by Greg Fowler
‘I want to live. Is that too much to ask? How do I do it Eddy? How do I not be my Dad?’
The expression on Reagan’s face was of utter desperation. This was a tough one and she’d been chewing on it for some time by the looks of it.
Eddy closed his eyes. This wasn’t going to be easy.
Are you there?
Eddy smiled.
Talk to me my friend.
Eddy opened his eyes and looked across at his dear, dear Reagan, his grin not budging an inch.
‘It’s going to be okay Reagan. There’s a trick to it. It’s not a s… secret or anything. It never has been. Trouble is, m..most people just forgot they were looking for it so they walk right past it every day without noticing.’
‘It’s s…simple. People have started to live on life instead of in life.’
‘You’ve lost me Eddy,’ said Reagan, trying hard to understand.
‘Okay….’ Eddy looked around, spotted something that would help him illustrate the point and left Reagan in her swing as he wandered a few metres over to a nearby shrub. Coming back to take his seat on the swing next to her again, she noticed he had his hands cupped out in front of him. ‘Have a look at this,’ he said as he gently opened his palms. Sitting in the little bowl made by his joined hands was a butterfly. With broad wings full of gold, black and yellow, it appeared surprisingly content to be handled, stretching and arching itself but not once trying to escape.
‘I’ll admit, it’s pretty, but what’s that got to do with what you were saying?’
‘Don’t live on the Earth Reagan, l..live in it. What do you see here?’
‘A butterfly. I see these ones this time every year.’
‘True, it’s a butterfly n..no matter how you look at it but the idea is to look at it with different eyes. L…let me show you.’ Eddy used his feet to walk the swing over a bit closer to Reagan’s. ‘Have a closer look.’ Reagan leaned in, getting as close as she dared without wanting to spook the delicate creature.
‘What am I looking for exactly?’
‘The wings. Look really, really closely. S…see the patterns? Not just in the colours but how every little b…bit of the wing is made perfect to fit in to the piece beside it. Something so small, yet so b…beautiful and strong. Those tiny, tiny segments all come together to make this butterfly soar through the air. Here,’ he said, moving his hands around slowly so that Reagan could get a view from a different angle. ‘See the silvery sheen. That protects them from g..getting waterlogged. And now, when you look closely at the colours, w…what do you think?’
‘It’s actually quite amazing,’ admitted Reagan, beginning to understand what he was getting at. ‘I mean, they’re pretty when you see them fluttering around the street, but I’ve never got up close like this to one before. It’s like each colour knows exactly where it should be. There must be hundreds of those little segments on each wing. And the colour on each one is so…..so stunning.’
Eddy’s smiled broadened.
‘That’s right,’ he agreed. ‘They’ve been perfectly created. They’re a m…miracle of creation and yet we walk by them every d…day without noticing the amazing beauty around us.’
‘But how does this help me?’
‘G…good question. People don’t notice the beauty around them because, l…like I said, they’re living on life. They’re looking for meaning when it’s always b…been all around them. Better than that, it’s in them. When we walk back through those willow trees, really look at them, see them. Check out the l…leaves, how they work together and all the d…different shades of green.’
‘When we begin to see these things, and they’re everywhere, we really start to appreciate what m…matters. We s…see that we’re also part of a miracle. Y…you and me, we’re miracles. Everyone and everything is another miracle. It’s all always been there. We’ve just stopped n…noticing it.’
‘Don’t get me wrong. Life is m…more than staring at butterflies and trees all day but when we learn what we’re truly a part of, it’s like a s…switch flicks. When we see the l…little things, the big things fall into place. Not just with the people and Earth around us, but within ourselves too.’
Eddy raised his hands and the both of them watched as the gold, black and yellow wings took to the air, no worse for the experience.
‘I’ve read that people say ‘Don’t sweat the small stuff’, well I’d s..sort of like to change that,’ continued Eddy. ‘I say sweat the small stuff, the really t…teeny, tiny stuff because, in those things we see the m…mechanics of a miracle.’
