“What do you mean you’re not sure? Everyone’s on edge.”
“Sadler will do whatever it takes to force Drake to war against Brendan. The fact that he dared to send a Darksider here says he is close.”
“And the bit about me giving birth in the Dark Court?”
He hesitated. “That was the first request. You don’t pay the first request any mind.”
“She kept looking at me. She couldn’t take her eyes off me.”
“If Sadler killed Brendan soon, you would be carrying the leader of the Green Court. If Sadler… controlled you…”
“He would own this court, too.”
“And if he knows Drake is the father of your child, then Sadler might assume he would hold power over him, too.”
“Drake doesn’t care about the baby. He’s married to Sorcha now. What we had is gone. Never happened.”
Grim looked at me with pity. “You don’t understand what Drake has to do to be obeyed.”
“I don’t care. All I care about is keeping the baby safe. If it were up to me, I would kill Vix before she had a chance to leave.” I walked away. I was changing, too.
Chapter Fourteen
My shift in mood didn’t go unnoticed. Brendan arrived, bearing gifts from the human realm: a bar of chocolate and a book about pregnancy. I laughed at both, but I was secretly delighted.
“Now tell me what’s bothering you,” he said. “You looked ill at dinner.”
“I’m grand.”
He smiled. “We all know what that means.”
We sat by the fire, where I pulled up my knees and wrapped a blanket around me. I hadn’t been able to let go of the chill since Vix had left.
“What if you die?” I whispered.
“I’m not planning on dying anytime soon.”
“Seriously, Brendan. What if there’s a battle and you die? What happens to me then? Some fae decides to use me and force me to do their will until the baby is born? Or kills us both to get us out of the way altogether?”
“Arlen won’t let that happen.”
“What if he dies, too? I told you about the mirror.” I shivered at the memory. “It was real, and everyone died. I was alone. I was… different. My eyes were like… Vix’s.” I gasped at the realisation.
“That’s just your worries and imagination combining together to—”
“I know what I saw. You all died. It felt real, and I think it was a sign of what’s to come.”
“But are you sure?”
I thought again of the mirror that had appeared out of nowhere then disappeared into nothing again. “No,” I admitted.
“Then let it go. If you imagine it so, then perhaps it will come to pass. I don’t want to be beaten by my rival.”
I smiled at his tone. “Drake’s your rival now?”
His smile was wider. “He became my rival the moment I was brought into his body and he was too stubborn to get the hell out. Since that very moment, I’ve thought of him as my rival. Not my enemy, just my competition.”
“So you’re a little insecure then. The cockiness doesn’t always stick.”
He leaned forward. “Will you tell me something? Why him? You both vaguely mentioned how you met, but what was it that made you so… attached?”
“Attached?” I pursed my lips. “He married somebody else five minutes after I left.”
“You kissed another when he didn’t say goodbye to you.”
I blanched. That was true, but it wasn’t. That kiss hadn’t been about Drake. Not that kiss. Not with Brendan. I suddenly had realised Brendan had something about him that I wanted, too.
“That wasn’t because of him,” I said in a quiet voice, refusing to look at Brendan. “On the first night, I had just walked away from my friends and stepped into the darkness without looking back. Even now it’s hazy. I was scared, but I didn’t feel. Something kept me calm. I didn’t have the chance to take in what my instincts wanted to feel.”
“Magic,” he commented.
“Yeah. I tasted the wine, and it was like nothing else. I couldn’t wait to drink more. Then he was there, the first person to talk to me, to touch me, to acknowledge my presence properly. And he told me no.” I shook my head, remembering. “It was as if the word cut through the haze. I started to worry. Then he was gone, and I lost it again. I needed him to see clearly. After Sorcha the hag took me into that room and gave me those apples, I was lost.”
“Your apple thing.”
I made a face. “You try eating them until your throat is sore and being unable to stop. Drake was there again, bringing me out of it. He didn’t have to. I’m pretty sure he was only there to try to get close to his father if he showed. But he didn’t, and my appearance didn’t make him feel any safer.”
