by Susan Lewis
“This is what hurts the most,” she said, breaking the silence, “the fact that he’s rejecting the children. I know he’s choosing not to see it like that, but I can’t see it any other way. He’s going to shatter their world. They’ll bear the scars of this for the rest of their lives, and I just don’t know how he can do it.”
Bena said, “Maybe he won’t in the end. Maybe when what he’s doing really starts to sink in he’ll come to his senses.”
Jenna wanted to believe it, so much that she could already feel herself clinging to it. When Jack came back during the next hour he was going to say that of course it was her he loved, and this had been no more than some sort of midlife confusion.
“Is that Paige?” her mother said, getting up.
Jenna turned round as Paige threw open the kitchen door and dropped her school bag on the floor. Waffle instantly went to her, but she stood staring at her mother, her eyes too bright, her face too pale. Surely to God Jack hadn’t already told her? If he had, he’d have done so on the phone, and that would be something Jenna would never forgive him for.
“Where’s Dad?” Paige demanded.
“Gone to pick up the little ones,” her grandmother answered. “Shall I make you a drink? Something to eat?”
Paige was still staring at her mother. Jenna held the gaze, feeling the strength of their bond tightening. “What’s going on?” Paige asked. “I know something is, so don’t—”
“Come and sit down,” Jenna said, pulling out a chair.
Paige took a step back.
Realizing she needed to go to her, Jenna started forward, but Paige stopped her. “Is he…is he having an affair?” she choked out.
Jenna swallowed hard as her daughter’s pain burned with her own.
“He is, isn’t he?”
Jenna nodded.
“Oh God,” Paige sobbed into her hands.
Going to her, Jenna held her close. “How do you know?” she asked softly.
Paige shook her head, too distraught to answer.
“Have you spoken to Dad?”
Again Paige shook her head. “I—I saw them,” she stammered. “A few days ago. I didn’t think anything of it at the time, but then I remembered she’d rung before he went out last Saturday….”
“Where did you see them?”
“Near the Dylan Thomas Centre. He said they’d been to a meeting.” Her frightened eyes came up to Jenna’s. “Is he going to stop now you’ve found out?” she whispered.
Jenna’s heart twisted so hard she had to close her eyes.
“Oh God, Mum, he is, isn’t he? Please say he is.”
Jenna could only shake her head. “He—he says he loves her.”
Paige shook her head violently. “That is so disgusting,” she cried. “He can’t love her. You’re his wife.”
“I know, but sometimes things happen this way, and there’s nothing I can do to change it.”
“But you have to. You can’t just let him carry on seeing her. It’s wrong. He’s married, he’s got children…”
Taking Paige’s face between her hands, Jenna gazed into her eyes and almost couldn’t bear what she was seeing. However, Paige was fifteen now, old enough to hear the truth—and what point would there have been in trying to hide it? “He’s going to live with her,” she said softly. “After he’s brought Josh and the twins home this evening he’s going to Martha’s.”
Paige’s face turned so white that Jenna thought she might pass out. She felt like doing so herself, but she had to hold it together for Paige—and the others when they came in.
Where were they? They should have been back by now. She glanced at the clock, the worst possible scenarios spinning through her mind.
Picking up her mobile, she dialed his number.
“We’re just coming up the lane,” he told her, apparently guessing why she was ringing.
Remembering his plan to take the younger ones to McDonald’s, she said, “Paige knows.” Reaching for Paige’s hand, she pulled her in.
There was a silence before he asked, “How’s she taking it?”
Resting her head on Paige’s, Jenna said, “How do you think? You’re her father. You’ve betrayed her too.”
“Is she there now?”
“Yes.”
“And you’re saying that in front of her?”
“It’s the truth. Why should I hide it?”
Sighing, he said, “I’m just turning into the drive,” and the line went dead.
Moments later Josh burst through the door shouting, “Hi Mum, got to go to the toilet.” Dashing for the stairs, he went thundering up to the bathroom.
