Shh...Mine (This. Is. Not. Over.)

by Dianne, Shannon

  “Yeah,” I laugh nervously, “I’ve had it for years.” My voice is higher than normal. Shit, Jon knows I’m screwing Malcolm.

  “Are those emeralds?” Cadence leans into the necklace.

  “Yeah, there are, uh, a few small stones in place of the earth and grass.”

  “And bronze?”

  “Yes, for the mountains.”

  “And topaz for the water. Look at that.” He smiles. “And are those diamonds for the polar caps? It is.” He whistles. “Wow.” I want to kill him.

  Yes, the pendant is stunning and the reason why it’s so stunning is that it’s tiny which means that someone spent time cutting the stones and metals small enough to embed them within a minute golden sphere. It’s gorgeous. But Cadence needs to shut the hell up.

  “I wish I knew where you got that from.”

  “It was a gift.” Oh no, why did I say that?

  “From who?” My dad asks. Daddy, sit your ass down!

  “From a friend, you don’t know him.” Oh shit…him.

  “Him?” Jon asks. My eyes dart to Malcolm, his are saying: Ah, Red, I see you’re an amateur in the art of bullshitting. Mine are saying: get me out of this Malcolm! He grins at me and flashes his eyebrows. Stop with the teasing and help!

  “She had a crush in high school.” He says, his eyes still locked on mine.

  “Oh she did didn’t she! He was this All-American type, Danish by blood though.” Cadence says, his voice filled with humor. “Big ass shoulders, tall as hell, he was the only seventeen year old who could grow an after-five shadow. The dude looked like a fucking Viking. But he’s a Dane so it makes sense.” Shut the hell up! “Anyways, he liked to smirk a lot, was a bullshitter by blood. But don’t worry about him Jon, he’s ugly as hell but obviously has great taste in jewelry.” Malcolm looks at Cadence and they smile at each other. “Sweet as button, he was. But the biggest loser there.”

  Mom, help!

  “Cadence, Malcolm, I don’t mean to be rude but Nicky’s getting restless.” She fake laughs. “He wants to head out to the pier before his breakfast comes and his daddy promised him.”

  Jon turns and smiles at Nicky, the story of the pendant is probably already off of his mind. Remember that attention span of his?

  “Nice meeting you.” Jon says to Cadence and Malcolm before he goes to Nicky, scoops him up and carries him outside to look out at the water. I nod to Cadence and Malcolm myself but refuse to meet their eyes, right before I head to my table. My mom is giving one of those, what the fuck just happened? smiles.

  “Who gave you that charm?” She asks through her smile.

  “Malcolm.” I say as I whip the cloth napkin onto my lap. I am going to kill Cadence.

  “Ah. That Cadence is a jokester.”

  “He’s a damn clown.”

  Needless to say once Jon and Nicky arrived, my appetite was gone. To say that I was nervous sitting there at that table was an understatement. Malcolm was right next to us and was privy to every word that we were saying.

  “So you three plan on going somewhere special today?” My dad asks Jon and me.

  “I told Nicky we’d go to the park.” Jon says. “And then I was hoping you could keep him for an hour or two so that Danny and I could grab a drink.”

  “Of course.” My dad believes Jon and my marriage is salvageable. My mom locks eyes with mine and we exchange a silent look of ‘I can’t believe this is happening’.

  “Know any good bars around here?” Jon asks me. Well the bar that I was stroking Malcolm’s dick at yesterday was lovely.

  “No.” I say.

  “Hmm, let me see.” Daddy says. “Cadence, Malcolm,” why me!, “do you know of any bars these two can grab a drink from tonight?” I look at my mom who is now sitting with her eyes closes, presumably praying.

  “Well the best bar is in Charleston.” Cadence says. “That’s about an hour and a half away from here. You two will probably have to spend the night in a hotel but it’s worth it.” I’m going to fucking kill him. I look to Malcolm, his eyes are glued on Cadence. He may just beat me to it.

  “Charleston sounds good.” Jon looks to me. Have you forgotten that I hate you?