“So he saved you. He was your hero. That’s what keeps you linked?”
“I think it was the human in him. He had a conscience, and he thought I would die if he didn’t help. Wanna know what I think?”
“What?” He sounded as if he were in a trance.
“I think he was so lonely that when he started talking to me, some part of him realised what he was missing out on, and he didn’t want to be alone anymore. I think that was it for both of us.” I gave him a shy look. “The three of us.”
He flinched then laughed. “Maybe you know more than the rest of us.”
“I touched his wings, and when I went home and knew I would never see him again, I mourned. I was desperate to feel that connection again, to feel the magic around me. The magic is addictive, Brendan, but there’s nothing like having another person in the world who might actually understand you.”
To lighten the mood, I grabbed the chocolate and broke it in half. I held out one half. “Share?”
He smiled and took it. “Thank you.”
We sat in silence, nibbling at the chocolate.
“Can I tell you another secret?” he asked, sounding like a young boy.
“Of course.”
“You know what I did to Sadler. Took his wife and seduced her until she went mad. I did it because I thought I was saving him. I thought he would forget about her.”
“I know.” I hesitated. “I know why you did it.” But I couldn’t imagine it.
“But she was lovely. I’ve never met a person like her since. She was good and pure and kind and sweet-hearted. She was beautiful, inside and out, and I grew fond of her. I wanted the beauty at first. But I didn’t touch her. I just wanted to look. She pined for him, you know. Wept for days. If he had known…” He shivered a little. “I made her love me in the end just to stop her crying. I never planned to. I just wanted to help Sadler forget about her. That’s all. But the tears and the sorrow and the beauty broke my heart. I forced her to love me, and by the time Sadler found us, she had already lost her mind. He took her back anyway, but he couldn’t bear it. He killed her. But I was the monster. It was me. The beauty turned me into a beast.”
I tried my best not to react, but it was hard. I felt so sorry for the woman who had loved Sadler and for the Sadler who didn’t exist anymore, even for Deorad who had never had a chance and for Drake who could have had a better life. And I felt sympathy for Brendan, who had done a terrible thing. He had to live with the regret, suffer for his mistakes.
“Is that why you’re helping me?” I asked. “To atone for what you did to her?”
He shrugged, avoiding my eyes. “Perhaps. Or just… for a chance to be different. I never imagined my life would turn out the way it did, and now I have a second chance. But Sadler will never forgive, and I will never forget. I caused this, and now my people live in fear.”
“War is inevitable,” I said. “You can’t avoid it.”
His pain was obvious. “I know. There’s not a thing I can do to stop it.”
***
I wandered in the gardens alone. It had been three days since Vix had left, and I was more than ready to stretch my legs. My conversation with Brendan had been disturbing, to say the least, and he hadn�
�t been alone with me since. He needed someone to take care of him, someone who would understand him, but some part of him was so monstrous that it terrified me. I couldn’t reconcile the Brendan I knew with the man he had once been. Did he really deserve another chance at life after the things he had done?
I brushed my fingertips across the black roses. I loved them, but I didn’t know why. They should have seemed dark and gloomy. I twisted the bracelet around my wrist. So far, it had gone unnoticed, but it kept everything together in my head—green and silver in equal measure, no matter what side I appeared to be on.
I heard a giggle behind me and spun around. Ronnie. And it hadn’t been a giggle but a sob. In the distance, I saw Bekind at my window, but I followed Ronnie, needing to make sure she was okay.
The woman ran farther into the gardens. I hesitated, but I couldn’t let her leave the court. She would be lost in the faery realm without even her wits to help her. She had suffered enough already.
I ran faster, holding my stomach. The baby had been growing extraordinarily fast, as if she had just been waiting to get back into the faery realm, to go home.
The midwife was due to arrive later that day, and I was excited to discuss what would happen. My fear had turned to hope. A part of me imagined that my little baby could fix the world, that my sole purpose was to bring her to life.
