He thought about that for a minute, and her heart picked up speed. Was he going to say he wanted to keep sleeping with her? And how would she respond if he did? Even if she wanted it, too, would it be wise to tempt fate?
“You’re right,” he finally said. “I think it would be better if we went back to the way things were.”
She was a little disappointed, but not surprised. And she was sure, when things went back to normal, they would be just as happy being friends.
“What if you don’t get pregnant?” Nick asked.
“We try again next month. But not until I’m ovulating.”
He nodded, as if that made sense to him, too. “And if you don’t get pregnant then? I mean, for all I know, I could be sterile.”
“That’s highly unlikely. And it would be fairly easy to determine.”
“Even if we’re both fine, it could still take months, right?”
“So what you’re asking is, how long do we keep this up before we call it quits?”
He nodded.
“As long as we’re both comfortable with it, I suppose.”
An older couple, who looked to be close to Nick’s parents’ age, walked by, holding hands. Something about the way they moved together, the way they smiled at one another, made Terri think they had probably been married a long time, and were probably still deeply in love.
They smiled and said hello as they passed, and Terri actually felt a twinge of jealousy. As much as she wanted that for herself, and while most of her friends from college were already happily married and starting families, she had begun to believe that, for her, it would probably never happen. That maybe she was just meant for different things. The only thing she did know for sure was that until she became a mother, she would never feel truly complete. So whatever she had to do to make that happen, wasn’t it worth the risk?
* * *
Terri woke the next morning to the sound of rain against the windows. Through the filmy curtains, she could see lightning slash across the sky. She glanced over her shoulder at Nick, who was curled up behind her, his arm draped across her hip. Though he was still asleep, certain parts were wide awake and pressed against her. She grabbed her phone and checked her weather app, which called for scattered thunderstorms all day. So much for their plans to rent a car and drive to Arikok National Park.
“Is that rain I hear?” Nick mumbled behind her.
“Yeah. It’s supposed to rain on and off all day.”
“Darn.” Nick slid his arm around her, cupping her breast. “Guess we’ll have to stay inside today.”
She was sure they could find some indoor activity other than sex, but honestly, why would they want to? They only had a few more days before they went back to being just friends. Besides, newlyweds were supposed to have lots of sex on their honeymoon. Right?
They stayed in bed most of the day, and later that evening when the sky finally cleared, they showered together, then attended a party by the pool with the other resort guests. They played the role of the loving newlyweds, even though they would likely never see any of these people again.
They spent the following day in Arikok National Park. They rented a car, and quickly discovered that very few of the roads in Aruba were marked. They got lost a couple times, but it was worth the hassle when they got there.
Their first stop was Boca Prins, which they were told by another guest at the resort was the most beautiful thing in Aruba. With its beach cliffs, dunes and rocky shore, Terri had to agree. Although the sunset that first night definitely rated a close second.
They stopped for lunch at a local cantina, then drove to Fontein Cave and on to Guadirikiri Cave. Nick found her fear of the the lizards scurrying around incredibly amusing.
In the early evening they dropped off the car and took a taxi to downtown Oranjestad. They did a little shopping as they made their way to Fort Zoutman where they stopped to listen to a steel band and browsed the various local craft booths. They bought souvenirs for Nick’s niece and nephews, and Terri found a pair of earrings she knew his mom would adore. She liked them so much she got a pair for herself, too.
Without street signs, it took a while to find the restaurant where they had made reservations for dinner, but the food was incredible. They ate and danced until they were exhausted, but not so much that it stopped them from making love when they got back to their room. After all, it was after their last night together.
Wednesday morning they packed and took a taxi to the airport for their flight home. They made it through security without a problem, found their gate and sat down to wait. That was when the reality of the situation hit home, and suddenly she wasn’t ready to leave. Wasn’t ready for this to be over.
The longer you wait, the harder it will be, she reminded herself. If they didn’t end this now, what would they do? Continue on as lovers until the baby was born, or for the rest of their lives, yet never be in a committed relationship? She wasn’t naive enough to believe that any friendship, even one as strong as theirs, could survive that. Besides, she wasn’t quite ready to give up on the fairy tale. Finding Mr. Right, and living happily ever after.
But as Nick sat silently beside her, reading an issue of Time magazine, she couldn’t help but wonder what he was thinking—if he was ready for this to be over or if he had regrets, too. Not that it would make a difference. So why was she obsessing about it?
Their flight was called right on time.
“I guess this is it,” Nick said, stuffing the magazine into his carry-on bag. “The end of our honeymoon.”
“I guess so.” She grabbed her bag and started to stand, but Nick wrapped his hand around her arm.
“Terri…wait.”
She sat back down, turning to him. “Is something wr—”
Nick hooked a hand behind her neck, pulled her to him and kissed her. It was slow and deep and bittersweet, and packed with so much raw emotion, she knew he was just as sorry to see this end. But like her, he knew they had no choice.
“Sorry,” he said, closing his eyes and pressing his forehead to hers. “I just had to do that one more time.”
