I guess she meant it fit better.
‘For what it’s worth, I think you look as good as ever.’
‘I wish I felt that way,’ she sighed. ‘What are you wearing tomorrow?’
‘I thought of the fuchsia blouse and the same pants.’
‘I’ll give you a skirt.’
‘Okay, let’s go then.’
It was around four in the afternoon and for two hours we were walking around the city clicking pictures of Aisha posing. Tejas and I had already walked through the area in the afternoon.
Aisha’s mood had changed dramatically.
When we got back to the hotel, I took three sachets from Aisha’s pouch without telling her. I wasn’t certain what would happen and I knew I was overcompensating, but who could predict these things.
We had an hour to go before leaving for dinner and I dozed off.
By the time Aisha woke me up, I had twenty minutes to get ready.
She wanted me to get some rest, she said. Not the ideal situation but it couldn’t be helped. I wasn’t used to taking long to dress up anyway. Aisha insisted on me wearing makeup and was done with my face in ten minutes. She was looking glamorous in a black off-shoulder dress and I wasn’t looking too bad in Aisha’s pink tunic. Tejas was looking as good as ever, in an open collar two-piece suit.
The restaurant was in Hotel Druk and we took a cab. Our evening began with Pema having us try the local beer in the bar adjoining the restaurant. The bar was colonial in style with exquisitely carved wooden furniture and interiors, the perfect place to have a whiskey and a cigar. Tejas was thoroughly impressed.
The plan was to have dinner and then go to a karaoke bar to end the night. Pema looked completely different, about ten years younger. She was wearing a silk blouse and a trendy grey coat that reached her ankles.
After an hour into the meal, when we’d had a lot of beer and the conversation was flowing, Pema was keen to know what working at Litracy was like. I was happy to tell her the nitty-gritties.
Aisha couldn’t stop raving about the food and I kept a close eye on her. By the time we’d eaten our main courses, I’d lost count of how many drinks we’d had. It was good, liquid courage for me for the night to come.
Pema spent the latter of the evening gushing over Tejas and talking to him about her own travels. She was the nicest person ever but I couldn’t stand their connection, to be honest.
After dinner, we went to a funky-looking karaoke bar and Tejas and her singing duets there was just too much for me to handle. I decided to leave, saying I had some planning to do.
Pema and Aisha were going to continue with the night. I’d spilled beer on myself at some point in the night but Aisha waved it off saying she’d seen worse. I didn’t expect Tejas to come along but he did. I made my decision that second, when Tejas and I headed back to the hotel together.
‘Wanna have a drink?’ I asked when we reached the hotel. I half-hoped he’d say no.
‘Sure,’ he said.
Shit.
10
Under Pressure
– TEJAS –
Friday, 25 August
All the beer has taken the edge off. I know Pema now, and Ruhi’s going to be there too. I’m not that nervous about speaking tomorrow. If only that were the case with Ruhi. I can’t believe I’m going to end it. It is the right thing to do . Of course, it will be painful, more for her than me. Anyway, I’ll worry about that back home in Delhi.
It was good to see Ruhi having fun, but she was stumbling a bit and I decided to accompany her back to the hotel. I was enjoying her company, and decided to have one last drink with her before plying her with a full litre of water and putting her to bed. It was only 11 p.m. and she’d be good for the morning.
She really was a different person away from Farah. She spent all day wanting to kiss in public like the other tourists. I was a little wary because of what I’d decided to do, but it was okay that we could have our last dance in Bhutan.
‘Hey.’ She was back.
‘You changed.’
Ruhi was wearing a bathrobe.
‘Yes.’ She came up to me and began kissing me with fresh vigour.
Her hands – uh oh.
‘Ruhi, we need to talk!’ I said, pushing her away.
‘Can’t we just, you know?’
‘I’m not going to, till you’re sober.’
‘I’m prepared.’ She showed me what was in her hand.
I would kick myself for doing this while Ruhi was in such a drunk state, but I could not lead this girl on.
