by Susan Lewis
This was too much for Jenna. She needed to sit down now. More than that, she needed a drink.
After downing half the Scotch Hanna passed her, she said, “If he didn’t want to be with her, he’d have found a way to tell me about this, not let himself be blackmailed into it.” As the next natural conclusion hit her, she suddenly felt as though the entire world had gone mad. “They’re planning to put the company in my name,” she reminded them. “He said, ‘The business will be yours.’ ” Her eyes were glassy with disbelief as she looked at them. “Are they intending to make me responsible for the debt?” she whispered incredulously.
“You will be if you accept the company,” her mother assured her.
“I could go to prison for what he’s done, and he…he would end up with the children.”
Hanna came in quickly. “We’re getting ahead of ourselves here. Nothing like that is going to happen, but you do need to find yourself a lawyer. Bena’s already contacted someone.”
“He’s a senior partner at one of the big firms in Swansea,” Bena told her. “He’s also married to Al’s stepsister, which kind of makes him family. Well, he was married to her; unfortunately she died a couple of years ago from cancer.”
Jenna could only look at her.
“He specializes in criminal law,” Bena explained.
“But how will I pay him?” Jenna pointed out.
“Hanna and I will take care of that,” her mother informed her.
“All you need to worry about for now,” Hanna said, “is what you’re going to say to Jack when you next see him.”
“Which will be in about an hour. He’s picking the children up from school.”
“So you need to have decided by then whether you’re going to come clean with what you know, or whether you’re going to speak to the lawyer first.”
—
Paige was lying on the bed listening to one of her favorite singers, Natalie Imbruglia, through her earpods. The song was “Torn,” which had lyrics that really resonated with her, about a fortune-teller being right and about not having faith anymore. It was like Natalie had been through all the same things she was going through now, except she probably hadn’t, but it didn’t matter; it just made her feel a bit better to think someone might understand.
She’d heard her mum come back just after she’d woken up, but she still hadn’t been down to see her, nor had Jenna come to check if she was all right. She probably wouldn’t bother. She had so much on her mind with all that was happening she might even have forgotten her elder daughter was at home, sick.
She wondered what Oliver was doing now, whether he was at college or somewhere else today. He might be with Lindsay, or Liam…Charlotte had Snapchatted a topless picture of herself last night, full frontal, and made it disappear in three seconds so he wouldn’t have time to freeze it with a screenshot. It made Paige feel weirdly light-headed to think of doing something like that, then violently sick at the thought of the Durmites getting hold of it.
Kelly had texted her at least half a dozen times since she’d skipped gym.
Where are you, bitch?
Getting fed up now.
Just heard you went home sick. Hope you die.
Are you dead yet?
Better off dead than having to live with such an ugly face.
What songs would you like at your funeral, troll?
It was the last question that had made Paige reach for her iPod to start searching through her tunes to find out which ones she’d choose, if she had to. She’d selected four so far: the one she was listening to now; “Kiss You,” by One Direction, because she and Charlotte loved dancing to it; “Moves Like Jagger,” because her mum liked it; and Oliver’s song, “Every Time You Smile.” It was probably a bit creepy that she’d managed to download that one to her iPod, but only if anyone found out, and even if they did, she could always say she thought it was totally brilliant, which it was, so why wouldn’t she want to listen to it? He might find it a bit weird that she wanted it played at her funeral, though.
Realizing her door was opening, she yanked out one of the earpods, ready to shout at a small child to go away, but when she saw it was her mum she relaxed. Jenna hadn’t forgotten her after all.
“I thought you must be asleep,” Jenna said. “Didn’t you hear me knock?”
Paige shook her head. “I was listening to music.”
“How are you feeling now?”
Paige shrugged.
Coming to sit on the edge of the bed, Jenna put a hand on her forehead to test her temperature. “I think you’ll live,” she teased.
Funny, that, when she’d just been thinking about her funeral.
“Do you feel like something to eat?”
“No thanks. Where were you earlier when you weren’t answering your phone?”
As her mother’s eyes dulled Paige immediately wished she hadn’t asked.
“I went to see Martha,” Jenna told her.
Paige waited, feeling her mother’s heartache going all the way through her. “Why?” she said in the end.
Jenna’s gaze drifted. “I thought I might be able to talk her out of taking Dad away.”
Hating how everything was, Paige said, “So what happened?”
Jenna tried to smile. “She doesn’t want to give him up, and other things have come to light since that…Well, it’s all a bit complicated really, but I expect we’ll manage to sort it out.”
“Have you seen Dad today?”
“No, but he should be here any minute with Josh and the twins. He’s going to tell them tonight that he won’t be living here anymore.”
Paige turned away, wishing she could be anywhere but here, belong to any family but this one. “I don’t want to see him,” she muttered.
“It’s OK, no one will force you to, but remember, whatever else he’s done, he still loves you very much.”
“Yeah, he’s got a great way of showing it.”
“Maybe you should give him a chance.”
“Like he’s given us a chance? No way am I having anything to do with him.”
