I shouldn’t have thought of Erin. But now, it seemed she filled the room, her presence overtaking it. Erin would have been at home, here. She had been every inch the designer wife, with fancy hair appointments and hosting society luncheons. But she had also run her own business. She hadn’t been a bored trophy wife, sitting at home all day awaiting presents.
How could I compete with that?
Oh, I knew Finn wasn’t comparing us. This was a business arrangement for him, after all. But everyone else would be. Everyone who believed that we were a real couple, and that I was in line to be the next Mrs Ormond.
This was way more complicated than I had thought. Had I really done this? Part of me was wishing I could tear up that contract and hit the ground running. But it was too late, now. I had been introduced as Finn’s fiancée. The town gossips would already have put the word out.
“Amber?”
I looked up at him. I had been lost in thought.
“I have to do this,” he said, reaching into his jacket pocket.
He held a small, black box. Oh, no. Was it what I thought it was?
Finn
She looked like she had been slapped across the face. I frowned. She had to have suspected. Maybe I should have mentioned it, got her ready for it. Too late, now. I reached across and took her hand.
“I have something for you,” I whispered. I opened the box. Inside was the nine-carat diamond ring I had got my secretary to buy for me that day, from the most exclusive jewellers in the city.
She gasped. The damn thing was so dazzling, it caught every light in the restaurant, shining like a star. I took it out and put it on her finger, making sure it was the right one.
She looked down at it, turning it this way and that. Then she looked up at me. I was astounded to see tears glimmering in her eyes.
“I don’t know if I can do this,” she whispered. “It just seems…wrong, somehow. You should be handing this to a woman that you love.”
My eyes widened. Amber, a romantic?
I could feel people’s eyes on us, watching the moment. Which is what I had intended, of course. But now, I felt like I wanted to rush her out of this place, find a little park bench somewhere. Hand this to her in private.
What was wrong with me? This was a public show. For reasons we both had agreed upon. I got up, walking over to her, and knelt beside her chair. I looked at her, then grabbed her head, pulling it towards me. My lips found hers.
I could vaguely hear clapping in the background, but it was faint. The touch of her soft lips was undoing me. I deepened the kiss, exploring her mouth. The kiss was so sexy I felt like I could have stayed that way forever, awkwardly leaning over her in the most exclusive restaurant in Melbourne.
She broke it, suddenly. She moved back from me, her eyes dazed. It took all my strength not to grab her again, continue exploring that sweet mouth for eternity. With difficulty, I smiled, returning to my seat. I acknowledged the clapping, awkwardly.
Amber was staring at me. “You never said you were going to do that.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “But I felt like the moment deserved it. I have just given you an engagement ring, after all. People would think it odd if we didn’t show some emotion.”
“Emotion? Yes, well.” She looked down, trying to compose herself. “Finn, I’m finding this really hard. It’s been so quick, and I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed.” She paused. “Do you think we can leave?”
I looked at her. She was trembling. “Of course,” I said. “I will let the waiter know to cancel our order. People will just think we want to be alone…” I trailed off.
I stood up, going behind her to pull out her chair. She grabbed her handbag, and we left. She didn’t speak at all on the trip home. She stared out the car window, as we drove past the famous clocks at Flinders Street Station, veered onto St Kilda Road and finally made our way through the tree lined streets of Toorak.
I glanced at her, worried, as we pulled up. Was she thinking of reneging on our deal? We walked into the house, turning on the lights. I paid the babysitter, and then we were alone.
She turned on me. “You should have told me you were going to do all that!”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I thought you were aware of the charade that we were going to play. I did choose that restaurant deliberately.”
She looked upset. “I just don’t know if I can do this, Finn,” she said, slowly.
I took her hand. “I promise I will inform you when I am going to do major things. Like giving you an engagement ring.” I paused. “Like kissing you.”
She looked at me, lips trembling. The air was suddenly filled with tension so electric I wouldn’t have been surprised to see the room sparking.
“Can I kiss you, again?” I murmured. I stood close to her, so close I could see the flecks of yellow in her brown eyes and the curl of her eyelashes.
She looked so devastatingly sexy in that red dress. I knew it would suit her. And it fitted her like a glove, clinging to her curves. She turned her face up towards me, and then it happened. Again.
A long, slow kiss, exploring each other. I was struck again by how soft her lips were, like velvet. Suddenly, an intense bolt of desire forked through me, making me grab her, clutching her to me like she was the last life boat in a stormy sea.
I could feel her shaking, desire flooding through her. I found her breasts, kneading them frantically. She broke away, looking at me, dazed.
“I really don’t understand what is going on here,” she whispered.
I ran a hand through my hair. I didn’t understand, either. I just knew that in that moment, I wanted her more than anything else on this earth.
“I’m sorry,” I said, for the second time that night.
She looked at me sadly, walking to her bedroom. “Good night, Finn.”
“Good night,” I answered. It took all my effort not to follow her, grab her and fling her across her bed. Claiming her.
Jesus, what was happening? This was supposed to be a business arrangement.
It could only work if it was. No one knew how these things could work out, or not work out. We could sleep together and it might be a big mistake on both sides. And then it would jeopardise the whole arrangement. That couldn’t happen.