“Mum! Mum! Guess what?” Flora cried, skipping in with one pigtail bouncing, the other flopping around her ear. “We had McDonald’s and I had cheese with mine. Paige, can we play dress-up after you’ve done your homework?”
“Flora,” Kay called out, “did you remember to bring your PE bag home?”
Flora clasped a hand to her mouth. “Oh no, I forgot.”
“Don’t worry, we’ll pick it up tomorrow,” Jenna told her. “Wills, look at the state of you. Have you been in a fight?”
“Yes, with Josh in the back of the car,” he cried, punching his fists in the air, “and I won! Can we watch Dexter tonight, Mum? Oh no, Abney and Teal are on….”
“That’s rubbish,” Flora shouted. “Can we watch MTV? That’s really cool.”
Gathering them up, Kay said, “Come on, we can argue it out in the sitting room.”
“Paige, can I sleep with you tonight?” Flora asked over her shoulder.
“No,” Paige answered shortly.
Flora poked out her tongue and skipped on through the door.
“So where’s Dad?” Paige wanted to know.
Jenna looked at Bena. “Probably on the phone to Martha,” she replied.
“Do you want me to stay?” Bena asked.
As Jenna tried to decide, Jack came in, his mobile in one hand, the children’s bags in the other. Jenna had never seen him looking so haggard, and she almost felt sorry for him as his eyes went to Paige.
“I don’t know what your mother’s told you,” he began, “but I want—”
“She didn’t tell me anything,” Paige spat. “I worked it out for myself, and I think you’re disgusting.”
“Paige,” Jenna chided.
“Don’t stick up for him,” Paige cried. “He’s a lying, cheating hypocrite, and as far as I’m concerned he’s not my father.”
“Paige, please listen to me,” he said roughly. “This doesn’t have—”
“Shut up!” she shouted. “I don’t want to hear anything you have to say, especially if it’s about that bitch who ought—”
“Don’t call her that.”
“—to just fuck off and die.”
“I understand you’re angry,” Jack said darkly, “but I don’t want to hear that language coming from you again. Do you hear me?”
“You don’t have the right to tell me off,” she retorted. “You’re nobody to me now, so just get out of here. Go on. Go! We don’t need you. We can manage perfectly all right on our own. Can’t we, Mum?”
Swallowing dryly, Jenna said, “Why don’t you go on upstairs, sweetheart? I’ll come and see you in a minute.”
“Please don’t tell me you’re going to let him get away with this.”
“Paige. You’re not helping.”
“Oh well, excuse me! I’ll just pretend I don’t matter, shall I? We all know I don’t anyway, so I might just as well be dead.” Grabbing her bag, she stormed off to her room.
Jenna looked at Jack. He was clearly badly shaken, but she refused to feel pity. “You deserved that,” she told him.
His eyes closed. When he spoke, it was to Bena. “Is she deliberately turning Paige against me?” he asked.
“You shouldn’t be bringing me into this,” Bena objected, “but to answer your question, Paige already told you: she worked it out for herself.”
“How
?”
“Actually, she saw you together,” Jenna informed him.
He eyed her harshly, and eventually started to nod. “Yes, she did,” he confirmed. He started for the fridge, but Jenna slammed a hand against it. “You don’t live here anymore,” she reminded him.
He seemed about to argue, but then the fight went out of him as he dashed a hand through his hair.
“If you are going, don’t you think you should say goodbye to Josh and the twins?” she threw at him. Now would be the time for him to say he wasn’t going anywhere, that he was sorry for putting her through this and that he wanted to stay.
In the end, he said, “Don’t you want help putting them to bed?”
“It’s too early for them to go to bed,” she heard herself retort, “and I’d rather you didn’t hang around. So I think it would be best if you went now.” She could hardly believe she was saying this, even sounding as though she meant it, when every single part of her was pleading with him to stay.
Looking at Bena, he said, “How long are you going to be here?”
