Carter lowered her eyes to the floor in thought before she answered his question truthfully. There was no point in lying anymore. Silas had already made it clear that he wasn’t going to stop. Carter thought fast because it was her only option. She knew what was coming, and she knew that she didn’t want it. She wanted Silas Steele to lower his weapons and think again about attacking her family, and there was only one way to do that. Carter had to be his daughter. She had to be real. “Yes,” she whispered. She shook her head as a single tear fell down her cheek. “That is why I read your letters. I loved them …” Her words trailed off as she fought against her emotions. “It may be true, that I am curious about who you are, but you a have pretty much obliterated any chance of me ever getting that chance. You ruined it. I don’t want to know you anymore. And if hurting me because of it will make you feel better, then go right ahead, but you just remember one thing. You are my father. You and Mom created Gabriel and I, we didn’t ask to be here. The life I had, and the father I had, were based on the decision that you made. You can’t punish us, your children, any more than you already have. You separated us from each other, from our mother. You took my father away from me when I was a child. You didn’t give a shit when Cole manipulated me—”
“I said I’d kill him for you!”
“I don’t want that. I’m capable of killing him myself. I just wanted you to give a shit that he violated me. You just brushed it off like it was okay because of the way I look.”
“I didn’t mean it. I was upset!”
Carter shook her head. “That can’t be your excuse every time. The fact of the matter is you hurt me. You put me in that position, and I can’t forgive you.” She wiped the tears from her face and sniffled softly. “How can you expect me to believe that you love me the way a father loves his daughter? I have been fortunate enough to experience a father’s love, Silas. I know what it is. I know what it feels like.”
“You wish for me to love you as Robbie does, but I cannot! I am not him—”
“I don’t expect you to be him,” Carter yelled, cutting off his words. “You said you were hoping for redemption, but you’re not even trying.”
“How dare you say I’m not trying?”
“Because it’s true! You’ve had a chance to prove that you’ve changed, but you insisted on getting what you feel you’re entitled to. Me, Mom, and Gabriel. Unfortunately, we don’t trust you. If you want to be a father, then fine. Be my father. Prove this love. Protect me Silas, save me.”
“From what … Carterina?”
“From you,” she whispered. “You are the scary monster that’s haunting my dreams and hiding under my bed, just waiting for the perfect moment to jump out and take me away from everything I love. You could be the one I run to when I’m afraid, you could be my hero, my champion … my daddy. That is what you want, right?”
Carter waited silently, praying to God that Silas gave her the answer she wanted him to.
After a moment, she heard him clear his throat. “Yes,” he muttered awkwardly.
Carter sighed and thought for a moment. She didn’t know what she was doing, but she did it anyway. This was her way of ending the war before it even began. “Okay then. This is the only chance I will give you to earn any hope of my forgiveness, Silas. Just end this. For Gabriel, for me … for your grandsons.”
It was hard for her to say all of these things, but appealing to Silas’s heart was her only defense right now. Carter didn’t want a war. She didn’t want the back and forth. Before their children were born, she told Nathan this. In a war lives would be lost, and her husband and their babies would be at risk. Carter didn’t want that. She trusted Nathan, but she felt useless. Nathan wanted her to fight, he’d said it, and since Carter wasn’t in good enough shape to give Silas a thorough ass whooping, this was it. This was her fighting. “I have to go now,” she said softly. “I will allow you to send the babies one gift a piece and a letter … now, and for their birthdays, nothing else. Maybe one day I’ll trust you enough to send you a picture of them every year so you can see them grow. This is all dependent upon you, Silas. This is the only relationship I can offer you as your daughter. Take it, or leave it. If you send the gifts to S.O. with the letters for Aleksandr and Maksim then I’ll know you have chosen to be a part of their lives any way you can.”
Without another word, Carter hung up the phone.
