by Lee, India
Gavin shook his head. “Besides me? No.”
“Ha. Seriously though – none?”
“You’re good. I know this lake. I used to do this all the time in high school,” Gavin grinned, wading over to her and pulling her into his muscled chest. His eyes looked greener than ever with moonlit water reflecting off of them.
“This isn’t the house you grew up in though, is it?” Zoe asked, confused as she wrapped her arms around his neck. He shook his head.
“I grew up in the Beauford house. Kind of. At least during high school. Before that I lived in the Upper East Side with my parents.”
“But then you brought a capybara to your fancy school and they kicked you out.”
“Yep.”
Zoe giggled as Gavin kissed the crook of her neck. “So which place do you consider your hometown? Manhattan or Beauford?”
He hardly had to think about it. “Beauford.”
“But you spent fourteen years in the city and four in Beauford.”
Gavin paused as he considered her reasoning. “They were the most important four,” he decided. “I met my best friends there. I got to hang out with Gemma again. And Aunt Mira – she was busy as shit but she always made a point to be home at a certain time to eat dinner with us. She brought me and Gem together. I love my parents but I couldn’t say the same for them.”
Zoe nodded, brushing Gavin’s wet hair back and studying his gaze as it floated elsewhere, preoccupied with thought. “So, Beauford was where you got to be a family,” she said quietly, watching the flicker of realization in his eye once she drew the conclusion for him.
“Yeah,” he said with knitted brows. He looked back at Zoe, his wet eyelashes adorably framing the curiosity in his eyes. “Shit. I don’t even know where you were from before L.A,” he murmured, shamefaced. “But… you don’t talk about your parents much,” he frowned.
Zoe gave a little smile. “I don’t know one of them.”
His brows instantly pinched. “Oh. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t care. Never knew him. No loss.”
“Damn, okay,” he grinned. “What was Mom like?”
“My mom? She was a broke, little pregnant hitchhiker,” she said with a laugh because the image her mind conjured up was always ridiculous, especially since she knew the last piece of clothing that fit her mother in her final trimester was a stretchy yellow maxi dress with thick, black, horizontal stripes. She’d probably looked like a big, fat hornet. “She was like, nineteen. From Louisiana. But she ran away to be with a California boy right after high school. So I was actually conceived in L.A, just not born there ‘cause my dad left her once she got pregnant.”
Gavin made a face. “His loss.”
“That’s what she always said,” Zoe sang. “Anyway, she was hitchhiking her way back to Louisiana when her water broke in Texas. And after she had me there, she just kind of stayed.”
Gavin’s eyebrows lifted and the corners of his lips turned slowly up. “You’re a Texas girl?”
Zoe grinned. “You bet’cha.”
“Holy shit. Why haven’t I seen you in a cowgirl outfit yet? I’m buying you one tomorrow, by the way,” he said. “It’s gonna be one with assless chaps.”
“I can’t wait.”
Gavin laughed, kissing her forehead. “Where in Texas?”
“San Antonio. Go, Spurs, go.”
He let go of her. “We’re breaking up.”
Zoe burst out laughing. “I’m just kidding, I cheer for the Knicks now. The Knicks and the Orange. My baby’s teams, my teams,” she said with a little grin, eyeing his lips until he kissed her.
“So, how’d you get to L.A?” Gavin asked once he pulled away.
“Pageants.”
“Huh?”
“I was one of those creepy pageant babies.”
“Oh Christ.”
Zoe grimaced but laughed. “My mom was a receptionist somewhere and a coworker told her to enter me into pageants when she brought me to work one day. So she did. I was like, two years old. But I won the first one I entered. Grand prize. Two hundred bones.”
“Big time.”
Zoe splashed him. “That was a hundred dollars for every year I was alive. That’s pretty impressive for a baby.”
“Were you one of those babies who wore blue eyeshadow and had like, a bodybuilder spray tan?”
“Oh yeah, buddy.”
Gavin shuddered. “So disturbed right now.”
