I shift my eyes to her subtly. My gaze is dark and she draws back, her head bowed. Then I return my attention to the twins.
“Let me make it up to you,” I say, immediately changing my countenance with a practiced smile.
“Don’t worry about it,” Connor says quickly. There’s a sense of unease about him now. The dark look I gave Yuki wasn’t lost on him it seems.
“Speak for yourself,” Didi retorts. Then she smiles seductively while batting her eyelashes at me. “What did you have in mind?”
Connor doesn’t back down. He points at Yuki and says, “Isn’t she your girlfriend?”
“No. She’s my cousin. She’s in Philadelphia visiting me for a couple weeks. I’ve been showing her around the city.”
“We’re new to the city, too,” Didi blurts.
I grin. “Is that right? Where are you two from?”
“Reverie.”
“You mean the town that’s been all over the news?”
Connor stands right next to his sister and stares me down, unflinching. He has guts at least. “That’s the one,” he says.
“Getting away from all the drama, no doubt,” I say. “Murders, houses burning down… how tragic.”
“You don’t know the half of it.” The female twin frowns.
“Didi, let’s go,” the boy says. He’s itching to leave, but his sister has left herself wide open.
Yuki steps up. She walks over to Connor and touches his arm, flirting. “Don’t you want to hang out with us?” She traces her fingers down his arm. The action leaves a mixture of different emotions on his face, but the distraction is all I need.
I step closer to Didi, and lean down so our eyes are level. “Tell me what I want to know.”
“Anything,” she says, the lightheartedness of her voice is gone, receded into the depths of her being. Breaking through her defenses was easy. She hardly had any to begin with. She’s so consumed by her infatuation with me that it made things even easier. How easily humans give in and forget themselves.
I whisper so only she can hear me, “I want more than you can tell me at the moment. Sneak out of your hotel room tonight. I’ll meet you on the roof, and then we can talk.”
“W-what are you doing?” Connor protests. He breaks free of Yuki’s grasp and pulls Didi away from me. “We’re leaving,” he tells his sister harshly as he pulls her along behind him
She looks back at me with that glazed look, still lost in my spell. I blink to break contact. The light in her eyes returns and she turns her head forward. She follows her brother without complaint, but then she looks over her shoulder. There’s longing in the gesture. She’s helplessly lost in her lust for me. She’ll follow my order without question.
When the twins are out of sight, I turn back to Yuki and growl. “What the hell were you doing?”
“I apologize,” she says.
“I’m not asking for an apology. I asked you a question.” I back her up into the brick structure, and then I slam my hand onto the bricks by her head. My hit is calculated, and I don’t touch her, but she flinches from the force all the same. I’ve made a significant crack in the apartment complex’s little welcome sign, and I was holding back.
“I don’t know,” she says, keeping her voice flat and calm. “My beast got irritated and I had a lapse in judgment.”
“See that it doesn’t happen again.”
“Of course.”
“And wait for me back at the hotel. I’m doing this next part alone.”
I wait outside on the roof of the hotel the twins are staying at. It’s well into the night, making it easy for me to hide in the shadows. Didi hasn’t come out yet, but I’m not worried. She’s too entranced by me to break free of my command. Not even her brother could stop her from carrying it out. It’s buried in her subconscious. She’ll have an incredible urge to do what I told her to, and she’ll give in to it. They always do. So many humans know nothing about mental defenses, and it costs them every time. They’re impressionable, like children.
The door leading to the roof creaks open. Didi comes out, wearing a jacket and sweats, light clothing considering the chill out tonight and the little flurry of snowflakes. She tilts her head left to right as she looks for me. I ease out of the shadows and offer her a smile. She returns the gesture with an energy I find endearing.
“You’re really here!” she exclaims, as if she can’t believe it. “I had this weird thought that I should sneak up here, and that you’d be there waiting for me. Can you believe it?”
“It must be fate,” I agree.
She squints at me. “It’s like your eyes are glowing.”
“Why don’t you take a closer look?”
I meet her halfway. She takes the last steps forward and eagerly gazes into my eyes.
“You’re too tall,” she complains.
I snicker, and then I lean down so our eyes are level. She boldly places her hands on either side of my face and looks at me until her eyes glaze over again.
“About those answers I need from you…,” I say in a low voice. “What do you know about Tasia? Show me everything about her.”
Images of Tasia flicker from behind Didi’s mind and into mine as she begins to share with me all of her memories of the girl who continues to be a complete enigma to me.
I watch her when recess starts. While all the other kids run off with their friends, she goes to the empty tire swing hanging from the elementary school’s oldest oak tree. I have Connor with me. I don’t know what being lonely feels like, but the girl looks sad. She looked sad in class, too.
“Let’s be her friends,” I say.
“Who is she?” my brother asks.
“The lonely girl in our class!”
“I don’t remember her.”
“Because you didn’t look! She’s sad.”
I take Connor’s hand and drag him behind me. I watch the girl as she sits still in the swing. She’s not even swinging. I wonder if she knows that’s what it’s for—swinging. I’m about to tell her that when she looks over her shoulder and sees us. Her brown eyes go big, and she almost falls off the swing.