Ronnie moved into the woods, out of sight. Pigs ran squealing past me, almost knocking me over. I thought I heard my name being called, but then I spotted a flash of movement amongst the trees.
I shouted Ronnie’s name and followed, begging her to stop. If anything happened to her, it would be my fault. I had to get her back and talk to Brendan about getting better care for the woman. It was strange to think that crazy woman had been a wanted criminal back in the human realm, that people had somehow imagined her capable of killing me. I had to remind myself that she was actually capable of murder.
Panting, I finally reached her. She was leaning against a tree, her face pressed to the bark.
“Ronnie?” I said cautiously. “Are you all right? Let’s go back where it’s safe, okay? Let’s go back together.”
She whirled around with a mad grin on her face and a sharp dagger in her hand. “I get to have your baby,” she said with a terrifying giggle. “It’s my baby, born again.”
I stepped backward, straight into someone’s arms. A hand covered my mouth as I struggled. The air became blurry as a strange smell filled my nostrils.
Shit.
Darkness enveloped me as I slid further into helplessness.
***
Rough movement woke me. I opened one eye and saw someone’s ankles. Confused, I lay there for a second, wondering what was moving beneath me.
“She’s awake,” Ronnie whispered gleefully. “She’s waking up.”
“Shut up,” another woman said.
For a moment, I thought of Sorcha, maybe even Nella, but no. I should be so lucky. Vix was the one staring down at me. Her eyes were filled with so much scorn that I almost shrank away from her gaze.
“Get up off the floor,” she snapped. “Have some dignity.”
My limbs were stiff, and I struggled to get up. We were in a moving carriage, and as it jolted, I fell into the seat next to Ronnie, my face burning.
I was uninjured, but I was pissed. “What the hell did you do, Ronnie?”
She giggled like a child. “I’m taking my baby home. To his true home.”
“For fuck’s sake.” I glared at Vix. “Congratulations. You’re officially an idiot. Do you know what this is going to do?”
“I know what we hope it’ll do.” She looked away. For all of her darkness, I sensed she was uncomfortable with the situation.
I reached into my boot, but it was empty.
“If you’re looking for this…” Vix held up my dagger, twirling it in her fingers. “Do what you’re told, and no harm will come to you. But do not aggravate me, woman.”
“You’ve been sneaking around the woods all this time?” I asked. “Waiting for Ronnie to get a clue?”
She didn’t respond, so I looked out the window of the carriage. The woods flew by, but we weren’t in the Great Forest.
“How long was I asleep?” I demanded. “You could have killed my baby.”
Vix groaned and shoved a basket at me. “Eat. Drink. Shut your whiny mouth.”
“I need to pee.”
“Wet yourself,” she snapped. “I don’t bloody care. I was ordered to take you alive to the Chaos Court. I don’t have to listen to your carry-on, so be quiet, or I’ll send you back to sleep.”
I sat there fuming that I had been taken so easily, and all because I wanted to help the stupid bitch beside me. “You’re not getting my baby,” I whispered to Ronnie.
“It’s my baby,” she insisted, her face growing red with rage.
“Don’t antagonise her,” Vix said. “Do you know how long it took to convince her? Leave her be. She’s to be pitied.”
“As if you know what pity is.”
She glared at me until I looked away.
I set the basket on the floor and ran the torn edges of my cloak through my fingers. “Are we really going to the Chaos Court?”
“Yes,” Vix said.
“But what does Sadler want with me? What’s the point of even bringing me all of this way if he wants to kill me? Why not—”
“He doesn’t want you. He wants your baby. You’re safe.” She smiled. “For now.”
“They won’t let this happen,” I said softly. “I’m under protection.”
“And now you’re under Sadler’s protection.” She sounded amused. “I’m sure you’ll enjoy your new… life.”
What did that even mean? I had run after Ronnie like an idiot. I had none of my things, and I was pregnant. Sadler was probably going to hide me in a room until Drake and Brendan came looking for me. Then he would hand me over, they would work out a deal, and everything would be okay.