For a minute or so, she stood in front of the mirror, staring blankly at her reflection and replaying the conversation with her biological father over and over in her head. She didn’t know if she’d just done something stupid, or if she’d gotten through to him, but she supposed time would tell.
After another moment she dropped her head forward with a sigh, and left the counter. Slowly, she walked to the bathroom door and opened it. He sat at the head of the bed staring at her with a blank expression on his face. Carter clasped her hands in front of her as she closed the distance between them and stood between his legs. Nathan said nothing, he just continued to stare at her silently. His intense stare broke her, shattered her, and caused unshed tears to fill her eyes as she wrapped her arms around her waist.
“I’m sorry,” she cried softly. “I’m an idiot, I know. I’ll throw away every letter he sent. I should have told, but I felt so horrible. I felt like I was betraying you. Like I was betraying our family—”
“Stop,” he whispered, and shook his head. “You didn’t betray anyone, Carterina.” He took her hand in his. “Come here.” He gave her arm a light tug, bringing her to his lap.
When she sat on his lap, gazing into his eyes, he softly commanded, “Tell me everything. Please, don’t leave anything out.”
Carter poured her whole heart out to Nathan. She told about every letter Silas had sent and every single feeling she had felt when reading them. Even though she was embarrassed, she didn’t hold back. She talked to Nathan, trusting that he’d be understanding, that he wouldn’t judge her for being curious about Silas in the first place. Nathan listen until she finished speaking, then asked her about the conversation she’d just had with Silas on the phone. Carter relayed every single word said, not withholding anything, including the true identity of the man that killed his mother. After she’d finished speaking, she waited patiently for her husband’s response to what she’d done.
Nathan’s eyes dropped to Carter’s hand and he laced their fingers together. “This will be the last time you ever keep anything like this from me, Carter. We’ve been through this already. We are done keeping secrets from one another. There is no excuse.” His eyes lifted and he pinned her with a hard look. “Understood? Never again …”
Carter immediately nodded her head in agreement, wiping the tears from her eyes. “Understood, bubby. Never again, I promise.”
“Very well,” he said with a slight nod of his head. His thumb ran across the smooth skin on the back of her hand as he continued to stare at her. Carter looked into his eyes, wishing that she could read his thoughts, but knowing she’d know nothing unless the words came from his mouth.
“Nathan,” she whispered, “please say something.” Call her a hypocrite, a liar, an idiot, a stupid, naïve child … she didn’t care. Whatever he said to her, she deserved it. She hadn’t told him about the letters. She’d kept it from her whole family and she was wrong. She deserved to be yelled at.
However, as usual, her husband did not yell at her, he didn’t call her a name, nor did he make her feel any worse than she already did. It was in Nathan’s nature to always try his best to understand the actions of others. It was a fascinating and beautiful gift that he had, and one that Carter loved.
“You have nothing to be embarrassed about, my love,” he said softly, wrapping his arms around her waist. “I have no idea what it’s like to be in a situation like this, so I’m not going pretend like I know how you feel. What I do know is that you are not wrong for feeling it. Silas is your biological father. A lot has happened since the moment you found that out. For you
to have questions, confusion, and indifference is normal.”
“Even after all that he’s done?” she asked. She shook her head. “It makes no sense, Nathan. I don’t ever want to see him again, and I want nothing to do with him, yet …” She let her words trail off. She didn’t want to say them.
“Tell me, baby.”
She bit her quivering bottom lip and took a deep breath. “I … I don’t want to go to war with him, Nathan.” She shook her head. “I did in the beginning, back when he took me, but then I met Gabriel, and then I found my dad, and now the letters. A part of me knows that although Gabriel has said that he wants Silas dead, he’d mourn him if he died. And my father loves Silas. If only to not hurt him, I hope that Silas takes my offer.”
“But if he doesn’t?” Nathan asked. “That’s always a possibility, Carter. Silas is not a stable man. There’s a chance that he will reject your offer. He could possibly want more.”
