"I might be busy," I say, wiggling my eyebrows so that she knows what I mean, not that she wouldn't. "I'll be sure to let Milo and Coop know."
Ted would get her home, no matter what, but we've always looked out for her. We made a promise to a man who's given us everything. Protect Texas. Included in that is, don't fucking touch her. Two out of us three is good, right?
I'm a bastard.
"Lovely," she says, turning her nose up. "You know, it's not a requirement to sleep with all the fans."
"No, but it sure is fun."
She rolls her eyes, and then they settle on disappointment. It makes my gut clench.
"Come on, Tex, if you'd had me before, you wouldn't be trying to keep other women from experiencing this." I gesture to my dick with my hand.
"If you're going to keep this up, I'll go and see if Carl needs me to do anything. But if you want to switch back to my normal Kitt, I'll stay."
Her normal Kitt.
I can't play stupid and pretend like I don't know what she means. I didn't intend on talking about women with her. It's like a defence mechanism. If she really, really knows that I'm fully happy with sleeping around--which I am--then she won't flirt back.
Of course, it would be easier if I didn't flirt first or if I didn't fantasise about being inside her quite so much. But since I'm incapable of doing those things, I need something to keep her at a distance. Turning her off is the only thing stopping us from making another mistake. And that's what it would be--a mistake. It might be one I want to repeat over and over, but that doesn't change anything.
Sex with her would be the best kind of wrong.
I hold my hands up. "Sorry. I'll save that talk for the guys."
"Thank you. Got anything good to eat?" She purses her lips and checks out the food on the side table.
I requested more than what I've got, but that'll be here a bit later. We're early because it's our first show and because Milo is like a worrying old woman.
She picks up a bag of giant milk chocolate buttons and opens it without asking--not that she needs to ask, but you know, be polite. But we've gotten way past the point where we need to ask. We're at the point where we could very easily share orgasms under clothes.
The door bursts open, and Coop strolls through with Milo a few paces behind. They each have a beer in their hands.
I push the whiskey bottle behind my hair shit. "Fuck do you two want?"
Milo gives me the middle finger. "You seen the stage recently? I nearly came, bro, I swear!"
Texas fake gags and eats more chocolate.
"It looks good," I agree. I'm playing this down because if I acknowledge just how big it is, I'll be plagued with nerves, and I need to keep myself in control. This means too much to let anything ruin it. I need a clear head. I need to think of it as another supporting gig.
And I need to expel Tex from my mind.
"Maybe you shouldn't eat those," Tex says to Coop as he tips a handful of giant milk chocolate buttons into his palm.
Milo laughs. "Yeah, don't want to puke everywhere."
"Fuck off," Coop growls.
"You fuck off."
Tex and I share a look. They're like an old married couple most of the time.
"Let him eat them. It'll be funny," I say, sticking my middle finger up.
"You can fuck off, too."
"Someone take me to see the stage," Tex demands.
She stands up, and I can't help but let my eyes follow her.
Coop throws the pack of chocolate down. "I'll take you."
There's definitely an innuendo in there, but she doesn't bite.
Milo's eyes are on me the entire time. He waits until they've left, and then he cocks his eyebrow.
"What?" I ask.
"You two have been pretty cosy recently."
"We're friends."
"Mmhmm."
Prick.
"If you have something to say, Milo..."
"Out of the two of us, I think you're the one who should be talking. Last night, she was practically lying all over you, and today, you're eye-fucking her. What's going on?"
I bend over on the chair and cover my face with my hands. "Fuck."
"How far has it gone?"
"Too far," I reply, groaning.
"You've slept together?"
My head snaps up. His dark eyes are wide.
"No. Not quite that far. We've kissed a couple of times, and there was this thing." I try so hard not to smile, but I can't force the muscles around my mouth to stop lifting.
"What thing?"
"Doesn't matter. Let's just say, it was hot as hell. And it shouldn't have happened."
"I'm sorry. Have you lost your tiny mind?"
