“You’re right.” Luke straightened, flexing cramped muscles. “It’s crazy to sit here, balancing a laptop on the car’s armrest, when we could check into a hotel and have our very own desk to sit at.” He removed the flash drive and shut down his computer.
“Since you already believe I’m a pie-eyed optimist, I’ll look on the bright side,” he said, clicking on his seat belt and turning on the ignition. “At least Ron’s files weren’t programmed to self-destruct if the wrong password was keyed in more than a couple of times.”
“Yep, that’s really great news.” Kate gave a wry laugh. “Since the files apparently won’t self-destruct, that means there’s no end to our torment. We can spend the rest of our lives trying to guess which out of a thousand gazillion possibilities Dad might have chosen for his password.”
“Don’t let a temporary setback get you down. You’ll feel better after a hot shower.”
“You should pat my knee when you say that, otherwise I might not grasp how totally patronizing you’re being.”
Luke grinned. “You always get grouchy around this time of day. I saw a fancy-looking hotel right on the main road in Reston, near the shopping center. Want to splurge and try it?”
“Sure.” Kate turned to look out of the window, alarmed by the way they kept toppling over into old, familiar ways. Instead of thinking how glad she was to have Luke with her on this quest, she ought to be remembering that the last time they’d had a serious relationship, she’d ended up feeling so inadequate that she’d almost blown the most important competition of her professional career.
That miserable place was a destination she would take great care never to arrive at again. One trip to the wrong side of the rainbow could be excused. A second trip down the same path was plain stupid. She needed to remember the pain of those last few weeks back in the spring. All the more so because being with Luke eased an ache deep inside that, until this past week, she hadn’t been willing to acknowledge was there.
Fourteen
W hen Kate joined him in the hotel restaurant for dinner, Luke could see she was determined to be on her best and most formal behavior. Her smile as she greeted him was charming and meaningless. Even her clothes—changed from jeans and a sweater to dress pants and a blazer—shouted the message that the rapport they’d enjoyed during the afternoon wasn’t going to lead to anything more intimate for the remaining time they would be spending together.
Her tendency to hide behind cool politeness had mystified Luke when they were dating. Now he understood so clearly where she was coming from that he wondered why he’d ever found her behavior puzzling. He had felt an insidious closeness to Kate this afternoon, something more than mere sexual attraction, and she’d probably felt the same thing. She wouldn’t want that closeness to develop any more than he did, but since she always tried to avoid confrontation, she wouldn’t say anything directly to him. Instead of discussing the problem, she’d retreated behind a facade that practically stood up and tap-danced to make sure he grasped her silent message: keep your distance.
In the bad old days at the end of their relationship, Luke would have pushed hard against the barrier of her seeming indifference, oblivious to the fact that with Kate, formal behavior was a prime sign of vulnerability and that pressure was precisely the wrong tactic to employ. Tonight, though, he had no intention of forcing emotional honesty from her. God knew, he wanted nothing to do with Kate’s emotions. Right this moment, his chief reaction to her changed clothes and formal manner was relief that she was taking steps to prevent their physical attraction propelling them into a sexual encounter they would both regret. However badly Kate wanted to avoid getting involved again, Luke was sure he wanted it even less. He was sorry Ron Raven was turning out to be such an asshole, but he wasn’t going to confuse sympathy with compatibility. The bottom line was that he and Kate couldn’t be together for long without generating sparks, and in their case, those sparks always turned into a conflagration.
He recognized that his emotions were almost as battered as Kate’s and that he badly needed to talk and think for a while about something other than Ron Raven. There was a lot of unresolved anger swirling around the fraught subject of Ron’s disappearance and some of it had rubbed off on him. He had realized as they learned of Consuela Mackenzie’s continuing presence in Ron’s life that he was furious on Kate and Avery’s behalf. That anger was becoming more intense, not less, as they uncovered each new hint of how Ron had been occupying himself for the past six months.