“I have no more to give him,” Carter whispered. “That’s why we have to continue to prepare ourselves for any possibility. I’d rather he not, but there is still a chance that Silas will attack us.”
“And he would not win. You know that, right?”
Carter nodded. “Yes,” she stated with emphasis, because she did know, “but I still don’t like all of the risks involved … so please, Nathan.” She pleaded to him with her eyes. “Think about keeping extra security with you when you’re walking around the City. Please.”
Nathan smiled. “You want me to increase my security?”
She nodded. “Please.”
He nodded in return. “Okay, honey. I’ll get a few more men to watch my back if that will make you feel better.”
“It will.”
Nathan chuckled and stood up from the bed, scooping her up in his arms. “You know, my beautiful secret keeper, you just single handedly leveled the playing field in a very dangerous war between criminals.”
Carter’s brows furrowed. “How did I do that?” she asked with a small smile.
Nathan placed her on her side of the bed and quickly jumped over her to his side. He relaxed on his back, folding his arms under his head. “You gave Silas an opportunity to have something he wanted desperately, baby. Redemption. Any amount will do for a man who has fallen as low as he has.”
“How does that level the playing field?”
Nathan smiled deviously. “Silas had nothing, but you’ve given him something to protect, something of value. Hope. You gave him something to loose. Something that gives me lots and lots of power.”
Carte snuggled closer to him. “Do you think he cares?” she asked softly.
Nathan nodded. “I know he does.” He kissed her forehead and turned on his side, facing her. “Once again, you have worked magic, my love.”
Carter laughed softly. “I did nothing, Nathan. You’ve done most of the work in this, and you’ve done an incredible job.” Gently, she placed a lingering kiss on his lips. “I’m so proud of you, bubby. You’re going to be an exceptional boss.”
“You think so?”
Carter smiled. “I know so, honey. You always amaze me with how wonderful you are. Wonderful businessman, friend, son, husband, and father. That’s you Nathan Salerno. Perfect.”
“Aww …” He let out an exaggerated sigh and kissed Carter all over her face. “You’re the sweetest wife, Carterina Salerno.”
Carter giggled, and Nathan kissed her once more before giving her a mock stern look. “Don’t think you’re not getting your ass spanked for keeping secrets from me, woman.”
“But I don’t want a spanking,” she whined, and pouted for emphasis.
Nathan shook his head. “There’s no changing my mind, Mrs. Salerno. You must be punished for such actions. This coming Saturday is our date night. The boys will be spending the evening at my father’s.” He smiled and laced their fingers together. “I will hold off my punishment until then.”
“But why?” Carter asked with a frown.
He smirked. “Because the punishment I have in store for you will be a bit … intense, Carterina. I will not have you startling my sons with your screams.”
A shiver of anticipation rushed through her body. Carter couldn’t stop her imagination from running wild with his words. “Okay,” she whispered. “Saturday then.” She was positive it would be a deliciously painful night for her. She could hardly wait.
Nathan held her closer while his fingertips glided up and down her back. His eyes closed and he moaned deeply. “Tell me again, baby. Walk me through the entire scene. How did you slaughter the man that killed my mother?”
A wicked smile spread across Carter’s face. “You like to hear that story don’t you?”
His eyes remained closed as he nodded his head. “Mmmhmm.”
Carter placed a kiss to his bare chest, and whispered the story of how she killed Scott Flanagan. “When he came after me all I remember thinking was, I had to protect my brother and the life I carried inside me. He had a knife …” She quietly told him the whole story and he drifted off to sleep.
She, on the other hand, couldn’t sleep at all. Her mind was going a mile a minute. Closing her eyes, she silently prayed for the safety of her family, for the wellbeing of her husband and sons. She hoped with all of her heart that Silas would take her offer and they could all move forward in peace, but she wasn’t sure he would. She didn’t know if he cared for her that much, she couldn’t tell if she had actually gotten through to him. With a sigh, she hugged closer to Nathan. Who knew? They would know nothing unless two gifts and letters came in the mail, and that could possibly take weeks. So whether or not Silas really cared for her remained a mystery … but only for a few weeks.
