by Dante King
“Like a Jedi Knight more like it, in that setting,” I muttered to myself.
“—then you compliment how light I am,” Janet continued. “You sure know how to butter a girl up.”
“Rescuing a chick is a bit of a panty-dropper move, is it?” I asked.
“It’d work on me,” said Leah Chaosbane airily. She sucked thoughtfully on her cigarette and then added, “If I wore panties, of course.”
Janet snorted.
“La-la-la-la-la-la,” Igor said, stuffing his fingers into his ears and reciting the age-old rhyme to ward off gross words that you don’t want to hear. “No talking of panties around family members. Don’t you recall that conversation we had last Christmas?”
“That was two Christmases ago,” Leah corrected him. “Last Christmas’s hot topic of conversation was how Reginald and you were dragging the Chaosbane name through the mud with all those orgies—”
“Yes, yes, let’s not bring up boring old family squabbles now though, shall we?” Igor said, interrupting. “I’ve got a nice little buzz building behind the eyes. I don’t want it ruined with the exploits of last Christmas. Or the one before it for that matter.”
“Or the one before that,” said Mort. “That was the one where Great Granddaddy Gorlbadock said that you were drinking too much.”
“He said that you looked less like you were born and more that you were squeezed out of a tavern wench’s table rag,” Leah chipped in helpfully.
“That’s right,” said Mort. “That was what he said.”
“And he also said that you should be less assassin and more bounty hunter, Mort, if I’m not mistaken,” Igor said.
Mort colored—and by that, I mean that he flushed from the color of paper to a sort of light eggshell.
“Right, look,” I said, before the Chaosbanes could really start delving into their family history, “why don’t you all head up to the house. Janet and I will follow in a bit.”
“Being a gentleman,” Igor said, “I am required to stay with you until the end of our journey.”
“I can see the house from here, Igor,” I said as Leah and Mort began strolling onward quite unconcernedly. “We’ll be fine.”
“But—” Igor began.
“I’m pretty sure the wine cellar has an untouched barrel of that Mermish Moonshine you’re always talking about,” I said. “Why not go and see if it’s still good?”
Igor gave me a despairing look. “Of course it’s still bleeding good,” he said. “It only gets better the longer it's kept!”
With that, he sprinted off with far more alacrity than I would have thought a man of his rotundity and with his sort of smoking habit could manage.
Enwyn grinned at Janet and I, told us that she would see us up at the house, gave Janet’s shoulder a squeeze, and then walked slowly off after the Chaosbanes.
“So, I guess I owe you an apology,” Janet said meekly, when Enwyn had turned the corner of the lane.
I frowned. “An apology for what?” I asked, genuinely puzzled.
“For making you have to come after me,” Janet replied. “I know you’ve got the Qualifier tomorrow.”
I made a face and waved her apology away. “Are you fucking kidding me?” I said. “If it hadn’t been for you getting into trouble, I might not have got to visit Powder Lane. A little less sleep in return for finding out about that place? That’s a fair trade in my book.”
Janet grinned. “It is pretty cool, huh?”
“I can’t believe no one told me about it before.”
“I was thinking of taking you there one night, you know,” Janet said.
“What, like on a date?”
“If you want to call it that.”
“Wow, who is this girl with the soft marshmallowy center?” I asked teasingly. “What happened to that chick I met at the Iron Maiden concert? The girl who could skull bourbon like a biker and fucked like a pornstar?”
Janet laughed. “Don’t you worry. She’s still here, but I’ve got more than those two arrows in my quiver. I can play the nice, sweet girl too.”
“I’ll believe it when I see it,” I joked.
Janet punched me on the arm and smiled. Gingerly, she stretched one leg and then the other.
