“You were close to him,” General Ryan said. He put his arm around her shoulder and allowed her a few minutes of silence as they walked.
“I do miss him, very much,” she said quietly after they rounded a gun emplacement. The soldiers on duty saluted the general as he passed. “He was like a father to me.”
The general returned their salutes with his free hand and squeezed her shoulder with the other. Though he didn’t express himself, Alexandra sensed a caring from within him. He shared her pain and felt powerless since he couldn’t take it away. How she could read his feelings, she didn’t know. Perhaps she was simply projecting.
“What happened after the cruise ship?” he asked gently.
“Well,” Alexandra said, “that’s when everything really went sideways. The doctor, Henry, stole Marco’s bike right before the attack and left Holly to fend for herself. Holly’s husband was torn to shreds. In that same fight, I got this scar across my cheek here. Many more perished, but we tried to pull ourselves together afterwards.”
As they passed a dark building, Alexandra peered into the shadows. She thought she spotted movement, but she decided she was just jumpy. The inside was devoid of life.
“Koneh delivered the baby,” Alexandra continued, “and Marco betrayed us to the demon lord who hunts me.”
“Hunts?” the general asked with raised eyebrows. “As in currently?”
She nodded. “Derechi the Unclean. Somehow, he thinks he can conquer Eden with my help, or something. I really don’t know what rules everybody is playing by.”
The general scanned the sky and nearby buildings. “Maybe we shouldn’t be outside like this.”
With a bravado born from her own cowardice, she said, “We’re fine. I can handle a few fliers.”
“Handle?” he asked as he glanced at the rosary-wrapped grip of her sword.
“Koneh taught me,” she said. “Though he was concerned with what I might become.”
“And what is that?”
“I’m not sure, exactly,” Alexandra said. “A sinner, perhaps? A killer? He was reluctant, but he taught me anyway. In the end, we needed to escape Brasilia and fight our way into Eden.”
She decided to omit the parts about Lilev and Koneh’s true identity. No need to over complicate things. Was she just as terrible as Koneh for hiding her secrets from those around her? Did the general have a right to know everything? Until she knew for sure, she decided to keep some things to herself.
And she hated herself for it.
“The lessons came in handy, as did Benjamin’s friendship,” she said. “His willingness to do what was best for the group apparently saved Santino and Delia. Benjamin is the true hero of my little trip to Eden.”
“Tell me about Eden, already!” he said with a smile, though Alexandra guessed he was only partially joking. His curiosity gushed.
“Only Koneh, Erzulie and I made the journey from Brasilia to Eden,” she said. “When we got there, a fallen angel named Ael was waiting for us with a large group of flying demons. The battle was cold, fierce and my friends were self-sacrificing. They gave themselves up so I could reach Eden. Koneh was dying but he fought with the strength of a hundred men. Erzulie held the enemy at bay long enough for me to touch the gates.”
Engrossed, he asked, “And?”
“Well, Eden wasn’t what I was expecting,” she said. “Though, I guess it’s fair to say I really didn’t know what to expect from a mythical garden. I was told my destiny was to reopen paradise for mankind and I guess I did that.”
“You guess?”
Alexandra shrugged. “I’m just uncertain about so many things,” she said. “From what I can tell, Eden is our Heaven and we can now go there after death. Well, those of us with pure souls.”
“Pure souls, eh?”
Alexandra sensed his nervousness before she realized they stood in front of a squat building that overlooked the city of Brasilia. He had led her there for a reason.
“Well,” he said as he stepped into the doorway, “my intentions may not be entirely pure tonight. We’ll see.”
The general flicked a switch and Christmas lights illuminated the interior. Fresh flowers adorned the only table, as did two MRE rations.
“What’s this?” she asked as she cautiously followed him inside.
He blushed and said, “You didn’t seem to have too much fun at the party last night, and I got the feeling you were uncomfortable with all those people. I was really hoping for a dance.”
The general pushed a button on a small device near the door and soft music filled the room.
“I hope this is okay?” he asked.
Alexandra took a few moments to absorb the scene. Her defenses armed, she said, “I’m not sure what you were hoping for, but-”
With the meaning of her omitted words dominating the room, neither spoke. Alexandra avoided his eyes and searched for a way to tell the general that she preferred to wait for another visit to Koneh in Eden.
“I didn’t mean to imply-” he said. “I mean, all I wanted to do was give you a normal night.”
Alexandra sensed he wanted more than his words revealed. How could she tell him the truth? Again, she realized she couldn’t. He wouldn’t understand.
More half-truths, then.
“No, I’m sorry,” she said gently as she touched his arm. “I’m just not sure of much these days. Things have been difficult and I just don’t know how I feel about so many things.”
He took her hand and finally caught her eyes. “At least allow me to tell you how I feel,” he said.
Alexandra turned away from him. She didn’t want to know! Knowing meant dealing with her own feelings, and she wasn’t interested in reconciliation. All she wanted was to return to Eden. With Koneh again, all would be set right.
“I... I don’t know,” she said. “I’m certain I’ll just hurt you if I knew, as I cannot return anything to you.”