‘You watch Reagan, if you do this, life stops being a chore. It becomes an adventure again. And when that h…happens there’s no end to the wonderful things that will come your way.’ Looking Reagan squarely in the eye, Eddy finished off. ‘I p…promise.’
Reagan met his gaze for a minute and then looked down at her palm, the way the lines carved across her hands, the way her fingers bent and stretched. Then she lifted her head again.
‘I’ve never thanked you about Ryan. I’m so sorry Eddy.’
Eddy shook his head and took her hand in his. ‘But you did.’
‘When?’
‘Every time you smile.’
70. NOT IN A MILLION YEARS
The walk back from the school playground was a blessing. Eddy watched from the corner of his eye as Reagan seemed captivated by everything about them, especially the willow trees. It was a good thing to see.
Greens are wonderful colours…yes, they are indeed.
As they passed back by Heather Cooper’s house, he afforded himself his own smile. She was going to do just fine. In fact, way better than fine.
They were about opposite the McKenzie’s place when Reagan checked her watch and suddenly jerked into action.
‘Jeepers Eddy, is that the time. We’d better get back.’
‘Are y..you going out somewhere?’
‘Yeah. Places to be, you know me.’
Something is definitely up here.
The pace quickened and within a couple of minutes they were coming by Reagan’s place.
Mrs Stanton’s here. But where’s her car?
‘Reagan?……’
‘Sorry bud. I have to love and leave you,’ she said, cutting him off. ‘Mum and I’ve got something special on. See ya.’ And with that said, she left Eddy in the dust, or, more to the point, on the front lawn.
Shrugging his shoulders, Eddy watched the house swallow her and then, figuring he couldn’t stand out here forever, he headed the few metres to his own place.
‘I’m home Grandma Daisy,’ he yelled as he stepped through the door.
‘I’m upstairs Eddy. Come on up.’
Climbing the creaky stairs and striding the short hallway, Eddy noticed his bedroom door was all but closed. All that existed was a thin slit through which he could see nothing but sunlight.
What’s the story here?
Pushing the door in, Eddy could never have anticipated the sight that greeted him. There, standing around Grandma Daisy’s jigsaw puzzle table so they could all see his stunned reaction, appeared to be half the entire neighbourhood. There was Grandma Daisy herself of course, holding a cake knife at the ready for the massive chocolate gateau she’d baked the previous day, the same one that sat upon the little table right now. Then there was Mrs Elsdon, leaning on her walking stick and smiling like a lady who’s been waiting for this for some time. Next came Mrs Stanton, then Nathan, Dion, the whole McKenzie clan, boys and all, Mrs Crowe and, last but not least, still climbing in through the window, his walking partner. This was, without doubt, the most people Eddy had ever seen in his room. It was positively crowded in here.
If they were seeking to surprise him they succeeded with flying colours. Not even Mr Tree had betrayed them and that was saying something. For a heart stopping moment all Eddy could do was stand rooted to the spot, mouth open, head spinning.
‘Wh…what’s going on?’
‘Will you do the
honours, Mrs Stanton?’ said Grandma Daisy, looking across at the lady in question.
‘I’d be happy to.’ Stepping out from the captivated audience and up to a shell shocked Eddy, she clasped a brown envelope in her hands. ‘Eddy,’ she said with crystal sincerity, ‘it has been an absolute pleasure having you under my wing. I can honestly say that I’ve learned as much from the experience as you have, and that’s saying something.’
‘When I rang your Grandma to tell her your exam results had come in we both agreed to arrange something a little special. So here we are. Now hurry up and open this so I can have a piece of that delicious looking cake.’
Eddy took the envelope from her hand. If someone had told him he’d got up on a different planet this morning, he might well have believed them. This was it, here in this plain brown envelope was the make or break. It was more than just a score for answering a bunch of questions right or wrong. That wasn’t the half of it. This was about who he was and who he would be from this day on. A Stupid Boy, the kid with Down Syndrome that would never amount to much, or Eddy Sullivan, the boy who could. What was it going to be.