“They’re coming back to life,” she said. “I don’t know what the hell drink that sloppy Yeti crook gave me, but it knocked me through a loop.” Janet looked out at the neat fields that stretched away from us. “I’ve gone in there to get my dad some pixie dust a couple of times before. It’s natural stuff, you know, not really that hardcore compared to what you can pick up in Powder Lane. I think, after having the Prison confiscated from him and sharing a dungeon with Barry Chillgrave, that he’s been a bit dejected. He doesn’t enjoy feeling helpless.”
“No, I imagine Idman Thunderstone is the sort of guy who likes to go out and rain retribution on those who have wronged him,” I said. “Coming down like a shitstorm on the heads of those who had the nerve to inconvenience.”
Janet made a face and nodded. “Yeah. That about sums up Dad’s methodology when it comes to dealing with people that piss him off.”
“So, you went out to grab him some of this pixie dust and…?” I said.
“I never had any trouble before,” Janet continued. “This time though, I guess someone recognized me. Saw a way to make a quick purse of gold by tricking me into The Tender Trap club and handing me over to that slob, Oddus.”
“Who was the person who tricked you?” I asked. “How did they do it?”
“She was a woman,” Janet said. “An Ifrit, I think, or some other denizen of the Infernal Realms. She reminded me a little of Madame Xel, you know. Anyway, she was just a dealer. In her defense, I guess she was just taking advantage of an opportunity that fell into her lap. Citizens of the Infernal Realms are cunning and smart and apt to mischief—or so Dad has always told me.”
“She was just a dealer?” I probed.
Janet winced as she stretched her leg again. “Yeah. Red skin, black hair, yellow eyes, killer rack. She got me hook, line, and sinker.”
“So, she saw who you were and had obviously heard that your old man was on the lamb, then she dropped you at a club where she knew the owner and his crew would pay a premium to have Idman Thunderstone’s foxy daughter play the bound and tied Princess Leia.”
“Is that who I’m dressed as?” Janet asked, plucking at the red skirt.
“Yep,” I affirmed, “and if my counsel holds any sway with you, I would be keeping that costume in your bottom drawer and busting it out when you bring me home after our date.”
“That’s a bit presumptuous, isn't it?” Janet said, grinning.
“Not as presumptuous as what I’m planning on doing to you when you get changed into it.” I leaned forward and whispered a few well chosen words into her ear.
Janet bit her lip. “I’ll admit that that sort of bondage is something I might be able to get behind.”
“I still can’t believe that I walked into the cantina from Star Wars,” I said, shaking my head. “Of all the shit that I have seen since arriving in this world, that was, in some way, the weirdest.”
Janet got up from where she was leaning against the wall and took a few unsteady steps.
“How did you go talking to your dad?” she asked me. “Did you manage it in the end? I had to shoot off and run my errand while you and Rick were fiddling about in his forge together.”
“Yeah,” I said, “I managed to talk with him for a little while. It was… eye-opening. I’ll tell you about it as we walk.”
“All right,” she said, “I think I can manage now. Let’s get back to your fraternity house. I wouldn’t mind a glass of that Mermish Moonshine.”
“You say that,” I said, “but do you really want to taste something that has got Igor so excited?”
Janet grinned and looped her arm through mine.
“Good point,” she said as we began to walk back toward my house on the hill. “One brush with death is p
robably enough for one night.”
By the time Janet and I walked through the front door of my parent’s old house, which now doubled as one of the Mazirian Academy fraternity houses, I’d recounted the conversation that I’d shared with Zenidor.
We found everyone in the kitchen, sitting around the table and chatting amiably amongst themselves. Igor, Leah, and Rick were the only ones not present but, from the noise I could hear coming from the pool area, I guessed that whatever drugs Igor had taken were kicking in. From what I could decipher through the open back door, the Rune Mage seemed to think that he was Qujun, God of the Seas. Rick was yelling at him, trying to coax him out of the pool by telling him that he would drown if he wasn’t careful. Leah was goading Igor on, commanding him to hurry up and summon some dolphins so that she could stand on their backs and ride them around the swimming pool.
