She gave me a sympathetic smile but it felt more like pity. “I hear things are tense with you and Antonio.”
Were things tense? After that wicked night in Miami he’d backed off. I suspect I didn’t please him the way he’d pleased me, and honestly, I was glad of it because I wanted him again. Too much.
“No more tense than they always are. What don’t I know?”
“Nothing,” she answered a little too quickly and I knew there was something I didn’t know. That made me even more determined to keep my feelings to myself.
“Right. How’s business?” That got her talking for about fifteen minutes and I listened with half an ear. Her business, Harper’s Grande Designs had taken off and her beautiful jewelry had become the latest ‘must have’ du jour.
“Will you be attending our wedding this summer?”
“I doubt it, but I will try to get you something great. Like a bread machine,” I answered dryly. “Are all the plans set?”
“Rafa’s mother is taking care of most of them, but I still need a dress. And a maid of honor.” She stared until I realized what she was asking.
“You want me to be your maid of honor?”
“Yes.”
“But you hardly know me.”
“I know you enough, and besides I’d like Andreas to be the ring bearer to Sofia’s flower girl. Antonio will hopefully be the best man.”
“That’s debatable,” I answered, thinking under no circumstances, other than physical, would Antonio be considered the best man for anything. I hadn’t heard he would be attending the wedding, then again why would I? “I’ll need to check on a few things in terms of getting a flight to Escamillo and a bridesmaid dress, so take this as a tentative yes.”
“Oh please. You can hitch a ride on Antonio’s jet and the dress will be provided by the Queen. You just need your measurements taken so we can have it made to order, which we’ll have to do soon.”
“Then I guess my answer is yes. When is it?”
“Six weeks away.”
I blew out a long breath before helping Harper stand and head back to her house. I felt like I’d been railroaded, but I could do this for her. Help with a little last minute planning to be part of a royal wedding and get a free trip to a foreign land.
“Take it easy Harper. See you soon.”
***
“Are you sure you’re ready?”
Andreas’ head bobbed up and down with a bright grin stretched across his face. “I got clothes and underwear, pencils and that charcoal you got me. Plus paints. I’m ready.”
“Okay. I’ll miss you,” I told him and hopped out of the car, walking around to open his door and grab his things. “If you need anything you can call me, all right?”
“It’s just a week Sash,” he said with the exasperation of a teenager.
“I know.” And I did, but I hadn’t been away from him for that long since he’d come home from the hospital. But I didn’t want him to feel guilty so I put on a bright smile. “I always wished I could go to camp when I was your age.” But I entered foster care when I was five, so even if there had been money to spend, no one would have spent it on me.
“You could go now. Share my bunk,” he offered.
“No way kiddo, art is your thing. Maybe you can teach me when you get back?”
He put his hand in mine and we went to register for the weeklong art camp nestled right up against Big Bear Lake. I briefly played the overprotective parent role by triple checking they had a note of his allergies. It took no time at all to get him settled and listen to orientation before the parents were booted out. I knelt in front of him and hugged him.
“Have a great time, buddy.”
“I will. Love you Sasha.”
“Love you too big boy.”
The drive back to Malibu seemed to go on forever, but that had to do with trying to navigate the PCH with blurred vision. I had a week to myself and no idea what I would do with it. Maybe I should use this time to get a life. Make some friends that were not connected to Antonio, maybe meet a man. “Yeah right,” I laughed and pulled into one of the garages. I’d never been good with men and the older I got, the more awkward I felt. Besides, what man would put up with my unique living situation?
I already knew the answer. None.
“Where is Andreas?”
Antonio. I sighed and gave him a bored look. “Do you ever look at your calendar, or am I wasting my time by syncing them? Today was the first day of art camp.”
“He’s my son, Sasha.”
“I am well aware of that Antonio.” Mostly because the man went out of his way to let me know I wasn’t part of the family. I was just the hired help. “You’ve made it very clear.” In words if not in actions.
