I stare at the ceiling. Minutes pass, but I can’t move. I don’t want to push her away. My wolf is merciless in its demands. It wants to claim her, to take her as our mate. I can’t believe this is happening. Not with her. She’s too perfect. Too sweet. Too innocent. She deserves so much more than I can give her.
Does she know? Did she feel it too? I want to ask, but saying it out loud would affirm my wolf’s desire. Once I say it, I can’t ever take it back. What right do I have to ruin her life? Even if we both felt it, would it make a difference?
I seal my lips. My wolf’s silent howls stay locked in my heart. It’s better this way. I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want her, but I’ve never wanted to protect anyone the way I do with her. If I didn’t care, I’d claim her. But I do care, more than I want to admit. I need time to think. The only way I can do that is to get rid of her. It’s a terrible choice to have to make, but it’s the only way I’ll be able to live with myself. I can’t let my desire for her destroy her life. She’d resent me for it, and what kind of life could we live if she spent every day hating me?
“Kayla,” I whisper.
“Mm…”
“You should get cleaned up and go.”
She raises her head to stare at me. I want to look away, but I can’t. The hurt in her eyes is soul-wrenching.
“I told you, I can’t make promises,” I whisper.
“I’m not asking for your love. I’m asking for…” She looks away.
I gently sit up, pulling her into my lap in the process.
“It would never work,” I say. “Please, don’t make this harder than it already is.”
I’ve said too much because hope springs into her eyes.
“Promise me one thing,” she says.
“I don’t know if I can.”
“You can.”
“What is it?” My arms encircle her body because I can’t let go.
“Promise me you’ll be at the next mating run.”
I blink and mash my lips together. It’s a simple request, but also one loaded with temptation. I can’t bring myself to make the promise, but I find myself nodding slightly.
She slides out of my lap and leaves me sitting on the couch. She pads to the door, stops long enough to give me a pained look, then leaves. I don’t move for a very long time. I’ve never made a promise I didn’t keep, but the stakes have never been so high. I don’t know if I’ll go to the next mating run, because if I do, I might regret ever meeting her.
6
Kayla
The last four weeks have been complete and utter hell. I’ve eaten enough ice cream to sink the Titanic; my fat days jeans are getting too tight; and my mom’s on her way over to lecture me about the importance of my final mating run tonight. As if I don’t already know. As if everyone within a hundred miles hasn’t told me a thousand times that I’m going to lose my ability to shift if I don’t find a mate. I want to scream into a pillow, but I’m afraid that if I start, I might never stop.
The doorbell rings. I smooth my hands down the blue and white gingham dress I chose for the hunt. It’s not the sexiest dress, but I want to be comfortable, especially when my powers are ripped out of my body at sunrise.
“Hi, Mom.” I swing open the door and plaster on a smile.
“What are you wearing?” Her face contorts as if she’s sniffed dog poop. “You can’t possibly expect to find a mate looking like that. What happened to the chiffon dress I dropped off last week?”
“It’s in my closet. It’s too tight.”
“Go get it. Let me see.” She brushes past me and heads straight for the kitchen. “I’ll get the wine.”
At least she doesn’t berate me for having a drink before the cocktail party. I really don’t want to change into that dress. There’s nothing intrinsically wrong with it, but I look like a watermelon with legs in it.
Rather than argue, I head into my room to change. A small bouquet of dried wildflowers sits on my dresser. It’s a daily reminder of Devin’s promise. I don’t know if he’ll honor it, but it’s my only hope. As far as I’ve heard, there haven’t been any new wolves in the area, so my prospects for tonight are bleak.
After stuffing myself into the dress, I waddle back to the living room. I give a half-hearted turn before my shoulders slump.
“Oh, sweetie…” Mom’s hand covers her mouth. She sets her half-empty glass on the table. “I wish you’d told me so I could have taken it to Celia’s to have it let out.”
“I’m wearing the gingham.”