“As long as I’m needed,” she replied. “Al’s taken Aiden to his parents’ for the night.”
Jack nodded, as though understanding that this arrangement had been made so she could be around for Jenna.
His eyes came to Jenna. “What do you want me to tell the children about why I’m going now?”
“What do you care?”
“You know I care. I don’t want to make this any harder for them.”
“You don’t have to hurt them at all. Remember, it’s your choice. You’re the one who’s putting her first. Paige already understands that, and in time the others will too.”
He swallowed hard and glanced down at his phone as it rang. Whether it was Martha Jenna had no idea, because he didn’t answer.
“Incidentally,” she went on, “we’re going to need the password for your computer.”
His eyes stayed down as though he might not be connecting with the words. In the end he put it into a text and pressed send.
Though Jenna could almost have guessed what it was, seeing it made her feel sick to her soul. JackMarthaXX.
“Go now,” she said tightly. “I can’t stand to look at you anymore.”
“I need to say goodbye to the children.”
“What you need doesn’t count for anything. You forfeited all rights the day you decided Martha Gwynne was going to take you from your family.”
Clearly deciding not to argue anymore today, he said. “I’ll call in the morning.”
“Don’t bother,” she started to say, but the words were swallowed by a sob.
He stood where he was, seemingly unable to move, until eventually he turned for the door.
“Do you feel ashamed?” she asked him desperately. He stopped. “It’s how you should feel, ashamed of what a spineless, selfish man you are to walk out on your family like this.”
“What I feel,” he said quietly, “is sorry that you’re hurting so much, and sorrier still that I’m the cause.” After ruffling the fur on Waffle’s head he opened the door and left.
—
Paige’s voice was choked with tears as she sat at her computer speaking to Charlotte on FaceTime. “I can’t believe I was right,” she protested. “How can he have a bloody affair? It’s sick. I can’t even bear to think of it. Ew! God, I so want to throw up.”
“Is he still there?” Charlotte asked, looking both worried and intrigued.
“I don’t think so. I heard his car just now….” More tears overwhelmed her as she pictured him driving away, past the green, down the lane, and out to the main road, and her mum being left behind, all hurt and hardly knowing what to do. The mere thought of her mum suffering made her press a hand to her mouth to stop herself sobbing. She couldn’t deal with that pain as well as her own; she just couldn’t.
“So has he gone to this Martha woman?” Charlotte wondered gently.
Wanting to block it all out, pretend it wasn’t happening, Paige said, “I don’t know. I suppose so.” Her head pounded with the horrendousness of it all. “Mum says he wants to live with her….How can he bloody live with her when we’re all here? It’s like we don’t count anymore. I hate him. I really, really hate him.”
“Do the others know yet?” Charlotte asked. “I mean Josh and the twins.”
“I don’t know. I shouldn’t think so. They wouldn’t be making all that noise,” she shouted over her shoulder, “if they did. Jesus! Why do they have to keep crashing into my bedroom door? I swear they’re doing it on purpose.” Getting up, she tore open the door. Wills shrieked and quickly shoved his bike into his room while Flora looked up at her with frightened eyes from her own bike.
Paige wanted to yell at her, to shake her even, but thinking of how terrible it was going to be for her when she realized her daddy had left, she started to cry instead.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Flora hastily gulped. “I didn’t mean to—”
“It’s all right,” Paige said, going down to her height and folding her in her arms. “I just don’t want you to do that anymore, OK?”
“OK,” Flora whispered, her own eyes filling with tears.
“What are you up to, Flora?” Grandma asked, coming up the stairs.
“We were just playing,” Flora replied unsteadily. “I won’t do it again,” she promised Paige in a whisper.
“Good girl,” Paige responded, giving her a kiss.
After watching Flora pedal into her bedroom, Kay turned to Paige. “Are you all right?” she enquired, her gray eyes blinking steadily.
Paige’s throat was too tight to answer.