I had to keep a lid on this thing between us. It was the only way.
Amber
“Amber! Look! Look!”
The little girl was pointing excitedly out the window, craning her neck so that the straps on her car seat extended dangerously.
I smiled at Lilah. “Lilah bear, sit back,” I said. “Yes, I know, it’s the sea! Isn’t it beautiful?”
She nodded, happily. Finn glanced back from the wheel, smiling at her. Then he looked at me. Lilah’s joy seemed to infect both of us, and we smiled at each other. It held a little too long for my liking, so I looked away quickly, staring out the window at the waves gently crashing on the shoreline.
We were almost there. Finn’s beachside mansion in Portsea, where all the wealthy Melbournians holidayed. It was less than an hour’s drive from the house in Toorak, and I had been enjoying it up until now. It had given me time to think.
I still didn’t know what was happening between Finn and I, but I felt honour bound to continue in the arrangement. We had signed a contract, after all. He had called the Morgan’s in the States and told them the happy news. They seemed to accept it, extending congratulations and backing off on any custody battle. For now.
The engagement notice had been put in the papers. It was real. Well, as real as a fake engagement could be. I tried to wrestle with my conflicting feelings. In my mind, I knew it was a business arrangement – nothing more. But there were other feelings that had surfaced since he kissed me that night in the restaurant. And then later that night as well.
Desire, pure and simple. I frowned. Could it ever be simple? And what were his feelings about it?
Nothing at all, judging by the way he had acted since then. It had all been busin
ess as usual. He hadn’t kissed me again. And then he had suddenly announced that we were heading to the Portsea house for the weekend. We were going to see his parents, as well as entertain his best friend Bryce Harrison, another billionaire, and his new girlfriend.
The thought of it made me so nervous I started tapping my fingers on the car dash. Finn glanced at me, but didn’t comment.
I had called my best friend Cara in the States last night, steeling myself. She had squealed with delight when I told her. “Are you shitting me? You’re suddenly engaged to your boss?” I heard her voice raise an octave on the line. “Oh my God, Amber! That is amazing! Tell me all the details.”
I took a deep breath. “Well, we have been seeing each other about a month, and he popped the question just this week. We’re engaged.”
“Wow, so sudden! You haven’t mentioned anything about it in your emails.”
“I know,” I replied. “I wasn’t sure where it was heading, whether he was serious or not. But turns out he is.”
“So… have you done it?” I could hear her catching her breath, waiting for a reply.
Jesus! This was getting complicated. “Not yet. We’ve decided to wait.”
“Wait for what?” Cara sounded impatient. “If you guys are in love and getting married, what’s to wait for? And you know as well as I do that you need to, Amber. You have held on to that virginity of yours for so long, waiting for the right guy. Well, seems like he has arrived.”
“It’s more complicated than that,” I hedged. “Yeah, I know I’ve been waiting, but I still want to. It has to be really special.”
I heard a sigh. “Well, it’s your life, kiddo. I guess you’ve waited so long, a little longer won’t hurt.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. Cara seemed to have bought it. I pictured her on the other end of the phone, racing around her little flat in San Francisco as we talked. Cara never sat still. She was like a ball of energy, flitting from her part time job as a waitress to her studies in medicine at the University of California, Berkeley. We had been friends forever, since the first day of junior high when she had sat next to me in math.
Crazy Cara. We had not seen each other much these past few years, with me taking this position in Australia, and before that studying on the east coast. But when we spoke, it was like no time had passed at all. I missed her. And I hated lying to her. Another downside of this arrangement.
“Here we are.”
I jumped. How could I not have noticed we had arrived at the house?
I looked up at it. It was a feat of architectural brilliance, all angles and ceiling to floor windows, with a huge wraparound balcony to take advantage of that sea view. I had been here before, of course, but not since Erin had died. And certainly, not in the position I was now – as the new fiancée.
Butterflies sprang to life in my stomach as I thought of greeting Finn’s parents, and his best friend. Pretending to be the so- in- love new fiancée. It had been one thing pretending on the phone to Cara. It would be quite another to have to look people in the eye and carry on a performance for a long time.
I took a deep breath, then stepped out of the car.
Show time.
***
“More wine, dear?”
I plastered a fake smile on my face, turning to Finn’s mother. “Oh yes, thank you. It’s quite lovely.” Anna Ormond smiled back, her eyes flitting over me. Quietly assessing.
She had met me before, of course, but that had been in my nanny capacity. She had been pleasant, but distant. I was only the hired help, after all. She was used to nannies coming and going, he had had a few for Finn, apparently.
But now, I was the fiancée. Not only that, but I was the nanny turned fiancée – a strange hybrid. Plus, I was stepping into the shoes of Erin, who had played the role of billionaire’s consort to perfection.
No wonder I was sweating. I could feel rivulets trickling down my neck. I just hoped I didn’t reek of perspiration. Anna filled the glass, carefully measuring it. “This is one of the best wines in Australia. Frank and I have cases of it. We discovered it a year ago, and loved it so much we bought the vineyard!” She laughed.
