He said hello to Karen before taking Monica’s hand. “I hope you don’t mind my sitting next to you during the service.”
She pulled her hand away, gazing toward the podium. “I don’t mind at all.” He wondered why she was so aloof but decided she must still be worried about Scotty and Gina. During the praise and worship time, she lifted her hands toward the ceiling, praising God. But her shoulders slumped and she checked her watch often while the preacher spoke. He knew he needed to do something to cheer her up.
After service was over, he said good-bye to Karen before he touched Monica’s arm. “What’s the matter?”
“My mother called this morning. Gina’s been acting up all weekend. She’s broke, and she’s mad at my parents because they won’t buy her alcohol.”
He shook his head, helping her with her coat. “They’re still bringing Scotty back today?”
“They’re supposed to, but they said he’s been upset all weekend, crying, not understanding why his mother is so irrational.” He opened the door for her, and they stepped into the brisk morning air. The fierce, cold wind blew with a vengeance, and the sky was bright blue and dotted with large clouds. Puffs of white air escaped their mouths as they spoke.
“But they said they were going to bring him?” he asked again as they walked among the crowd to her car.
She nodded as she unlocked her door. “Yes, they said they will. But. . .my sister is so vengeful that she might have something up her sleeve.”
“What do you mean?”
She stepped into her car.
“Well, if she’s determined, she’ll think of a way to get her way. Do you know what I mean?”
He nodded. “I think so. But how can she stop your parents from bringing Scotty?”
She closed her eyes as if fighting bad memories. “Gina will stop at nothing to get what she wants.”
He touched her shoulder. “Don’t get so upset.”
He continued to stand next to her open car door, wondering how he could comfort her. “What did your sister do in the past to upset you so much?”
“One time, when she didn’t get her way, she threatened to harm herself.”
He gasped. “Would she have done something so drastic?”
She shrugged. “I’m not sure. She could have been bluffing but. . .I don’t know. I’ve been trying to get my sister to give God a chance, but she won’t listen to me, and she certainly won’t listen to my parents about Christianity or religion. They raised us as Christians, but Gina never wanted to embrace their beliefs.”
He rubbed her shoulder. “Did you want me to come home with you? Did you need my support for whatever happens later?”
As she shook her head, the sunlight glinted off her dark hair. “No, it’s sweet of you to offer, but. . .” She looked at him with her brown eyes. “To be honest with you, I’m wondering if this whole thing is a mistake.”
“What thing?” Confusion filled his mind as he tilted his head.
She invited him to join her inside the car. He entered, and she turned the motor on, letting the heat warm up her vehicle. “I’m talking about us. I know we’re not dating or anything.”
“We’re not officially. But”—he watched a young couple walk to their car—“I’m falling in love with you—”
“John—”
He touched her arm. “Let me finish, Monica. Sometimes I do feel like we’re a couple, especially when we spent the day at your parents’ house for Thanksgiving.”
She gripped her steering wheel, gazing out the windshield. She turned and looked at him. “I feel the same way, and that’s what bothers me so much. You’ve been so nice and supportive, and I understand how you feel about me because I feel the same way.”
“You do?” She’d never admitted her feelings to him before.
She nodded. “That’s why I think we should put the brakes on our relationship for a while. I can’t let myself get carried away, falling for somebody, only to have him exit my life the way Kevin did.”
He vehemently shook his head. “But I’m not like Kevin. I would never abandon you like that. I like you too much to treat you so poorly.”
“It’s more than that. I should never have invited you to my parents’ house at Thanksgiving. I should never have invited you to spend time with me and my friends for meals after church.” She gripped her steering wheel again. “I was looking for you this morning in the sanctuary, and when I saw you, I was so happy.”
He touched her hand. “I was happy to see you, too.”
“Don’t you understand? My cooking for you and your spending time with me outside of tutoring my nephew have allowed things to escalate too soon. We need to just stop this.”
His heart skipped a beat. “Stop what?”
She took a deep breath. “Stop spending time together outside of tutoring Scotty. When you come to my house, you can tutor my nephew, but that’s all there is to it.”
He gritted his teeth. “So you’re saying that when I come to your house on Tuesdays and Thursdays that I’m just supposed to tutor Scotty and that’s it? No more talks, social time, or dinners?”
Tears shimmered from her eyes and fell down her cheeks. “I don’t want to do this—”
“Then don’t!” He tried to put his arms around her, but she pushed him away. “Don’t push me away. You’re going through a lot right now, and I need to support you.”
She shook her head. “We can’t keep spending time together. It reminds me too much—” She stopped speaking and looked out the window. Her ex-boyfriend approached his car a few feet away. He placed the baby into the car seat and helped his wife into the vehicle before he got behind the wheel and drove away. “It reminds me too much about how I felt with Kevin. You know how much he hurt me, and if I keep spending time with you, it’ll just get worse.”
“Don’t say that.” He tried to touch her again, but she pushed him away.