On top of his anger, Luke was nursing an uncomfortable burden of guilt concerning George Klein’s death. It was because of the search for Ron Raven that George had ended up in O’Hare airport. Now George was dead and Luke had a widow and two orphans on his conscience. He knew the guilt was irrational, but that didn’t help to dissipate it.
Their profession, thank God, provided a safe topic for both of them to retreat into. They talked about food as they made their dinner choices, and they both worked hard to keep their comments impersonal. They discussed the increasing influence of Asian cuisine and commented on the trend at a few upscale restaurants toward “small plate dining.” Some innovative restaurants, especially on the coasts, had started to offer tiny portions, so that customers could order a seven-or eight-course meal, enjoy a variety of flavors, and actually eat everything that was brought to their table.
Having spent much of the summer in Europe, Kate had plenty of experience with multicourse, small-portion meals. Their discussion was wide-ranging and often technical, but by the time their entrées arrived, the impersonal had somehow started to slide into the personal. Luke recognized what was happening, but he experienced a what-the-hell moment and chose not to draw back.
Kate was a good listener and her comments were so insightful that he found himself explaining that he was working on the idea of introducing a six-course, fixed-price menu at Luciano’s on Chestnut. Three of the courses would be no more than a couple of mouthfuls, and only the entrée would be anything approaching substantial. He’d already discussed his ideas with his sous-chefs, but there was nobody else in his life right now who could begin to appreciate the problems and opportunities inherent in such a radical menu change. His last two girlfriends had been bored to death by the subject of food, which was probably why he’d chosen to go out with them, Luke realized with a jolt. It was only now, talking to Kate, that he recognized how much he’d missed this sort of free-ranging professional discussion in the months since he’d broken up with her.
Kate was genuinely fascinated by his plans and wanted to hear every detail. Part of her interest sprang from the fact that she was in the process of developing her own line of bite-size desserts, something that was nowhere near as easy as it sounded. The science of many sweet dishes required certain minimum quantities to be cooked in a single pan in order for the texture and consistency to be correct, and not every great confection lent itself to being cut into three-centimeter squares or wafer-thin slices.
The coincidence of discovering they were both working on downsized portions led by natural progression to a discussion of Luke buying some of Kate’s bite-size desserts to include with his new six-course dinners. Since he would still be offering normal à la carte choices, as well, preparing top-of-the-line mini-desserts had been a major stumbling block to his plans, chiefly because it would have required a new hire. Buying the desserts from Kate would not only be cost effective, it would provide better quality since she was arguably the best baker in the Chicago area. He was aiming to introduce the new menu in January, when smaller portions would seem a tempting counterbalance to the holiday excesses of November and December. Kate promised to have a variety of samples ready for him to taste within the next two weeks.
The last traces of her formality vanished as they considered and discarded options. Her eyes sparkled and her hands wove intricate patterns as she searched for words to describe her latest creations. Her whole body seemed in movement. Kate loved her profession and her passion
was on full display.
It was ironic, Luke reflected, that now, when it no longer mattered to him, he’d finally discovered how to break through Kate’s touch-me-not facade. Why in the world had it been so hard for him to grasp that Kate retreated when she felt pressured and stepped forward when she felt he was leaving her space? Leaning back in his chair, he sipped the Spanish red wine they’d chosen to accompany their grilled pork and thought how incredibly beautiful she was when she was animated.
Perhaps he’d fumbled their relationship because his own family handled intimacy so differently from Kate. His parents and siblings weren’t big on subtlety. When they wanted to know something about you, they asked. When they were happy or sad or angry, you were left in no doubt as to their feelings. He’d always assumed such casual, exuberant honesty was the best way to deal with personal relationships. Growing up, he’d been grateful for the fact that in his family there might be arguments and shouting matches but there were no horrible, simmering feuds. Best of all, in his family even the noisiest arguments were quickly followed by hugs and sincere apologies.
