John's Quest (Truly Yours Digital Editions)

by Cecelia Dowdy

  “Two years.”

  “What happened? Wasn’t it possible for the two of you to work through your problems and make your relationship work?”

  She laughed harshly, shaking her head. “You know, I wish it were that simple, where we had issues we needed to work through and then we could have made it work.”

  “But it wasn’t that simple?”

  She shook her head. “No, it wasn’t.”

  He squeezed her hand. “Be honest with me. What’s up with this man at your church and his wife and baby?”

  “I was in love with Kevin. We dated for two years, and I was ready to settle down and get married.”

  “And he wasn’t?”

  “No, actually he was.”

  He shook his head. “I don’t understand.”

  “You will understand when I finish telling you.” The hard edge returned to her voice as she told him about her old boyfriend. “After we’d been dating for a year, I wanted to know where things stood between us. Before I could ask Kevin what his intentions were, his mother died.”

  “So you never talked about marriage after his mother died?”

  “I waited for a while, since he grieved pretty hard after his mother’s death. They were really close and I could tell it was a difficult time for him. He was sad and kind of moody after she died, which is understandable, but things changed between us after that.”

  He frowned. “How did things change?”

  “Our relationship shifted. Kevin was obviously going through a difficult time, but he didn’t want to talk to me about it. We continued to date, but I could tell something heavy was on his mind. He refused to open up to me and that bothered me. When I finally asked him about marriage, he put me off by saying he was still dealing with his mother’s death and he wasn’t in the right state of mind to make a marriage commitment.”

  “You believed him?”

  She sighed. “At first I did, but when our two-year dating anniversary crept up, I figured I was kidding myself. I was about to give him an ultimatum when he took me to a fancy restaurant. It was my favorite place to eat, and I figured he was taking me there to propose.”

  He squeezed her hand. “And he didn’t?”

  She shook her head. “He told me we would always be brother and sister in Christ and that he would always care for me as a member of the church. But he said he couldn’t continue to date me because he didn’t love me.”

  He gasped. “Really?”

  She again nodded. “To make matters worse, he showed up at church the following Sunday with the woman he ended up marrying.”

  “So he was dating both of you at the same time?”

  “I’m not sure. He obviously knew her while he knew me, but I never knew if they were dating. Perhaps he wanted to break up with me before he pursued her and introduced her to the congregation as his girlfriend.”

  He whistled softly. “That’s rough. So was that the woman he was with at church today?”

  “Yes. They got engaged six months after he broke up with me and married two months later.”

  “Six months?”

  “Yes.”

  “He probably was seeing her while he was dating you. Did you ever ask him about it?”

  “No.”

  “No? Why not? You dated the man for two years, so he at least owed you some sort of explanation.”

  She shook her head, and he gave her a hug. “He didn’t love me. That’s reason enough to break up. I had my dignity to consider. I didn’t want to call him and demand to know if he was two-timing me like that. It would have made me look like a lovesick fool who couldn’t let go of a man who obviously didn’t love me.”

  He released her. “Well, Kevin is the king of all fools. If you’d let me date you, I promise I wouldn’t treat you so shabbily, and I certainly wouldn’t be dating another woman behind your back. Do you still think about Kevin often?”

  “Not really. When I see him with his wife and child, it’s like a cold splash of water in my face, a reminder of what I imagined for myself if things had worked out with us.”

  “I think you still have feelings for him. You need to get him out of your mind and not be sad when you see him with his family. How long ago did you two break up?”

  “Two years.”

  “You should have moved on by now. Don’t let his negative treatment of you make you doubt all men.”

  “I’m not doing that.”

  “Yes, you are. You should see the sad look in your eyes when you see Kevin with his wife and baby. Have you even thought about changing churches?”

  “No, I couldn’t change churches. My parents always taught me to face my problems. They say if the good Lord is on your side then things can’t go wrong. If I had switched churches when we broke up, it would be like I was running away from my problems. Plus, Kevin would have known how much I loved him.”

  “So you never told him you loved him?”

  She shook her head. “I started asking what his intentions were after we’d been dating for a year, but I never told him I loved him, and my mother always says if a man loves you, he’ll let you know.” She shrugged. “I guess Kevin finally let me know his feelings. It just wasn’t what I wanted to hear.”

  Scotty yelled for her. “Aunt Monica!”

  She hurried over to her nephew, who complained about being thirsty. She purchased him another bottle of water, and after he drank it, he tried to return to the play area. He whined as Monica led him back to their table. “John, thanks for treating us to candy, but I think it’s time for us to get home. Scotty has some homework to do this weekend, and he hasn’t even started.”

  He stood, giving her a hug before he squeezed Scotty’s small shoulder. “Hey, sport. Your teacher told me you’ve been assigned some books to read. I’ll be by this Tuesday, and you can read to me.”

  “Okay, Mr. John,” he grumbled as she led him to the car.

  The three of them were silent as he drove back to the church so Monica could get her car. The parking lot was deserted. Monica opened her door and helped Scotty out of the car. She turned toward John. “Thanks again for lunch. I’ll be seeing you this Tuesday.”