“But it’s true!” She wiped her eyes and reached in her purse for a tissue to blow her nose. “I appreciate all you’ve done for my nephew, and I hope my decision for us to stop spending time together won’t make you want to stop tutoring him.”
He flattened his mouth, hurt she would make that assumption. “I told you about my brother and why I like to help blind kids. I would never punish Scotty just because I don’t agree with your actions. I don’t operate like that, Monica.”
As her tears continued to fall, his heart crumbled. “Is there anything I can say or do to change your mind?”
She shook her head and continued wiping her tears. “I’ll just make sure I make myself scarce when you come and tutor Scotty. I can’t keep sharing dinner with you because it’s getting too personal. I fell for Kevin so hard, and it took me over two years to finally get over him.” She ran her fingers over her hair. “I don’t want to take my chances on another man unless I know for sure that he is a Christian.”
“Kevin was a Christian, and look at how much he hurt you. Being with a Christian man won’t guarantee you happiness.”
She gasped and stared out the window, as if gathering her thoughts. Before she could speak, he got out of the car and slammed the door.
❧
That evening Monica was so upset she called Anna and told her what had happened between her and John. She’d called Karen also, but Karen was not at home. Anna stopped by a short time later and offered to keep Scotty overnight and take him to school the following morning. “I think you just need an evening to yourself to think and pray about this whole situation,” Anna said with a hug before leaving with Scotty.
As the hour grew late, Monica continued to worry about her situation with John. She wished her feelings for him weren’t so strong. She dreaded going to bed, knowing she’d have a hard time falling asleep. Feeling like a caged animal, she decided to go to Wal-Mart sin
ce she still had an hour left before they closed. She needed to get some beauty items. A short time later, she breezed into the huge store, anxious to get her shopping done. Not paying attention, she collided into somebody walking in the opposite direction. “I’m sorry,” she said as she looked up into Kevin’s familiar eyes. She jerked back, shocked.
“No, I’m sorry, Monica. I wasn’t paying attention.” The familiar scent of his cologne reminded her of the time they used to spend together. She glanced at the square package he clutched. “Tamara sent me out to get diapers for Tyler.” He held the package up. “My life’s really changed since he’s been born.”
She nodded. “I can imagine.”
He continued to look at her, his dark eyes full of curiosity. “Are you sure you’re okay? You’ve got that worried look about you.”
Monica smiled. Kevin could always tell when something heavy was on her mind. “I’ll be okay.”
He checked his watch. “Are you sure? I’ve got a few minutes if you need somebody to talk to.”
The urge to tell Kevin about her problems with John came upon her; however, the feeling disappeared. “No, it isn’t something I want to talk to you about.”
“Well, I want to talk to you about something.”
Monica widened her eyes. “You do?” She wondered what in the world Kevin had to talk to her about.
He nodded and pointed to the soda machine inside the Wal-Mart. “Will you join me for a quick soda?”
Still curious, Monica nodded. After they were seated on a bench with their Cokes, Kevin started the conversation. “I noticed since we. . .since we stopped seeing each other that you’ve been staring at me and my family at church sometimes.”
Monica’s skin heated with embarrassment. She sipped her soda, hoping Kevin couldn’t tell that his sudden breakup still made her bitter. Before she could respond, he continued. “I was wondering if you were okay with everything. I know I broke things off suddenly.” Monica sighed, setting her can of soda on the floor. “Tamara also noticed that you keep staring at us in church. At first she just ignored it, but she said it’s starting to bother her, and she wondered why you haven’t gotten over me in two years.”
Monica jerked back. “Gotten over you?”
“It’s obvious you’re still upset about our breakup.”
“Upset about our breakup? Kevin, you told me you didn’t want to see me again after we’d been dating for two years. I know your mom died and everything, and you told me you weren’t in the right frame of mind to make a marriage commitment. Yet right after our breakup you show up with Miss Tamara the following Sunday at church! How do you think that made me feel? Were you dating both of us at the same time? Or did you just happen to meet Tamara the day after our breakup and decide to proudly parade her around our church, introducing her to half the congregation?”
She shook her head, her heart still full of shame. “Everybody knew we were a couple, but the way you abruptly brought Tamara around made people wonder, and I could tell they pitied me. You should have seen some of the looks I got when I left church that day. You could have at least respectfully waited a few weeks before bringing her to church with you. You could have let me know what you were going to do. It was like a splash of cold water in my face when you did that.”
His dark eyes widened. “You are still angry.”
Her heart pounded, and Monica realized Kevin was correct. “Yes, I am still angry. I know it’s wrong for me to feel this way, and I’ve been praying about it, but I still don’t understand what happened between us. I felt that we were dating one minute, then the next you tell me you want to break up, and then you show up with Tamara. Were you seeing both of us at the same time? You at least owe me that explanation.”
He sighed. “Not really.”
“Not really? What does that mean?”
“I met Tamara at the men’s retreat—”
“You met her at a men’s retreat? How is that possible?”