‘Look, we can talk. But this isn’t working out between us.’ I told her how, when we met, she got me out of a dark spot, and I was grateful and vulnerable, but no more. Not till she was emotionally ready.
She began crying and babbling and did not stop. I listened. I went to the minibar and poured a vodka for myself. Then a rum.
Despite my protests, Ruhi insisted on doing the same. I listened some more.
‘Is there something wrong with me? I’ll do anything for you,’ she said.
‘That’s exactly it. I don’t want a girl who’ll do anything for me. Nobody does. Even you won’t want a guy who’ll do anything for you. Transition from the little girl you are, to the woman you can be.’
‘I’ll have a whiskey now,’ Ruhi said.
‘Sure,’ I said, pouring Coke in a glass.
‘It’s just … you need to find yourself first, not be in other people’s shadows,’ I told her, sitting down next to her.
‘You mean, the shadow I’m behind – Aisha’s?’
I was making it worse. ‘You are your own person, and that’s awesome, the best thing about you.’
‘I can have another whiskey, lemme make it…’
‘No.’ I quickly poured the whiskey down the sink before she got to it, but she’d passed out by then.
Ruhi woke me up by splashing water on my face.
‘Good morning, sunshine,’ I said, though she looked like hell.
‘You have an hour to leave.’ She went back under the covers.
‘What about you?’
‘I’m not coming,’ she said.
‘Ruhi, we’re in this together. I’m here because of you. We’ve come so far. Let’s not spoil your hard work.’
‘Don’t talk to me ever again, you freak.’
‘We’re in this together,’ I said. ‘I need your support.’
‘Now you need my support? You be an adult now. I’m hungover. Stop talking and leave.’ Ouch. I deserved that.
I knocked on Aisha’s door.
She was wearing a thin, blue dress which had a wide berth for cleavage.
‘Where’s Ruhi?’
‘She’ll come later.’
‘Oh. Oh! I hope you didn’t run out of … umm … anything you may have needed last night.’
‘It’s hot,’ I fibbed. ‘Let’s go.’ I was sweating around my neck.
She gave me a hard stare all the way till we were in the cab, without saying a word. Was she checking me out or did she want to know what happened?
‘What’s the schedule?’ I asked.
‘You know the schedule.’
‘What are you going to do for social media today?’
‘I’ve had a live Twitter feed going since we got here. I’ve been updating your Facebook page and putting teasers on this event page. All your fans know what you ate for dinner last night.’
‘I don’t think I’m up for making the speech,’ I said when we got off the cab at the Royal University of Bhutan, where most of the talks happened.
‘Hey. These people love you.’
Pema was waiting for us outside the auditorium with a line of about fifty people who began cheering when they saw me. We cut the line and entered the auditorium and watched the ending of an incredible performance of the Dramtse Nga Cham , a sacred dance of the drums with masked dancers. The audience, which was a mix of Indians, Americans, Europeans and students from Bhutan, filled in to watch Ruski
n Bond talking about his life and loves. This calmed me a bit, but I dragged Aisha out of the auditorium before it was over.
‘I wish Ruhi was here.’
‘What?’ Aisha said. ‘Did something happen between you two, like a fight?’
‘No I … I don’t want to do this. I’ll mess up.’
‘Okay. Okay. Let’s just get there first.’
Aisha pushed through to the front of the audience and got Pema back with her. They had a quick conversation and Pema nodded. We followed her and got into a cab.
‘Tarayana Centre,’ she told the cab driver.
‘Hang on,’ I said.
‘Tejas, trust me. The centre where your talk is happening is tiny. There will be one-fourth the number of people who were there at the last talk. Let’s just go see it, okay?’
We reached the venue. My books were on display in the makeshift shop at the university campus. I had signed some copies but was to sign the ones fans brought with them.
Pema began briefing me on how to greet my fans, how much time to spend talking to them. A lot of buzz had been created through Facebook. They were expecting a good crowd.
There were thirty people and more coming in. My hands were sweaty and my heart thudded.