I laughed, too. But inside I thought what a strange world these people live in. So rich they can have anything – and buy anything – on a whim. It was so far removed from my experience of growing up. I tried not to feel inadequate, but it was hard.
We were on the balcony of the beach house, enjoying pre-dinner drinks. Finn’s parents had arrived about half an hour ago. I had been overcome with anxiety, so much so I had unconsciously started pacing the floor before they arrived. Finn had looked at me.
“Calm down,” he had said. “It’s okay. My parents are wonderful people. They aren’t going to eat you alive.”
I had laughed weakly at that. Hell hath no fury like a mother-in-law if she doesn’t like you, I thought darkly. I could see Finn out of the corner of my eye now, watching me as I chatted with his mother. Was I saying the right things? Was my performance working?
He was standing with his father, Frank Ormond, by the barbeque. They had wine glasses in hand as they flipped the meat on the grill. It was one thing I had noticed since I had been in Australia – they loved their bbq. Any chance, any excuse.
The smell of marinated chicken wings and steak started wafting toward me, making my stomach growl.
“Honey, we’re almost ready,” Finn called out to me. “Can you get the salads on the table?”
“Sure,” I said, inwardly shocked by the endearment. Get used to it, I told myself.
Anna smiled. “I’ll help you, dear.”
We walked back into the house towards the kitchen. I started getting the salads out of the fridge, putting them on the bench. Anna took them to the table. Eventually everything was set. Finn and his father came in with two platters of barbecued meat and set them in the middle of the table. I called Lilah over from the television, and we all sat down for the meal.
“So.” Frank Ormond, Finn’s father, was serving up the meat onto our plates. “Amber. Where are you from in the States?”
“San Francisco,” I replied, swallowing heavily. All eyes were on me. “But I haven’t lived there for a few years. I was studying at Harvard Law.”
Frank nodded, approvingly. “And your parents? What do they do?”
Here we go, I thought. “My dad’s in construction, and my mom works in administration.” I thought I had made their jobs sound pretty good.
“Your father owns a construction company?” Frank took a sip of his wine, looking at me.
“Well, no,” I said. “He works for a company.” I sipped my wine, too, sorely tempted to drain the whole glass. Steady, I told myself. You don’t want to make a fool of yourself in front of these people.
“Lovely,” said Anna, in a patronising voice.
I wanted the ground to open and swallow me. I wasn’t ashamed of my parents, far from it. They had worked hard their whole lives to provide for me and my brother. But it was hard when confronted with people from such privileged backgrounds. They existed in their own bubble, not really understanding how life worked for most people.
“Yes, isn’t it?” I said. “My family is pretty modest, but we have the most important thing in the world – love.” I raised my head slightly. I had to stop feeling intimidated by these people.
“That’s what makes a family,” said Finn, looking at me, intensely. I stared down at my plate. Would he think I was being too assertive with his parents?
“Have you two set a wedding date?” Anna asked, as she dished up some potato salad.
Oh, no. I looked at Finn for guidance, a bit desperately.
“Not yet,” said Finn smoothly. “We think we want a long engagement. No need to rush these things.”
“Of course not,” said Anna. “Especially after what has happened.” She looked at Finn, pointedly. There it was. The ghost of Erin, laid on the table.
“It has only been six months,” continued Anna. “Out
of respect for Erin, maybe it would be good to slow things down. Really get to know each other.” She looked at me.
“What will you do about your studies?”
I took a deep breath. “Oh, I haven’t really thought it through,” I answered, vaguely. What could I say? Another thing I hadn’t prepared an answer for.
“There’s very good law schools in Australia,” Frank said. “If you want to continue, that is. It might be hard, as the wife of Finn. He has such a demanding role, and his wife must support that. Erin found it hard running her little business on the side.”
Little business? I bristled a bit at that. I knew positively that Erin had loved working, and was very proud of her boutique. But Frank was dismissing it as if it was a hobby she had dabbled in, like needlepoint or flower arranging.
The message was loud and clear: I would be expected to play second fiddle to my very important husband. There were rules in these social circles, after all.
I tried to stop feeling so affronted. It wouldn’t ever be an issue, anyway. It was a fake engagement – it wasn’t as if I was actually going to marry Finn. Get a grip, I told myself.
Eventually, the evening ended. Frank and Anna departed. Anna air kissed me before she left.
“So nice to meet you, dear,” she said.
Meet me? She had met me quite a few times before tonight. But I suppose, in one sense, it had been the first time. As the help, she probably hadn’t even known what I looked like. I felt dispirited as I cleaned up, stacking the dishwasher slowly. Finn had just put Lilah to bed and wondered into the kitchen.
“What did you think?” he asked, pouring us both another wine.
“They’re lovely,” I said, through gritted teeth.
He looked at me. “You don’t have to lie, Amber. I could see you struggling a bit. My parents have old-fashioned views on how marriage should work.” He took a drink of his wine. “My mother has never worked a day in her life. She has her society functions, and it’s always been enough for her.”
Cowboy's Barmaid: A Small Town Military Romance (Lucky Flats Ranchers Book 2) Page 28