatever it was, I saw desire in Jasper’s eyes, or felt it calling to me from his body, which seemed at odds with the undercurrent of irritation.
The Alcove (Lavender Shores Book 7) Page 4