More Than Enough

by Johnson, Ashley

  For someone who wanted to talk, he suddenly got quiet and moved his arm from where he placed it. After a minute of thinking he began talking. “The first night, I was drunk. I’d had more than I normally drink. I was just stressing over how we were going to take care of a baby and I kept drinking. I know that’s no excuse but it’s the truth Macy. She came in and walked up to me talking all flirty and she hung around all night. We didn’t sleep together that night.” I looked at him unamused but shocked that he was even talking about it. “A few days later she asked me if I could hang a shower rod in her apartment. She said she was having issues with it so I went after I left here. I was trying to be nice. She said she had no one else to do it so I figure I could go hurry and hang that then come home to you. She went into the bathroom and came out wearing some lingerie outfit and that was the first time I slept with her—“

  I suddenly felt like I was going to be sick to my stomach. Part of me wanted to vomit out here but the other part wanted to run inside to the bathroom where he couldn’t go in. “Why this bar Trevor?”

  He looked into my eyes and replied, “I don’t know. I’m weak Macy. I didn’t mean to do it. It was all an accident. I’m so sorry.”

  I choked back a laugh and looked at him. “So you didn’t mean to accidentally have sex with her over and over again for three weeks? Damn, I thought I’d heard it all.”

  “But—“

  “But what Trevor? I saw you in here when you came into town. She was right beside you. If you like her, please don’t feel like you have to hide it from me. You don’t affect me anymore.” It sure felt good to say those words aloud to him.

  As I stood here talking to him, none of those old feelings were creeping up. I missed nothing about him. “I mean do you even realize how screwed up it was that I had to catch you here? I shouldn’t have had to catch you though because it should have never happened. I was pregnant with your child. I was engaged to be your wife but I guess none of that mattered and well, now we have none of that. Thank you though.”

  He looked confused for a minute. “For what?”

  “For breaking my heart.”

  A lone tear slid down his cheek as he tried to move closer to me. I pushed him back and tried to get around him but he moved every time I tried to.

  “I love you Macy,” he choked out.

  “Ohmigod Trevor no. Do not start this with me at all. I’m engaged to Luke.” My eyes grew wide when he said that to me. Please let me wake up and someone tell me this is all some horrific nightmare. Trevor can not be here right now professing his love outside this bar when Luke is on his way here. I want to go crawl into a hole somewhere and just die. God, you can cut the jokes now.

  “Oh yea, where’s your ring?”

  “I don’t have one yet.” I managed to squeak out. Great, he thought I was lying to him and that wasn’t helping either, even though I was being a hundred percent honest with him.

  Before I could stop him, he leaned forward and kissed me. The minute his lips crushed against mine, I didn’t kiss him back; I shoved him away and slapped his face. He stood there for a second trying to process what just happened and then walked off slowly into the darkness.

  I slid down the wall and sat on the concrete. My body was shaking as I tried to get the image and feeling of his lips crushed against mine out of my head. What the hell was he thinking trying to kiss me? Did he really think I was going to kiss him back? My breathing was still ragged from the events that just unfolded and to make it worse, I still hadn’t gotten adjusted to the humidity that was still making it hard to breathe. A shadow approached me and I looked up to find Luke standing there.

  “Hey baby. I’m so glad to see you.” I drew in a deep breath and then began to stand. I couldn’t wait to go home and just let him hold me all night.

  He just stood there with no expression on his face. No smile or anything. What was wrong with him?

  “You’re glad to see me? Because it looks like I just saw your lips all over your ex fiancée.”

  I started to laugh then stopped for fear it would make matters worse. He wasn’t smiling at all, there was no kindness in his eyes. The only thing I saw in them was hurt. I’m not even sure why because I didn’t kiss Trevor.

  “No baby, he kissed me. I didn’t kiss him back.”

  “Why did he kiss you?” He asked with an accusatory tone.

  “I don’t know. He just did. I swear I didn’t kiss him, I pushed him away. I’m tired can we please go home?”

  I inched closer and tried to hug him. I really had missed him tonight. As I got closer he pushed me away. Confused, I tried to walk towards him again. “No Macy. Don’t touch me.”