I laugh. "Yeah, I really think I have."
"This isn't a game, Kitt!" he snaps.
"Believe me, I know. Do you think, if I could help it, it would have happened? I don't want to need her, Milo, and I've tried to stop. We kissed at her old man's Christmas party, and since then, I haven't been able to get her out of my head."
"Jesus," he breathes.
"I don't know what's going on between us. We don't want to fuck things up with Mark. I swear to you, I won't do anything to lose what we've got, man."
He narrows his eyes and folds his arms over his chest. "You think that's what I care about? You're my brother, Kitt. I care if you and Tex are okay. You've never been cut up over a girl before. You like her."
"Yeah, I do."
"You want to be exclusive?"
"Exclusive..." I say, testing the word. It used to leave a nasty taste on my tongue. Now, it conjures the picture of Texas in my head. "Oh, shit. I want that."
Milo's smug. He tilts his head and smirks. "Good luck, man."
He's the only one of us who's been in a relationship, one that lasted longer than a couple of months anyway. Milo and Lexi were together for three years.
"Are you subtly trying to tell me relationships are shit?"
My question wipes the smile off his face.
"No, they're not." He doesn't say more than that, but there are so many things left unsaid that I start to worry about him.
"Do you miss her?"
"We've been in contact."
"Oh. And?"
He shrugs. "Two years have passed, Kitt. I thought I was over her."
His admission isn't a huge surprise. The way he's been going through women though, I assumed he'd moved on.
"How is she?" I ask.
I always liked Lexi, but the more time Milo had to spend on the road, the more they grew apart. Lexi started to resent the band. She was never nasty and would never ask him to leave. She'd break her own heart before she tried to kill his dream.
"She's doing really well," he says, sounding genuinely happy. "She's opened her own boutique where she sells her designs. I guess all that sketching has paid off."
"That's great, man. Are you going to meet up with her?"
He shakes his head, and his jaw clenches. "She's with someone."
Damn. "I'm sorry."
He shrugs, but his eyes wince with hurt. "I let her go. I can't be pissed when she's found someone who wouldn't."
"Did she say she doesn't want to meet?"
"No, she wants to get coffee."
"You should."
"No, I don't mind talking to her on Facebook occasionally, but I'm done with her. We ended a long time ago, and I'm looking to the future. Lexi is the past."
She doesn't sound very in the past.
"All right." I pour whiskey in my glass and hand it over.
He doesn't want to talk, and that's fine. He knows where I am.
He takes the glass and downs the amber liquid. "Cheers."
Texas and Cooper come back in minutes later. They both look like they went to do coke, not look at a stage.
Tex bounces on her toes and shoves her phone in my face. "Look how awesome it is! I can't wait!"
Milo puts the empty glass on the table.
"Come on, let'
s fuck shit up and then get laid," I say. Coping mechanism.
Texas spins around and jumps on Milo's back. He laughs and grips her calves.
Fuck, I love seeing her like this. But I wish her legs were wrapped around me.
At least Milo is smiling again though.
Mark, Jimmy, and Will are legends. I stand backstage, watching them from the wing. Mark's stage presence is undeniable. They finish up on one of their most popular songs, and it'll soon be our turn.
I can't believe we're about to start our opening show of our world tour. It's still so surreal. There couldn't have been a better place to start than Paris. The love and support we've received from our French fans is mind-blowing. The date sold out within hours, so we had to add a second show.
I'm buzzing so hard that you'd think I'd been on a cocaine binge. Milo and Coop are standing closer to the edge of the stage with beers, enjoying the show, but I'm a little farther back with Tex.
Mark's voice carries through the entire stadium, owning it. If I get to be half as good as him, I'll consider my career a huge success.
Tex takes my beer from my hand and helps herself to a sip before handing it back.
"Thanks," I mutter.
Smiling brightly, she replies, "You're welcome. Are you nervous?"
"A bit. This is what I'm good at, and I know I'll fucking rock, but I don't want to mess this up."
