Heath strode up to lean on the railing beside him, resting his forearms on the top.
“Remember when we were kids and we thought we were invincible?” Brax asked. “We thought that the whole world was out there waiting for us to conquer it and that nothing bad could ever touch us.”
Heath let out a surprised laugh. “Yeah, I remember.”
“Then Mom and Dad died and you had to take over the ranch, look after Frankie, hell, even look after us. How did you do that? I never thought about it at the time, but you just took over seamlessly, holding us all together, never making mistakes.”
Health shook his head with a rueful smile. “You really think I made no mistakes? Seems like all I did was muck things up those first few years. I was so worried about screwing everything up. Of losing the ranch, of doing something wrong and scarring one of you for life.”
Brax turned to look at him. “But you seemed to have it so together. You always have it so together. All I ever seem to do is fuck things up.”
His brother’s brows came together. He didn’t approve of swearing, but didn’t reproach Brax.
“Everyone makes mistakes, Brax. You’re not living if you don’t. It’s how you handle those mistakes that shapes your life, that makes you into the person you are. I still make mistakes. All the time. But I learn from them and I try my best not to make them again. Doesn’t always work, but I try.”
Brax ran his hand over his face. “I don’t know if I can fix this. I don’t even know where to start.”
“Want to tell me about it?” Heath asked easily.
His brother had always been there for him, a shoulder to lean on, someone to talk to. Brax realized he’d missed this.
“I’m sorry.”
“What for?” Heath asked in surprise.
“For being so stubborn and bull-headed. For pulling away from my family because I thought I had to prove that I could make it on my own.”
“Ahh.” Heath’s face filled with comprehension. “I’ve been waiting for you to realize that leaning on us doesn’t make you weak. I’m glad I listened to Ava. I wanted to slap you around the head about eight months ago, she told me to wait a bit longer.”
Brax snorted. “I guess I wanted to prove to you all that I could make something of myself without any help.”
Heath shook his head. “You know that you never have to prove anything to us. We’ve always believed in you.”
Brax nodded. “Did you know I had this five year plan? I was going to work hard at the business then, when I was financially stable with my house all fixed up, I was going to find a nice, submissive girl to settle down with and have kids. She’d stay home and take care of the house and children and worship the ground I walked on. I’d be head of the household. I’d take care of them all. They’d never want for anything.”
Heath grinned. “You always did like to control everything around you. So how is that plan working?”
“It’s all turned to shit. Apparently the girl of my dreams lives miles away, has a successful career, is definitely sweet and submissive but also has a temper when she’s riled and goes around blindly getting herself into trouble instead of letting me protect her.”
A loud laugh escaped his brother’s mouth. He patted Brax on the back. “Ain’t life just full of surprises? She sounds like one hell of a girl.”
Brax sighed. “She is. And I drove her away. I told her that we weren’t meant to be together. I made her feel like she wasn’t good enough for me when it’s the exact opposite and now I don’t know what to do.”
“You love her?”
“More than anything. I know full well what I’ve lost. No, what I threw away.” He’d made such a terrible mistake. He’d been awful to her and now he didn’t know how to fix it. “These last few weeks have been hell. I can barely sleep or eat. I worry about her. The idea of her with someone else, the thought of her hurt or in danger, I can’t stand it. It’s eating me from the inside out.”
“Why don’t you tell me the whole story,” Heath suggested.
Brax confessed it all. His feelings for Holly, his fear as he’d tried to reach her that night she’d followed Mason Philips; terrified he’d be too late. When he was finished, he looked over to find Heath smiling.
“You’re even more of a control freak than the rest of us, aren’t you?”
Brax stilled and looked at him. “What are you talking about?”
“You were trying to control who you fell in love with and when. You dreamed up this ideal woman and you stubbornly weren’t going to let that go, even after falling for Holly. Then Holly puts herself in danger and you can’t handle it, you want to control everything around her to ensure she’s safe. But you can’t. She’s not yours to care for. Then she frightens you so badly that you lash out without thought, trying to push her away. Brax, the reason you were so frightened is because you love her.”
Brax ran his hand through his hair, trying to process what Heath was telling him. Did he love her? He loved her?
Wow. He loved her.
“If Ava put herself in danger that way, I’d go insane. And she wouldn’t be sitting comfortably for a long time.”
“I had no real right to spank her that first time. We weren’t in a relationship. She didn’t know what I expected from her.”