  Shocked, I looked into his green eyes that usually sparkled. Tonight they didn’t at all. My heart began racing trying to figure out what in the hell was going on. Doesn’t he know I’d rather die a thousand deaths than ever dream of hurting him?

  “Luke, I love you. You have to believe me. I swear I didn’t kiss him back. I pushed him away, I’m telling you.” My eyes began to swell with tears. I didn’t understand. Did he really think I kissed Trevor back? Even though I was telling him I pushed him away? I didn’t even part my damn lips, they were sealed shut. I may have had a lot to drink tonight but I was not that drunk.

  “Stop. I know what I saw Macy. Don’t lie to me.”

  The tears that were swelling now began to flow down my cheeks as I felt my heart beginning to break. This was not happening, wake me up, pinch me, do something. “Luke, please. I’m not lying I swear to God.”

  I reached out for him one more time but he began backing up towards his car. It practically killed me to see the hurt in his eyes and I wanted to take that hurt away. This isn’t happening. “I know what I saw Macy. I can’t do this right now. I don’t even know what to think.” He inched closer to his car and I ran to him trying to talk some sense into him and explain he didn’t see what he thought. As soon as he reached the car, he opened the door to his Challenger and climbed in. As soon as the car started he peeled out while I stalked back to where I was, sat back on the concrete and cried my heart out.

  I cried for what seemed like an eternity. The tears weren’t stopping and the snot kept coming. Gross. I felt a hand on my shoulder and I looked to find Paul kneeling beside me.

  “Hey what’s wrong you ok?”

  “Do I look ok? I’ve never been worse. I think, I’m scare that Luke and I are…over.” I sobbed uncontrollably into my hands.

  His eyes bugged out and he pulled me in for a hug. “What happened?”

  “You remember the guy I described?” He nodded. “He ruined everything. He tried to talk to me and I didn’t want to talk. Then he kissed me but I didn’t kiss him back. I pushed him away only Luke didn’t see that part.” Quietly I whispered, “He didn’t believe me.”

  He said nothing but patted my head with his hand. It was so soothing; at least something was right now. I sat there quietly staring at the broken line in the concrete. It looked like the picture of my life. I should have known there was a flaw bound to pop up eventually. Things were going too good and my life is nothing even close to a fairy tale. I’m not cut out for the princess life style, things will always go wrong and I’ll always be there to pick up the pieces and try my best to put it all back together. My body started shaking uncontrollably as I choked out a sob or two. Paul just pulled me closer and began softly humming. It reminded me of Luke humming and my eyes filled with more tears. After a few seconds I was able to make out just what he was humming and it was ‘I Won’t Let Go’ by Rascal Flatts. I grabbed his shirt and made a ball out of the spot where the tears fell.

  I fumbled for my phone and opened a new message. Paul grabbed it out of my hand. “What are you doing Macy?”

  “Texting Trevor to tell him I hope he rots in hell.” Seriously. I wanted to be the one to send him there and I wanted nothing good to happen to him. He’s ruined me not once, but twice. It was beginning to be a known fact that no matter where or
when he popped up everything became a disaster.

  Paul let out a soft chuckle. “No honey, he isn’t worth your time. The only person you need to text is Luke. Fix things with him. Screw Trevor.”

  “I did, that’s why I’m in this awful mess.” I wiped my eyes and gave Paul a frown then looked back at the broken concrete. It was true; I screwed Trevor and in return screwed myself. Wonderful.

  I looked up at Paul with my tear stained face. I knew he was right. Things with Luke were far more important. My every ounce of happiness was with him. There was no other place he belonged than with me in my heart. My life had not been the same since he walked into it and I refused to go back to the before. I was a new person because of him. He saved me, he can’t just leave me. I offered what I could of a smile and reached my hand out for my phone. When he handed it over, I began typing to Luke. “Baby please talk to me.”

  Two minutes went by then he replied, “I can’t do this Macy.” Then nothing else.

  The phone dropped from my hand and listened as it crashed against the concrete. I wish it would have broken because maybe, just maybe it would make things a lot easier. Where was I supposed to go? I couldn’t go home. He didn’t even want to talk to me through text. If I showed up, he would probably throw me out.