Zoe giggled. “Don’t worry. Once I got old enough I started throwing shit fits about having to take like, smiling lessons or walking lessons or whatever. And I turned into the Hulk every time I saw a can of hairspray. I ended up sabotaging myself at this one huge pageant. Got on stage and totally just started trashing the place. Knocking over mic stands, taking my shoes off and throwing them into the audience. I’m pretty sure I ripped out my hair extensions too. I was five.”
Gavin howled. “You sound like you were a rabid freaking five-year-old.”
“I think I was possessed. I weighed like forty pounds but I tore that stage apart.”
“Badass. Five-year-old me would’ve wifed you in a heartbeat.”
Zoe could feel her eyes crinkling with her wide smile. “Can you imagine if you and I ever had kids?”
“Oh, Jesus,” Gavin responded before she could even feel weird about the fact that she’d just mentioned having kids when the thought had never previously crossed her mind in any form. “They’d be insane. We’d need to keep horse tranquilizers around the house.”
“Scratching posts.”
Gavin coughed on his laughter. As it wound down, he tilted his head to the side. “Hold on a second. You didn’t tell me how you landed in L.A.”
“Oh.” Zoe cleared her throat. “Well, my mom saw the kind of money that pageants earned and since I basically got myself blacklisted from that world, she started bringing me to these open calls for modeling agencies. And signing with those led to a few commercials, some TV episodes and then suddenly, we had enough money to move to L.A. My mom knew there were better jobs for me there and when I was ten, she brought me to the ‘Outta This World’ audition. And the rest is history.”
“Ah.” Gavin nodded. “Ten-year-old breadwinner.”
“Yup.”
“And here I am, twenty-two and living off his parents’ credit cards.”
“Shut up.”
“So, where’s your mom at now?”
“Oh. Um. She has her own place in Santa Monica but she’s living with a boyfriend right now. Outside of Vegas.” She nodded, stretching her lips into a “yeah, I know” type smile. “Kind of wonder why I bought her her own house sometimes when she’d rather live in some dude’s crappy apartment in Vegas or Phoenix or wherever the boyfriend-of-the-moment’s from.” Clearing her throat again, Zoe gathered herself before she could get too riled up. “Basically, we’re best friends when she’s single. And when she’s not, I don’t hear much from her. I get to find out what she’s been up to through her credit card bills.”
“Which you pay,” Gavin deducted with a squint.
“Yes.”
“You’re always going to?”
“If I can afford it, why not? She’s family. I wouldn’t be here without her. I love her. I just question a lot of her decisions.”
Gavin nodded as he studied her. She found the frown between his brows so incredibly handsome that she could hardly pay attention to how serious he looked. “You… “ He tried to find his phrasing. “You’re a fucking woman, you know that?”
She burst into a giggle. “I mean I know that but what the hell do you mean by it?”
Awe glimmered in Gavin’s green eyes. “You’re strong as shit. You’re independent. You’re beautiful inside and out. You’re a fucking woman.” He blinked the water out of his eyes. “And I’m gonna make sure I’m a fucking man for you,” he laughed, a hint of sheepishness in it. “I’m gonna get my ass an internship at Klein Sports and I’m gonna rake in the big bucks – my own big buck
s – and I’m gonna buy you a fucking house and we’re going to fill it with crazy, rabid kids ‘cause you are a fucking amazing, inspirational woman and I love you.”
Zoe stared, suddenly breathless. She hadn’t heard the words from him yet but there they were, full of zeal, laced with profanity and exactly as she would’ve expected them from Gavin. Biting her lower lip, she tried to suppress the absolutely massive grin spreading her face. She couldn’t.
“Love me?” Gavin asked, breathless as he held her in the water, his eyes bright, his own face lit with a sudden and brilliant energy.
“I love you so much,” Zoe breathed, suddenly filled to the brim with that love – to the point where she was having crazy thoughts. Eloping. Going back in the house and starting on those kids.