“I’m Didi,” I say. “This is Connor.”
Connor waves, but he’s looking at the swing.
“Tasia,” the girl says. Her voice is too quiet.
“That’s a pretty necklace you have,” I tell her. It’s a heart.
“Thanks.” She starts playing with the sparkling heart. “It’s a black diamond.”
“If you’re not gonna swing, can I take a turn?” Connor asks.
Tasia shrugs and slides off the swing.
“Thanks!” Connor exclaims as he jumps on.
He stands with his feet in the tire, and he hangs on to the rope. He makes Tarzan noises as he swings back and forth.
Tasia watches him with her big brown eyes. I loop my arm in hers and grin at her.
“You’re our friend now,” I say triumphantly. “You’ll never be alone again.”
I gasp as what feels like a bolt of lightning comes careening through my brain. Didi broke my connection. I thought her partial submission was all I needed to get the answers I want, but it seems I underestimated her. It’s unfortunate because I don’t want to go through the process of breaking her down to the point where I fully own her, to the point where it would be nearly impossible for her to fight against me. Souls are too complicated, and this is why I don’t like to mess with them too much if I can help it.
I fall to my knees and dig my nails into my skull as Didi falls backwards, equally as in pain. She’s whimpering and has her hands buried in her thick, curly orange hair.
“You’re him,” she says in between labored breaths. “You’re the one Tasia was talking about! Your eyes… they’re just like she said: too green to be green.” She screams as she smashes her forehead into the cement beneath her. “What did you do to me?!”
I don’t answer. I work through the now dull throbbing in my skull and make a running leap off this buildi
ng and onto a neighboring building. This didn’t turn out the way I was hoping it would. I’ve rarely looked into someone’s memories with so much detail that they feel like my own memories. Truthfully, it was only one individual I’ve ever shared such a bond with, but she welcomed my invasion. She wanted me to know her and I wanted her to know me. The bond I shared with her was the closest bond I’ve ever shared. It was also the deepest I’ve ever been inside of someone else’s soul. That bond was…
My chest aches as I make my way back to Yuki. My beast mourns for what I’ve lost, but it’s not just loss that’s making my body ache. My beast is mourning because my logician won’t give in to its desires. My logician won’t give in to my beast’s wish to be with Tasia. My beast is so certain I know her. It’s so certain that she’s somehow my greatest desire, even though I’ve never laid eyes on her before October.
Friend. Companion. Teacher. Healer. Fated. Bonded. Lover. Soul mate.
My beast’s desires manifest only as fragmented thoughts twisting inside of my head, a form of communication it does not excel at. It can’t explain why Tasia elicits these feelings inside of me. All it can do is claim that I’m somehow part of her. That’s why my logician so vehemently rejects my beast’s desires. They’re illogical. Compromised. Impossible.
The angel masters used to dive into the souls of their servants, demons who joined the Servant Program. I used to think they went inside someone’s soul as far as possible. The angels delved into our very essence, what makes us each individuals. They kept that knowledge of our individual essence inside of themselves, allowing them the ability to sense us as an individual in a world full of so much light and darkness with ease, as a true individual despite all of that. I’ve done this, too.
Yuki was the first soul I’ve ever seen in so much detail, and because of that connection, I recognize her in a crowd, like a vibration in my own soul, before my eyes, ears, nose, or anything else can pick her out. As intimate as a connection like that is, it’s still an incomplete connection. I can’t command Yuki as if her soul were a slave to mine. I don’t understand how it all works, and I’m not sure I ever will. The angels are the same. They claim to be higher beings, to know so much, but even they don’t understand the full workings of the soul. If they did, they would have made servants submit everything to them. They would have found a way to reach into our souls and steal our free will.
If they’ve learned more about the soul, it might explain what’s been happening with my beast. But even that is hard for me to believe. No angel has seen inside my soul since Erin. No demon has either. No. Besides Erin, only one other has ever been allowed to look inside of me. On the day she, Emma, died, I vowed never to let another see my soul again. I vowed never again to be vulnerable. I vowed revenge. For 81 years I followed through. I stayed true to my vows.
And now I’m coming undone.
MY DREAMS ARE FRAUGHT with darkness. I see his eyes, abnormally bright and greener than any green I’ve ever seen. He has beautiful eyes. They’re powerful, and when I look too deeply, I can’t look away. The reason is clouded, though. I’m sure I was drawn to him just because of his darkness. My parents taught me about those kinds of charms, darkness that will consume you unless you’re guarding yourself. Always guard yourself. There is no question in my mind about his evil. I saw him there, covered in blood and standing over my parents. I know he’s responsible for their deaths and many others.
But I know those eyes.
I’ve seen them before. Or maybe it’s not his eyes I remember, but something much deeper. It’s almost like I see myself reflected in him, a piece of me long forgotten, or maybe a piece of me I never even knew.
Sweat slips down my forehead as I jolt awake and sit up on my bed. I’m breathing heavily, scared awake by recurring nightmares and whispers of nagging thoughts that are nothing but lies conjured by the feelings Arsen placed inside of me.