Aisha led me to the table where I was to sit.
‘Tejas, you have to do this, you have to learn to address crowds, okay? I’ll have it capped, okay? Say for safety reasons or something. Can you handle that? Only sixty people, okay? That’s half the people who were there at your launch.’
‘Yes. Yes, that works. I think.’
‘Here, go through your notes. We’ll stick to the basics today.’
Some fans had lined up early and Aisha let them come to me for the signing. I relaxed after a while. It was like talking to any other people. Some of them, especially the girls, wanted to have pictures clicked with me.
Aisha joined me when I snuck out for a clandestine smoking break.
Girls outside were pointing and giggling.
‘Fine now?’
‘Thanks.’
‘I told Pema you’re the kind of author who believes in brevity, one who prefers writing over talking. Just pull her into any conversation that gets too much for you. And agree to pose questions to Mayank if you want him to talk more. It is a conversation. You’re going to be great.’
‘Someone wants to see you,’ Aisha said giving us space to talk.
Ruhi was standing behind her on the street, looking sharp in a skirt I’d never seen before.
‘I had to see you,’ she said.
‘I was going to come see you afterwards,’ I said.
‘Why?’
‘Given how we split up, I wanted to know if—’
‘Tejas, you’ve made your decision and I respect it. That must have been hard for you.’
‘Yes. But is it enough?’
‘Not even a little bit. Good luck,’ she said and turned.
‘Ruhi …’ I called out.
‘Tejas,’ Aisha called from a distance, pointing at her watch.
Mayank Austen Soofi and Pema were ready and sitting on the couches. I took my place and got ready for a mic check. I kept my focus on the two people on stage and Aisha in the wings and took a deep breath. We were introducing ourselves. I cleared my throat and began talking.
Some sixty minutes later, Aisha was beaming at me.
‘You were flawless.’
‘Thank you,’ I told Aisha over lunch. ‘For both the things. The crowd control, and most of all, for calming me.’
‘You’re welcome. There was no crowd control. I made that up.’ She smiled. ‘Look, Ruhi’s on stage.’
Her crowd was much bigger than mine. She waved to us and gestured for us to come sit up ahead.
She looked so young at that moment in her formal pink blouse and tiny skirt – a little girl trying to look like an adult. Not to mention, nursing a hangover and dealing with a breakup. What had I been thinking, doing that last night?
I was so raw and heartbroken when I met Ruhi. All of twenty-three and here was Ruhi, taking on the world while falling apart. I was a dick.
11
Finesse
– AISHA –
Saturday, 26 August
What’s on your mind?
What a day for Litracy! Fantastic sessions on the Mountain Echoes stage by Managing Editor @RuhiSingh & fiction author @TejasSahni, doing what they do best. Check out @TheLiterateWhiteDog – Litracy Books’s official blog for more deets . #MountainEchoes #Bhutan
Ruhi looked more upset than I’d ever seen her. We were back at the hotel and she’d filled me in on the details of last night.
‘Are you sure you don’t wanna come? Or I could stay,’ I asked her. ‘You seemed to be handling it well today.’
‘No, you carry on. I’ll just read and sleep.’
‘You know how you feel right now, it would have been worse if you had continued dating him. You have to find a way to get back on top, otherwise every guy will make you feel this way.’
‘Go away. Let me be.’
‘You don’t need to bend over backwards to please anyone. You have to love yourself first. Only then are you worth loving. Do you understand? Even Tejas gets that.’
She put her head under the blanket. I sat on my bed. It was only 9.30 p.m., my last night here. I could not leave her like this. I couldn’t stay either.
‘Ruhi, you were so “yourself” on the stage out there today, everyone could see it and they loved it.’
No response. I switched on the TV and put on a film. I ordered her a plate of pasta – she hadn’t eaten much all day.
‘Read your books if they’ll take your mind off things.’
She didn’t say anything.
‘I’ll be back in two hours. Call me if you need anything.’
I was to meet Tejas and Pema at the pub called Mojo Park near the city centre. They’d reach there directly.