Yeah. The sex was crazy that night, Zoe recalled as she applied Tyler’s words to her memory. The conversation had in fact been foreplay to their foreplay. It hadn’t been her only meaningful conversation with Gavin but it was certainly the most memorable, probably because she’d finally heard a boy mean it when he said that he loved her. She actually hadn’t seen anyone mean any words more than Gavin had with those. And for once, she’d meant the words herself. The only other time she’d spoken them were to Marco Donovan but she had been sixteen and blind to the fact that Marco actually treated her like shit, that she’d merely idealized him for years, having crushed hard on him since he’d been cast as her love interest on the show.
“Thinking about Gavin?”
Zoe narrowed her eyes at Tyler’s question. She put on a sassy look. “You think you’re so smart, Tyler Chase,” she said, though she couldn’t keep a straight face for the majority of the sentence. She swallowed, trying to suppress her memory of that night at the lake in order to breathe somewhat normally again. “Well. You are.” She shook her head at his satisfied expression. “You smug asshole.”
“You should try it again with him,” Tyler said with a shrug as he finished his coffee.
“Yeah, don’t think so. He dumped me and I’m presently promoting a film while technically homeless, so I’m not sure if now is the best time to have a relationship with anyone.”
Tyler leaned back in his chair and smirked. “Fair enough.” He crossed his arms. “But now that I’ve forced you to remember how rewarding an actual relationship can be, will you at least tell me I’m right about the quick fix guys? That they’re not worth it?”
“And you’re not some freakshow for not tapping every piece of cute ass that throws itself at you? Fine,” Zoe said, crossing her own arms. “You are so super right, Tyler Chase, and you’re the smartest man alive.”
He grinned. “That felt insincere but I’ll take it.”
“You should.”
He tossed his empty coffee cup into the trashcan from ten feet away. “And you should try turning your phone off tonight. Chilling in your hotel room with a movie. Glass of wine, maybe. No quick fix tonight. Swear ‘em off for a bit.”
“Aw man, what?” Zoe gave an exaggerated groan and an incredulous look. “What’s it to you, anyway, Tyler? A girl has her needs.”
“Yeah. I have a feeling you’ve indulged them all thus far.”
“Hey. Screw you.”
Tyler laughed. “I’m just saying. Let yourself be alone for a night and remember things. What you really like in a guy. What’s actually important to you beyond the physical stuff. See if it changes the way you think about relationships. And, you know. Love.”
Zoe heaved a sigh and shook her head. “No wonder you have all those crazy fangirls.” She snorted. “Remember how your people used to set up fake dates with actresses like me so the girls would go crazier for you once they found out you were still single? You should’ve skipped those stunts and just told everyone that you’re the kind of guy who’ll sit with his ex’s obnoxious best friend and give her a free therapy session on love and happiness.” Glancing at her phone, Zoe rose from her chair, laughing with disbelief. “You were good enough that I turned this thing on silent at some point and now I’m realizing that I’m late for an interview.”
“Oh shit, sorry.”
“No, don’t apologize,” Zoe said, still laughing. “I’m late for hair and makeup, not the actual interview,” she explained as they headed out the doors of the coffee bar together, Tyler walking Zoe to her car. “But thank you. For catching up with me and picking my brain.”
“Anytime.”
Tyler opened the driver side door for Zoe, closing it once she was seated behind the wheel. She rolled her window down before pulling out of her space, grinning at Tyler as he watched her, his hands in his pockets. “What’s that face?” she asked.
“Try it tonight,” he said. “No quick fix.”
“Ugh.”
“Seriously.”
“Alright, dad.” Zoe rolled her eyes with mock attitude before pulling slowly out of her spot. But just before she drove off, she slowed the car, blowing a kiss out the window at a waving Tyler, letting him take the brunt of the paparazzi flashes as he stood there seeing her off.
~
Sitting on her hotel bed with a movie picked out for the night, Zoe held onto her cell phone. She stared down at it, wondering if she really wanted to turn it off or not. That was kind of extreme. What if one of her friends had an emergency? Neither Gemma nor Harper was prone to dramatic episodes anymore but still.
I’m keeping it on. Whatever. I just won’t touch it.
