Andreas scanned every cookie on the cooling rack in search of the perfect one to present. He found it, a green and yellow decorated sun wearing sunglasses. “Perfect! Here you are father.” His little hands held the plate unsteadily until I grabbed it, his big blue eyes waiting expectantly for my response. “Well?”
I chuckled at his impatience, the first true sign he’d shown that he was anything like me. “Let me take a bite first.”
“Go on,” he urged.
I took a bite, keeping a smile fixed on my face at all costs. But I needn’t have worried, because as Andreas had said on many occasions, Sasha’s sweets were the best. The cookie was sweet and buttery but not overwhelming. “Delicious. Just one problem,” I told him in all seriousness as I finished the last bite of cookie.
“What’s that?”
“Gone too soon,” I told him and snatched another to the sound of his laughter.
“You heard him,” Sasha said, giving us both that loving smile that only a wife and mother could.
I froze at my thoughts. Wife and mother. Sasha was neither of those things, certainly not to me and my son. Thoughts like that were dangerous. She needed to be the one to fall so I could get what I wanted. Full custody of my son. There was nothing to be gained by me falling for her. Which I wouldn’t.
Couldn’t.
Andreas and Sasha watched me eat another cookie and a half before I called it quits. “Okay you guys are going to stuff me until I burst.”
“Ready for a bath?”
“Yes,” both Andreas and I said at the same time.
Sasha bit back a grin. “Who wants to go first?”
“You can’t bathe Father, he’s too big!”
She coughed to cover her laugh. “I suppose you’re right. Then I guess its just me and you.”
I watched them go and wondered if she would return, but I knew she would if for no other reason than to clean up the kitchen. The woman was as stubborn as can be, always insisting on cleaning up which the housekeeper constantly complained about. To me. I took another cookie while I waited. They were so buttery and airy I really couldn’t get enough.
At some point over the last few weeks I’d forgotten that Sasha was my enemy, that she was slightly more than a plaything. She stood between me and what I wanted, and I needed to remember that. No matter how much her smiles made my own appear, or how much her body tempted me.
“Cookies and wine, must be a royal delicacy,” she joked from the entryway.
“And I thought that was me.” Her face reddened and I swear it sent a bolt of thunder straight to my cock. I loved how easily she blushed because I always knew when she was thinking something sexy.
“Will you really try to reschedule the safari?”
I frowned. “You doubt me?”
“I just need to know because I’ll need to pack tons of extra stuff for that leg of the trip.”
“Always the dutiful mom, eh? I don’t know why I said that. Do I get points for regretting it instantly?”
She didn’t smile, didn’t frown. She turned to put the cookies into a cookie jar and wiped down the counter before pouring a glass of wine.
“Good night Antonio.”
“Wait Sasha.”
“I’m not in the mood to play your head games tonight Antonio. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
I let her go because I was sick of pushing, or maybe because I wasn’t used to doing all the pushing. Women had been chasing me for as long as I can remember and with the rare instance of Rafael’s wife, I never had to chase them. I liked it more than I should, chasing a woman. Catching them felt damn good. I decided to give her tonight to herself then I would apologize tomorrow by giving her several orgasms.
But later, as I sat on the balcony watching the stars dotting the sky, I heard a small knock at my door and smiled. Sasha. I pulled the door open, giving her my most seductive smile. “Yes?”
She watched me carefully, looking deep into my eyes. Knowing what I needed to hear from her. “I want you.”
I pulled her inside and let her spend the next few hours showing me just how much she wanted me.
And I barely felt any longing when I woke up before dawn and found the right side of my bed empty.
Sasha
I could feel his stare on me across the jet, but I refused to acknowledge it. Even though it touched me everywhere, made me shiver until desire built low in my belly, I wouldn’t turn to look at him. I woke up this morning feeling uneasy about the dream I’d had after once again creeping back to my room after hours spent in the arms of a man who was going to break my heart.
