As patiently as I could, I waited for Paul to turn around to get someone a drink. I needed to apologize to Halley for my outburst. I felt like a horrible person for saying it, I should have just gone and locked myself in Gary’s office.
“Halley, I—“
“Stop Macy. I know how you feel now so please I don’t want to hear anymore. You know just because shitty things happened to you doesn’t mean they are going to happen to everyone else. I’m actually happy with my life and I really thought you would be happy for me too. Why don’t you quit sulking over Luke and fucking do something about it? Drinking really does bring out the truth huh?” She spit all that out with such anger that I had to blink to make sure I heard her right. Good thing we were in a crowded bar and the band was playing or it could have caused a scene.
I gave her a look then hopped off the bar stool before she could blink and walked out the front door. The warm air hit me practically taking my breath away. It took several small breaths to get used to the humidity that was lingering in the air. I turned to make sure no one followed me out and when the coast was clear I began walking. Where to? I have no idea but I know I can’t be inside that bar any longer or I’ll lose my mind.
Two blocks down I realized I was walking in the direction of Luke’s apartment. I squinted my eyes to try to see if he was home and I think I see a light on. Ohmigod, he’s home. Yep, I see the Challenger sitting there parked in front. There was a crack of thunder in the background. Shit. I didn’t know it was supposed to rain. Hopefully it was a false alarm. Suddenly I took off running with a glimmer of hope that he would talk to me and this could be our chance to work this mess out.
It was such a relief when I reached the door and realized I didn’t fall flat on my face. I stood in front of the door waiting, I guess on a miracle. I drew in a deep breath and realized it’s now or never. I knocked once praying he was right there to answer. I could imagine in my drunken mind how it would go down. He would open the door and I’d tell him how sorry I was. He’d hear nothing happened between Trevor and me and he’d believe me. Then he’d scoop me up in those strong tattooed arms of his and kiss me while he carried me to the bedroom to make love to me. And from there we’d live happily ever after. Except the door hadn’t been answered yet, so I knocked again. Nothing. I was just about ready to knock one more time when I heard the door unlock. My heart began pounding in my chest. If he didn’t open this door and scoop me up, I was bound to explode right here.
The doorknob slowly turned and the door began to open. Luke stood there shirtless in a pair of black board shorts. My eyes caught his tattoos and I wanted to run my hands across them but I didn’t dare move forward. I got stuck staring at his strength tattoo and touched my hand to mine as I drew in a deep breath.
“What do you want Macy. Do you know what time it is?”
Thunder cracked again in the distance and I winced. I kept waiting for him to ask me to come inside but he didn’t. He just stood there in the doorway.
“I, um, I wanted to talk to you. You haven’t talked to me. I miss you.” I could hear my heart pounding against my chest as I said those words. He just looked at me. He didn’t look angry; he didn’t even really look hurt. He just looked at me.
“Macy, can we talk another time? I was just getting ready to go to bed.”
“Can I come in? We can talk in the morning.” I tried to smile but I know I failed miserably. My hope was fading the longer this conversation went on. And the realization that we possibly really were over hit me again except thank God I wasn’t near a microphone to sing Boyz II Men again.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea right now.”
“Where have you been Luke? I came by the other night, you weren’t here. I needed you.” Tears began to well up again and I didn’t want to cry. I was not ready to break down just yet.
“Why’d you do that Macy? I told you I can’t do this right now.”
I was so damn frustrated it wasn’t funny. Why was he acting this way? He wasn’t supposed to turn me down in person. Before I caught myself, I began screaming, “Well when can you Luke? Tell me that. When? Because I’m waiting and my heart is breaking more every day. Are we over? Is that what this is? Do I need to get my stuff out? I need to know when you can do this. You don’t know half of what I’ve been through since that night because you can’t do this right now. I call bullshit. You hear me!” I stood there trying to catch my breath when I felt a hand touch me.