  “I’m looking forward to it.” Their eyes locked like two pieces of a puzzle, and he wished their time together that day did not have to end. He watched them drive away.

  When he returned to his house, he changed out of his dress clothes into a sweat suit. He drove to nearby Assateague Island. After getting out of the car, he stretched and admired the wild ponies frolicking in the woods nearby. A beautiful chestnut and white horse galloped past, heading toward a car with an open window. The car’s occupants closed their windows, adhering to the Island’s rules of not petting or feeding the wild horses.

  He broke into a slow jog before going into a full-blown run on the sandy shore. He breathed deeply, enjoying the cool wind that surrounded him, glad that the mosquitoes around Assateague Island were now gone since it was already October. He saw a few more ponies and a wild deer in the bushes. He continued running. When he could run no farther, he stopped and walked along the shore. He breathed deeply as he watched the golden rays of the sun splash upon the cloudy water. Thoughts of Monica’s breakup filled his mind, and he wondered if they could ever find a way to be together. He thought about Jesus, and His claim of being the Messiah while He walked on the earth. Monica and Jesus filled his mind. As the sun sank onto the horizon, he said a little prayer.

  God, Jesus Christ, if You are really my Savior, could You show me a sign to let me know these things are true?

  Six

  During the next month, Monica relaxed as Scotty continued adjusting to his studies and to his school. John still stopped by for his twice-weekly tutoring sessions, and she enjoyed his fellowship. She thanked God daily for the help he provided Sco
tty.

  As she drove to Scotty’s school after work, she recalled that the busy time of year for her job was approaching, and she would need to work some overtime hours. Clark was going to a convention in Washington DC to help solicit more accounts for the company. Not only would she have to make travel arrangements for Clark, but she would also need to provide clerical support for him while he was gone. During a convention Clark called her frequently, requesting she look up information for him and e-mail him documents he might have misplaced. She knew the impending trip would keep her busy, and she wondered if Anna or Karen would be able to babysit on the nights she might have to work late.

  She pulled into the parking lot of Scotty’s school. The wind blew, and the American flag and the banner bearing the school’s crescent logo snapped in the strong November breeze. Escaping the frigid air, she entered and found Scotty chatting with his friends who also stayed for the after-school care program. “Scotty?” she beckoned.

  “Oh hi, Aunt Monica.”

  She helped him fetch his coat and backpack.

  After their short commute they arrived home. Monica unlocked the door, and they were greeted by the scent of cooked meat and vegetables. He sniffed, pulling his coat off and throwing it on the floor. “You cooked already?”

  “Put your jacket in the closet,” she demanded, ignoring his question.

  He grumbled, and when a cuss word slipped from his mouth, she pulled him to a nearby chair. “You haven’t cussed in a long time. I thought we already talked about this.”

  His eyes filled with tears. “Why doesn’t my mother call or visit? Does she hate me?”

  She often wondered the same things herself. Why didn’t Gina at least call to see how her son was doing? “What happened today? Why are you suddenly asking about your mother?”

  His lip quivered. “We’re making paper turkeys for Thanksgiving. Mrs. Brown and Robby are helping me make mine.”

  She pulled him into her arms. Thanksgiving was eight days away, and she had been so busy she hadn’t given the holiday much thought. “Go on,” she urged, kissing his forehead.

  He moved out of her embrace as he continued his story. “People talked about where they would spend Thanksgiving. Since it’s Family Week at school, my teacher told everybody to tell about their parents and their brothers and sisters.” He shook his head. “I don’t have a daddy, and my mother is gone. Where is she?”

  She rubbed his shoulder. “Your mother didn’t tell you where she was going?”

  He shook his head. “No. She told me about some circus but didn’t tell me where they were going. Is the circus coming to Ocean City? Can we go and see her if it comes here?” His voice was so full of hope that she didn’t know what to say.

  Instead of answering him, she pulled him into her arms again and in a low voice called upon God to help. “Jesus, please help Scotty during this difficult time. Please keep Gina safe and please place it upon her heart to call us to let us know she’s okay. Please make Scotty strong during this period of adjustment in his life. In Jesus’ name, amen.”

  “Amen.” He sighed. “So does that mean Mom will call me since you asked God about it?”

  She pulled his chin between her two fingers. “I want you to always remember this: God hears all prayers. He might not answer them as we want Him to, but God just heard us, and He has the power to make you feel better. Now I can promise you that.”

  He still didn’t seem to believe her as he placed his coat in the closet. She watched him as he pulled out his braille reading material and began his homework. She shook her head, ashamed that her sister could abandon her child for a man.

  She didn’t think it was wise to let Scotty know she’d been trying to track down Gina for the last two weeks. She’d called the National African-American Circus information line, trying to find a way to contact Randy, the trapeze artist, so she could get a message to Gina. She had managed to get a few messages through, but she wasn’t sure if those messages were passed to her sister.