Using her fingers to wipe the tears from Paige’s cheeks, Jenna said, “Do you want to talk about what happened in school today? Grandma said some girls were being mean to you.”
Paige could feel her face becoming pinched. Though she desperately wanted to tell her mother everything, she didn’t dare in case Jenna went to the school and reported it. “It’s nothing,” she replied, keeping her eyes averted. “Just some stupid stuff, really childish. They need to grow up, that’s all.”
Hearing a car pull into the drive, Jenna turned to the window. “I expect that’s Dad.”
Seeing how anxious she was, Paige reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze. “We’ve always got each other,” she reminded her mother.
Jenna sobbed on a laugh as she hugged her. “And don’t you forget it.”
As soon as she was alone again Paige got up from the bed and went to turn on her computer. She had a lot to prepare for the school eco project she was involved in, and since there was a double period of geography tomorrow, she needed to get started. First though, she checked her emails and various accounts in case Julie had been in touch again.
There was one message that had arrived a couple of hours ago.
Good that you didn’t make gym. Bitches in right bad mood!
Immediately nervous about what they might do to her tomorrow, Paige messaged back saying, Thanks for the warning.
For several minutes she sat staring at the screen, caught in the dilemma of whether she should try to skip school again the next day or just face up to it. She hated to think of them getting the better of her, but on the other hand, the things they said and did were so horrible she really didn’t want to go through any more.
Maybe she should just run away and never come back.
“Dad’s got something important to tell us,” Josh was informing Jenna as she came into the dining room, where he and the twins were sitting at the t
able trying to be on their best behavior. “Do you know what it is?”
“I do,” she replied, deliberately not sounding as though it were a big, wonderful secret that was going to thrill them all to bits, which it seemed Jack had led them to believe. Would the twins even begin to comprehend what any of it was going to mean?
Maybe it would be easier if they didn’t.
“Important things are important,” Wills declared.
“Of course they are, silly,” Flora piped up, “that’s why they’re called important. Where’s Dad? Can I have something to eat?”
“You’ve just had the buns Grandma bought,” Jenna reminded her.
“Can we go down to Grandma’s later to see Auntie Hanna again?” Josh asked.
“Auntie Hanna will be coming back here to read you a bedtime story.”
“Oh, cool! Please can we have some crisps?”
Leaving them to wriggle around on their chairs, Jenna went into the kitchen to rustle up a snack. They could have the pizzas she’d picked up at the supermarket once all this was over—presuming they’d want to eat, which they might not. For now she simply chopped up some carrots and set them on a plate with a bowl of hummus. An easy way of disguising one of their five servings of vegetables a day—or seven, as it was now supposed to be, or even ten if they could manage it. What planet did these nutritionists live on? Clearly one without children.
Stiffening as Jack came in the door, she said, “Did you really have to speak to your mistress now? The children are waiting—”
“It wasn’t her,” he interrupted.
Turning away, she carried the plate through to the table, where it was immediately pounced upon. She stood watching them munch away noisily, kicking their feet and grinning up at her, and felt her heart breaking as she thought of how their excitement over hearing something important was very probably going to turn to confusion, tears, even fear once the secret was out. They shouldn’t have to be suffering this. They were too young. Their father was supposed to protect them, stop them from being hurt, but here he was about to devastate them.
For the second time that day she asked herself what kind of man she had married, and felt herself even more distanced from an answer. Never, in her wildest imaginings, had she seen him as a home-wrecker, much less someone who’d steal other people’s money and try to pin the crime on her. Of course, she still didn’t know for certain if that was his intention, but even if it weren’t, the fact still remained that he had gone behind her back to extract payments from the writers, which he’d then transferred to his personal account. Whether it was still there, had been spent, or had been moved again, she had no idea, nor was she going to ask. Not yet, anyway. She’d decided to speak to the lawyer first for advice on how to handle this.
I am consulting a lawyer about Jack. It hardly seemed credible, made her head throb merely to think it.
“OK, everyone,” Jack began brightly, rubbing his hands as though he was about to deliver a special treat or perform a conjuring trick, “are you ready to hear my important news?”
“Yes,” they chorused, mouths full, fists in the air.
“I’ve got some important news too,” Flora told him.
“Really? Then shall we hear yours first?”
“I did forty-four skips without being out today,” she announced, “so I nearly made fifty. That’s how many we have to do for charity.”
“That’s amazing,” he cried, slapping his hands on the table. “Let’s hear it for Flora.”
As the others dutifully cheered, Jenna watched dumbfounded. How was it in any way possible for him to be so upbeat in the face of what he was about to do? Did he have no understanding or conscience over this? Was it actually mattering to him at all?
“OK, is everyone paying attention?” he asked.
“Yes,” they shouted together.
“Good. So this is what I have to say. From now on I won’t be living here anymore…”
Jenna watched their faces start to fall.
“…but other than that nothing’s going to be any different. I shall still be picking you up from school, even coming to get you up in the mornings when I can. We’ll have tea together lots of times at Ben & Jerry’s, or the King, or TGI Fridays, and we’ll do all the things together we’ve always done.”