“You checked this place out?”
“No I just dropped him off at a downtown loft filled with bohemian artist types.” I rolled my eyes at his furious expression. “It’s a little late to ask now when I mentioned this to you months ago.”
“I’m asking now.” He grabbed my arm, hazel eyes blazing with furious heat.
I yanked my arm out of his grasp. “Then I suggest you do your own research.”
“He’s my son Sasha, don’t forget that,” he warned again angrily.
“How can I when you remind me very five seconds? If you were so concerned you should have worried about it before today.”
I ran up the steps to my room and slammed the door harder than I needed to, but damn the man knew how to make me mad. I knew Andreas wasn’t my son. Would never be my son. But I had no family to speak of, and Antonio’s constant reminders that this family didn’t belong to me hurt. And made me angry beyond reason.
I gave in to the emotions of the day that were eager to escape. As the tears washed away my pain, I began to realize that I might have to give up custody of Andreas if I really wanted to have a family of my own. Antonio would never become the father his son needed, but could I sacrifice my life in the face of his open hostility? I knew without a doubt I could. And I would.
Which meant I needed a thicker skin.
“Sasha open up!” Antonio’s fist pounded on my door, pulling me from my thoughts.
Might as well start toughening up that skin now. “What is it Antonio?” That was perfect. Cool and calm and completely detached.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”
“Yes, you did. Was there something else?” Maybe I didn’t need thick skin right away, I realized. I could simply keep my emotions to myself until his words no longer hurt.
“Dammit Sasha I’m trying to apologize.”
I rolled my eyes. “Antonio I don’t need an apology. Your words hit the mark just as you intended. I know I’m not part of this family and believe me, I know I’m not Andreas’ mother. So yeah, I got it. But until you’re ready to step up and be the father he needs, I’m all he has.”
***
Nothing felt better than a long swim in a heated pool on a cool night. I spent most of the day doing some temp work in an actual pastry shop. One of the people Chef Bolero had recommended called up and asked for a skilled fondant decorator and I’d gotten excited about rosettes and little characters. But I actually spent the day creating butterflies, caterpillars, trees and leaves for an elaborate cake that would be the centerpiece for an environmental fundraiser. My muscles screamed and burned from standing hunched over a waist high table for ten straight hours. But the ache felt good.
Cutting through the water, my tight muscles relaxed. With every stroke, I felt the day fade away, melt the tension off my skin until my body felt weightless. Light as air. Back and forth, back and forth, the rhythm was soothing. Healing. I swam the length of the pool until my muscles ached in the best way. Exhausted and breathless I turned on my back and floated, counting every star I see in the sky.
For the first time in days I felt at ease. Or at least I felt relaxed. After that blow up with Antonio, we’d both retreated to our corners and pretty much ignored one another. Luckily
, the giant beach house offered me lots of room to avoid him. Though I hated feeling so tense all the time, somewhere inside of me I knew it was for the best. It had to be this way.
Because like he said, we’re not family.
A disturbance in the water pulled me from my thoughts. Antonio cut through the water with the skill of a shark and I pushed off a wall and made my way to the stairs. So much for that peace and quiet. Wrapping my towel around me, I heard his intake of air as he surfaced. I continued into the house. I needed wine, a bath and some genuine alone time. Even in foster care I would find an invisible corner of the house and curl up with a book for as long as I could, and right now that’s all I longed to do.
So that’s just what I did. A bath was such a rare indulgence when I had to care for Andreas 24/7. But tonight I finally got to use the bath bomb I bought on sale at the mall and the scent left me relaxed and mostly calm. I was deep into a sexy romantic suspense novel when a furious pounding sounded at the door. I already knew it was Antonio because he thought he’d been giving me time to cool off and now he was ready to talk. Or yell. Or berate. Something.
“Sasha I’d like to speak with you.”
Because everything was always about what he wanted. “We don’t always get what we want,” I muttered though it was useless. The man had an annoying amount of determination to get his way. “What do you need?”