I turned to find Paul standing there looking pissed and worried. Luke looked at Paul and then back at me. “Who is this Macy?”
Paul immediately stuck his hand out and replied, “I’m Paul. Her new friend and bartender. I’m gay; I don’t have anything going on with her I swear.”
Geez Gary must have really scared Paul talking about Luke. I tried not to laugh but I was a little glad that it eased the tension in the air. Luke shook his hand then looked back at me.
“Macy, I don’t know what’s going on right now. You’re right I don’t know what you’ve been through since that night but I can tell you I am still upset and it’s late. I don’t want to do this right now.”
“You didn’t answer my question Luke. Are we over? Because if we are you did it in a shitty way and I at least deserve better than that!” I threw my hands in the air out of pure frustration. Why was he being so damn stubborn?
“I’m not doing this tonight Macy. Please.”
I tried to step towards him but he took a step back. My chin began to tremble as the tears fell. No matter how strong I wanted to be, I couldn’t help it. My life was literally falling apart…again. He muttered something that sounded like he was sorry and I wanted to scream yes you are sorry but I didn’t. The door shut and I turned to face Paul.
“Shhh…Grace just come with me. Halley knows I came to get you. You’re coming back to my apartment tonight. Tomorrow you can stay with her.” He grabbed my hand and led me to his car. As I sat in the passenger seat I stared at Luke’s apartment. I swear I could see him looking out his window and it broke my heart more. How could he let me walk away?
Come to find out, Paul lived around Halley’s old apartment. He unlocked the door and led me inside. It was as clean as Luke’s apartment was the first time I saw it. In his living room, there was a huge ottoman that sat next to the oversized sectional sofa. The ottoman was big enough I could probably curl up in that and sleep like a baby. He had at least three fleur de lis arranged around his mantle. His kitchen had a pub style table and pictures of wine on the wall.
“Does your boyfriend live with you?” I looked around for signs of someone else living in the house but everything I saw pointed to just one person. It was small and quaint.
“No, Drew has his own place. We probably won’t take that step for a while.”
“Smart move,” I grumbled. I offered a half smile and he hugged me.
“Everything’s going to be alright Grace. He still loves you.”
I looked up at Paul startled by what he said. It sure didn’t feel like he still loved me. If he still loved me, he would have let me into the apartment so we could talk all this out and make up. “You think so?”
“Girl yes. I could see it in his eyes when he talked to you. He’s just hurt and he can’t let that go for some reason right now. Men are stupid and stubborn.”
“I hope so.”
Paul showed me where the bathroom was so I could wash my face and pee. All that liquor was begging to come out. Even though it was late Paul sat up with me in the living room. We sat there watching Netflix. They didn’t have Will and Grace but I saw Desperate Housewives and got excited. Deep down I’m a sucker for all the drama. He started it from Season 1 and about five episodes in I started yawning. I can’t believe I stayed awake for that many episodes. He turned off the TV and kissed my forehead.
“Get some rest Grace. I’ll see you in the morning.”
He grabbed a blanket and handed it to me. As I got comfortable, I whispered, “Goodnight Wil
l.”
The last thing I saw before the back of my eye lids was the ceiling. Things seemed to not be going in the direction I wanted them too but Paul said he could tell Luke still loves me. Then why wasn’t he showing it? I closed my eyes and soon nothing mattered and that ottoman was exactly as I imagined. It was comfortable as hell.
Chapter 16
The smell of cinnamon was part of what woke me up. The other part was Paul singing in the kitchen along with Madonna. At least I woke with a smile on my face considering the night before was a total bust. Apparently Paul was like a virgin touched for the very first time. I burst out laughing when I saw his dance moves in the kitchen. At least I know I’m not the only person who does this and now I see what it’s like to see it from the other side. I definitely will rethink it next time I could possibly end up in that position. I glance at the black clock hanging on the wall and it reads that the time is ten in the morning. At least we got a few good hours of sleep. He hasn’t seen me yet so I tiptoed as quiet as I could into the kitchen while he started icing the cinnamon rolls.