“It’s probably for the best.”
I nod solemnly.
“Honey, don’t look so down. A lot of girls don’t find their mates until their last mating run. You will find someone tonight. Sit.” She pats the couch. I sit beside her. “I have to tell you something, but you can’t ever tell your father what I’m about to say.”
“Okay,” I say slowly, not sure I want to hear what she’s about to reveal.
“If it’s getting close to sunrise and you haven’t found your mate, just pick anyone. It’s not worth losing your shifter abilities. True love is magical when it happens, but not everyone has it.”
I’m stunned.
“I got very lucky with your father. We are true mates, but we didn’t find each other until that last night. Some aren’t so lucky. Some just have to choose a mate and make the best of it.”
What she’s describing sounds like something out of a 1950s nightmarish Stepford Wives scenario.
“This whole situation is stupid,” I snap. “Why can’t I have more time?”
“It’s always been like this. You can’t control nature.”
I jump up to pace the living room. My wolf is restless and clawing at my chest.
“Sit down, you’re making me nervous.”
I take a quick trip to the kitchen to get a carton of ice cream before returning to the living room. I stuff a heaping spoonful of mint chocolate chip into my mouth.
“Will you still love me if I’m not a shifter?” I mumble around the ice cream. I drop my gaze. I can’t stand to hear the answer.
“Well…” She averts her eyes. “It won’t come to that. You’ll find a mate.”
“But if I don’t?”
“You will.”
“I met someone,” I mumble. I wasn’t going to bring him up, but I have to know if there’s even a chance my family would accept him.
“Why didn’t you say something?” My mom’s eyes light up. “Who?”
“Devin James.”
My mother’s face turns whiter than an ice field in January.
“I met him at the last hunt,” I continue quickly. “He’s very nice and he’s independently wealthy—”
“No!”
“Do you know him?”
“He’s feral.”
“Right, but we have this really intense connection.”
“Absolutely not,” Mom screams.
“Why not?” I yell. We never raise our voices at each other, but I’ve about had it with everyone’s hatred of ferals. It’s not their fault they’re not like the rest of us.
“Ferals are dangerous. Devin James is a monster.” She’s practically seething. I’ve never seen her so furious.
“Why? Why is he a monster? Why won’t anyone tell me what he did?”
“I’ll tell you.” She bites the edge of her finger. She never bites her nails. “He went feral a few days after his eighteenth birthday and tore his brother to pieces.”
My jaw drops. “He had a brother?”
“Yes. One. And he murdered him. You need to stay far, far away from that man.”
“I didn’t know.” I drop the spoon into the carton. How is that possible? Wouldn’t my wolf have sensed it? How could I have had sex with a murderer and not sense something?
“No one likes to talk about it,” Mom continues. “But it happened. I know you’re scared and a little bit desperate.” I frown. “But you will find someone tonight, or you’ll just pick the closest reasonable o
ption. Not everyone gets to find true love.”
“I can’t believe he murdered his brother. Why didn’t I sense it?”
“I don’t know, but you should have,” she admonishes.
“What if there’s something wrong with me?”
“You’re fine. Nothing’s wrong with you.” She jumps up, clearly disturbed by my question. “Sweetie, I should get going. You need time to get ready. I don’t want to keep you.”
She flees toward the front door, stopping only long enough to give me a quick smile. She’s gone before I can say anything.
I stare at the door until my ice cream is partially melted. Shifters always sense evil. I should have felt something when he was inside me, but I didn’t. Well, I felt something, a lot of things, really, but I thought I was feeling a strong, loving connection. How could I have been so wrong?
My stomach churns as I begin to question everything I thought I knew about myself. If I can’t sense the true nature of another person, then how can I possibly find my mate? What’s the point of even going to the hunt tonight if I can’t trust my senses?
I can’t go. I should just resign myself to losing my powers and be done with it. I don’t know why I even entertained the thought that tonight might finally be the night I meet my mate. For weeks I thought it might be Devin, but I was wrong.