And she kept her promise to herself – at least for the first half of the movie. The temptation to pick up her phone only happened when she realized that she hadn’t processed a single minute of the film in front of her. She barely remembered what she had even chosen to watch.
She was too busy thinking about Gavin.
It was hard to imagine that they could go wrong anywhere down the line when a night like the last one at the lake existed in their history. They were supposed to work. She’d never been with someone for more than a year and they were approaching a year-and-a-half. And she loved him.
But she’d been shooting. And he’d been having trouble landing that internship at Klein Sports since he refused to let his aunt intervene and tell her friend, Aiden Klein, to let his hiring manager know that the resume titled “Gavin Hunter” belonged to someone important. Or at least related to someone important. She knew that the unemployment was wearing on him. It couldn’t be easy surrounded by so much success. His sister had begun her foray into fashion with Armand Jadot. His best friend’s basketball prowess was being featured on SportsCenter nightly. There was Harper, his step-cousin and friend, who at the time, had been in talks with investors to open her own raw vegan restaurant.
And finally, herself. She was shooting what would likely be her second blockbuster and the schedule didn’t permit for the best communication with Gavin during a time when he’d been frustrated, more stressed about his future and prospects than ever.
I screwed up, Zoe realized, gazing over at her phone. I should’ve been there for him.
She stared for only a second longer before grabbing it, dialing Gavin’s number before she could convince herself not to. On speaker, she stared at its screen, her heart slamming against her chest with every ring. She wanted to hear his voice again. It’d been awhile. She used to hear it every night around this hour. More than ever, she wanted to hear his laugh.
But once she heard the beginning of his voicemail, she hung up.
Okay. That just happened. Staring blankly at the wall above the flatscreen, she caught her breath. She’d been holding it, apparently. It’s for the better, she told herself, repeating the line in her head until she fully believed it – that she’d just dodged a bullet. Whatever words and emotions had just built up in the back of her throat, it was for the best that Gavin didn’t hear them. They would do neither of them any good. He was in New York and she was… wherever she was. L.A for now but Prague soon and then London.
Breathe, she told herself, her eyes closed as she felt her heartbeat begin to re
gulate.
But just as it did, her phone began to ring. She jumped, her eyes darting to its screen.
Gavin.
Oh God. Zoe squeezed her eyes shut, feeling her hands fly up to cover her mouth. It killed two birds with one stone. If her fingers were clamped over her lips, they couldn’t pick up the phone. If her lips were covered, she’d be unable to speak.
After what felt like an eternity, her phone finally stopped ringing. Frozen, she stared at the screen, waiting, half praying that he’d leave a voicemail, half praying that he wouldn’t.
He didn’t.
“Oh Jesus, Zoe,” she let herself exhale when it was all over. Her hand unsteady, she reached to finally pick up her phone. Immediately, it buzzed with a text. “Omigod,” she squeaked, dropping it.
But it wasn’t Gavin. It was Drew. Chef Drew from her favorite sushi bar on La Cienaga. Zoe stared for what felt like a full minute before she let herself open the text.
Sorry about yesterday. I’m free tonight. Tell me you are, beautiful.
Zoe chewed her lip, reading and rereading the text.
Sorry, love. Staying in tonight.
She typed the words but she’d yet to send them. Her finger hovered over the ‘Send’ button. Her conscience was telling her to just do it but it wasn’t all that persuasive. Tyler would be disappointed, she told herself, though she immediately countered her point with the argument that she didn’t really care what Tyler thought. Or she shouldn’t. If she kept pigeonholing him as “Gemma’s ex,” she felt better about ignoring his advice – all the wise words he’d taken the time to share with her at coffee that morning.
Screw it. Holding down the backspace button, Zoe erased her first draft and composed a new one.
I am, love. Come and get me. Now.
Again, her thumb hovered over the ‘Send’ button. She chewed her lower lip as she remembered all of Tyler’s arguments. Valid arguments. But with each one, she also thought about the things she liked best about Drew. He was tall, dark-haired, tattooed, even. He was a thousand times smarter than Aaron and had a low, buttery voice. She craved his shoulder rubs as much as she did his bluefin toro.