"You've never messed up a set before, and you've done tons of shows."
"I know, but I don't want to let the guys down. Tonight is kind of a big deal."
"You need to calm down. You've gone white," she says, placing her hand on my forehead.
I have?
"Don't puke--at least, not until after the show."
"Thanks. That's helpful."
She laughs and puts a stray stand of hair behind her ear. "All right, just pretend this isn't your tour. You're supporting Enigma. By the way, do you think that band name is lame, too?"
I chuckle. "You're a terrible daughter."
With a shrug, she wraps her arms around my waist. Milo is suddenly finding this more interesting than watching Enigma. I don't care right now.
"You're going to be fine, Kitt. You've got the sexiest, most incredible voice I've ever heard, and you rock the guitar. You guys are my favourite band. Stop worrying, okay?"
I pull her against my chest and hold her close. She's the only girl I feel comfortable enough to do this with. The rest of them want something. Tex doesn't care about the fame, what I do, or how much money I have. She just wants me, and that makes resisting her ten times harder.
"You think I have a sexy voice?"
"Don't let it get to your head, rock star. Everyone knows you do. Your voice is kinda rough, and when you sing, you sound..."
Laughing, I offer, "Filthy?"
"Yeah," she replies, looking up at me. "Massive ego thing to name your band after your sound, by the way."
"Not really. It's my band."
"You could've had anything."
"You don't like Filthy Sound?"
She shakes her head and squeezes my middle. "No, I do."
"What would you have called us?"
Giggling, she pulls away and stands straight. "It changes often, depending on my mood and how idiotic you're all acting."
"Wow. So, only bad things, huh?"
"Pretty much. Hey, they're almost finished with the last song. Are you ready to rock, Daniels?"
"Fuckin' right I am, Knight. You'll be watching?"
"Of course! Sing my favourite loudest."
I drop my arms and bow, which makes her laugh. "Anything for my number one fan."
"Hmm, anything, huh? I'll think about that. Now, go! Cooper looks like he's about to rip your head off."
Just as Tex finishes her sentence, Coop shouts, "Come the fuck on, Kitt!"
She raises her eyebrow. "See? Go."
Before I think about what I'm doing, I lean down and kiss her forehead. It felt right. Clearly, she thinks so, too, because she smiles and bites her lip. I back away and take a deep breath. It wasn't a smart move, but it's done now.
She's here, and she'll be watching. You've got this.
I'm not usually nervous, but we have to do this right. The fans deserve the best, and Enigma doesn't have to do things, like support our little band. They're far too big for that. We can never let them down.
We stand at the edge while our instruments are changed over. People are everywhere, fussing around and making sure everything is ready.
Jodie arrived a while ago and is back to firing encouragement at us.
I look back at Tex as I swing my guitar over my head, and she gives me a shy smile. She is my calm in all this crazy.
You are so fucking screwed.
Mark joins her, and I look away.
"Are you ready?" Jodie asks.
Milo bounces up and down. "Oh, yeah!"
"Let's get out there," I say, itching to start playing.
The lights on stage go out, and everyone screams.
I take a moment before I follow Milo and Coop out. This is so overwhelming in the best way. Adrenaline pumps through my veins as I walk out, and the lights flick on. I raise my hand in acknowledgment of the audience, and the noise reaches a deafening point.
Damn, I want to do this every night.
The atmosphere is electric.
Every time, I get this huge rush that I can't get enough of. But this, tonight, is something else.
"Good fucking evening, Paris!" Cooper shouts down his mic.
There's another wave of screams. People are shouting to us, but together, it's just noise.
"If you want us to start, I'm gonna need to see some titties! Right, boys?" He turns to us.
I laugh. Here we go...
"He's right, ladies," Milo says.
Chuckling, I shake my head and scan the audience. There are a few hotties I wouldn't mind having a peek at. It takes less than a second for dozens of women in the front few rows to lift their tops.
This is Coop's favourite part of each show, I'm sure.
"You ladies look fucking beautiful tonight," I say, earning massive screams. "So...are you ready?"