~*~
Almost three weeks later Carter received a call from S.O. informing her that four packages had arrived for the twins from Austria.
That was the moment she knew her lunatic, monstrous, biological father really loved her and Gabriel. It was the moment she knew the war with Silas Steele was over.
Chapter 23: 16 months later. . .
I am a mother of two little beautiful baby boys that need me. I cannot go to jail today. I will not go to jail ever. I cannot hit anyone today. Just find out why Mr. Clay disobeyed Angelo’s orders, and handle it.
Mr. Clay was the man that owned the Manhattan Hotel and the whores it provided to a preferred client list. She’d paid the man a visit—per Angelo’s orders—just four months after she’d moved to New York with Nathan. She pulled out all of the stops, told him to stop selling whores in Angelo’s territory, and even threw in a threat or two, but here she was, nearly two years later, visiting the man again.
Angelo hadn’t even let Carter enter the S.O. building this morning before he hit her with the news that Mr. Clay had begun business again. Not only that, but his business was booming. Lots of new clients, and a mysterious new business partner protecting him. Well, at least the man thought his business partner was protecting him. Carter’s job today was to go to the hotel and show Mr. Clay that no one could protect him from S.O. The man was openly selling sex to clients in Salerno territory, not to mention the news had just reported the death of a cop that Angelo had known was investigating this hotel a few days ago.
Angelo believed that Mr. Clay and his mysterious partner had something to do with the cop’s death, and so did the NYPD. Since Angelo was believed to have a hand in Mr. Clay’s business by the authorities, the detectives had come to him first. They’d been confused when they came to see him. Angelo had made many deals with some big names in law enforcement long ago, and killing cops went against that deal. They came to Angelo with one message, and it was clear: fix it, or lose everything.
Today Carter’s job was to find out who Mr. Clay was working with, and take the information back to Angelo.
No hitting, Carter. You need to be good … she reminded herself. Information, not a beat down. She didn’t want to ruin this for her family. The situation was too delicate.
“Hello, I need t
o speak with the owner of the hotel please.”
Carter’s finger tapped lightly on the polished wood of the reception desk as she waited for the receptionist to look up from his computer and acknowledge her presence. When he finally did, he acknowledged her breasts before making eye contact with her.
Carter’s jaw clenched and she tried to suppress the sudden wave of irritation that crashed into her. Wow, that was quick. She was already mad. Go figure.
She was positive that it was because this was her second visit to Mr. Clay and she really wanted to hit someone, but she wouldn’t. She would be on her best behavior. She shouldn’t have been angry about the man openly staring—it was something she was used to since a large number of men did it often—but today she didn’t really have the patience or tolerance it took to deal with disrespectful, idiotic, horny men. Today she wanted to take one of the pens in front of her and jam it in this ogling bastard’s eye. The need to be violent only became more intense when the asshole looked at her breasts once more.
“I’m sorry, miss, did you ask something? I was filling in some information.” He lifted his eyes back to hers. “Do you mind repeating? You said you wanted to speak to my manager?”
Taking a deep breath, she calmed herself and plastered on a fake smile. “No. I said I’d like to speak with the owner please. I don’t have an appointment, but I’m sure he’ll see me. Just tell him that Mrs. Salerno is here to see him.”
The receptionist’s eye brow arched. “Salerno? As in—”
“Yes, the Salerno Organization,” Carter said shortly.
Literally everywhere she went, if she had to use her name they asked that fucking question.
“Wow,” the receptionist said. “So you must be the rumored wife of the playboy, huh?”
“Not rumored. I am his wife.” She reached over and tapped her finger on the phone impatiently. “Now how about you call the owner …”
Dangerous Beauty: Part Three: This is War Page 44