Hearts and frickin’ flowers.
I was standing in the kitchen my belly round with a baby in it, making waffles for Andreas, a smaller child and a laughing Antonio. I woke up with a full heart, overflowing with happiness until I looked over and saw nothing. I wasn’t in the master bedroom, I was in the nanny’s suite. My day didn’t get much better from there.
I was nervous about going to Estamillo and about meeting Antonio’s parents even though I had no reason to be. He wasn’t my boyfriend or my husband. He was my boss and co-parent. Nothing more. I would keep telling myself that whenever I found myself forgetting. That dream meant I was worse off than I thought. I hadn’t had a dream like that since I was nineteen with a crush on a married college professor. I had no chance with him, but it didn’t stop my heart from longing for him. This time things were different, because, well because I was sleeping with him I suspect.
I lost myself in caring for Andreas on the long flight, in my historical erotic romance, in anything that would keep me from looking over my shoulder at those hazel eyes I knew were mentally undressing me. Searing through me. By the time the jet landed the tension between us was thick enough to slice with a knife.
“Comb his hair and yours. The press will be waiting.”
I nodded at his order, and took us off to the bedroom in back, changing our shirts and fixing our hair. “You look super handsome,” I told Andreas.
“Thanks Sasha.”
“Don’t be nervous. They’ll love you. You’re awesome.” He didn’t believe me, but his smile said he wanted to. I took his hand and we made our way to the exit, standing behind Antonio who was already giving a very stiff wave to the cameras and people waiting on the tarmac.
“Just smile but don’t engage or acknowledge,” he said through clenched teeth.
Andreas and I did as he said, making our way down the steps to a waiting black vehicle. The drive to the palace was beautiful, but it was nearly dark out, so I didn’t see much. But the palace itself was amazing. Big and luxe and grand. It kind of made me feel like the poor relation in a Jane Austen novel, but I couldn’t help but admire the art, the statutes and the overall grandeur of the place. Antonio walked us to our adjoining rooms and disappeared for the rest of the night.
I didn’t mind. Andreas and I were both tired and not really ready to deal with anyone else. He slept on and off for the rest of the evening while I read a book before dinner, which we ate in my room. Or his rooms I suppose, since the nanny’s apartment was a tiny closet adjoining a three-room suite for Andreas. There was no clearer indication of my place in this world. In his life. I needed to remember that.
The next morning was a little more interesting. Andreas felt shy as we wandered the house in search of breakfast. Of course we got lost a couple times but eventually we made our way to what one of the maids called the formal dining room. Inside was a long table with at least twenty place settings and four pairs of curious eyes. “Um good morning Your Highness-es?”
Andreas felt even more shy now, clinging to my waist and hiding behind my legs.
The two men in the room laughed and one of them, the one with golden eyes stood. “Good morning young lady. Young man. Are you two lost?”
“I don’t think so,” I told him with a hesitant smile because I realized one of these men was the king. “I’m looking for a place to whip up some breakfast for Andreas and I.”
“
Andreas? Is that your name son?” He peeked around my legs and gave a shy nod before burying his face behind my thighs. “That is my middle name. And it was our father’s name as well.” I knew then, that this man was either the king or Antonio’s father.
“Are you my grandfather?”
Finally, what had been bothering me since Antonio mentioned this trip to Estamillo, came back to me. Not once in the six years I’d worked for his family had I ever met any of his relatives, not even Rafael officially. But surely he’d told them about Andreas. Right? I gathered my wits and fixed a professional smile on my face. “I should have realized sooner. I am Sasha, his nanny. And this handsome little man is Andreas. Antonio’s son.”
“Son!” The woman who I figured was Antonio’s mother gasped, hand clutching pearls that weren’t there. “You mean Antonio has a child we’d never knew about?”