  “It’s one of the most romantic cities in the country.” Cadence raises his eyebrows to Jon. Jon smiles. Malcolm clenches his jaw. “Pack an overnight bag.” He reaches over and slaps Jon on the back and winks at me. I look to my mother and see her hand on her head.

  “Charleston it is.” Jon says. “It’s just what we need. Romantic,” He smiles, “alone.” If looks could kill, someone would be giving Jon CPR by now. I shoot a glance over to Malcolm. He’s turned back towards the table, his napkin now lying over his plate, his eyes evading everyone else’s. He’s pissed.

  Charleston

  “I can’t believe I left my phone at the restaurant.” Jon shakes his head. “You’d think with all of these rich white people my phone would be safe alone on a table. Goes to show, people are the same everywhere.” He shakes his head. “You look nice.”

  “Thank you.” I take another sip of my Malbec…not in the mood Jon.

  “Thank you for coming to Charleston with me.”

  “You already thanked me in the car.” I focus my eyes on the bartender.

  “You didn’t talk much on the way here, usually, I can’t shut you up.” He gives a light laugh. Well, do you want to know what I was thinking about? Let’s see, I’m pissed that you insisted on tying up my whole day with your bullshit ploys to lure me into family time with Nicky and my parents. I’m mad that you arranged this Charleston trip without consulting me. I’m angry that I didn’t have a moment to call Malcolm back from last night. And now that I’m here with you, I have to endure a night time of pretending to like you.

  “Where’s Marla?” I ask. “Shouldn’t she be here instead of me?”

  “I said hello to Marla at Marlon’s wedding and that’s it Danny.” I shake my head. Who cares, we are over.

  “Why am I here?”

  “Because I want to remain on speaking terms, I want us to do that for Nicky.”

  “And we will. Now let’s go back to Hilton Head.” I try to slide off of the barstool but he stops me.

  “Danny, I don’t like the way things ended between us.” I stop and watch his eyes drop. “I feel like I did the same thing to you that my father did to my mother.”

  “Yes, you did.” I’m not sugarcoating this for you.

  “And so I want to make things right.”

  “By?”

  “By saying that I’m sorry, that I should’ve came back to you that night at the Ritz. I should’ve told you that there was no woman in my room and told you that I was a mess that night. You were there, you weren’t wearing your rings…” He takes a sip of his drink.

  “Are you serious? This coming from the man who left his wedding ring in the bedroom closet?”

  “I fucked up.” He downs his rum and then shakes his head before looking at me. And with that look he gives me, my defenses fade and I relax. Yeah Jon, we failed at this. “I’m sorry.” There are tears in his eyes. Jon, it wasn’t just you. It was me too.

  “Me too.” I place a hand over his and he grabs onto it.

  “Damn, we’re done.”

  I nod, tears in my eyes. Yeah, we are and it’s so hard for me to move on right now even though I want to.

  “I’m used to you, I’m attached to you but…” I say.

  “You don’t love me.”

  “And you don’t love me.”

  “I do.”

  We look at each other and say nothing. He doesn’t mean that, it’s just that Jon doesn’t like change. He doesn’t like anything new until he’s had it and then he likes it. Once he finds out how good it’ll be to be mentally free of me, things will change. They have to because I can’t give up Malcolm. I know it’s just been a few days but I’ve had him on my mind for over a decade. For some reason, I fit with him. I fit with him in a way that I don’t fit with you, Jon.

&nbs
p; “But it won’t work.” Jon says before breaking eye contact, sliding his hand from underneath mine and downing the rest of his rum. “Another.” He says to the bartender, pushing his glass across the counter. And then the conversation is over. We sit in silence for another half hour while Jon watches the TV screens and drinks his rum and I sit beside him and wait for him to finish.

  Me 3:44 am: Breakfast, tomorrow? Paw’s…at 8:30?

  Malcolm 3:44 am: God, yes.

  Last night with Jon was short. He drank himself into oblivion and then we walked across the street to our hotel. As soon as we got in, he fell on the couch and slept until six in the morning.

  “Let’s go back.” I said as I bent over him, already dressed.

  “Is something wrong?” He asked as he sat up.