My heart aches and my wolf howls mournfully. She’s going to be trapped inside my body for the rest of my life, unable to be freed. I’ll never be able to shift again.
I cry. Ugly cry.
Sobbing into my melted ice cream until I can’t see straight, I accept my fate. I’m not going to the hunt, but I have one last night to let my wolf run free. I can’t do anything to change what will happen to me at sunrise, but at least all of this will be over.
As the clock clicks down toward sunset, I ignore countless calls from Ginger and Mel. I’ll wait until darkness to shift, then I’ll let my wolf run wild until she’s trapped forever.
When the last rays of sunlight fall behind the mountains, I shift. My wolf is desperate, frantic to change her fate, but there’s nothing we can do. All hope is lost, so I let her do whatever she wants. I fade into the background as feral instincts take over.
Wind whips through my fur as we sprint past pine trees. I don’t know where we’re headed, and I don’t care. As long as we’re running, the reality of our situation won’t come crashing down. It’s not until I hear the river that I realize where she’s taken me—Devin’s cabin.
Moonlight casts shadows across the meadow in front of his home. I stop at the edge of the forest. Light shines from his kitchen window, but I don’t see him. I feel him. He’s close. I sniff the air and catch his wolf’s scent on the wind. I take several tentative steps in his direction, but stop. I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t be seeking him out, but if I’m going to lose my ability to shift, I want to see his wolf one last time.
Onyx eyes glint near the river. Until now, his fur has blended into the darkness. He spots me. His ears twitch and his tail swishes like a whip. He tips his head back and lets out a mournful howl. I join the chorus and release all of my frustration.
When silence reclaims the land, I pad toward him. He moves toward me. We start slowly, increasing our speed as we draw closer until we’re running to meet in the middle. I crash into him, knocking him over and tangling my limbs with his. Our mouths open and we mash our snouts together, rubbing our scent all over each other’s bodies. I’m covered in his essence, reveling in his rugged alpine scent. I can’t get enough, so I mash my nose into his fur and inhale until I’m intoxicated.
He backs away and shifts into his human form. I do the same.
“What are you doing here?” he asks in a strangled tone.
“I couldn’t stay away.” I rush forward to wrap my arms around his waist. I bury my face in his chest.
“You have to find a mate. You have to join the hunt. You can’t be here.”
“Don’t you feel it?” I raise my head and meet his tortured gaze. “Don’t lie to me. I’ve never felt like this with anyone else.”
“Kayla…”
On his lips, my name is magic. We melt together in a velvety kiss that makes my heart race and my soul sing with joy. I never should have tried to deny this pull, this magnetic attraction between us. He’s my mate. Feral or not, he’s mine, and I’m not leaving until he admits that he feels it too.
He tears his lips away and stumbles back, brushing the back of his hand across his mouth. He turns toward his house. I grab his bicep to stop him.
“Don’t deny it.”
“I can’t ruin you.”
“My life is ruined without you. How can you turn away from me? How can you deny your mate?” He freezes. His head bows, encouraging me to go on. “You’re the only one who can claim me. You’re all I’ve ever wanted.”
“We hardly know each other.”
“It doesn’t matter. When you meet your mate, you know it’s them. Time doesn’t matter. It’s irrelevant. I don’t care if you’re feral. I don’t care if you killed your brother.”
“What?” He cocks his head to one side. “What did you say?”
“You killed your brother,” I whisper. “I know it’s crazy, but—”
He bursts out laughing. My heart kicks. He thinks it’s funny? I take a step back.
“My brother’s alive.”
“What?”
“I’ve never killed anyone.”
“But, my mother said—”
“The night I went feral, I got into a fight with several other wolves. My brother came to defend me. It was a fucking nightmare. Claws flying. Fur tearing from skin. Blood everywhere. The wolves who attacked me went back to town and lied, claiming they’d caught me trying to kill my brother. He wasn’t dead, but he was in really bad shape. We stayed up in the cliffs for several weeks. By the time he recovered, we decided to leave. We never told anyone my brother survived.”