I blew out a sigh. Vix glanced at me with suspicion, so I turned my head and watched the view. As we travelled, groups of soldiers joined us intermittently. We had a huge entourage by the time we hit the Hollows. I spotted Reynard riding on a horse next to us.
“I have dibs on you,” he said through the window. “As soon as Sadler’s done with you, I’ll have seconds. Stay alive for me, why don’t you? I like it when they squirm.” With a roar of laughter, he raced on ahead.
“Idiot,” Vix muttered. “He won’t touch you.”
I felt sick. I wanted to inch closer to her, but I was frozen to the spot. Even if I jumped out of the carriage, we were surrounded by black-clothed soldiers.
“Vix,” I whispered, “I need a minute… to… to… I think I’m going to throw up.”
To my surprise, she called for the driver to halt. The riders moved out of the way as the carriage creaked to a stop. Gripping my arm, Vix helped me out of the carriage and led me into the woods, away from prying eyes. I didn’t throw up, but she let me pee and found a stream for me to splash some water on my face. When I was done, she held my elbow and took me back to the carriage.
“It’ll be easier for you if you accept it and hold your head up high,” Vix whispered. “He likes a bit of backbone. You are safe for a time. Use that time wisely, and perhaps he’ll let you live in the end.”
I stepped back into the carriage. The driver got us rolling again, and I gripped the seat every time we hit a bump. The entourage camped in the woods when night fell, but Vix had Ronnie and me sleep in the carriage. I tried to doze off, but every time I opened my eyes, Vix was wide awake and alert, a dagger in her hands.
“Do I need one of those?” I asked when I caught her eye.
She hesitated before shaking her head. “I heard a rumour that you killed a pooka once. Is that true?”
“Yes, but I didn’t mean to.” I cleared my throat. “I’ve meant to kill since then, though.”
She nodded. “Good. It might see you through. This place… isn’t what
you’re used to.”
I looked out the window. Pairs of soldiers paced while others drank beside camp fires. Sadler must have had a large army if he could spare so many on what was essentially an escort mission.
I glanced up at the lilac moon and wondered if Brendan knew what had happened, if he would do anything, or if anyone was worried. When I finally fell asleep, I dreamt of telling my mother she was going be a grandmother. I woke up before I could see her reaction.
The journey began again. The carriage was probably slightly more comfortable than riding on horseback, but I missed Dubh and riding through the faery realm atop him, despite how dangerous it had been. At least it had been danger I was willing to confront. I had never volunteered to face Sadler.
As the carriage moved closer to the castle of the Court of Chaos, my worries grew. Sadler was my baby’s grandfather. Ronnie had killed Sadler’s son. My friends had stolen a child from Sadler’s grasp already. Was there any chance for me and my baby?
I chewed on my thumbnail when the castle grounds came into view. In the dark, the place looked old and unkempt.
When the carriage stopped, Vix helped me out and led me through a large arch and into the castle. I expected to see Sadler, but all was dark and quiet. We climbed a set of spiral stone stairs. At the top, Vix shoved me inside a circular room.
“What now?” I asked.
Ignoring me, she slammed the door shut. I flinched as the key turned in the lock. There was no candle and no lamp, no light save the moon’s glow through the window. I gazed out across the trees surrounding Sadler’s castle and wondered if I would ever leave again.
Chapter Fifteen
I barely slept. The bed was small and uncomfortable, more of a wooden pallet than an actual bed. The round stone-walled prison was the topmost room in one of the towers, and it was cold and windy. I couldn’t believe my ridiculously bad luck. I had avoided Sadler’s grasp so many times, only to be led right to him by Ronnie, of all people. That idiot should hate Sadler as much as I did.
Then I felt bad. It wasn’t her fault she was insane. That lay on Deorad’s shoulders. With a shiver, I remembered that he was my baby’s grandfather by blood. How had my life gotten so twisted?
Queen (Chaos #3) Page 11