  “I need to get back to a client.”

  “While you’re on vacation?”

  “I run a literary agency; the best place to meet a new author is on vacation.” I smiled and he mumbled his okays. “Oh and Plantation’s Kitchen left a voicemail last night, they found your phone.” He murmured about why it took them so long to find it and then proceeded to get dressed. The ride back was filled with rap and road so by the time we arrive in Hilton Head, I nearly fall out of the car. I am really over Jon.

  And now I’m walking towards Paw’s and I see him standing there. Malcolm is watching my every step, his eyes are trailing my hips in my dress and I never want him to stop. Never. I don’t care about Laura, I don’t care about Jon, I just want him to watch me forever and I want to walk to him forever. I want all roads to lead to him.

  “I’m sorry Danielle.” He says as I reach him. “I’m sorry about the other night, I promise you baby, that will never happen again.” He looks like he wants to touch me but he’s not sure. He’s probably wondering if I asked Jon down here because of Laura. He wonders if I slept with Jon last night. He’s wondering if this is a kiss off conversation.

  “Do you love her?”

  “No.” He whispers. Wow, he actually looks worried. Malcolm looks worried. “You look worried.”

  “I am.” I look into his face and see sincerity. No bullshitting, no coy smile, no little smirk, no cool ass air to him. He has a bit of after-five shadow on his face and his hair looks ruffled. I know this is his ‘been up all night’ look but to me he just looks like that rugged all-American Viking that Cadence talked about yesterday. One who spent a night running the town with friends. He doesn’t look like the man who probably stayed up all night fighting with Cadence and worrying that my legs were wrapped around another man.

  “Where’s Laura?”

  “Her mother came and got her.”

  “She lives in Boston?”

  “She does.”

  “Is she insane?”

  “More like desperate.”

  “For a husband?”

  “For me.”

  “That’s serious.”

  “I’m just being honest.”

  “Should I worry?” Hope springs back into his eyes.

  “Never.”

  “Can I trust you?”

  “Yes.” He whispers that and it sounds like a mixture of exasperation and desperation is flooding inside of him. Relax Viking, I believe you. And without even so much as a pause, I can’t help but throw myself to him and kiss him madly. Viciously. Hungrily. Desperately. As desperate as his whispers sound. It’s too early to kiss like this. A kiss is like alcohol, it should have a chaser before lunch time, after that, it’s fair game. A mad kiss is improper at this hour…but he’s kissing me back. He wants me, I want him and it’s been a long time coming. He wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me closer. His smell…his smell…

  “Your smell.” I say against his lips.

  “Leave him.” He says back against them.

  “Why?”

  “Because I’m desperate for you.” It’s a raw and honest statement and I believe it. I see the desperation in his eyes, I hear it in his voice.

  “I’m moving back to Boston next week.” He closes his eyes and runs a hand over my cheek.

  “Okay.” He sounds relieved at first and then I see his breath catch in his chest. “With him?”

  “No.” He opens his eyes and pulls me even closer, if that’s even possible.

  “Okay…” He nods and smiles. He’s back to himself now. “Okay.”

  Jon

  November 30th

  She couldn’t wait to get her ass back to him. I’m not dumb. I knew that she wanted to go back to Hilton Head to meet up with him. I saw how pissed he was when I was introduced to him. There was a moment of hate that eased itself into a fake ass smile. He’s the bullshitting type, there’s no doubt about that. But Danny doesn’t seem to mind.

  Right now, we’re at some bar, there’s a band playing on stage and the guitar is damn near making me deaf. Coldplay’s the band, whoever the hell they are. They came here to this spot in the Theatre District with Jacob, his wife Winnie, Nat and his wife Dena. How do I know their names? I’ve looked them up. Each and every one of them. I’ve ran background checks on them. I’ve scanned past newspaper articles. I’ve retrieved all of their addresses, phone numbers and email addresses. It wasn’t hard. That’s part of my job. I find shit out.