The uproar in the dining room grew, the two men wore stern expressions with their heads huddled together while the women remained stoic with sad expressions on their faces. Andreas shook with unease behind me. “Please,” I said a little louder than necessary to this royal family. “This is all new for Andreas and you’re all upsetting him. Speak to Antonio about this. Please.” Wherever Antonio was, I hoped he was in pain. The wretch.
“Sasha why are they mad?” Big blue eyes pleaded with me to help him understand.
I dropped down so we were face to face and placed both hands on his shoulders. “Because they missed all the fun we’ve had together these past six years. I’d be pretty upset too, right?”
He hugged me so close and refused to tear his grip from around my neck so I picked him up and looked back at the King and Queen, the Prince and Princess of Escamillo. “I’ll just see if they can make something for us in the kitchen. It was nice to meet you all. Andreas and I will come back later.”
“Bye,” he said quietly and waved. The moment we were down the hall I heard them break out in furious mutterings again. I hoped they made Antonio miserable when they got their hands on him. “I’m hungry Sasha.”
“I know baby, we’ll get some food now and then we can talk.”
“Kay,” he sniffled and buried his head in my neck. My heart broke for my little man, so sensitive and so neglected. And confused as hell because even I had no clue what I’d say to him when we got upstairs. I took my time grabbing muffins and croissants, fruit, milk and water. It wasn’t much but it would be fine for now.
I set up the food out on the balcony and let him choose a chocolate dipped croissant with his milk. “Okay now we eat and we talk.”
He sighed and speared me with a look. “Why wouldn’t Father tell anyone about me? Does he hate me?”
“Oh honey, no. He told me he isn’t close to his parents.” Which still was no excuse, but I had to tell Andreas something so he didn’t feel like a dirty little secret. “But the upside is that you now have a grandma and a grandpa, plus Rafael’s parents, the King and Queen.”
He pouted. “Will they hate me too?”
“No one will hate you kiddo. I promise.”
Tears pooled in his eyes. “You’re the only one who loves me Sasha. Don’t ever leave,” he flung his little body into my lap, wrapping me in a choking hug while he sobbed his little heart out. I did what I could, soothed him with softly spoken words and a gentle back rub until he finally drifted off to sleep. I leaned back and watched the gentle sway of a hanging flower basket and thought about the two men occupying my thoughts.
I couldn’t figure out how Antonio could have kept his child a secret for this long. More importantly, I couldn’t figure out why. His parents and his other relatives could have helped them both through the death of Miriam. Antonio had this great family to lean on, and yet until recently he’d even kept Rafael at a distance.
I had no family of my own, so the idea that he could just give up on so much felt foreign to me. I couldn’t even imagine it. But Antonio had deprived Andreas of family for years. How could I love a man like that?
But I knew the answer already. I loved him because of what I saw when no one else was around. His earnestness to be a dad was what I’d fallen for. But that wasn’t the real Antonio. This was him, the man who kept his own kid a secret for six years. The same man who ignored and neglected him. Who’d slept with me just to get me to shut up.
I thought I’d fallen for Antonio, but I knew the truth.
I’d fallen for a lie.
Antonio
After overhearing the conversation between Sasha and Andreas on the balcony, I’d spent most of the night wide awake trying to figure out where it all went wrong. When did I begin ignoring my son? Why did I do it? I love him. My blood runs through his veins and I needed to do better by him.
I’d started trying to do right by him yesterday, or at least I thought I had. I’d bought him a new tent for our safari and I’d even set it up myself. I was excited to see Andreas’ reaction and had gone to fetch him, but then I heard my boy ask if I hated him.
Sasha had rocked and hummed while she rubbed him soothingly. She held him comfortably in that way she had of making motherhood look effortless. Even Miriam had often remarked that she was jealous of how easy Sasha made it look. “A born mother,” she’d called her.
She’d been there for Andreas when no one else had. From the time he was just a few days old, in fact, she’d been there. Kissing scraped knees, telling tall tales and teaching him how to be a good person. It had always been her, not me and not Miriam. Sasha. She was his best friend. His caregiver. His mother and his father. She was his world.