Sneaking a peek across to Reagan, he found the reassurance he needed in her soulful smile. He could always rely on her.
Allowing himself one more deep lungful of oxygen, Eddy ripped the envelope open and pulled his future out in the form of a single white page.
‘Well?’ asked Grandma Daisy after they’d given him a few seconds to read it. The lot of them were on tender hooks and, if they had to wait one moment longer, someone was bound to explode. Even the twin boys seemed to have quit their antics in anticipation.
And still Eddy didn’t say a thing. Instead, the single tear that dripped from his cheek and on to the letter from Qualification Standards Authority told the story for him.
Reagan walked over and before she could put her arm around him he handed her the letter. She hadn’t expected that, but now the mantel was hers.
‘Eddy,’ she exclaimed in short order, ‘this is incredible.’ Reagan’s face shone like the sun. ‘You not only passed, you got a meritorious scholarship. They’re going to pay for you to go to university.’
It sounded good to hear her say it. Somebody else had to say it because if he didn’t hear it come out of somebody else’s mouth he still wouldn’t have believed it.
‘That’s right Eddy,’ added Mrs Stanton. ‘The government are going to pay for three years of tuition. You knocked the socks off them buddy. Nineties, all the way through. Every one of them. You should be so, so proud of yourself because I can tell you on behalf of everyone here, we’re proud of you.’
Standing tall, Mrs Stanton began clapping. For a solitary moment it was a lonely reverberation through the room, but then it gained company. As Eddy counted his blessings, one by one, everybody joined in until the bedroom rang full with their applause. Here and now, in this most wondrous of settings, with Mr Tree wrapping all the joy in emerald green leaves, Eddy found a paradise on Earth. In fact, if there was any place in the whole universe that came anywhere near to this perfection it had to be half a step from Heaven.
Amidst it all he felt a hand touch his. It was Reagan’s.
‘Congratulations Eddy,’ she said quiet enough so only he could hear it. ‘You deserve every bit of it.’
When the clapping finally gave way, Grandma Daisy made good with the cake knife and soon enough everybody was tucking into a luscious slice of gateau, even the twins. Such was the toddlers’ delight at the treat they wiped nearly three quarters of their share all over their faces.
Dion and Nathan stepped over to where Eddy stood and handed him a gift wrapped present.
‘Y…you didn’t need to do this.’
‘Yes we did,’ responded Nathan. ‘We both owe you big time.’
‘Thank you v..very much.’
‘Open it,’ instructed Dion with enough enthusiasm to suggest he knew exactly what was in it.
Peeling back the gift paper, he uncovered a certificate frame, a nice wooden one.
‘It’s for when you get your degree,’ advised Nathan. ‘You can hang it up on the wall so everyone can see how smart you are.’
Eddy imagined what it would be like, to actually have something that said you weren’t dumb, that even though you didn’t look quite the same as other people, you still had something to offer. That would be pretty cool alright.
‘This is great guys,’ he beamed. ‘I might put my l..letter in it until then.’
‘Good idea,’ agreed Dion. ‘Except you haven’t got a wall to hang it on.’
‘I didn’t th…think of that. I’ll s..sort something out though.’
Dion was right too. Mr Tree, who only a couple of months back was only beginning to tickle the left side of the front window, had now thrust itself right on by, almost to the far side of the window frame. At no point did it obstruct the view at all, instead it wound its path above and below with an intelligence that belied its appearance. Everyone in the room who hadn’t observed the year’s long march of Mr Tree couldn’t help but be amazed at its progression, and it was as much a topic of discussion as was Eddy’s superb efforts with the exams.
At one stage the McKenzie’s wandered over too, after Jacob and Jordan had safely devoured their sugar rush.