“You need to eat something,” Kay told her.
Knowing she couldn’t manage a crumb, Paige simply nodded and closed the door.
“This place is crazyville,” she told Charlotte, returning to the computer. “Sometimes I don’t think I can stand being here, and it’s only going to get worse now this is happening.”
“Do you really think he’ll go for good?” Charlotte asked incredulously.
“He’s already gone, unless he suddenly decides to come back. I haven’t got a clue what anyone’s doing. All I know is she shouldn’t have let him go.”
“You mean your mum? She can’t make him stay if he doesn’t want to.”
Not needing to hear that, Paige pushed the thought away and picked up her mobile. No texts from Kelly Durham, thank God. With any luck she’d found someone else to torment. There was nothing from Oliver either—not that she’d expected it, but it would just make a nice change if something went right for once in her life.
“Do you want me to come over?” Charlotte offered.
Paige did, more than anything, but she ended up shaking her head. “I don’t know what’s going to happen here,” she said. “If he does comes back…Even if he doesn’t…God, I hate him,” she seethed.
Charlotte murmured in sympathy.
Paige forced herself to go on. “I expect Mum will want to talk to me,” she said. “I wish I knew how to get out of that, but even if I did, I’d feel mean turning my back on her.” Merely to think it set her crying again. Her mum’s pain definitely felt worse than her own, and if her dad didn’t come back it was never going to get any better.
Clicking on to her Pheed account, she said, “I’ve got a message from that Julie Morris.”
“Dump her!” Charlotte instructed hotly.
“I will. I just haven’t had time yet.”
“So what’s she saying?”
“She wants to know how we got on at the fortune-teller’s.”
Charlotte gasped. “You told her we were going!”
Paige nodded miserably. “I just mentioned it, like no big deal.”
“Like no big deal? You’ve got no idea who she is, yet you tell her all your business and the next thing we know it’ll be all over Facebook that you’ve been to see a psychic.”
“I wasn’t planning on telling her what was said.”
�
�Actually, what you should tell her is that you were warned about a false friend who can only be her.”
Paige sighed and put her phone down. She was on the verge of tears again, of doing something drastic even, she just didn’t know what.
“I’d better go,” Charlotte said. “I’m supposed to be Snapchatting Liam.” Her eyes danced. “He only wants me to do it topless, cheeky bugger, so I was thinking I might take a picture of my bare back in the mirror and send that. I mean, he didn’t say it had to be the front.”
Paige managed a smile. “What are you going to do if he takes a screenshot and sends it to everyone?”
Charlotte shrugged. “Why would I care if anyone sees my back?”
“I bet you’ll send one of your front if he asks.”
“I might. Then again, I might not. You know, if I didn’t include my head no one would know it was me.”
“Apart from the fact it’s come from your phone.”
“True, but I could have taken it of someone else.”
“Just as long as no one thinks it’s me.”
“Don’t worry—given the difference in our sizes, they won’t. Anyway, I haven’t even decided if I’m going to do it yet. If I do, I’ll make it disappear in three seconds, so he won’t have time to screenshot. So, let me know how you get on with Julie if you message her back. Personally, I don’t think you should, unless it’s to tell her to eff off.”
After ending the call Paige walked over to her bed and slumped down on the edge of it. She wished her mum would come up to see her, but at the same time she hoped she never did. She just wanted everything to be normal again, the way it had been before the Durmites had started picking on her and her dad had got involved with this Martha cow. She hardly knew which was worse; it was all so horrible. At least when her dad was here she could go to him for help, but he wouldn’t be interested now. Obviously all that mattered to him was being with this woman; he didn’t care what it was doing to her mum, or how the young ones—his real children—were going to feel, and he definitely wouldn’t care about her. No one ever did. She needed Grandpa to be around. He would understand everything. He’d know how to protect her from the bullies the way he’d protected Grandma, and he’d know what to do to help Mum and Dad stay together.