“Where are you going to live?” Wills wanted to know.
“I shan’t be far away, just over in Swansea.”
“Why are you going to live there?” Flora asked, a forgotten carrot still in her fist.
“Because I have to.”
“Why?”
“Well…” He glanced awkwardly at Jenna. “Mummy and Daddy have decided—”
“No,” Jenna cut in quickly, and warned him with her eyes that he was not to include her in this decision.
“Sorry, I have decided that it’s best for me and Mummy, actually for all of us, if I don’t live here anymore.”
“Why is it best for us?” Wills demanded, his eyes as troubled as Flora’s and Josh’s.
“Is it because we’ve been naughty?” Flora asked worriedly.
“No, no, it’s nothing to do with that,” Jack reassured her. “It’s not your fault at all. It’s mine. I’ve met…Well, I…” As his words dried, Jenna realized he was finally catching up with how much harder this was going to be than he’d apparently expected.
The children’s eyes remained glued to him; no one moved as they waited for him to continue. Jenna tried to imagine how she’d have felt if her father had ever done this to her and Hanna. It wasn’t possible, for the simple reason he never would have.
“Sometimes,” Jack pressed on, “mummies and daddies stop living together and one of them goes to live with somebody else.”
“Why?” Wills asked.
Jack swallowed, clearly floundering badly now. “Well, because…they’ve…they’ve fallen in love with somebody else. It happens to lots of people. I don’t expect all your friends’ parents live together, do they?”
If they didn’t, it was evident that Josh and the twins had no idea of it.
“So, that’s my important news,” Jack declared, sitting back in his chair, as if it were all done and dusted and they could move on to other things now.
All three children looked at Jenna, their eyes round with confusion, their need for her to explain as clear as the fear that they were understanding correctly. She tried to think of something to say that might help to make this better in some way, but there was nothing, unless she wanted them to think she was happy about their father’s decision, and she couldn’t bring herself to do that.
“You’re still going to live here, aren’t you, Mummy?” Flora asked, going to her.
“Yes, I’ll still be here,” Jenna promised. “I’ll never leave you.”
She could feel Jack’s eyes boring into her, but he’d deserved that, and no way was she taking it back.
“I don’t want you to go,” Wills told his father.
“Nor me,” Flora added. “We want you to stay here with us, because you’re our daddy and daddies should live with their children.”
“I know, sweetheart,” he sighed, “but like I said just now, sometimes it doesn’t happen that way.”
“But I want it to.”
“You can’t go,” Wills told him, “because we won’t let you.”
“No, we’re definitely not going to let you,” Flora echoed.
Though Jack’s smile was unsteady, Jenna felt no pity for him, only the beginnings of contempt. He’d brought this on himself, so it was his to deal with—until he’d gone, when she’d be left to pick up the pieces. What was concerning her much more for the moment was the fact that Josh hadn’t yet spoken. He’d simply sat there watching his father, thinking his own eight-year-old’s thoughts, feeling whatever was going on in his young heart and keeping it all to himself.
“I’m not going yet,” Jack was telling them. “I shall stay for tea and then we’ll play some games until it’s time for bed.”
/> “I don’t want to play any games,” Flora pouted.
“Nor me,” Wills snapped.
Jack looked at Josh. “What about you? What would you like to play?”
Without uttering a word Josh slid down from the table and walked out of the room.
“Josh,” Jenna said, following him.
He kept going, all the way up the stairs to the landing, where Paige was standing. From the tautness of her face it was clear she’d been listening, but she didn’t look at her mother, simply went to Josh and put her arms around him. He didn’t hug her back; he simply stood with his head resting against her as though not entirely sure if this was a safe place to be.
Jenna couldn’t tell if he was crying; she only knew that she was struggling with her own emotions as she left Paige to comfort her brother and returned to the twins, who were shouting at their father.
“Is he all right?” Jack asked as she came in.
“What do you think?” she replied.
Sighing, he dashed a hand through his hair and started to stand up.
“No! No! Don’t go,” Wills yelled, running to him.
“I’m not, son,” Jack promised, settling him on one knee. “I already told you, I’ll be here until bedtime.”
“Then I’m not going to bed.”
“Nor me,” Flora declared, plonking herself on his other knee.
“Now that’s just daft, isn’t it?” he teased. “Everyone has to go to bed, and you’ve got school in the morning.”
“If you stay here, like you always do,” Flora said, gazing up through her pink-rimmed glasses, “then you can take us to school.”
“I can take you anyway, if that’s what you want.”
“No, only if you stay here. I won’t be your friend anymore if you don’t.”
“Well, I’ll always be yours.”
“I don’t care.” She turned to Jenna. “You don’t want him to go, do you, Mummy?”
Jenna started to answer and stopped, as she realized that actually she didn’t want him to stay. Not now, tonight. She wanted him gone, out of the way so she could tend to her children and think more clearly.
“Daddy knows I don’t want him to go,” she heard herself answering, “but he’s decided it’s what he has to do because he’s fallen in love with another woman. Her name is Martha and I expect he’ll want you to meet her one of these days.”