Still, it had dawned on him years ago that he was the odd man out in his family for more than his gray eyes and six-foot frame. He sometimes found his family’s honesty brutal and their demands for inclusion oppressive. His brothers and sisters, even Anna, were quite content to live their lives in the family spotlight. For them the light seemed to provide a warm glow; for him it more often cast a punitive glare. In his search for the privacy zone he needed in order to stay sane, he’d retreated from the onslaught of their love in a myriad of subtle ways.
He’d always been aware of what he was doing and why he was stepping back. Somehow, though, he had never analyzed how his relationship with Kate had been affected by his feelings toward his family. Now he understood. He’d fallen in love with her at least in part because she was the perfect, soothing contrast to the constant drama of his family’s boisterous relationships. And then, having been attracted to her differences, he’d spent a fair amount of time wondering why in the world she wasn’t more like his parents and siblings.
Tonight, Luke could see with crystal clarity where he’d gone wrong. Sometimes he’d been too determined to get close when Kate needed breathing room. On other occasions, he’d stepped back too far in an effort to avoid duplicating his family’s well-meaning interference. Even something as simple as not taking her to the infamous Savarini Sunday dinners demonstrated his ambivalence: he’d wanted to protect Kate from his family’s high spirits, but he’d never stopped to consider that she might have felt excluded. By failing to introduce her to his family, he’d kept her shut away from people she knew were vitally important to him. He should have trusted both his family and Kate more, Luke reflected.
Still, however badly he’d messed up, the bottom line was that Kate could have found a million or so ways to end their relationship that would have been less hurtful than sleeping with Michael Rourke. Not only had that been an incredible betrayal of her relationship with him, she had managed to destroy his fifteen-year friendship with Mike in the process.
“What is it?” Kate asked. “Luke, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Everything’s fine.”
“You looked positively ferocious for a moment.”
“I was thinking about your father and those files locked up on the damn flash drive. That’s guaranteed to produce a scowl.” There was zero point in raking over the past. On the contrary, it was time to focus on the reason why they’d come to Washington in the first place. Luke saw that Kate had finished her coffee and signaled to the waiter for the bill.
“Did you manage to reach your mother earlier this evening?” he asked.
“Yes, I called, although I almost chickened out at the last minute and contacted Uncle Paul instead. Then I remembered that I’d decided only this afternoon that it was time to stop protecting Mom, so I told her the truth.”
He smiled wryly. “Do we know what the truth is? I hadn’t realized we’d made so much progress.”
“Well, we know some of it. I told Mom we’re almost positive my father is alive and that we’ve probably found the place he was living until very recently.” She hesitated for a moment. “It was…a difficult conversation.”
“It must have been. Your mother has every reason to be upset with Ron.”
“She was angry. I’m not sure about upset.” Kate reflected for a moment. “To be honest, I don’t think she was all that sad, or even surprised by the deception. When we heard Dad was dead, she really grieved for him, even though it was such a shock to discover he’d been a bigamist. For a few weeks after we heard the news of his death, Mom was utterly lost, but so much has happened since May that she’s almost a different person now. I understand why this latest development seems to be leaving her more angry than sad. The bottom line is that we didn’t know my father and you can’t mourn somebody you didn’t know.”
“Maybe not. But you can mourn the relationship you thought you had. Deception always hurts. Don’t assume your mother isn’t grieving just because she sounds angry rather than devastated.”
“You’re right, I need to remember that.” Kate thought for a moment. “Besides, based on my own reactions, I would guess anger and grief can be almost interchangeable emotions where my father is concerned.”
Because she looked sad and he wanted to get up and put his arms around her, Luke delivered a brisk change of subject. “Did your mother have any suggestions for a password Ron might have used?”