They were doing the right thing, so why did she suddenly feel like crying? She was too choked up to say anything. If she tried, she would probably burst into tears, and where would that get them? It would just make him feel bad, and her feel stupid.
She pressed one last quick kiss to his lips, then stood and said, “We’d better go.”
In the past five days she had grown used to touching and kissing Nick whenever she wanted. Now she would just have to get unused to it. Unless they were around his family, since it was necessary to keep up the ruse.
They boarded the plane, stored their bags and took their seats. With any luck, she was pregnant. She couldn’t imagine how she wouldn’t be, considering all the unprotected sex they’d been having. And though she almost hoped she hadn’t conceived, so they could have honeymoon number two in about four weeks, she knew that dragging this out another month or so would only delay the inevitable. That it would probably be even harder next time.
After they were in the air, she reclined her seat and closed her eyes, pretending to sleep. It was easier than trying to make cheerful small talk, when she felt anything but happy. Nick kept himself amused reading his magazine. At some point she must have really fallen asleep, because suddenly Nick was nudging her and saying that the plane was going to land in a few minutes.
They didn’t say much to each other during the miserably long wait in customs. What she wanted was to go back to her own place, curl up in her own bed and be miserable all by herself, but her home was at Nick’s apartment now.
“You’ve been awfully quiet,” Nick said, when they were in the car and heading for the city. “Is everything okay?”
She looked over at him and forced a smile. “Fine. I’m just tired. And not looking forward to all the work I have waiting for me.”
It wasn’t a total lie, but not exactly the truth, either.
“You will take tomorrow off, right?”
“Of course.” She hadn’t missed Thanksgiving with his family in years. “And maybe I’ll do some Black Friday shopping with your mom.”
“You’re sure everything is okay?” he said.
“I’m sure.” She pulled out her cell phone and checked her email. Nick took the hint and didn’t ask any more questions.
The car dropped them off around dinnertime, and they rode the elevator up in silence. Though she continued to pretend that everything was fine, there was tension in the air, and she knew that he felt it, too.
She hated for their relationship to take this turn. As long as they had been friends, they had barely even had a fight.
It will just take a little time for things to go back to normal, she assured herself. After that, everything would be fine.
The elevator doors opened and sitting in the hallway outside the apartment door, a suitcase at her side, was Jess, Nick’s sister. She looked tired, and her eyes were red and puffy, as if she might have been crying.
“Hi, there,” she said with a weak smile. “How was the honeymoon?”
Nine
“Jess, what are you doing here?” Nick asked, but considering the suitcase beside her, he could make an educated guess.
Jess pushed herself to her feet. “Can we go inside and talk?”
“Sure.” He unlocked the door and they all rolled their luggage in. When everyone was inside, he shut the door and turned to his sister.
“Eddie and I are taking a break,” she said. “Or, I am, anyway.”
“What happened?”
“He blew off counseling for the third week in a row. Knowing I have that to look forward to, that it might make things better eventually, is the only thing that’s kept me going the last couple months. He obviously doesn’t feel the same way. So I left.”
“What about the kids?”
“They’re spending Thanksgiving in Indiana with Eddie’s parents. They’ll be there a week. I’m hoping we can work something out by the time they come back.”
“What are you doing here?” Nick asked.
“Honestly, I couldn’t bear the thought of staying alone in a hotel for the next week, and I know you guys have the extra bedroom.” She smiled hopefully.
“What about Mom’s place?”
“I didn’t want to worry her. Also, I’d like to keep this quiet, and you know how she is. If she knows, everyone will know.”
Nick was about to make up some excuse about him and Terri being newlyweds and needing their privacy, but before he could, Terri said, “Of course you can stay here.”
“Thank you,” Jess said, looking as if she were fighting tears. “You have no idea how much this means to me. And I won’t get in the way, I promise.”
“That’s what family is for,” Terri said, hugging her. “Just give me a few minutes to clear my clothes out of the spare room.”
Jess frowned. “Why are your clothes in the spare room?”
Nick thought for sure Jess had her stumped with that one, but Terri didn’t miss a beat.
“Have you ever looked in your brother’s closet?” she asked Jess.
“If it looks anything like it did when he was a kid, I see your point.”
“There’s beer in the fridge,” Nick said. “And the hard stuff is in the bar in my office. I’m going to help my wife.”
Jess headed to the kitchen, while Nick and Terri walked to what was supposed to be her bedroom. When they were alone, he whispered, “You realize what you just did, right? You really think it’s a good idea for us to share a bedroom? And a bed?”
“No, but what were we supposed to tell her? Sorry, you can’t stay because I’m sleeping there? How would we explain that?”
If she had just given him a minute to think, he would have come up with something.
“Besides, it’s only for a week.” She opened the closet and grabbed an armful of clothes. “Do you have room for these in your closet?”
“I’ll make room,” he said, opening one of the drawers. Of course, with his rotten luck, it was full of lingerie. Damn. “And for the record, my closet looks nothing like it did in high school. Or college.”