  “I have nowhere to go.” I admitted out loud.

  “Why don’t you stay with your uncle?”

  The look I gave him told him my answer. No. I racked my brain trying to figure out what I was going to do. Halley was drunk and already home, that wasn’t an option. I picked up my phone and hit the call button making the only decision I felt was a good one right now.

  “Hello?”

  “Mom? I’m sorry to call so late.” I managed to get that much out without completely losing my composure. I’m sure when she got around to asking why I was calling so late; she wouldn’t be able to understand through the crying.

  “It’s ok. Are you crying? What’s wrong?”

  I looked up at Paul for strength. He had no idea about my situation and how mom and I were on the road to being a happy family again. His eyes were smiling at me telling me it was ok to do what I had to do and that gave me all the strength I needed.

  “I, um, can I come stay with you for a day or two?”

  There was a pause before she continued. “Sweetheart, it’s after midnight what is wrong?”

  I took a deep breath and tried to keep that composure but I was tired and very quickly sobering. The truth was hitting me harder than I liked and I was fully aware of all the horrible emotions I was feeling right now. I liked these emotions better when I was drunk and I couldn’t feel.

  “Luke, um, and I had a fight—“

  “Oh honey what happened?”

  I groaned at the thought of having to repeat this all over again. I drew in a deep breath and squeezed Paul’s hand for support.

  “My ex Trevor, tried to talk to me after my friend Halley’s bachelorette party and he kissed me. I didn’t kiss him back at all, I pushed him away.” I stopped to take a breath and ended up crying again. “Luke saw the kiss and he doesn’t believe anything I said. I can’t go home to him mom and I can’t stay with Gary. Please.”

  “You’ve been drinking Mace. Do I need to come get you?”

  I sat there trying to sort this mess and it needed to be sorted quickly before Gary left. I know he was closing everything up right now and most likely wondering where his worker was hiding.

  “Um, I’m sure I can drive. I’m pretty sober now.”

  Paul nudged me and I looked up. “I’ll drive you.”

  I mouthed ‘are you sure’? He nodded his head yes.

  “I have a ride Mom, I’ll be there soon. Thank you.”

  “Be safe Macy. I’ll wait up for you.”

  I looked at Paul and squeezed his hand thanking him for how nice he’d been to me tonight. It sure was nice to have some sort of friend in all this chaos. If he weren’t here, I have no clue where I would have gone or what would have happened.

  “My car is parked right over there.” I looked over to find a black Chevy Cruze parked on the curb. “Let me go clock out and I need to text my boyfriend and let him know I’ll be late.”

  My head popped up suddenly. I didn’t mean to have the reaction I did, I just wasn’t sure I would have expected it. Honestly if he hadn’t said anything I never would have guessed. Sure, I questioned his outfit earlier this evening but that was it. To me, he was someone reaching out and being a friend in the time of need. Boy was that coming in handy right now.

  “So you’re like Will?” I asked. Ok maybe that wasn’t the best way to approach it but it just sorta came to me. This is what I get for drinking.

  He turned back and smiled a megawatt smile and replied, “Yep, just like you’re Grace.” He winked then ran back inside real quick.

  I walked over to his car and just stood beside it waiting. I really wanted to pull my phone out and text Luke again. If he would just talk to me, then everything would be ok. We could get through this I know it. There isn’t a single beat in my heart that doesn’t believe that.

  Paul made his way over and unlocked the car. I sat down and put my seatbelt on. The darkness inside was welcoming. No one could see the pain I was feeling from here.

  He started the car and looked at my phone to see the battery life that was beginning to barely hang on. “Charge your phone before it dies. And give me your number so I can check on you tomorrow.”

  I smiled and rattled my phone number off to him. He saved it and showed me the name he put it under, Grace. I wasn’t in a laughing mood but that definitely put me in a better mood. “Thank you for driving me. Do you know where Newton is?”

  “I do, sit back and relax.” He turned on the local country station and began humming along to the Luke Bryan song that was playing.