Everyone was pleased that Janet was back, of course, but I couldn’t let the happy reunion get in the way of the meeting that I had decided to hold that evening in my room.
“I’ve got maybe six hours before I have to get up for the Qualifiers,” I said. “I need to have a meeting with the ladies upstairs.”
“What kind of meeting?” Cecilia asked. There was a slight tremor to her voice, which I deciphered as excitement.
“It involves what my dad said to me when I spoke with him before,” I said. “I need you all up there, please.”
The women all filed out of the room, including the angelic Priestess Entwistle.
“May I join also, Justin?” she asked in that forthright, calming voice that she had.
I smiled and shook my head. “I appreciate that you’re probably interested in what my old, Zenidor, had to say to me. As for now though, I think it’d be better if you were to keep an eye on Janet’s father, Idman.”
“You wish me to keep an eye on Idman Thunderstone?” Mallory asked me, raising one eyebrow about an eighth of an inch to convey her surprise. “Why is this?”
“I’d just really appreciate it, you know,” I said. “I’d consider it a favor.”
Mallory Entwistle made no answer to this. She gave me a searching look and then nodded her head. “There is something in you that compels trust in others, Justin Mauler. I noticed it when first we met. People will follow you. People already do, I notice. You share that trait with your mother and your father. People followed them too. I think it is safe to say that you will go far in this world.”
I didn’t really know how to reply to that, so I nodded my thanks and went after the girls who were chatting amongst themselves as they climbed the great staircase.
“Justin!” a voice said.
I paused, my foot on the bottom step of the staircase.
“Justin,” Idman Thunderstone said to me, striding across the floor of the hall, “I just wanted to say—”
I held up a hand.
“Without being overly blunt, man,” I said, “I accept your apology, and I’m glad that you’re happy that Janet’s back.”
Idman swallowed a couple of times. He looked like a proud man having an internal argument with himself.
“Look,” I said, “I recognize that you’re experiencing one of those topsy turvy falls from grace periods. You used to be one of the biggest badasses in Avalonia and now you’re a fugitive.” I clapped the proud man on the shoulder. “I understand all that, but I want you to understand just how close Janet came to ending up at the very source of Shit’s Creek tonight.”
Idman’s face was a grim mask. It was clear that, as tough and stone-hearted as he pretended to be, and despite the reputation he had built for himself, he had been terrified of losing his daughter.
“She’s your one and only kid, Idman,” I said, giving the man a small smile and patting his shoulder again. “You can’t be fucking sending her out alone on drug deals. Ask me to go next time. We’re not just a fraternity house, remember. What we have here is a family of outcasts and misfits. We look out for each other.”
With that, I turned around and jogged up the stairs.
The girls were waiting for me in my private chamber. It was a large room with a massive emperor-size bed, but even a big room filled up when you have half a dozen beautiful women lounging around inside it.
I closed the door behind me, kicked my boots off, and collapsed on the bed between Odette Scaleblade and Madame Xel.
“Thanks for coming,” I said, looking around at Alura, Cecilia, Janet, Madame Xel, Odette, and Enwyn.
There was a sense of anticipation pervading the room. A feeling of building excitement. I glanced around again and couldn’t help but marvel at how my life had turned out.
Book store clerk to War Mage…
I had spent four years of my adult life sharing a cramped dorm room with another dude, and now here I was sharing an enormous bedroom in a mansion I owned with half a dozen women who could have all quite happily taken up employment as models for Anya Lust.
“So… What’s up, Justin?” Enwyn said.
“Yes, why did you gather us all together like this?” Alura asked, in her sexy aristocrat’s voice.
“Well, basically, I wanted to pick your brains regarding what sorts of spells I should try and create,” I said.
“Regarding what spells you can create, darling?” Cecilia asked. “I’m not following.”
“An explanation of what you and your father talked about might prove useful here, Mr. Mauler,” Odette said from where she lay next to me.