It took the taxi ten minutes to drop me outside. The scene reminded me of a night in Hauz Khas. Live music thumped from the doorways whenever someone stepped out. Throngs of trendily dressed people were sitting around bonfires, smoking and laughing. I spotted Tejas.
‘Pema got caught up with the fest and won’t make it. It’s going to be just us.’
‘Oh great.’
‘Where’s Ruhi?’ he said.
‘You could have told her you were tired that night,’ I told him point-blank. ‘There’s no excuse for what you did.’
‘No.’
‘In a way, things are good,’ Tejas said, finding a cozy spot near a bonfire. ‘Now Ruhi will have to learn to take care of herself, figure out what she really wants.’
‘Don’t,’ I said, avoiding looking at him, gazing at the road to hail a cab. ‘This is not a happy ending.’
‘I know. I’m not trying to … I know she wasn’t ready, physically.
I should have known she wasn’t ready emotionally either. I’m an ass.’
I didn’t want to have this conversation but there were no cabs around. I sat down with him.
‘I’m not going to disagree. Ruhi’s easy to like.’
‘And love.’
‘I’m sorry you guys broke up,’ I said.
‘Me too. I never thought … not this soon.’
Tejas’s presence next to me was making me very very self-conscious. I looked at him and he was looking at the fire. Maybe it was all me.
‘How did you start this thing with Ruhi?’ I asked. ‘I mean, what do you like most about her?’
‘It’s not about Ruhi anymore.’
‘I’m going to look for a cab,’ I said, standing up and walking to the road.
‘Aisha,’ he called out.
I pondered the question in that one word, looking at the empty road, walking further ahead and away from him. No cabs anywhere.
‘I called a number. There’s one on the way,’ Tejas said, catching up with me.
‘I see Ruhi every day at work,’ I said, turning to him a
nd making eye contact good and proper for the first time that night.
‘This is about you,’ he said. ‘I like how we relate, I like how you are. And today, that means a lot, how you handled everything.’
I touched his shoulder. ‘I appreciate you and Ruhi taking care of me yesterday. I want to make sure if this happens, it happens for the right reasons.’
‘One evening is not enough?’ he said.
‘I don’t want Ruhi to feel like—’
‘Of course.’
‘We’ll give it time.’
‘We will.’
‘But it’s a yes?’
‘It’s a maybe.’
12
I Knew You Were Trouble
– RUHI –
Sunday, 26 August
To Do:
Find out sales of T’s books in Bhutan Check out buzz going around of my speech with Aisha and who’s saying what on Twitter & connect accordingly Have edit meet with office tomorrow for September Plan Skype with Ani & Aisha and go over backlist Get in touch with cousins, to plan our yearly holiday
‘Height of vanity,’ Aisha muttered.
‘He’s an adult,’ I said. ‘He can do whatever he wants.’
We had crossed security. Tejas was being accosted by a group of girls at the airport who were fans and it seemed to annoy Aisha.
For some reason she went on and on about the importance of self-respect. She said it was especially required for the dignified space we now occupied in the publishing industry.
I was tired, I didn’t listen. I had exhausted all reserves that felt any emotion for Tejas Sahni. Let him enjoy the spotlight, he was going to have to get used to it somehow. I only felt relief.
There was no Tejas and I.
There wasn’t any need now for me to hold onto Tejas’s Moleskine as a memento of our relationship. I’d return it when we were home and just say I found it at the office.
‘Is he always this way with fans? How do you work with him?’
‘This is a good thing, Aisha. Remember how you love having fans?’
‘It’s my job. His is to write.’
The airport shops brightened Aisha’s mood. ‘Shopping brings out the best in me,’ she said. ‘Come, it’ll cheer you up too.’
I followed Aisha into a souvenir shop. I kept an eye on her, remembering what had happened when we arrived. At least I knew she was full. She’d eaten breakfast with me and we were going to have lunch on the flight. Still, our seats were not together, so I kept urging her to come and have a bite with me.
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