“None that we hadn’t already thought of. After I talked to Mom, I called Uncle Paul and he suggested a few more possibilities. He sounded rather harried, actually. He’s in Denver, checking on his development project there, and I got the impression he wasn’t entirely focused on what I was saying. I wrote down his suggestions, though, and we can try them after dinner if you like. Unfortunately, most of the security codes they use at Raven Enterprises are numerical, and if my father carried on that tradition there’s almost no chance we’ll be able to hit on the correct password.” Her expression turned disconsolate. “I’m beginning to think finding that flash drive wasn’t the great breakthrough I’d hoped.”
“Jesus, what an idiot!” Luke struck himself on the forehead.
“Why? What did I say?”
“Nothing. I was talking to myself.” Luke laughed. “But I’m willing to let you share the blame. We both got obsessed with the individual trees and totally forgot the forest. It’s just occurred to me that we don’t have to guess Ron’s password! We can bypass it.”
“How? Isn’t that the point of passwords? They’re put in place so that you can’t bypass them.”
“I can’t and you can’t, but there are people who can. My sister, Anna, is a physicist and she hangs out with a bunch of scientists. She has a good friend who’s a computer geek. His name is Seth Bedinsky. She and Seth were in grad school together and she told me once she was surprised he wasn’t arrested for hacking. I know he broke into the systems at a couple of major banks, just to prove he could. At which point, according to Anna, he realized he was likely to get himself into a heap of trouble if he didn’t change his ways. So he got himself hired by the Defense Department, and when he decided government technology wasn’t cutting edge enough to amuse him, he set himself up as an independent security consultant. Unless your father used a really sophisticated protective device, Seth can probably get us into those two files in a matter of minutes.”
Kate smiled, her spectacular eyes glowing with excitement. “That’s fantastic, Luke. I can’t believe we didn’t think earlier about bypassing the security lock on the files! It’s such an obvious solution. Will we be able to talk to Seth tomorrow before we have to catch our flight back to Chicago? We don’t have to be at the airport until around three.”
“In normal circumstances I don’t believe we’d have a chance of getting in to see him at such short notice. We’re talking major high-powered Washington insider here. However, I’m fairly confident he
’s either sleeping with my sister or wishes like hell that he was.” He grinned. “If Seth’s in town, I’m guessing a phone call to Anna would get us an interview first thing tomorrow morning.”
“Great. I’m already psyched.”
“Three cheers for sisters. I’ll call her as soon as I get back to the room.” Luke raised his coffee cup in a salute to Anna.
Kate looked at him, her attention visibly caught.
“What is it? You’re staring at me.”
“Nothing.” She looked a little wistful. “Except…when you say your sister’s name, your eyes smile.”
He was taken aback. “Do they?” He shrugged. “Anna’s only thirteen months older than I am. I guess we got into a lot of mischief together when we were growing up and we’re still close. We exchange e-mails almost every day.”
“I’m jealous. You’ve no idea how hard it is to invent interesting mischief when you’re an only child.”
He sensed there was genuine regret behind Kate’s casual words. “I’ll be happy to lend you one of my brothers anytime you feel too sorry for yourself. Ben would be a good choice. Trust me, a couple of hours in Ben’s company and you’ll be on your knees, offering up prayers of gratitude that you’re an only child.”
“Your eyes are still smiling. You love Ben, too.”
“Well, he’s a complete pain in the ass, but he’s my pain in the ass, you know?”
“I don’t know yet, but I hope to understand one day soon.” Kate’s smile brightened. “Anyway, thanks for the offer to loan out Ben, but I have a brother and sister of my own now, and I’m going to make sure I meet them sometime soon. It’s time the three of us got to know one another.”
“Good. And speaking once again as your officially certified optimist, at least that’s one positive thing to come out of your dad’s bigamy—the fact that you have the brother and sister you always wanted.”
She agreed, her moment of melancholy banished. “I was so shocked when I first learned of Liam and Megan’s existence that I didn’t realize just how glad I was to have siblings at last. Now the shock has worn off and I’ve hurtled past mere acceptance. I’m becoming more and more impatient to meet them.”
Payback Page 17