I moved until I was about a few inches from his back and broke into song with him. Quickly he turned towards me; his face was an awful shade of red. I felt horrible for scaring the crap out of him, but it was so damn funny.
“Well don’t stop on account of me. I was hoping to get to sing the chorus.” I gave him a devilish grin as he in turn gave me the evil eye.
I nodded towards the cinnamon rolls asking if I could have one and when he nodded back, I reached over and grabbed one. They were still warm and so good. It practically melted in my mouth. The frosting had just started to harden so it was still partially gooey. Ah, so amazing!
Paul continued to eyeball me from where he stood. I finally placed my hand on my hip and looked at him waiting for whatever he was about to say. “Well someone seems to not be hung over this morning.”
“You’re right. I’m not. But I still feel like crap. When is he going to talk to me?”
“Girl, straight guys are a whole mess. He’s going to pout and throw a pity party until he can’t anymore and then he will come crawling back.” He pinched off a piece of his cinnamon roll and popped it into his mouth. “That’s just how they are. Trust me, with those eyes he was giving you last night, he loves you. He never stopped.”
I took a deep breath, finished my breakfast and tried to smile. Paul told me that same thing just a few hours before. “Luke still loves you.” Well, I’m getting tired of waiting. My heart is breaking more and more everyday while I sit and wait for him to come around. I don’t even want to call or text because I don’t want to be the crazy girlfriend. I refuse to blow up his phone over and over again. Even though in the back of my mind I know that going and just randomly knocking on his door in the middle of the night constitutes as borderline crazy.
After breakfast, Paul and I sat back on the big comfortable couch. He turned on Netflix again and we started back where we left off. I used to never miss an episode of Desperate Housewives and I was so sad when they finally ended the show. We picked up on the sixth episode of the first season, you know the one where Gabrielle’s mother in law Juanita is close to finding out about her affair with the hot gardener so Gabrielle decides to use Juanita’s gambling problem to her advantage? Ah, I love it! I’d say I was once addicted and pretty much still am. What can I say, it’s a guilty pleasure.
Three more episodes and a ham and turkey sandwich later, my phone rang. I grabbed it off the coffee table next to me and saw Halley’s name across the screen. Part of me was nervous to answer it since I acted the way I had last night. I really didn’t want to hear her bitch at me right now. I made Paul pause the episode so I wouldn’t miss a single thing as I hit the answer button.
“Hello?” I answered as cautiously as I could.
“I forgive you. I want you to know that. I know you’re upset and hurting and I know you did not mean what you said.”
Geez. She said all of that so fast that it took my brain a minute to register it. “Mace, are you there?”
“Yeah, I’m here. I heard you.”
“I wanted to call to apologize and remind you about the rehearsal dinner tonight at the church. We’re going to have a few drinks after and then you’re staying with me remember?”
I couldn’t forget, trust me. I’d stressed about her wedding since I found out that Trevor and I would have to walk together. But now that was the absolute least of my worries since Trevor and I had seemed to find some sort of peace. Yeah I definitely couldn’t forget the rehearsal dinner or anything.
“Yeah Hales, I’ll be there of course. I’m sorry about last night.”
“Don’t worry about it ok? We’ll pretend it never happened. I just need you tonight and tomorrow. Ahhh, I’m so excited!! I’m getting married!”
I smiled as I listened to her ramble on and on excitedly. I really was so happy for her. I know one day I’ll find my happiness like she has with Marcus. Please oh please let it be with Luke like it’s supposed to be. I don’t know what I’ll do if it isn’t.
We spoke our goodbyes and I told her I’d be at the church at six this evening to run through everything. She also informed me that before we went to have a few drinks we would have to go set up a few more things at the reception hall. It was also the first time I would get to see where I would be singing from. Luke and I should have made up by now. It’s going to be very hard to sing about love when love is what is so absent from my life.