‘It’s not much but we think it’ll come in handy,’ said Rory McKenzie, handing over a small envelope with Eddy’s name written on it. Thanking the whole family, Eddy opened their gift to find a Congratulations Card signed by Rory and Penny, and complete with an obligatory scribble or two from the boys. Inside the card was a gift voucher from a book and stationary store. It was a really nice touch. Especially considering Penny was pregnant again, though she didn’t quite know that yet.
Mrs Elsdon took her time. It was her way to let others have their say first, but when she saw Eddy was relatively free she hobbled on over.
‘I wasn’t surprised one bit,’ she said with a grin. ‘I knew you’d ace them.’
‘Thanks Mrs Elsdon.’
‘Have you thought about what you want to study?’
‘No, this is a b..big surprise to me. I g..guess I’ve got some thinking to do.’
‘Well,’ she added, ‘I don’t want to sound selfish but I really hope it’s a local university because I don’t know what I’ll do without our little chats.’ She tried to make it come out light heartedly but beneath it was a sense of sincerity. Then, probably aware that she hadn’t quite disguised herself well enough, she continued. ‘After all, who else is going to point an old lady in the right direction.’
‘I think you’ll b..be just fine Mrs Elsdon. Plus I can’t leave Grandma, her cake’s too nice.’
One by one, each after having their own say, Eddy’s guests made their way down the stairs and off to their respective Saturday afternoons. Soon all that was left was Grandma Daisy and Reagan, all three of them picking up the remnants of the party.
‘Thanks Grandma Daisy,’ said Eddy as he piled paper plates upon one another.
‘My pleasure Eddy. How often do you get to celebrate things these days. And like Mrs Stanton said, we’re proud of you and we wanted to show it.’
Placing his stack of dirty plates aside, Eddy stepped over and startled her with a big hug.
‘What’s this for?’ she asked.
‘Just because.’
Smiling, she patted her grandson on the head, the same way she never did thousands of times before. ‘That’s about the best reason there is.’
When the dishes were cleared, Reagan and Eddy were finally left alone up in the bedroom. Eddy sat down on his bed and looked across at Reagan who had found her own spot on the chair.
‘You knew about this all along you s…sneak.’
‘Wouldn’t be a surprise if I told you, would it?’ There was that cheeky grin again.
‘Reagan?’
‘Yep?’
‘How’d you go?’
‘What do ya mean?’
‘W…with the exams. How did yo
u go?’
This was the one question Reagan hadn’t wanted to hear, Eddy could see that.
‘Today’s about you Eddy, not me.’
‘Are you okay?’
‘I’m fine,’ she said, trying not to prove otherwise. ‘It’s nothing that I wasn’t expecting.’
‘What are you going to do?’
‘I don’t know. Mum and I had a talk about it this morning. She says it’s up to me. I can either go back and redo the year, or I can start thinking about a job.’
Now the discussion over at the school playground was beginning to make sense for Eddy. She’d reached a big fork in the road and neither road carried a signpost. That scared her. She wasn’t going to come right out and say that much of course, but the world seemed like an unforgiving place at the moment.
‘M…my advice……’
‘Yeah?’ Reagan may have said that with a touch too much eagerness for her own liking.
‘How old w…would you say Mrs Elsdon is?’
‘Somewhere in her eighties, I reckon.’
‘Even in her eighties she h..has hopes and dreams. Some she can f…follow but most she can’t. Time has got away on her. Don’t make that same mistake Reagan. T..take some time to think. Not about the decision….but about which one takes you closer to your dreams.’
Reagan had some thinking to do, and by the expression on her face, she’d started already.
71. TIRED DAYS COMMENCE
Reagan had made her decision within a week. With her mother’s wholehearted permission, she was going back to school. Although he would never have pushed her in any given direction, Eddy was glad for it. Not simply because it meant a continuation of their happy routine, but because, deep down, he knew it was the right course. If she’d chosen to find work instead, in all likelihood she’d be walking a path of no return. A path where paydays, not dreams, are measured. A path where the soul is smothered and the small things merge into the background.