Not me.
And here I was trying to push her away so I could have my son to myself. And do what, ignore him?
He would hate me so much that I don’t think he’d ever be able to forgive me. But I knew I couldn’t step off the path I was on. It just wasn’t in my nature to give up, especially on something like this.
I needed to talk to someone about this, so I went in search of Rafael. He was the reason I was in this mess in the first place. If he would have made Harper plan the damn wedding like she was supposed to, I could be on safari now with Andreas and Sasha. Instead my son thought I hated him.
“Antonio there you are!” My mother’s voice halted my tracks and I turned with my most charming smile.
“Mother. You’re looking lovely.”
She blinked at me and then scowled, well as much as her recent cosmetic enhancements would allow.
“What have we done to deserve such treatment from you?”
I shrugged because there was no point pretending I didn’t know what she was talking about. “You didn’t want me around when I was living my life, or screwing up as you called it, so I made the choice not to be around you when my life changed.”
We all knew there was less than zero chance that I would ever be king, yet both she and my father wanted me to act like I was the king. The crown was the only reason to live such a restricted life, and since it would never be mine, I could do as I please.
She waited for an apology but she soon realized her mistake. “He’s so beautiful with your coloring and Miriam’s eyes. And you’ve named him Andreas,” she practically squealed she was so happy.
That had been Miriam’s idea. She wanted to retain some of the Estamillo traditions even though my family wasn’t part of our lives.
“He likes to go by Andy,” I told her as though it was old news to me.
“Well he’s darling and he seems quite taken with the nanny.”
I heard the question she didn’t ask. Her mind was constantly matchmaking. “She’s been with him since he was just a few days old.”
Her smile dimmed. “I was sorry to hear about Miriam. What little I knew of her, she was lovely.” She let that hang between us before she got to the real reason she stopped me. “It’s time for you to find another wife Antonio.”
“Have you seen Rafael? I’m supposed to meet him,” I lied smoothly so I could be done with this conversation.
“It’s been n
early two years,” she continued as though I hadn’t asked a question. “You should not be seen to mourn so long Antonio, people will begin to think you are eccentric.” She whispered the last word like it was a fatal disease.
“He must be around here somewhere,” I mused, looking up and down the long side hall. “I’ll talk to you later Mother.” I pecked her cheek and took long strides away from her.
“You can’t run from this Antonio! And we will have a talk about you hiding my grandson from me.”
I knew we would, and I aimed to delay that day as long as possible.
I never did find Rafa, so I decided to go for a walk in the palace gardens. So big and lush, vibrant and alive, this place had a way of helping me put things in proper perspective. When I made the decision to go to America, the gardens had helped me settle the matter.
Now though, the decision was much bigger than where my empire would be headquartered. This was about my son. His future. The future we could have together if I could figure out what to do about my conflicting emotions for the nanny.
Seducing her was still at the top of my priority list, but now I feared my motivations had changed and I didn’t know what the hell to do about that, except stay the course. Custody was my goal and I needed to remember that.
No matter how hard it was to do.
***
“You look gorgeous tonight.” Sasha wore a tempting black lace dress that highlighted her curves, made my hands itch to touch her. To muss her tame curls. “And you smell like I can’t wait to taste you.”
She shivered at my words but she didn’t turn, didn’t smile coyly or bat her eyelashes. “Thanks,” she murmured seconds before sipping her champagne inside the small ballroom where the unofficial engagement party was being held.
Harper and Rafael looked disgustingly happy. Honestly, he looked even happier now than he had on his first wedding day. They cuddled up close in a dark corner where they were only partially hidden from the rest of us, which included my parents, Rafa’s parents and Sasha. This was a small gathering. Harper had requested that it should be intimate, which meant my cousin had made sure it happened.
Cowboy's Barmaid: A Small Town Military Romance (Lucky Flats Ranchers Book 2) Page 23