  Luke Bryan. Luke. That name was just coming up everywhere it didn’t need to be. I fought back the latest round of tears that threatened my eyes and looked out the window. I must have played connect the stars several times the whole ride to my moms house. I made at least three hearts, two dogs and something that I couldn’t even identify.

  The rest of the trip was a blur. Paul didn’t push me to talk, he just silently drove and once we got into Newton I took a deep breath as I was getting ready to face more demons in the closet. I kept reminding myself that everything was ok now. Things were different, thanks to….Luke.

  When he pulled up into my mom’s driveway, I noticed that everything looked the same. The same tree still stood in the front yard and the same brown door was propped open like every night she waited for me to come home from a football game in high school. I guess some things never change. She stood in the doorway when she saw the car pull up.

  I leaned over to give Paul a hug. “Thank you again. I’m glad I met you, Will.”

  He smiled and kissed my cheek. “Anything for you Grace. I will be checking on you. If you need a ride back home, call me.”

  I smiled through my hurt and replied, “I will.” I grabbed his hand and squeezed it one more time. I was so glad to have found a friend in him, and just to think earlier I was being a bitch practically threatening his job.

  “Hey, Paul I have a question.” He gave me his complete attention as he waited to see what I was getting ready to say now. “My friend Halley’s wedding is next weekend, would you like to be my date? I have to walk in the wedding with oh you’re gonna love this one…the guy who kissed me.”

  His jaw dropped and his eyes practically were bugging out of his head. “Girl, that sounds like a whole mess.”

  Oh no, he was going to say no. Shit. Well, it was worth a shot. He had no idea just how big of a mess this really was going to be now. Wait until I told Halley. Maybe I could get lucky and she will convince Marcus to yank Trevor out of the wedding.

  “Count me in. I’ll be your date.” I hugged him one more time before I got out of the car.

  As I closed the Cruze door behind me and Paul drove away, I s
tood there frozen for a second. You can do this Macy. Ray isn’t here anymore; it’s just you and mom like old times. Being here for a day or two will give me time to clear my head and sort things out and then maybe Luke will be ready to talk to me. He needed time to heal and forgive me, I totally get that. I really don’t know what I need to be forgiven for since I didn’t lie to him. I was upfront and honest about the kiss, it’s not my fault that he believed something he thought he saw. I blinked back a few tears at the thought that I wasn’t going to be lying in bed with him tonight.

  I drew in the deepest breath I could and let it out. I slowly walked up to my mom and as she pulled me into her arms, the tears came back like I never cried before.

  Chapter 12

  She held me as I cried for what seemed like forever. I don’t even remember the last time this happened. That’s pretty sad but at least I’m here now in this moment. She leads me inside the house. The same house I grew up in. The same house I lost my innocence and happy times in. The same house that made me the way I am today, the reason I couldn’t move on with my life how I wanted to for so long. I shoved all the negativity back and wiped my eyes because at one time this was a happy home and right now it became one once again.

  The kitchen still looked the same as before. Mom always left her clean dishes in her drain board. She hated putting the dishes up so she just grabbed when she needed something. She grabbed a glass and filled it with water for me.

  “Drink this baby girl.” She held the glass out and slowly I grabbed it and gave her a half smile.

  I drank the water and rinsed the glass out placing it right where she just grabbed it from. See? It’s this crazy repetitive cycle. I walked to the living room. The same photo of mom and me when I was seven hung on the wall next to one of us before I went off to my junior prom.

  I remember that night like it was yesterday. She and I had gone dress shopping just a few days before. It was so risky. I actually was worried that I wouldn’t be able to find a dress. I don’t even remember why we waited so long but when we went, I knew it was the dress the minute I saw it. The dress was ivory colored with beads along the bust. I didn’t even have to get it altered; it hung just perfectly and fit everywhere it needed to. I assumed it was a sign from God, I mean it was absolutely everything I was looking for. Gah, I loved it. When my date picked me up, she made us do all the cheesy poses in front of the mantle and gave him the stern talk of have my daughter home by midnight and blah blah blah. We were just happy to get into his truck and go. That night was an absolute blast.