He put his hand on her shoulder but she shrugged it away.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I just can’t get close to you, to anyone. I don’t expect anyone can understand how much I’ve changed. What I might have become.”
Each moment he hesitated was an eternity for her. She realized she was breaking his heart, but she had no choice. His feelings for her were misplaced, she rationalized. He was just infatuated because she saved his life.
Right?
She squeezed her eyes closed and hoped he would leave. After a few more moments, he shuffled from the room. The moment he was gone she realized she was wrong about him. His feelings were indeed real and strong. If he was simply infatuated with her, he would have protested. Instead, he respected her enough to walk away - to let her go if he needed to.
He loved her and she didn’t know what to do about it. She fell to her knees and stared at the wall for what seemed like hours. Her mind was empty, drained. Her heart had been yanked in far too many directions and it felt on the verge of collapsing. What did everyone expect from her? What was she supposed to do? Normal had ceased to exist.
Long after the music had stopped, she emerged from the building and made her way back to the cathedral. She attempted to push the guilt aside, but it refused to cooperate. General Ryan had poured a fair amount of his soul into setting things up so he could tell her how he felt, and she stomped it all out before he could get the chance. The word “uncaring” swirled through her head. What was wrong with her? Why did she feel so distant? So alien?
Relieved her room was empty of fallen angels, Alexandra curled into a ball under the covers and hoped to dream of Eden. Unfortunately, no paradise came that night.
Six days passed while Alexandra hibernated in her room. She avoided the general and most everyone else. On the sixth day she awoke to an eager voice.
“Lex. Lex, we need you!”
Yawning, Alexandra said, “What?”
“There’s a message from Benjamin,” Erzulie said as she handed her leather jacket to her. “He’s in peril.”
<
br /> Like she had just received a shot of adrenaline, Alexandra bolted upright and followed Erzulie into the hallway. They arrived at an office with several radios and other electronic equipment. General Ryan and a few soldiers studied maps and appeared deep in thought.
“What’s going on?” Alexandra asked, wincing at the guilt again.
General Ryan turned towards her, his face serious. “Lieutenant Howell’s team sent a distress call a few minutes ago.”
“Benjamin?”
The general nodded. “The message was cut short, but we believe he was ambushed along the middle of the Antarctic Peninsula.” He pointed to a spot on the map. “Here, near Alexander Island. Oddly enough.”
Alexandra studied the map. She never realized there was an island that bore her name. Well, sort of.
“Did we go that way?” she asked.
“Yes,” Erzulie said as she traced her slender, pale finger along the bottom of South America and across the Antarctic Peninsula. “We passed by that former island to be sure.”
Silence blanketed the room as everyone appeared lost in thought. Alexandra studied the map and tightened her sword strapped across her shoulder. Perhaps this was the opportunity she was waiting for. This could be her chance to return to Eden, and get away from everyone who clung to their expectations of her.
“Okay then,” Alexandra said, breaking the silence, “what are we waiting for?”
All eyes turned to her.
“I’m not ready to mobilize right now,” the general said. “Not even for Lieutenant Howell.”
“I’m not asking for help,” she said. “Well, maybe a jeep and some gas.”
Erzulie steered Alexandra from the room and waited for a pair of soldiers to pass in the hallway.
“Maybe you would like more time to think on this?” the angel asked. “Even if we were able to make the journey again, we are quite far away. All aid you could give him would be too late.”
Alexandra’s mind had already worked though the details, though she was still deciding the merit of each one. “I can’t get there in time,” she said, looking into her friend’s pure white eyes, “but you can.”
“Lex-”
“Hear me out,” Alexandra said.
Erzulie nodded hesitantly.
“Okay, here’s what I was thinking,” Alexandra said. “You get to Alexander Island as only you can. Find out what happened to Benjamin and help him if you are able.”
“And what about you?”
Though she wouldn’t admit to Erzulie that the rest of the plan needed some work, she attempted to remain confident in front of her friend.
“I’ll take a jeep,” Alexandra said. “You know the route. When you have information - or Benjamin - come find me. That is, if I don’t find you first.”
Frowning, Erzulie asked, “You intend to go alone?”
“Well I certainly can’t ask this of anyone else,” Alexandra said as her guilt returned like a burglar in the night. “I also shouldn’t be asking this of you. I’m no better than Him.”
“Who?”
“Elah.” Alexandra breathed the word. “He built you to serve, and here I am expecting that same service. It’s wrong.”
“You need not think like that,” Erzulie said. “My place is to serve, and I am happy to do so.”
“No,” Alexandra said, returning to the war room. “General Ryan?”
“Yes?”
“I need a jeep,” she said.
The general crossed his arms over his chest and said, “Not until you tell me what you plan to do.”
“I’m going to save my friend,” she said. “I can’t just leave him out there.”
General Ryan examined her for a moment and she was forced to avert her gaze. She couldn’t look at him when she knew how much pain she so recently caused him.
“This is the second time you’ve told me you were leaving, despite my protest,” he said.
“You’re protesting?”
General Ryan stepped closer to her and she flinched. He whispered in her ear. “I’m not ready to say goodbye so soon this time,” he said.
“General-”
“Why won’t you even use my name? Why won’t you talk to me?”