“To speak with you.”
“At me you mean,” I murmured under my breath, jumping when he banged on the door once again.
“I heard that.”
“Yeah well, I meant for you to hear it,” I groused and leaned against the door.
“Open the door Sasha.”
“Look Antonio,” I pulled the door open the barest amount and he pushed right in. “We have nothing to talk about.”
“Oh, but we do. First I owe you an apology.” His words sounded right but his stance, his posture, his face. It was all wrong. Insincere. This wasn’t a real apology, it was something else.
“If apologizing will make you feel better, then I accept.” I knew what to do when he got like this, just placate him so he was happy and I could go on about my evening.
“Not good enough.”
Arms crossed I stared at him, doing my absolute best to look bored when my heart hammered like crazy. “Then I suggest you find a way to make it good enough.”
“Why are you being so difficult?”
“Because I won’t do what you want?” The man had quite the ego on him, thinking everyone would jump to do his bidding simply because he was a prince, good looking and rich.
“I’m trying to apologize.”
“No. You’re not. You’re trying to get me to accept your apology. I’ve tried to do that but now you want to dictate the level of enthusiasm that I have when I accept it. Just stop. I’ve accepted it so just be happy with it.”
“No. Why can’t you believe I mean it?”
“You never apologize unless you can get something out of it.” I’d heard him brag about it before.
Antonio glared in an attempt to intimidate me but I was done shrinking in on myself. Cowering from him. “I am sorry, Sasha.”
“I accept your apology,” I told him blandly and waited for him to go.
He took a step forward and froze, opened his mouth as if to speak and then snapping it shut. He froze again. “Sasha.” Before I could speak his mouth was on mine in a frenzied kiss that lit my whole body on fire. Instant flames overtook my senses and all I could do was feel. Surrender to the way my body ached for him. I already knew I should push him away, my brain screamed at me through the fog of lust to push him away and smack his stupid handsome face. But my body said hell no to that. I wanted every second of the most delicious kiss I’d ever had. Every moment of whatever was happening, I wanted.
No matter why it was happening.
We began to move around the dark room and I kept my eyes closed because though I wanted this, I didn’t want memories of it. I didn’t want to close my eyes and see our naked bodies wrapped around one another. “Oh!” He twirled me and pushed my chest until I gently fell to the bed. “What are you doing?”
“You know what I’m doing Sasha. You want this as much as I do.” His gaze was dark, intense. So full of desire my breath caught in my throat at how dark and stunning he looked. “Say you want it.” His fingers lightly grazed my thighs, sending a tsunami of sensations that made clear thinking impossible.
Eyes closed, so that I could feel that I wouldn’t see, I shook my head. I couldn’t say those words out loud. Not to him. When his mouth took my nipple through the thin cotton of my camisole, any logic I had remaining fled on my last operating brain cell. The feeling was so intense, so naughty. So incredible I could only surrender to the feel of his tongue twirling around the hardened peak. His teeth bit down hard enough to sting just before pleasure spread. When his mouth left, I groaned in disappointment.
“Say it,” he urged and ripped the fabric down the middle to expose my bare breasts. He sucked this time, hard and bit lightly. I couldn’t even process everything my body felt as his mouth worked magic. I felt the sticky moisture between my thighs and I knew what it meant. This is happening. And if I was going to let it happen, which I was, then I wanted to enjoy it all.
“No,” I panted and he stopped, another bereft cry escaped before I could stop it.
“Sasha, are we going to play this game? Because if we are then I will enjoy making you scream my name. Beg for my cock.” His finger lightly traced the moisture now cooling my nipples and making them harden into even sharper points. “In fact, why not, let’s play this game.” Antonio pushed me back until I laid across the bed, stretched out for him while he pulled my shorts and panties from my body. “Are you clear on the rules, Sasha?”
His voice was so formal, too formal and I didn’t understand. “What?”