“I don’t care how it looks, as long as it doesn’t smell like sweaty sports gear.”
He opened his mouth to argue, but realized it probably had smelled pretty awful.
“It doesn’t,” he said, as they dropped her clothes on his bed. “I keep my gym bag in the utility room behind the kitchen.”
“I’ll be sure to avoid it,” she said, sounding annoyed.
She started to walk away and he grabbed her arm, turning her to face him. “Hey, this was your idea.”
She looked as if she were about to say something snarky, then it seemed as if all the energy leaked out of her instead. “I know. I’m sorry. I just…I don’t even know what’s wrong. I’m tired, I guess.”
“Just try to cut me a little slack, okay? This isn’t easy for me, either.”
“I know.”
Maybe this scenario of pretending to be married wouldn’t be quite as simple as they had imagined, or maybe they just needed a few days to adjust. One thing was certain—having Jess around wasn’t going to make the transition any smoother.
They got the rest of Terri’s clothes moved into his room and put away in his closet—which she made a point of observing was very tidy—and when they walked out to the kitchen, Jess had made them all dinner. After they ate, they put a movie on, but his sister clearly needed to vent. She alternated between complaining about Eddie and apologizing for complaining.
Around eleven Terri started yawning, which set him off. Once they got started it was a vicious cycle.
“You two must be exhausted from your trip, and here I am talking your heads off,” Jess said.
“That’s what family is for,” Terri told her.
“Well, I’m going to stop whining now and let you two get to bed. And I’m sure I could benefit from a good night’s sleep.”
Nick was skeptical that she would get one, considering the state of her marriage, and he knew he and Terri wouldn’t. Not if they were sleeping in the same bed.
Jess hugged them both good-night, thanked them again for letting her vent then went to bed. When Nick heard her bedroom door close, he turned to Terri. “I guess there’s no point putting this off.”
“I guess not.”
He used the bathroom first, and while she took her turn, he undressed and climbed into bed. She came out wearing a nightshirt that hung to her knees, her hair loose. If it were still their honeymoon, she would be naked, and instead of climbing into the opposite side of the bed, she would be climbing on him.
“So how is this going to work?” she said, pulling the covers up to her waist.
He shrugged. “I stay on my side, you stay on yours.”
She shot him a skeptical look. “You can do that?”
Did he have a choice? “It’s a king-size bed. You won’t even know I’m over here.”
She still didn’t look completely convinced, but she switched off her light, rolled away from him and pulled the covers over her shoulders.
“What, no kiss?” he said.
She glared at him over her shoulder.
“Kidding.” The way she was acting one might have thought that letting his sister stay here had been his idea.
He turned off his light, settled onto his back and closed his eyes. He was physically exhausted, but his mind was moving about a million miles an hour, which could make for a very long and sleepless night. The last time he looked at the clock, it was one-thirty, but he must have drifted off because before he knew it, he heard Terri say his name, felt her nudging him awake. He didn’t want to wake up; he was too content and comfortable curled up against something warm and soft. It took several seconds to realize that the thing he was curled up against was Terri, and she was looking at him over her shoulder.
“What are you doing on my side of the bed?” he asked.
“I’m not.”
He let go and sat up. Sure enough, he had invaded her side of the bed by several feet.
He scooted back onto his own side. “Sorry about that.”
“Habit,” she said. “Not a big deal.”
“It won’t happen again.” He looked over at the clock and saw that it was only two-thirty. He rolled on his side facing away from her, determined to stay that way the rest of the night.
An hour later she woke him again. He was curled up against her like before, but this time his hand was up her nightshirt and cupped around her bare breast, and he was aroused. In fact, he was horny as hell.
“Um, Nick, maybe you should—”
He yanked his hand from inside her shirt and scooted away from her. “Why didn’t you stop me?”
“Don’t blame me,” she snapped, rolling to face him. “I woke up that way.”
He took a deep breath and blew it out. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to accuse you.”
She sat up. “This is not working. Maybe I should sleep on the floor, or in the bathtub.”
“You know what the problem is,” he said. “I usually sleep hugging a pillow, but you’re lying on it, so I’m hugging you instead.”
“Do you have a pillow you could hug instead of me?”
He switched on the light and started to get up, then turned back to her and said, “You may want to look the other way.”
Her brows rose. “You don’t want me to see you in your pajamas?”
“I wouldn’t care if I were wearing any.”
Her mouth fell open in surprise. “You’re naked?”
He shrugged. “I’ve always slept naked. I don’t even own pajamas.”
“You own underwear, right? I mean, I’ve seen you wear it.”
He sighed. “I’ll put some on.”
He hadn’t slept with anything on since he was fifteen, but he would just have to get used to it, he supposed.
Terri turned away from him as he got out of bed. But he could swear, as he walked to the closet, he could feel her eyes on him, specifically his ass. He tugged on a pair of boxer briefs, grabbed a pillow from the top shelf, switched off the light and walked back to bed. “Got it.”
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