Shh...Mine (This. Is. Not. Over.)

by Dianne, Shannon

  “Yes, but am I the only one that you’re fucking?” Rena looks at him and waits for an answer right along with me. Malcolm looks at me like he can’t believe I would ask such a question. Well why not? You’re ex-fiancé is a damn nut case! Are you or are you not still screwing her?

  “I’m done with games, Red. Okay? I’ve waited twelve years to get you which means I’ve had twelve years to be a fuck up. Those days are done. Over. You’re who I want, you are mine.” He widens his legs, letting me know that he has spoken. He means business. I look to Rena.

  “Hmm.” She says. She’s both impressed and convinced. I look back to him and he’s still looking at me, those chocolate eyes are soft right now. “Only a man with a big dick talks like that.” Only Rena… Malcolm belts out a laugh that echoes in the street and Rena joins in. I want to laugh but I’m still mad so I choke down my giggle and cross my arms tighter at my chest.

  “Yeah,” He nods with a smirk, “you don’t even know the half of it. Tell her, Red.” They both laugh again and I can’t help but to smile. “All I want to do Rena, is make her smile.”

  I have to admit, I’ve never met a man who is so gentle with me as Malcolm. I guess the most endearing part of him is that he’s barbarous yet he’s tender. His complexity awes me. The way people respect him, awes me. The way he gets his way with a smile as opposed to a fist, awes me. How he has built his own division of Blair and Associates here in Boston, awes me. The way he looks, awes me. The way he treats me, awes me. The way I feel so uninhibited with him, awes me. The way I feel so connected, so deeply connected to this man, awes me. The way I get chills when he touches me, awes me. The way he is so dedicated to me, to us, awes me. He awes me. Laura cannot have him.

  “Laura can’t have you.” I say to him as they’re on the tail end of their laughter. Rena’s eyebrows slant up and Malcolm’s face turns into a smirk. The Malcolm smirk. He and I have a stare off. She can’t have me, huh?, his smirk is saying.

  “Danielle,” Rena says to me as she starts to back away, “whenever you’re ready…” She holds up a sheet of paper, presumably Laura’s address.

  “Call you tomorrow.”

  She nods and heads back inside of her house.

  He gives her a nod and a wave before running his hands over my cheeks. And as he lowers his mouth to mine, I totally forget to ask him how he knew how to find me.

  Her Condo

  “Come home with me Danielle.” He says against my ear as we stand in the doorway of my condo. Trust me I want to go but my pride won’t let me. See, I just can’t allow Laura to steal my control and I can’t allow Malcolm to be the benefactor of it. I want to be with him, I want to enjoy him, but I don’t want to need him. I don’t want him to feel as though he is my lifeline now because then I change from being fun into being a burden. I will not be Malcolm’s burden. That would make me no different than Laura. I am competent of caring for myself, I am not a dead weight, am I your asset Malcolm, I am not your load.

  “She doesn’t scare me.” I say as I look up into his face and outline his jaw with me fingers. I love a man with a square jaw, simply because it’s a purely masculine trait that no woman in their right mind would want. He gives me that Malcolm smirk before he pulls me close to him by my waist. I lean into his body and inhale deeply. “You’re smell…” He leans down to kiss me and I back my head away slightly. I bite my bottom lip, he smiles. Our noses are touching now; he goes in for another kiss. I back away slightly again. “I’m teasing you.”

  “I know.” He whispers before running a hand down my cheek. Malcolm likes a tease. He likes when I look at him over my lashes. He smiles when I run my lips over his without trying to part them. He smiles when I sit on top of him as he throbs inside of me and I won’t move. He laughs before he grabs hold of my ass and gives it a light swat. He’s one of those men who has had everything they’ve wanted, when they’ve wanted it their entire lives. So, he likes deferred pleasure, anticipation, the prolonged destination to satisfaction, he relishes the joy of not getting immediate gratification, he likes the journey as opposed to the journey's end. He’s the type that doesn’t enjoy an orgasm more than he enjoys reaching it. “Come home with me.” His voice is so heavy right now that I nearly close my front door, lock it and then throw away the key. Wherever you lay your head, for the rest of your life, is where I’ll be. “Just until this is taken care of.”

  “I’m fine.” I push off of him and head into my condo. “Call you tomorrow.” He slides his hands into his coat pockets and his eyes scan me.

