by Gigi Aceves
I nod confidently with a solemn vow along with it, “You have my word.”
Nodding once himself, he says, “Then, my job is done.”
He extends his hand, and I take it. At this moment, the fears and doubts of life dissipates quickly, knowing I’ll navigate this hard life with one of the most loyal, dedicated human beings God created, just like my two best friends walking our way. Jake and Brian walk out with a bucket full of beer buried in ice.
“What’s with the face, Jake?”
Brian laughs as he hits Jake’s shoulder. “Bro, you need to calm your shit. Aren’t you happy you can have a few moments of peace and quiet? I mean, we’ve had a very hard year. It’s nice to shoot the shit, just hang loose.”
“I feel so incomplete without all of them. It’s like a part of me is missing.” Jake sadly says but grins after. “But, I have this…” Showing us the baby monitor. “…so, when one of them cries, I’ll know.”
“Dude, they’re in the second master suite, on the other side of this farmhouse. They’re fine.”
“Cody, you don’t know how I feel, man. When you have your kids, you’ll want to be with them all the time. What’s more amazing is seeing my wife with pure happiness on her face. In that completeness, I somehow have something to do with it. I pray you guys can experience that, because it’s what makes life worth living.”
Just then, we hear Trish’s voice come through the monitor.
“Roxy, what do you love the most about Cody?”
“That’s easy, his healing touch and forgiving heart. God knew, it’s what I needed in a partner. I thank God for him every day, more so now, after I almost lost him. What about you with Jake?”
Hearing her describe what she loves about me just about made me want to cry like a bitch, because I know her love for me isn’t superficial…it’s deep…it’s lasting and unmistakable.
“The strength and unselfishness of his heart, hands down. He always tells me that his love, and our love is unbreakable. Even through his sickness, his strength lifted me up. His strength gave me hope. Through my heart break with Dylan, he was unselfish in his time and support. He waited until I was ready, he’s the most self-sacrificing man I’ve ever met. His dedication to me and our children is beyond words…beyond words. What about Brian, Tami?”
We look at Brian, while waiting for Tami’s response. It seems she’s thinking long and hard while, my boy, Brian is staring into space, probably asking himself what’s got her so quiet.
“I think…um…” Tami begins to speak, but is immediately cut off by a loud demanding cry. The kind that says I need my shit right now, and Jake…Jake goes running as if someone lit up his ass.
I point at Brian, “That right there is a cock block! I bet you that’s Tyler! I guess, you just have to wait, my man.”
With Jake leaving, both Brian and LT excuse themselves, while I continue to stand here and stare into space. I’m enjoying the overwhelming sense of peace my heart and mind are in. I can’t wait to make Roxy my wife, and after talking about baby bumps and shit, I can’t wait to get her pregnant. I want to see her glow with my child inside her…I want it more than anything.
I’m lying in bed when my mom walks in with a muffin and a cup of milk. The smile that spreads on my face is, well, priceless.
“Got you your fave, baby girl.”
“Thanks, mom.”
“How are you?”
Smiling at my mom, I answer, “I’m good, mom. Really, really good. I feel so light, so sure, just so happy that I’m marrying the man who saved me, not once, but twice. I know, he’ll continue to save me from here on out.”
“I’m so happy for you. But, I’m most thankful that God allowed me to be here. This moment only ever existed in my imagination, Roxy. Now that it’s happening, my heart is just overflowing with happiness.” Holding my face with so much love in her eyes, she says, “I love you, so much, baby girl. You deserve this, so bask in it, and savor everything, so you can share this moment with your own children someday.”
I just nod at her, my emotions getting the best of me.
“I know, you’ve been through a lot, especially these past couple of months, but don’t look back and feel bad for yourself. Instead, be grateful you’ve made it through all the pain with Cody, but more than anything, don’t forget who walked next to you. Always remember the moment when He carried you and held you in His loving arms. Treasure that moment, baby girl, so one day, you can tell your kids, how during hard times you stayed faithful, because He is faithful.”
My mom hugs me before she leaves, leaving me more at peace with myself. The pain of the past is just that…the past. It belongs there, because I’m leaving it there. It’ll remain forgotten if you ask me, but if and when it rears its ugly and unforgiving head, I know who I can run to…and run to Him, I will.
Today is the day. It’s go time for me, and I can’t wait. I’m ready…as ready as I’ll ever be. I look at myself in the mirror, and I see a contented man, one that’s full of love and excitement. I’m rocking the outfit my love picked for me. Light brown linen slacks and a white button down shirt rolled up to my forearms. I want today to be only about my love. I just want her to feel loved….to feel appreciated, but above all else, I want her to feel cherished.
I’m playing with the pearl cuff bracelet strung on an elastic band that belongs to my mother. It would symbolize something old and borrowed in one shot and in a way, it’s my way of including my parents in my wedding. A moment such as this, important times in my life, is when I miss my parents terribly. However, I learned to accept that reality in a less painful way by remembering how they wanted me to be happy, and in this moment….I am happy.