  I’m watching Danny right now. She’s attacking this new boyfriend of hers while she bounces to the music. Her mouth seems glued to his while a crowd of people stand around them. Coldplay sounds horrible; I have no idea why she even likes this type of music. What does she have in common with a bunch of white guys singing about depressing shit? But then again, she seems to like white boys these days.

  “This shit is annoying.” I yell to Marlon who’s drinking a beer next to me. “Can you even understand what the hell they’re saying?”

  “I don’t think that’s the point.” Marcus yells back. “I think it’s all about the energy.” He starts bobbing his head up and down. Whatever. I look back to Danny. It’s dark but I can see her and that white boy. He’s bending over her, smiling and her hand is pulling at his collar. His hands slide a little up the black dress she has on that barely covers her ass. I can tell he’s tracing his fingers right along the undercut of her ass because now she’s laughing. His smile is wider now but they say nothing. They’re staring right into each other’s eyes and now she’s just trailed her tongue along his bottom lip. They’re kissing again now and she’s just wrapped her lips around his tongue and it looks like she’s sucking on it, her head slowly moves up and down. He’s smiling again. She just pulled away and winked. He’s now burying his head into her neck and it looks like his arms have a death grip around her. Mine. Her hands are running through his hair and her eyes are closed. Hmm…this scene is interesting. I’d damn near have to take a jack into the bedroom to crank Danielle’s legs open and even then, she only wanted missionary. No sucking, no winking, no tricks. Just get it over with already!, she screamed out one time. That was the last time I slept with her. This new Danielle at this concert with this white boy is different. She’s the aggressive one. This is the biggest insult that has ever been delivered to me. The fact that Marlon is here to see this is even more embarrassing.

  “This is a popular song.” Marlon screams to me. “I saw them on the Grammy’s performing it. I kinda like it. ...for some reason I can’t explain, I know St. Peter won’t call my name.” He sings before laughing. “It’s catchy!” I ignore him; we didn’t come here to listen to music.

  “So this is who she wants.” I point to Malcolm. Marlon shrugs. “This is who she divorced me for.”

  “That was a quick ass divorce.” Thanks Marlon. He laughs.

  Danielle had me served the next week after Hilton Head. She found out where I was staying, thanks to Marlon and Jasmine, and had divorce papers delivered to my hotel room in Chicago, right after work. All she wanted was support for Nicky. Everything else was protected by her prenup and the house is in her parent’s name so I walked away, giving what’s due to my boy. That’s fair. But I can’t help bu
t to feel some kind of way about it all. Once I saw Malcolm’s name on the divorce papers and discovered that he was the one who initiated it all, I grew even more suspicious than I already was. I’m sure serving me those papers was felt sweet after I purposely asked if there was somewhere Danny and I could have a drink. He’s probably been plotting his revenge from that morning since the moment it happened. Hey, that was war and she was my wife. I could have taken her anywhere I wanted to. Now here I am, reduced to watching my ex-wife grope her boyfriend in a crowd of drunk white people. And there she is, bouncing up and down, acting like a white girl. Have fun Danny. Good times don’t last always.

  December 1st

  I have a two week holiday vacation and I’m spending it in Boston. Danny doesn’t know I’m here yet which is why I can be comfortably parked outside of her condo and watch her as she leaves the building with Nicky. It just stopped snowing so the roads are filled with dirty slush and the sidewalks have two inches of snow on them. But Danny, like always, is prepared. She walks out of the building with a smile on her face, hand-in-hand with Nicky. He’s excited it seems because of the snow. He has his blue snowsuit on and she has on a dress with tall boots and a long wool coat. She has a blue scarf wrapped around her neck and tucked into her coat. She looks perfect. I’ll be honest, since I’m from LA, I always had a thing for east coast girls. Still do. I like them best when it’s cold and they’re dressed in something sexy like knee high boots, a scarf and leather gloves. Danny looks sexy right now. She’s wearing her hair down today and it’s blowing around as she and Nicky walk to the corner of her street. They’re heading into Panera Bread and Nicky runs ahead of her to open its doors. He struggles of course but she lets him open it alone and even walks in first. Thank you, she says as she turns around and reaches her hand out for him. He grabs it and they head inside.