  “I’ve ordered a town car for you for the time being.” Shit. I forgot about my car. Annoyance creeps back into me; that bitch had the nerve to drive away with my car. She didn’t terrorize it, abuse it, or assault it; she just hopped in, adjusted the mirrors and drove away. Yeah, she’s looney. I nod okay and then slide my door closed. He wants me to ask him to stay, which is why I don’t. With a smile on my face I turn around and head to my room. Along the way, I unblock his number and then throw the phone and clutch on the bed. Am I scared? Hell yeah. Will I tell anyone that I am? Hell no.

  I decide to turn nothing on while in my condo, I’m concentrating on whether or not I hear anything weird. I nearly yank my clothes off and hop into the shower. If Laura comes and I’m in the shower, she’s caught me off guard. I take the quickest shower of my life, turn it off and then stand quietly in the bathroom. I hear nothing. I damn near tiptoe out of my room, looking around it before I head to the dresser and throw on a shirt and pants. I can’t be dressed in something flimsy if I’m caught off guard. I head to my closet and grab some ballet flats out of it and put them by my bed. I put my clutch on my nightstand and I plug my phone into its charger. And then I lay back on the bed…and sleeeep…

  It’s Louisiana; I know it is, I can just feel it. I look up and the sky is dark and spooky looking but it’s filled with stars that some clouds keep passing over. It’s Christmas time but it’s a nice chill in the air. I know it’s Christmas because a blues band just started singing and they’re singing a Ray Charles Christmas song. I smile. Who doesn’t love Ray Charles? I look down and notice all around me are friends. All of the running buddies Rena and I hang around in college are here. And then I see my main friends: Jasmine, Rena, Marlon, Matt, Jon. Jon. He’s smiling. Wait, Jon is smiling? Marlon is talking to him and he’s smiling. Powdered sugar then starts to float around us and I smell fried dough. Ooh…beignets.

  “I want a beignet.” I say to Jon while I pull his jacket sleeve.

  “Okay.” Is all he says and then Rena and Jasmine laugh. I look at them, wondering what’s so funny.

  “Here, Danny.” Jon says, he already has my beignet. Wow, that was fast. I eat it and then look around. I love it here. I love Louisiana. I always want to stay here. It’s simple and sweet here. I take another bite of my beignet. Simple and sweet…

  My eyes open. I look around my room. Nothing’s wrong. Damn, I miss simple and sweet. Nothing was ever heavy in college, my friends were certain, my daily routine was certain and there was no conflict. Simple and sweet. Jon. I reach for my cell phone and then look at the time. One a.m. It’s only ten o’clock in LA.

  Me 1:00 am: Hey.

  Jon 1:01am: Hey, what’s up?

  Me 1:01 am: Had that dream I always have.

  Jon 1:01 am: Simple and sweet

  Me 1:02 am: You remember…

  Jon 1:02 am: Of course I do. How was the beignet?

  Me 1:02 am: Haha! Perfect

  Jon 1:03 am: Good times in New Orleans

  Me 1:03 am: The best.

  Jon 1:04 am: Never too late to have simple and sweet

  Me 1:10 am: Everything’s so complicated now

  Jon 1:10 am: Thinking the same thing. I miss old times…that mom/pop coffee shop you loved there. No Starbucks for you back then.

  Me 1:11 am: Jeez, I forgot about that

  Jon 1:11 am: I haven’t

  Malcolm 1:13 am: Sleep?

  Me 1:13 am: Just laying here
>
  Malcolm 1:14 am: Just thinking, Hilton Head just before Christmas? Call your parents and friends, invite them down. I’ll call the crew…my family. Rent a few homes next to each other. Go to Paw’s for coffee…decorate with the kids. Be back in Boston by Christmas Day.

  Wow, wasn’t I just talking about that a few night ago? How ironic.

  Me 1:16am: That sounds perfect.

  Jon 1:17am: Goodnight.

  Me 1:17am: Night Jon.

  I sit back on my bed, staring at the ceiling, a smile on my face. It’s the biggest smile my face has ever seen. Damn, I love you too Malcolm. There was still a chance at simple and sweet. It would just be a new version of simple and sweet. Wait…hold on…why is my fire detector blinking? Does it usually blink? I stare at it. Blink. Blink. Blink. Don’t they only blink for low batteries or fires? I sit up. There’s no fire and that annoying ass chirp it gives off for the low battery isn’t there. Something’s up.