Alexandra glanced at the others in the room. These were the types of situations she was hoping to avoid. Now, she found herself trapped by her decision. Trapped either way, it seemed.
“Someone has to go, and it may as well be me. Benjamin saved Delia and Santino – I won’t abandon him,” she said, her voice pained.
“I can’t force you to stay, but I also don’t need to help you.”
Alexandra sensed a bluff. “Well, I’ve walked plenty of this continent. A little more won’t kill me.”
“You’re not serious-”
“She is,” Erzulie said with a disapproving look on her face. “Lex is quite stubborn when she has her mind set on something.”
“You’ll never make it in time,” General Ryan said.
“The Padre kept Benjamin imprisoned before, maybe he’ll do it again. Besides, what kind of friend would I be if I didn’t try?” she said, pleading.
“Benjamin wouldn’t want you to throw your life away,” he said seriously.
His words echoed around her like she was underwater. The room dimmed and was replaced with a dark city square. People with torches ringed a raised platform and Padre Hernon read from a list of crimes. A man struggled against his bindings, but he appeared helpless in the face of a firing squad.
This was Benjamin’s execution.
He struggled against his bindings and did his best to spit at Padre Hernon’s feet. Soldiers in dusters and fedoras muscled Benjamin into place. Alexandra broke away before shots were fired.
The war room came back into focus as the Padre’s voice faded. Alexandra gripped a chair back for balance and blinked.
Was that a glimpse of the future?
She staggered again and the general caught her elbow to steady her.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“She won’t be alone,” Erzulie said. “I will accompany her.”
“We’ll talk about that later,” Alexandra said, nodding the general off. “So, do I have a jeep or not?”
General Ryan sighed and dropped his hands to his side. “You are a stubborn woman. Fine, but I’m sending some men with you.”
“Not this time,” Alexandra said as the vision of Benjamin tormented her. “I don’t want to be responsible for anyone else.”
She refrained from telling him that she considered this a one way trip. Her final destination was someplace she needed to reach alone.
Placing her hand on his bicep, she said, “Please. This is the last thing I will ever ask of you. I promise.”
Though she knew he was in Eden, Koneh’s voice scolded her from afar. She could almost hear his words as he warned her against making promises she wasn’t likely to keep. A dark smile inched its way across her lips.
“As long as we’re making promises here,” he said, “you’ll need to make one more to me.”
“Anything,” she said, feeling Koneh’s scowl against the back of her head.
He lowered his voice again and said, “Promise me that I will see you again. That’s all.”
Alexandra loathed herself for her deceit and treatment of a good man. The general deserved better. His eyes told her he wanted to say much more, but he refrained. Perhaps he feared judgment from the others in the room, or more rejection from her. Maybe he wasn’t as ready to declare his feelings as he was the other night. Whatever the cause, he held back.
Nodding, she said, “I promise.”
“I’ll make arrangements,” General Ryan said. “But don’t think I’m finished thinking this through. There must be a way to convince you to accept my help.”
“I’ve put enough people in danger,” Alexandra said. “Trust me. I know the way and I know what I’m doing.”
General Ryan grudgingly allowed her to leave the war room. She wasn’t su
re she wanted to give him the chance to spill his soul to her. He left some things unsaid and Alexandra was afraid of making more ties with the people here. If her plan worked, she would be free from her mortal prison. Free to join Koneh in paradise.
“You still haven’t dealt with me yet,” Erzilue said as Alexandra packed her few personal items into a backpack. “I’m not as easily charmed as the general.”
Acting on impulse, Alexandra whirled and caught the angel in a tight embrace. She looked into her eyes and smiled playfully.
“Aren’t you, now?” Alexandra asked.
Erzulie trembled and joined foreheads with her. “That’s not playing fair. You know how confused I am.”
“I do,” Alexandra said, “and you’re right. About the servitude thing, however, you’re wrong. I’m not going to order you around like some slave! You have a soul now, and even if you didn’t, that’s no way to treat a friend.”
Erzulie’s lips strayed closer. “Is that all I am to you?”
Suddenly uncertain about her tactic, Alexandra stammered. “I... I, um... Koneh is-”
Their lips millimeters apart, Alexandra thought she felt electricity dance between them.
“I may be scatterbrained, as you put it, but I am certain of my feelings towards you. Love is too great a force to only be shared between just two people,” Erzulie said. “Trust me. I was once the Guardian of Love.”
Alexandra turned away. “I don’t know,” she said. “I’m just as confused as you are right now.”
“The heart isn’t confusing,” Erzulie said. “Though you humans try your best to make it so.”
“I just need to think.”
“Your brain has no business in your heart. Kick it out.”
Alexandra eyed the angel. “Damn. Do you have an answer for everything?”
“When it comes to matters of the heart,” Erzulie said as she shrugged, “yes. I do. Or, I once did.” The angel furrowed her brow and became lost in her own thoughts.
Both women, it appeared, weren’t as sure of themselves as they thought.
Uncertain about the next topic she wanted to discuss, but ready to change the subject, Alexandra decided to just dive into it.
Babylon (Eden Saga Book 2) Page 6