*******
Paul decided to tag along to the rehearsal dinner which didn’t bother me in the least bit. His company was about the best and most comforting for me lately. We pulled up at one of the two churches in the town. There was one Catholic Church and then the Baptist church. Halley and Marcus were getting married in the Baptist church. I always like the Baptist weddings for the simple fact that they are over quick. They don’t play around. It’s like wham bam thank you ma’am, I know pronounce you husband and wife.
Paul linked our arms and we walked up to the front doors of the church. Inside, we found Halley, Marcus, and Trevor waiting no doubt for me to get there.
The white and pink roses were set up along the pews and the wedding arch was in place. A little basket of pink rose petals sat to the side of the last pew for the flower girl to toss on her way down the aisle. I don’t know who she found to be her flower girl unless she asked her little niece. They had transformed the church into a little piece of heaven, it was beautiful.
The pastor immediately began giving orders as soon as I walked in. He talked rather quickly explaining that the flower girl will walk down and stand at a certain spot and then Trevor and I will walk down next and then split to our separate sides once we reach the front. Then the wedding march will play and Halley and her father will come down the aisle.
After he finished explaining the obvious, we all walked back to where we walk from. Halley’s niece showed up at that point and we filled the little girl in. She was about six years old with bouncy brown curls and the biggest brown eyes. She was adorable and no doubt would probably steal the whole wedding.
She walked almost like a professional and stood where she was supposed to. I could see Paul sitting at the last pew trying to make faces at me. Since my arm was now linked with Trevor’s so we could walk, I simply stuck my tongue out at him. The pastor saw and frowned at me for my poor behavior. I giggled as Trevor and I made our way down to the altar. Trevor leaned into my ear and whispered telling me not to trip and fall. I pressed my lips into a thin line and glared at him. If I fall, he’s falling too. I hope he realizes that. Then it was Halley and her father’s turn. Once we all stood in our spots, the preacher stressed again how important it was to be ready and on time for the wedding. He sounded like a drone going on and on but I know he was just trying to make sure we had our shit together.
He made us walk through one more time and then we all tried our best to convince him that we had it together. This last time, Trevor made a face and whisp
ered in my ear mocking the pastor. I burst out laughing and had the pastor shoot me a dirty look. In turn, I jabbed Trevor in the side. Marcus shook the pastor’s hand and thanked him for meeting with us tonight for this rehearsal and then we all made our way outside.
I shoved Trevor and started laughing. “Thanks a lot now he probably thinks I’m the spawn of Satan!”
“What did I do? I can’t believe you just disrespected that man. You should be ashamed of yourself Macy. You can’t act that way inside the church.”
“Ohmigod Trevor don’t even play! Did you see the look he gave me?”
Marcus walked up beside me and placed his hand around my shoulder laughing, “Oh yeah Mace, I definitely saw it. He just damned you to hell right there. Good one bro.” He and Trevor bumped fists and I ducked from under his arm to get away.
Paul and Halley were talking when I walked up but they stopped as I got closer. I looked at Paul basically telling him with my eyes that if he didn’t tell me what they were talking about then I would get him back. At this moment I had no idea how to do that but I would think of something. He just grinned and linked our arms together again.
Halley announced we were going to The Lounge. Go figure, I should have known. I felt like every time I walked inside I was being reminded of my mistakes over and over again and every time Luke slipped further and further away. I got in the car and Paul started it up. Before he put the car in drive, he glanced at me, “Grace, I want you to have fun tonight and tomorrow. Don’t stress over Luke.”
I opened my mouth to state my case but he placed a finger in the air signaling for me to stop. Ugh guess I have no choice. I rolled my eyes and let him continue. “Did you just roll your eyes at me? I’m telling you don’t stress over him. Things will work in time. You can’t rush it and there is absolutely no running to his house tonight. I will drag you by your hair, don’t think I won’t.”
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