  Me 1:23 am: Something’s wrong. My fire detector is blinking.

  Malcolm 1:23 am: On my way

  This bitch is crazy! I get up and slide into my ballet flats and then proceed to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. This can’t be happening to me. I can’t be dealing with a psycho. I have a son, he needs to feel safe and I need for him to feel safe. What in the hell am I going to do when Jon brings Nicky back? I’ve got to think. I go back to my bedroom to get my cell phone.

  Me 1:35 am: I’m being stalked by someone, sounds crazy, I know. I’ll call tomorrow and explain. I’m concerned for Nicky.

  Jon 1:37 am: What the fuck? Who’s stalking you?

  Me 1:37 am: No idea.

  Jon 1:38 am: I’ll come back to Boston tomorrow.

  Me 1:39 am: No, I don’t want Nicky here

  Jon 1:39 am: I’ll fly you to LA.

  Me 1:40 am: We need to handle this Laura bitch. What can you do?

  Rena 1:45 am: Freeze her accounts, report some discrepancies to the IRS, have her audited…make her life hell.

  Me 1:46 am: Do it.

  Rena 1:47 am: Done… have some connects who like to play with fire, borrow cars. I can always give them her address. Scare the shit out of her.

  Me 1:47 am: The works

  Rena 1:48am: Keep you posted

  A knock on my door. Malcolm. I toss my phone on my bed and rush to the door and look out of the peep hole to see him, Nat and Jacob there. Malcolm is checking his cell phone and clenching his jaw.

  “Fucking cocksucker.” He says to Nat and Josh. Who? I swing the door open and he’s looking at me, his face softer. They all have on sweats and t-shirts, no jackets. Tough guys.

  “My detector is blinking and I’ve never seen it do it before.” I say as they walk in.

  “In your room?” Nat asks.

  “Yeah.” They all go into my room while I trail them. Malcolm reaches up and jiggles the case of the smoke detector free. Wires fall out. Malcolm give a deep exhale before the three of them grab some long back things from the waist of their sweatpants. It looks like the bomb finders TSA uses in airports. Without saying a word, they break apart, each of them running their bomb finder along pictures, dressers, fire detectors, sofas, window frames and floor boards. I stand in the doorway of my bedroom and watch them work and that’s when I hear Jacob’s bomb finder beep over and over. He’s on the floor near my couch. They all walk over, lift the couch and find wires taped to the bottom of it.

  “Tell me this is a joke.” I say. My condo is wired! Malcolm stands and runs a hand over his face before looking at me. He looks exhausted. Laura is exhausting him and I don’t give a damn. She may be exhausting him but she’s harassing me. I give off a cynical laugh and head to the kitchen. So this is how you handle things Malcolm? The guys are whispering now, more bomb finders are going off and I’m drinking coffee like it’s water. This bitch has wired my home! But when? I just noticed the blinking smoke detector tonight. Simple and Sweet. All I want is simple and sweet. I head to my bedroom and find Nat in there scanning my bathroom. The bomb finder goes off. You’ve got to be kidding me! He shoots me a look that says, I know, this shit is ridiculous.

  “Calm down Danielle.” He says before he pulls wires out of a light bulb fixture. I sit on my bed, stunned. This has gotten out of control. I mean, the next logical step is for her to kill me, right? After she makes my life a living hell, she’ll kill me.

  After a half hour, the men convene in my living room, a pile of wires on the floor near my door. Nat and Jacob are whispering among themselves but Malcolm is looking at me. He looks so tired. I want to go over there and rub my fingers through his hair and tell him that this isn’t his fault. I really don’t blame him, it’s not his fault Laura is crazy. But for me to console him in my time of turmoil would be stupid. He has to know that he needs to fix this. Now.

  “Grab some clothes.” He says to me. I don’t budge.

  “She won’t run me out of my own home.” Before I can barely finish the sentence, he’s walking past me into my room. I look and see a suitcase plop on my bed immediately followed by Jimmy Choos.

  “Fine. One night and that’s it.” But I’m secretly glad I’m going because I’m scared as hell. And then his phone vibrates…and vibrates…and vibrates. He looks at it and then looks at me. Laura.

  Malcolm

  His Condo

  “I’m vulnerable.” She reaches her hand inside of my boxers and strokes me, paying close attention to the tip. “Take advantage of me.” I slide on top of her and feel her sliding my boxers down.