I notice the light outside my door flicker on and hear footsteps outside my room. My door opens and Fiona stands in the doorway, a dark silhouette.
“You’re awake,” she notes.
I scrunch up the fabric in my already clenched fists. I squeeze, trying to get my breathing under control. Fiona turns on my light and sits on the edge of my bed.
She asks, “Another nightmare?”
“Yes,” I whisper.
“I have some bad news.”
I cringe. I don’t want to hear it, but at the same time I do.
“I know. It sucks, but being a hunter means hearing hard things. Can you handle it?”
“Yes. You don’t have to baby me.”
“It’s not that I’m trying to baby you, Tasia. I know your anxiety’s been worse lately.”
“I don’t hide it very well. Is that what you’re saying?”
“It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
“I can handle it,” I repeat, my tone sharper than I intend.
I don’t mean to snap at Fiona. I’m just so frustrated with myself. I’m frustrated with everything. I’ve never felt as much anger in my life as I do now. I feel like I’m caught between constantly changing moods. I don’t know how to act anymore. It’s like ever since Arsen entered my head, another side of me is trying to surface. Sometimes I think this other side of me is nothing but anger, and other times this other side of me is so infatuated with Arsen I can’t remember my anger at all.
“Your friends, Didi and Connor, their parents are former demon hunters. Just like your parents.”
“W-what? But Didi and Connor nev—”
“Let me finish. They left for the same reason your parents did. I didn’t tell you before because I was trying to respect their privacy and choices. Their children don’t know anything about it. They wanted to start a family, and since neither of their children have a sixth sense, they got away with teaching them as little as possible about the supernatural. They moved to Reverie because it’s been known as a safe haven for many, but that’s the extent of it. Susie and Carl shut out everything they learned as hunters. They didn’t hold on to any weapons or anything. They believed it would only paint them as targets. Most people go throughout their lives without experiencing the supernatural after all, and they don’t surround themselves in charms to keep the evil out.”
“I had no idea about the Johnsons,” I say honestly. “Did my parents know they were hunters?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t know if I should be happy or scared for Connor and Didi.”
“Maybe a little of both,” Fiona suggests.
I frown. My skin feels itchy all over. I’m not sure I can handle hearing whatever bad news she was talking about now. It must have something to do with the Johnsons. If Didi and Connor are hurt, I don’t know what I’ll do.
I try to swallow the persistent lump in my throat. “What’s the bad news?” I ask.
“The twins are fine,” Fiona says, “but they did encounter a couple matching your description of the two demons you saw the night your parents died. One tried to… do something to Didi.”
“Is she hurt?” I ask, tears burning my eyes.
“No. She’s fine. Neither of them got hurt, but the one fitting Arsen’s description tried to do something to Didi. She said it felt like he was inside of her brain, digging for information.”
I gape. “What? Is that even possible? Wouldn’t Didi have had to give in to him or something? Monsters, demons, and even ghosts can’t do anything to someone without some sort of consent, right?”
I shudder when I think about my own infatuation with Arsen. I didn’t think I gave in to him, but…
“I’ve never dealt with a demon before so all I have to go off of is lore and Rynne’s information,” Fiona admits. “But yes. I think it’s safe to assume that Didi didn’t have the defenses necessary to ward Arsen off. She was never taught like you were.”
“Did you take the Johnsons to the base?” I ask, hopeful.
“No. I offered to, but they said they were better off leaving Pennsylva
nia and starting life over in the west. They haven’t seen any sign of Arsen or Yuki since he did whatever it was he did.”
“Is Didi going to be okay?”
“I’m sure she’ll be fine,” Fiona says, but her words don’t sound that convincing. “Susie and Carl will be able to take care of any repercussions. They said Didi’s feeling better already, so I don’t think whatever Arsen did has permanently harmed her or anything. She should be able to go on living her life far away from the supernatural and safe.”
“What did Arsen want with Didi?” I ask, confused.
“He wanted to know more about you.”
“About me?”
Fiona nods. “Because of what happened, Susie and Carl feel it would be best for you and the twins to sever ties.”
My heart fractures. “Oh,” is all I can manage to say to that. I don’t know why I feel so disappointed. Of course I don’t want my friends to get hurt, but to sever ties? I wasn’t prepared for that.
“Is this what it means to be a hunter?” I ask.
“Unfortunately. You can see why some are so eager to get out of this life at some point in time.”
Realization starts wracking my body with shivers and I laugh. “You know the worst part of this, Fiona?”
She glances at me, but doesn’t say a word.
“I could have stopped this. If it really was Arsen Didi saw, I… I’ve been feeling him all around me. I thought it was anxiety, but there have been times I could swear he’s watching me.”
“What about right now?”
“I don’t feel it right now. It comes and goes, but lately it was becoming pretty constant. I just—” I choke. “I just don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know what I’m supposed to believe or if I should even trust my own feelings. How do I become stronger? How do I fight this? How do I stop Arsen from hurting the people I love?”
Hearts Lie (Undying Love, Book 1) Page 20