  An hour later she served the dinner that had been cooking all day in the slow cooker. The cubed steak, vegetable, and potato stew was tasty, but she was so upset about Scotty’s questions about his mother that she could barely eat. She sipped on a glass of soda, her stomach in turmoil. Closing her eyes, she said another silent prayer for Gina’s safety and for Scotty’s peace of mind. She also prayed for her own health—if she worried incessantly about something, it always brought on a stomachache. After she whispered her amen, the phone rang. The sound pealed throughout the house, so she walked into the living room and answered it. “Hello?”

  “Monica?” Gina’s slurred voice carried over the line.

  “Gina!”

  Scotty ran from the kitchen table so quickly that he bumped the table and his bowl of stew toppled onto the floor. The bowl shattered into pieces, and seconds later he was pulling on her leg. “I want to talk to Mom!”

  “Is that my baby?” Gina asked.

  She turned away from Scotty, whispering into the phone. “You’re drunk! How can you call here like that?”

  “Aunt Monica, I want to talk to my mom!” He was crying and grabbing at her like a madman, so she handed him the phone, hoping he was so excited about hearing from his mother that he wouldn’t notice she was inebriated.

  “Mom! Why haven’t you called me before now?” Scotty clutched the phone as he spoke to his mother. “Uh-huh. Yeah.”

  Monica hovered, listening to his side of the phone call, wondering what Gina was telling him. She wanted to get the phone back so she could give her sister a piece of her mind. The dialogue continued for five minutes before Scotty said good-bye. As he attempted to hang up the phone, Monica grabbed the receiver. “No, I have to talk to her, Scotty.”

  He shrugged. “She’s gone.”

  She held the receiver to her ear and heard silence. She slammed the phone back into the cradle, trying to control her anger. “What did your mother tell you?”

  “Nothing much. She says the circus isn’t that much fun, and maybe I can come and live with her again. I’m glad she doesn’t hate me. If she wants me to live with her again, she must not hate me.”

  She picked up the receiver as her heart pounded. Since she didn’t have caller ID, she dialed a combination of numbers to find out if she could get the phone number from where Gina had called. When she couldn’t do it that way, she called the operator who informed her the call was made from an international location and she couldn’t track the number for her. Frustrated, she banged the phone down, muttering under her breath.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I needed to speak with your mother, and she hung up.” She gazed at the mess in the kitchen. “Did you want some more stew?”

  He shook his head. “Can I go to my room?”

  “Yes, you can go to your room.” She was glad to have a few minutes alone after the disturbing phone call. As she cleaned up the mess on the kitchen floor, she couldn’t stop her tears from falling.

  ❧

  The following day after the last student had taken his exit, John gathered his papers and his briefcase and headed to his car, eager to get to Monica’s house. Later, he pulled into her driveway. Scotty tugged on John’s hand as he met him at the door. “Hey, Mr. John!”

  He chuckled. “Hey, sport! How did you know it was me at the door?”

  “I heard your car drive up, and Aunt Monica told me to come and let you in.”

  John entered the house, disappointed when he didn’t smell one of Monica’s tasty meals cooking. “Mr. John, my mother called me last night.”

  Intrigued, he looked at Scotty. “Did she? What did she say?”

  “I might go and live with her again. Wouldn’t that be great?”

  Confused, he glanced into the empty kitchen. It was spotless and again he wondered where Monica
was. “Where’s your aunt?”

  “She’s upstairs.” He pulled John into the kitchen. “Come and hear me read. I got these Dr. Seuss books in braille a couple of days ago!”

  John sat at the table but could barely listen to Scotty read the rhyming words in the braille book. When he struggled with a certain word, John forced himself to pay attention and help him out. They continued their reading exercises for an hour, and he was tempted to go upstairs and get Monica himself when he heard soft footsteps plodding down the stairs.

  She entered the kitchen. Her eyes were sad, and there were circles beneath them. He stood, sensing she needed a hug. He pulled her into his arms. “What’s the matter?”

  She shook her head, motioning toward Scotty. “I’ll tell you later,” she whispered in his ear, obviously not wanting her nephew to hear their conversation.

  “Aunt Monica, I’m hungry,” Scotty announced.

  She looked at John. “I’m sorry. I’m not feeling well and didn’t make dinner tonight.”

  He squeezed her shoulder, noticing how the bone protruded beneath her skin. “You need to eat something. You’re getting too thin.”

  “My parents say the same thing.”

  “How about I take us out to dinner at Phillips?”

  “Yeah, let’s go to Phillips!” Scotty jumped from his seat, excited.

  She shook her head as she sat at the table. “No, I don’t have the energy to go out.”

  “Aw, Aunt Monica,” he whined.

  John sat beside her, taking her hand. “How about I have the food delivered? Why don’t we order some pizza? What would you like, Scotty?”

  Scotty told him his favorite was cheese pizza, and when John asked Monica, she just shrugged. “I’m not very hungry. Whatever you get is fine.”

  “Aunt Monica likes supreme pizza,” Scotty announced.

  John placed the order over the phone, and he added an order of sodas. “They said it’ll be here in thirty minutes.”

  When the food arrived, he answered the door and paid for their meal. He entered the kitchen and opened the boxes. Steam floated from the hot pizzas, and the scents of tomatoes and olives filled the air. He set the box in front of her and opened it. “Here, you need to eat something.”