He pulled a nipple into his mouth, sucking with all his might before releasing it with a pop. “I’m going to do what I want to you until you scream my name in pleasure.” He performed the same acts on the other breast before kissing down my stomach, stopping at my hip bone. The warm breath from his mouth cooled the heat pooling between my thighs. “Or until you beg me to shove my dick inside you and make you come.”
“O-o-okay,” I stammered out, not quite sure I heard what he said other than make you come.
He spread me scandalously, first his shoulders between my legs and then his fingers at my most intimate spot, blowing a light breath that made me gasp and my body clench.
“So pink,” he ran a finger down one side and up the other. “So wet and swollen.” One finger slipped just inside me, hitting some magic button that made me wetter. Hotter. Hungrier. Then his mouth was on me, hands pressing my hips down when they began to buck.
It was the single most deliciously wicked thing I had ever done or had done to me. His tongue was wet and cool, but the texture of his tongue kept a steady pressure building deep within me.
“Oh my god!” Around and around his tongue swirled my clit, sometimes brushing against it but never quite touching. “Tease.” His laugh felt even better if possible, sending chills up and down my spine. “Oh yes! Oh, oh. Yes!” It was so close I could feel it, and the bastard eased off, kissing the insides of my thighs. “Hey!”
“Say the words Sasha.” At my hesitance, he grinned. “Suit yourself,” he said and buried his face between my legs again, this time creating more pressure, more sucking. More everything. Two fingers thrust into me and I never felt so high. So alive.
“Antonio, yes. Please yes!” And those magic words pushed him into sending me over the edge as a powerful orgasm shot through me. I gripped his hair tight, probably too tight, but it felt so good and my legs crossed at the ankles in the middle of his back as I bucked up into his mouth, eager to wring out every ounce of pleasure I could.
“I knew I would love hearing you say my name in pleasure. And the begging,” he shook his head, a smug grin on his face. “Well that h
as me rock hard and ready to do anything you ask.”
“Anything?”
He nodded as he shed his own clothes. “Taste me again.”
He did, slow and sensual until his face was coated in my arousal. I loved that lazy smile he wore as he kissed his way up my body, making sure no inch of skin went without his lips. Then his mouth was on mine and I found the taste of us mingled together so intoxicating I sucked his tongue. “You’re killing me,” he said when he pulled back, pressing the hard, hot column of his cock against my moist folds. “As much as I would love to see those lush lips wrapped around my cock, it’s time I give you what you begged for.”
I couldn’t even try to deny it, nor did I want to. I probably should tell him about the virgin thing, but the way he rubbed the head of his cock against my entrance left my mouth unable to form words.
“Give it to me then,” I said with way more bravado than I felt. Even less when he slid to the hilt in one smooth move. I couldn’t stop the wince from the searing pain, but I was so wet he didn’t notice, his own focus intent on restraint.
“Damn your pussy is so tight,” he groaned. “So fucking wet.”
His words made me clench around him and the pain subsided, leaving a tingling sensation mostly on the pleasurable side racing up my back. Slowly he slid out and slammed in, over and over in a hypnotic rhythm. Every slide put his pelvis in perfect contact with my clit, which sent lightning rocketing through me. I moaned, scratching at his back and bucking wildly as I chased down my orgasm.
“More.”
His hips moved faster, like a powerful piston in perfect motion. His masterful lovemaking left me feeling uncomfortable with being this vulnerable. Unsure about letting go so completely. He lifted my ass and changed the angle to deepen his thrusts.
And sweet lovin’ I was falling again. Shattering is more like it, because I felt shattered. Wrecked. Like I might never be put back together whole again. “Oh, oh Antonio!” My cries were loud and guttural as he pumped through my orgasm, rubbing frantic circles on my clit as his thrusts came deeper, faster, harder and one orgasm turned into another.
Cowboy's Barmaid: A Small Town Military Romance (Lucky Flats Ranchers Book 2) Page 20