I head out to the porch, and with a head nod from our drill sergeant of a wedding planner, I walk toward a wrought iron gazebo that has four arches and star shape lights running from the roof, attached to three wooden poles opposite of each other, enclosing the seating area. I stand next to an antique table that has a crystal heart shape vase that has white sand in it, that’s resting on a cast iron stand. Next to it are two small clear cylinder vases that has blue sand in one and pink sand in the other. As I admire the symbolism of the sands, a hard squeeze on my shoulder breaks my reverie. I turn and see the man that practically raised my love to be the strong woman she has become.
“Can I have a word with you, son?”
“Of course, Gunny. This day wouldn’t be complete without us having this talk.”
“I’ve always feared losing someone that’s close to my heart. Not because I don’t believe they can take care of themselves, but because I don’t want to have that gaping hole in my heart. It’s hard knowing I’m not their defender anymore, but rather just a spectator in their life. However, I’m also wise enough to know that their love for me is so much different than their love for their partner. I’m giving her to you, now, to sacrifice more for her than I did. To take care of her fiercely, forsaking everything. To support her tirelessly and endlessly. But, more than anything, I’m giving her to you to love her more than I ever did. Love her with everything you have, and with everything you can give.”
We share a meaningful look that speaks of everything I ever want to say about my promise to love Roxy fiercely. Gunny slaps my shoulder one last time and turns to leave while I take a deep breath, and wait for my love to walk toward me.
I’m standing in front of this big antique mirror, moving from side to side checking for wrinkles in my dress. Nervously, I run my hand through the venise lace overlaying my sheer wedding gown. The tank bodice leaves my neck and chest bare, exactly the way Cody likes it. Lifting my dress, I stretch out my left foot to look at my white thong Betsey Johnson Spark bridal sandals.
A knock on the door pulls me back to the present…my present. I see my uncle leaning against the door with a smile on his face. He walks toward me, taking his sweet time drinking me in. He runs his hands on my hair, then cups my face as I see tears threatening to spill over.
“
That night you called me, I knew my heart would never be the same again, knowing that my own brother hurt you in a way a child shouldn’t be. But then, I saw you grow up into this strong, courageous woman, and my heart healed then. I knew you were strong enough that I could let you go. Let you spread your wings and fly. Then, my heart hurt a little, knowing that when something hits you hard again, I’d have to allow it to happen so you’d learn to stand on your own. You did, sweetheart. You.did. So, now I’m handing you off to another man’s arms, and my heart’s healed once again, knowing you’re in safe hands. Enjoy life, Roxy, even through the pain, but rejoice greatly through good times. You ready to do this?”
There’s no words to express how much I love this man, and how grateful I am he’s in my life and will continue to be in my life. I let him go, only after I’ve gotten my full share of his welcoming arms around me. Then, in comes my brother, and I’m sure my makeup will need to be retouched after this. He holds both my hands and swings them back and forth.
“I’ve missed so much of your life…mom and I have missed so much of your life. But, I’m glad I’m not missing this. Cody is a good man, Roxy. You know why I know?” I shake my head, and he gifts me with his sexy grin. “When a man is willing to give up his life for yours, he’s a good man in my book. What’s more important than that is, when a man recognizes his faults, corrects them, and isn’t ashamed to admit his mistakes, that’s an even better man. His pride doesn’t and won’t cloud the truth. I know he loves you without asking him, I know he’ll make an ass out of himself without asking you, but I know when life throws a nasty punch at both of you, you’ll be okay without me doing anything other than standing in the wings. I love you, Roxy. I’m ready when you are.”
He kisses both my cheeks and leaves without another glance.
Tami walks in right then, and one look at me, she walks straight to the vanity, points to the chair while tapping her wrist. Hitler is back with a stick up her ass. After a few minutes of re-touching, I’m ready.
“Here, hold this.”
“Tami, you want me to hold a pearl cuff bracelet?” Blowing out a breath, I ask, “Where’s my bouquet? Why did I let Cody be in charge of my bouquet? Tell me, again, why?”
This time she smiles at me, pushing me toward the door. “Because, you love him. You’ll find out soon enough. Besides that pearl cuff bracelet belonged to his mom. It’s your something borrowed and something old; now, let’s go. Don’t ask about Trish. She’s lucky if she can walk without one of the quads crying to be carried.”
One deep breath later, and I’m ready…I’m ready to see my love.
Once I hear Inside Your Heaven being played, I know she’s coming to me. I grip the mic as I pray my emotions won’t get the best of me, because there’s so much I want to say…so much I want her to hear, and so much I want her to understand. I need her to know my love for her is the most unmistakable love I’ve ever felt, and the one I’d only want to ever feel until the day I die.
We have a wedding party, but not where they walk down the aisle. I have everyone whose ever loved my soon to be wife, standing on the aisle. Each one of them holding three red roses wrapped together with a green silk along the stem, they’ll hand them over to my love as she walks by, and while she listens…I’ll speak.
As soon as I see her standing on the porch, my heart stops and soars at the same time. The sight of her takes my breath away, from her flowing dress that sparkles when the sun hits it, to the magnificent smile that curtains her face. How can I speak now, her radiance is freezing my thoughts and vocal chords.