“She was one of the volunteers at the host church to provide the food. I started talking to her, and I asked her for her phone number.”
Monica sighed, wondering why she even wanted to hear this. “When was the men’s retreat?”
“Remember, I went to the men’s retreat a couple of months before we broke up.”
“So you were dating her while you were dating me,” Monica mumbled.
“I didn’t see her again until the Sunday I brought her to church. I talked to her on the phone a few times, but I wasn’t dating her,” he said emphatically.
“Okay, I have a few questions. Why did it take you two months to tell me what was going on, and why did you show up at church with her right after you’d broken up with me? Did Tamara know what you were doing?”
“What do you mean?”
“Did she know you broke up with me days before you brought her to church?”
He shook his head. “No, she didn’t know. I’m sorry about the way I handled things. I guess I should have been more sensitive.”
“More sensitive? You shouldn’t have been leading me on for two years!”
“Look, I liked you, but I knew after we’d been dating for about a year and a half that we weren’t going to get married.”
Monica jerked back. “Then why did you keep going out with me?”
“I enjoyed your company, and I didn’t want to hurt your feelings. But it was wrong of me to treat you that way, and I’m sorry. Initially, when you asked about marriage, I really was pretty messed up because my mom had died. But months later, I knew you weren’t the right woman for me.” He paused, staring at his soda can as if in deep thought. “You know, before my mother died, she always told me I didn’t have much common sense when it came to women, but I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he repeated. “I know we left a lot of things unsaid, and I just want to clear the air before we move.”
“Move?”
He nodded. “Yes, Tamara and I are relocating to Hawaii.”
“Hawaii!”
“Yes. Tamara’s company is transferring her there, and they offered her a position in the new office. I’ve been searching on the Internet lately, and I was able to find a job there, too. We leave in a couple of weeks. They’ll be announcing our departure plans at church on Sunday. We think it’ll be a nice place to raise Tyler.”
Monica still felt stunned as Kevin checked his watch again. “I’ve got to get going because Tamara will start worrying if I don’t show up at home soon.” They stood, and he pulled Monica into a clumsy embrace. “I feel bad about the way things ended between us, and I hope things work out for you and John.”
Monica looked into his dark eyes. “You know about John?”
He shrugged. “Of course I do. It’s hard not to know. We’re in a small church, and people talk. I know he’s taking that class, so I hope he makes the decision to accept Christ. If he does, you never know what might happen between the two of you,” he said, a teasing glint in his dark eyes.
Monica watched Kevin walk away. It wasn’t her usual routine to get beauty supplies at Wal-Mart late at night. She could only imagine that God had orchestrated her running into Kevin this evening, giving her the opportunity to ask him questions she’d been wondering about for two years.
A few days later, Monica spoke with Karen and Anna on the phone and told them about her accidental meeting with Kevin. She also mentioned his family’s departure plans. She assured them she was glad that she was finally able to speak with Kevin in person, just to get some answers to her questions and to officially bring closure to the whole situation. Her best friends were shocked to discover that Kevin and his family were moving so far away. Although she’d reconciled herself to the situation, a part of her was still a little glad that Kevin’s family would now be a long distance away.
Nine
During the nex
t couple of weeks, John continued to be plagued with questions about salvation and Christianity. He invited Pastor Martin over for a chat so they could discuss his questions. When the pastor arrived, John invited him into the kitchen for coffee and cookies.
“So, why did you want to meet with me?” asked Pastor Martin.
“I have so much going through my mind that I don’t want to bother you with too many details. Suffice it to say my search for the truth continues.”
“Have you been getting a lot out of the class you’ve been attending every Sunday?”
“Yes, I have, but I’m still not sure what to believe.”
“You know, the Lord tells us if we seek Him, we’ll find Him. We’re humans, and we make mistakes. We’re by no means perfect, and we need somebody to guide us and protect us. Our Savior does that and nobody else. As humans we walk around the earth living our lives, but we can’t be gods over our own lives. God has control over all of the universe, and in order to understand Him, you must accept Him and live according to His commands.”
“But what about suffering?“ John argued.
“What about Christ’s suffering? I know there’s a lot of suffering on this earth, but you need to focus on the fact that Jesus died on the cross for us.” Pastor Martin shook his head, gazing at John with his wise, kind eyes. “God has offered us the gift of eternal life. Accept His gift, be earnest in your quest to know and understand God. Seek Him with your whole mind and heart, and He’ll make Himself known to you.”
“But scientifically—”
Pastor Martin shook his head. “Forget science. Forget your agnostic views for a minute. You can’t deny the evidence that there has been no man like Jesus that walked this earth. You can’t deny the evidence that He did indeed exist. I’m talking evidence other than the Bible. Does it make sense that this man, living on earth as God, would suffer so much pain for nothing?” Pastor Martin raised his voice, as if preaching from the pulpit. “He gave His life for us, and we need to accept His gift.”
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