So, as succinctly as I could, I explained what my father had told me; about how I would probably face a hard limit and run out of spell slots eventually, how I was capable of guiding the formation of spells created while I was having sex, and how the only way that I could refine my technique at creating spells was through practice.
“Practice?” Alura asked. She licked her lips, and a mischievous light kindled in her white and gold eyes. “Does that mean what we all think it means?”
I nodded and beamed at the gathered women.
“I don’t think I’d be misspeaking by saying that we all enjoy the relationships we’ve formed, right?” I asked.
There was a deal of agreeable murmurings at this.
“I think that you’ll find that none of us will disagree with you, Mr. Mauler,” Madame Xel said. “I for one, as your sponsorship agent, see myself as being on your team. And if the team benefits from a bit of hardcore, filthy, sweaty, dirty practice…”
The other girls giggled.
I laughed along with them. “I’m glad you’re all so amenable to the idea, and I really appreciate it. I promise I’ll try and make it worth your while…”
The women giggled again. We all knew what I meant by that.
“The thing is, I’ve been trying to look at this new ability in a logical light, and I was wondering what you guys made of it. You’re all smart as hell,” I said, “and my fraternity brothers, who you’ve all come to know now, are falling into defined roles. In short, we’re becoming a team, a real unit.”
“What roles are the boys taking up?” Janet asked.
I puffed out my cheeks. “Well, I’ve got firepower and ranged attacks covered by Damien—the guy is a whizz with Fireballs and has a great eye. Bradley is serving a tank role—”
“Tank role?” Cecilia asked.
“You know, like a heavy hitter. Someone you send in who can take a pounding while dealing out damage hand over fist. Last time I checked, Bradley was going to look into spells to augment his Crimson Titan ability.”
Enwyn, who shared that Fire Magic ability with Bradley, nodded. “That’s a good idea,” she said. “Upgraded, that spell could prove devastating, both in the Mage Games and beyond.”
I nodded my agreement. “Rick was going to try and get stronger and more powerful too. He said to me that he was looking into learning a spell that can cast stone walls around allies.”
“And what about Nigel?” Alura asked.
“Nigel was going to focus on the support position,” I said. “Obvio
usly, and meaning no disrespect to him at all, he doesn’t quite have the physique for an out and out attacker. I have to hand it to the dude though, for someone who started out being shit-scared of flying, he sure can tear it up in the air now.”
“You are thinking that he could fill more of a scout role, yes?” Odette said, in her husky accent. “Since he can fly?
“That’s what I’m thinking, yeah,” I said.
“But you can fly also,” Enwyn said.
“True, but Nigel can zoom around like a fucking hawk without draining nearly as much mana as I do when I fly,” I replied.
“Sounds like you have made your conclusions, as far as roles within your team go,” Madame Xel said, stretching luxuriantly and showing off a great deal of midriff.
“Yeah,” I said, “I guess it does sound like it’s coming together, but what I want to know is this: what kind of spell do you think I should try and create next?”
Janet leaned forward. She had a tactical mind, like her father, and I could tell that this sort of talk interested her deeply.
“What are you thinking, Justin?” she asked. “You sound like you had a plan, but now aren’t so sure.”
I smiled at that observation. “Something like that. You know, I’ve been winging it here since day one, and I thought that it might be interesting to see how a bit of planning played out for me.”
The girls laughed.
“I can’t even imagine what that would look like, darling,” Cecilia said. “Are you even sure that you’re capable of planning?”
“I’ve heard that it's not much of a male strong suit,” Alura said.
I held up my hands. “All right, all right, I get it. Don’t have too good a time busting my balls.”
The girls laughed again and settled down.
“I was thinking, funnily enough,” I said, “that I’d concentrate on bulking up with offensive spells.”
“No way,” said Janet, clapping her hands to her cheeks in faux shock.
“Right,” I said, “but now I’m not so sure. I was leaning more toward some of the spells that I’ve seen you use, Odette.”
“Like my Bone Dragon?” Odette asked.