As she takes her first ten steps, she stops right next to her mom. She hands her the roses and tucks them in the bracelet she’s holding as I say the first three words that represents each rose….
“You’re my baby, just as you are to your mother. She hurts when you hurt, exactly as I do. She loved you first, but I’ll love you last.
Ten steps again, and she’s next to Trish. Again three roses, through the bracelet that serves to bind the roses together.
“My best friend, that’s what you are to me. I can tell you anything and everything, knowing you’ll listen, and even better still you’ll understand.
Before she takes another step, she wipes her tears, then walks another ten steps stopping in front of Tami.
“You’re my partner, in everything. You support my dreams and inspire me to be better…to do better. You believe in me as I believe in you.
Ten steps…three more roses, she stops in front of Patti.
“You’re my sunshine, during the darkest days, you made me laugh when I was upset, cheered me up when I was down. I feel so alive when I’m with you, love.
Ten steps…three more roses, she stops in front of Jake.
“You’re my warrior, your tenacity moves me, your strength amazes me, but it’s your courage that blows me away.
Ten steps…three more roses, she stops in front of Brian.
“You’re my peace, I’ve been searching for; the one that calms my brain and consoles my heart. I surrender to the heaven you give me, because it’s my quiet…it’s our quiet.
Ten steps…she’s handed three roses by LT.
“You’re my girl, to have, now and forever.”
Ten steps in, she’s given three roses by Gunny.
“You are mine, you used to be his to protect, to love and to hold, but now I’m making you mine. Mine to protect…mine to love, and mine to hold, forever.”
She now stands in front of me, holding her bouquet of what she is to me. My mother’s pearl cuff bracelet holds all twenty four red roses snug and secure, just as how my love for her is. Then, she reaches out and thumps my chest twice, and my soul surrenders to her pull, to her words that comes with the simple act she does.
The minister stands in front of us, handing the vase with the blue sand to me and the one with pink sand to Roxy. With my left hand holding the vase, I reach for her left hand intertwining her fingers with my right, just like we always do in anything. It’s my way of sealing our connection.
“We are gathered here to witness and celebrate Cody and Roxy’s love for each other. More importantly, how they’re surrendering their love to Him, who holds them while they set sail in the journey we all call marriage. Your union is symbolized by these individual containers of sand, one blue, one pink, representing a man and a woman. The heart shape vase has white sand in it, representing God, the One that will hold you for all of eternity.” Nodding, we start pouring the sand into the heart shape vase in front of us. “The pouring of these individual containers of sand represents you, Roxanne Grace Oliver, with everything that you were, everything that you are, and everything that you will be.” He looks at me and says, “The other container represents you, Cody James Davis, with everything that you were, everything that you are, and everything that you will be. As you pour each of yourselves into this one solid container that represents Him, you forgo yourself for the other, sharing the same fears, the same hopes, and the same dreams. Feeling the same pain, crying the same tears, laughing about the same joy. You become one united in His love, brought together by fate, and joined as one by faith for all your days.”
We decided to go with the traditional vows. As I slowly put her ring on her left finger, I recite my promise to her, to love and hold her from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish her, ‘til death do us part. As she recites her vows, she adds more to them, holding my hand and placing it on her chest.
“I promise to trust you completely, to share my thoughts with you, wholeheartedly without fear, and to embrace life’s trials together without reservations. I’ll seek you first when I’m afraid, and ask you first when I have doubts.”
While waiting for the minister to give me the green light to kiss my wife, we stay gazing at each other, treasuring this moment that we can’t ever replay. We stay still as her love for me, and mine for her flows at a steady pace from her heart to mine.
He finally says, “You may kiss the bride.”
Kiss her, I do. That too, we savor; that act, we treasure; and while everyone’s hooting and hollering like crazy banshees in the wild, I carry my beautiful wife into our master suite to cherish her, before sharing her with everyone else. I gently unzip her, liberating her from her dress, while I stand in awe of her wearing nothing, but white lacy panties. I worship her body reverently, adoring her with my lips intensely, and I make love to her passionately.
Sadly, I have to share her now. As we stand on the porch, our hands intertwined, her back to my front, our arms crossed over her stomach as I breathe her in, I make another declaration, “I love you, wifey. Can you please make me a daddy?”
I excuse myself and tell her to wait until she’s called while I walk to my destination with a smile on my face. A smile that will be forever etched in my memory and will be forever plastered on my face because my love…my wife will always be by my side.
Standing on the porch, waiting to be called, wearing my white lace tank dress and the ‘thong’ sandals, Cody gives me grief about, I’m happy surrounded by the majestic mountains, bright lights and people I love and loves me. I can say that right here…right now, I’ve achieved total fulfillment in my life. My heart isn’t sad. I’m not craving the love I once did when I was a child. I’m enjoying this time without missing anyone, or hoping that someone is here to complete me.
Remembering him saying he wants me to make him a daddy puts a smile on my face. I’m not surprised, not at all. Having the quads seems to have everyone in a baby fever, including myself. I can’t wait to have my own little one to love and dote over. I scan the dance floor, looking for my husband. Right when I’m about to go search for him, the DJ announces that I’m needed on the dance floor.