“Why?”
“We’ve been fighting with the same pack for years. My brother was sick of it. When we realized everyone thought he was dead, he begged me not to tell anyone the truth. He left Moonlight Mountain and never looked back.”
“Where is he now?”
“He’s only twenty miles away. We meet in the forest all the time. I see him at least once a month, sometimes more. He’s happy now. He mated, and he’s got two adorable little fur-brats. Sometimes I babysit the little monsters.”
I can’t do anything but stand here staring. This changes everything.
“If you want to meet him, to see for yourself that he’s alive, I can take you there.”
“I believe you.”
“Good.” He lets out an audible breath. “Kayla, I know you want this to work between us, but I don’t want to ruin your life.”
“How could it be ruined if we’re together?”
I walk forward and cup his cheeks between my hands. He tilts his head down until his lips are less than an inch from mine. His gaze searches mine. His eyes darting back and forth as if he can’t decide what to do. I decide for him, pulling him into a kiss he can’t resist.
“Don’t think,” I whisper. “Take me. Claim me. Tonight.”
He groans and slants his mouth against mine. His hands slide up my curves and he crushes me against him. He spreads heated, greedy kisses along the edge of my throat.
“Stop me,” he murmurs against my skin.
“Never.”
Moonlight swirls around us, pulling us deeper into the mating dance. I surrender to the enchantment. He inflames every inch of my body with soft kisses and gentle caresses. His hands are everywhere, touching, soothing, marking me as his. Whatever hesitation he’d had is gone. He can’t deny our bond, and I can’t deny my destiny.
7
Devin
I can’t lie to myself any longer. She’s my mate. I knew it the moment I spotted her at the cocktail party a month ago. I’ve spent the last four weeks in agony, trying to do what I thought was the right thing
. But now that she’s here, I can’t deny our bond. I never thought I’d find a mate, certainly no one as perfect as Kayla, but I was wrong. She’s everything I’ve ever wanted and more. She’s my life, my love, my passion, and I’ll never get enough of her. She’s mine, and I intend to claim her tonight.
As I lay her back on a bed of wildflowers, she sighs and gazes deep into my eyes. I nuzzle the curve of her neck before dipping to kiss her full breasts. Her warmth makes me delirious. I drag my teeth across her belly. She shivers and moans. She’s a siren. A goddess. An angel. And mine. All mine.
The pliant flesh on her hips molds to my hands. I leave wet kisses at the top of each thigh before delving into her wet core. I lick and suck, worshiping her body with my tongue. She’s a writhing ball of pleasure by the time I swirl my tongue around her clit.
She screams and grabs fistfuls of my hair. I love the sharp jolt of pain in my scalp. To make my mate shriek with pleasure is better than anything in the world. She’s wild and erotic in her cries. Her nails rake across my shoulders as the first rippling wave of orgasm rolls across my tongue.
When she comes, she squirms. I hold her still, wringing every last bit of ecstasy before crawling up to kiss her lips. Her taste is all over my mouth. Hungry kisses mold us together. I roll onto my back, bringing her with me. She nips at my chest, my neck, my throat, inciting the wolf inside to claim its mate.
When she straddles me and rolls her hips to take me into her pussy, I unravel. Her rhythmic ride binds us together. My cock swells to fill her. Feral heat builds in the friction between us. I savor every thrust, reveling in our passion.
Our eyes lock and a moan escapes my lips. She clutches me between her thighs, riding me hard, urging us both toward an electrifying release. But I’m not ready yet. To claim her, I need to be in a specific position. I lift her up.
“What are you—”
I flip her onto her knees and wrap an arm around her waist. I drag her back onto my cock, impaling her on my rigid shaft. My cock thickens immediately to knot inside her. She shudders and whimpers as I lean forward.
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