  She’s already naked. That’s how she likes to sleep. She’s trying to be tough, that much is obvious, but I can see right through her. Usually, I wouldn’t have agreed to lovemaking at a time like this but I know Red isn’t like most women. Most women would prefer to talk things over in order to feel better, Red prefers lovemaking. She’s said before that sex is the closest form of meditation that most people experience their enter lives. It’s an act that involves your body and mind and keeps you in the present, right in the moment. So I help her meditate tonight…slowly. Deeply. There is no dirty talk, no ass slapping, no screaming, no smiling, no winking. This is meditation. This is knowing that we are assigned to each other in this life to have each other’s back, to bring each other ecstasy, to make each other bend over in laughter, to share each other’s food at the best restaurants, to drink coffee at the coziest dives, to feel comfortable with exploring sexual fantasies, to build an empire, to be pissed with each other and then to climb on top of the other and call a truce. It’s just us two, no one else. Our secrets, our raunchiness, our tasting, our memories, our inside jokes, our nostalgia is just for us. And, when we’re done meditating, I drag her on top of me and wrap my arms around her tightly. You make life’s rollercoaster worth the ride. It’s exciting, it’s scary, it plunges low, it soars high, it’s unpredictable, it’s expected, it’s everything but nothing without you.

  “Do you need anything?”

  “Nope.” She stretches.

  “Coffee?” I ask.

  “Not yet.”

  “Let me know.”

  She moves closer to me and buries her head inside of my neck. I drag her leg over my waist and run my hands down her back and rest them on her ass. Damn, I want to say it. It’s not that she doesn’t know how I feel but a woman likes to hear a man say it. It’s been a while coming so I should say it but then again, alight of all the shit that’s going on, maybe I shouldn’t. I want things to be right when I say it; I don’t want it to appear like I’m using the words as a saving grace. But I don’t want to pass up a chance to tell her. I don’t want her to think that I don’t. But she has to know that I do.

  The fact is that, I’m a damn pussy when it comes to Danielle. That’s the running joke with Nat, Cadence, Jacob and the others. I laugh with them, after all, I can’t deny it. Nat’s caught me massaging her feet in my office; Jacob’s caught me ordering a few dozen flowers for her with a note that only read: Yellow. He immediately knew it was in reference to Coldplay’
s song of the same name.

  “Yes, I’m a pussy.” I said to them as I walked into a meeting one morning and saw them snickering together. I knew I was the running joke again.

  “Whew, glad you were the one to say it.” Jacob said.

  You have to understand, after so many years, after Red getting married, after me believing we’d never have the chance to live out our dream, for me it’s a miracle that she’s laying here with me right now. She’s not perfect, I know the demons she’s fighting. She wants things done her way, when she wants them done. She has zero tolerance for inadequacy, she’s allergic to bullshit. And as we all know, I’m a bullshit artist. I’ve practiced it since I was young, my law practice is built on it, my public persona rests upon it. Smile. Shake hands. Nod. Sure, I understand the affair wasn’t your fault. Of course, you wore a condom, babies are miracles, and miracles defy a condom’s 98% effective rate. But with Red it’s different. She demands that I leave the bullshit at the door when I come to her. And, believe it or not, I’m grateful for that. I finally have a woman who doesn’t want Attorney Blair. She wants Malcolm. For once, I’m Malcolm. I’m the man I want to be with her. I dote on her, I know I do. If I won’t, someone will. Jon comes to mind. I see that he’s come to his damn senses and wants her back. Not happening. He had her for nine years; his time is over and will never arise again. Never.

  So, while Red is concerned about Laura, I’m not worried about her at all. Laura’s more concerned about me, not Red. Yes, she’s been coming up to my office, calling me nonstop and popping up outside of my condo but I can tell you now, it’s not Laura. She’s not a fighter, that’s more Lola’s style. Laura is more passive, she’d rather give me the guilt trip instead of harass a woman. She’s told me that I never loved her; my heart wasn’t into us as a couple. Therefore, she was always desperate for my attention and love. And I believe her; she’s right. But just because she’s right, doesn’t mean that we have to make each other miserable by marrying each other. I felt guilty enough to continue the relationship after she slept with my brother. She was right, I never gave us a fair chance, I always compared her to Danielle. But then I came to my senses. I don’t love her, I don’t want her and she’s fucked my brother. I’m done with her. But even though she’s upset and teary-eyed when she’s begging me back, she’s not the one fucking with Red. Jon is.