The noise kicks up.
"He said, are you fucking ready?" Cooper bellows.
I close my eyes and grip the mic.
TEXAS
FRIDAY, MAY 8
PARIS, FRANCE
"They're awesome, right?" I say, tugging on Dad's arm.
Laughing, he nods his head. "There was never any doubt, pumpkin. I wouldn't have taken a chance on just anyone."
"Kitt looked nervous before they went on. None of them want to let you and your rubbish band down. Or everyone out there."
Dad cuts me a look. "As ever, Texas, your support is heartwarming."
I giggle and hug his arm. I feel like I'm drunk, and it takes me a second to realise that it's because I'm so bloody proud and excited for the guys. For Kitt. "Do you still get nervous?"
He thinks for a minute before slowly shaking his head. "No. I think I've been doing it too long to get nervous. Being on the stage is second nature to me now, as natural as breathing."
"Well, you've definitely been doing it for too long," I quip.
"You do know my career is the reason you're living this life. A life you love?"
"Totes, Daddy. I'm not saying you're not awesome, but you're definitely past it. Hey, I'm still happy to be seen with you."
"Thank you for not being too embarrassed by me."
"She is, man. We just pay her," Will says, winking at me.
Ha, I love it when they join in.
"Right. I don't think you could afford to bribe her," Dad replies.
"Ah! He's got you there, Will," Jimmy adds.
There is a lot of money talk where I'm concerned, and I don't know why. I'm not expensive to keep! At least, I don't think so anyway.
"I'm not embarrassing," Dad argues.
Will smirks and dips his chin in my direction. "Not to us, but to a
teenager..."
They start a full-blown argument about which one of them is the least embarrassing to a teenager--the answer is none--and I tune it out in favour of watching Kitt, Cooper, and Milo perform. Without thinking, I let go of Dad and step closer.
Kitt's voice calls me, beckoning me forward.
He is beautiful up there onstage. The way he moves his body is so sexual that I feel myself getting hot. I'm sure I'm not the only one. The women I see out in the crowd are all bidding for his attention, trying to get him to notice them. He sings to everyone, individually, all at once.
Kitt owns the stage. The way he handles the guitar at the same time as singing his heart out is magnificent to watch. I can't tear my eyes away. He demands the attention of every person. Including me. Always me.
A heavy arm rests on my shoulder, and Will chuckles. "They're going to be bigger than us."
"Going to be?"
"Hilarious. I just hope your head is screwed on when it comes to Kitt."
Yeah, I don't like where this is going.
"I don't expect anything, Will. I'll be fine."
Only, I know I won't be fine. We've never been together or done anything more than kiss and...dry-humped, but my feelings are real. I would love to turn them off because loving someone who doesn't love you back is heartbreaking.
And Will is right. They're going to be huge, and I'll still be little Texas, daughter of an aging rock god. It's pitiful really.
Finding something I'm good at and that I want to do needs to be shot to number one on my to-do list, even above bingeing on every season of American Horror Story.
"I hope so, Texas, because I don't like it when you're hurting."
"He can't hurt me. We're not together."
Lies, lies, lies.
Will knows it, and I know it. We look at each other with the understanding that I'm talking out of my arse right now.
I sigh. "All right, fine. It's cool though. I know the score. I'm not some idiot, expecting the world from someone who's currently trying to conquer it."
"What you expect and what you want might be two different things, but that doesn't mean it'll hurt any less."
Awesome. This conversation is uplifting.
"Got it, chief. I'm all good," I say lightly, playfully punching his stomach.
"All right, girl." He kisses the side of my head.
We watch the rest of their set in silence, occasionally singing along. Kitt does sing my favourite song louder than the rest, and it makes my heart ache. Through the whole thing, he sings out into the crowd, but it's for me. He holds the mic with two hands when he doesn't need to play the guitar and sings like his life depends on it.
It's the best I've ever heard that song, and it brings a tear to my eye.
With the Band Page 9