“You need to explain all that to her. Make sure she understands.”
“If she doesn’t want that?” he voiced his biggest concern. “If she doesn’t want me?”
Heath clasped his shoulder. “There are a few things I’ve learned, the hard way, during my marriage. A relationship doesn’t work without communication. If you don’t talk to your partner, neither of you will be able to move forward. And that both of you need to learn how to compromise. You’ve got to decide what is most important—your plan or your happiness.”
“She is. Holly’s what is important.”
“Then for God’s sake, Brax. Go after the woman.”
As soon as he pulled away from the ranch, Brax called Sloan and asked for help with his current jobs.
Sloan agreed immediately. At least none of them had to worry about any more problems at the building site. John Palmer had used what Holly had told him to pressure Mason, who’d confessed everything.
Turns out that Jones and Mason were good friends. Phil Jones had been smarting over losing out on the contract. With his company heading into financial difficulty, he’d been desperate. So he’d concocted the plan that would allow Mason his revenge on Brax and either run Brax off or have Derrick pull the plug on him.
Turned out he’d also bribed one of Brax’s men to tamper with a safety harnesses. The same man had also given Mason a key to the gates. Brax had fired the man as he was being arrested.
As soon as he’d got off the phone with Sloan, Brax arranged for a flight to Houston and went home to pack his bag. He was going after his girl and he’d get her.
No matter what he had to do.
Chapter Nine
Brax pulled up outside a pair of high, wrought-iron gates. A thick curtain of trees prevented him from viewing the house beyond. He swallowed heavily, his insecurities threatening to make him turn tail and run back to his tiny three-bedroom, slightly rundown, wooden house. But he wasn’t a coward. He was here now and he wasn’t going to help matters by thinking about everything he couldn’t offer Holly.
He needed to focus on what he could give her.
Safety. Security. Joy. Love.
He knew this wasn’t going to be easy, he fully expected her to make him work for it. He would do whatever it took. If she wanted him down on his goddamn knees, begging, then that’s what he’d do.
He pressed the button at the gate, waiting for someone to answer. A voice he didn’t recognize came over the system.
“Hello.”
“Ahh, hi, my name is Brax Jamieson. I’d like to see Holly.”
“Is she expecting you, sir?” the overly polite voice asked, probably knowing damn well she wasn’t.
&nb
sp; “No,” he answered shortly.
“Wait, please.”
He waited for a good ten minutes, but the next voice was one he did recognize.
“Jamieson, that you?” Derrick asked.
“Yes. I need to see Holly.”
“She doesn’t want to see you.”
Brax felt gut-punched, he was expecting it, but that didn’t mean he hadn’t hoped she’d speak to him.
“Please, Derrick.” He wasn’t above begging.
Derrick sighed. “She’s out at the moment so I suppose it’s safe to let you in. I want to speak to you anyway.”
Although he wanted to demand that Derrick tell him where she was, he held himself back. The gates slowly opened and he drove forward, even more intimidated as an impressive two-story house came into view. Encased in a wide porch, the house looked large enough to house Brax’s whole family and still have room for more.
His rental car looked totally out of place. Hell, Brax was out of place.
Stepping out, he climbed the wide steps. The door opened as he reached it and a tall, thin man peered down at him coldly.
“Mr Ashdown is in his study. This way.”
Brax didn’t say a word, just followed the other man down a long corridor, trying not to gape as he caught glimpses of rooms filled with beautiful works of art, huge windows and tall ceilings.
The other man gestured him into a room done in darker tones. Derrick looked up as he entered, staring at him for a long moment.
“You look like a man who needs a drink,” he said, rising to move to a small bar. He poured some amber liquid into two glasses and handed one to Brax, gesturing to two brown leather seats.
Brax sat with a sigh. “I half expected you to greet me with a baseball bat.”
Derrick snorted with laughter. “Not really my style.” He looked thoughtful. “Although I could see Holly greeting you that way.”
“That angry, huh?”
“No.” Derrick pierced him with his gaze. “More sad than anything else. Resigned. I have never seen her look this defeated, not even when my asshole brother left her. So, no baseball bat, but you do need to make this right. Because hurt her any further and I will ruin you.”
His voice was mild, but Brax knew he meant every word.
“I don’t want to hurt her, and I’m sorry to hell I did it in the first place.”
“I don’t understand you,” Derrick admitted. “I sent her to you, you know. I knew Joshua was perfectly capable of managing by himself. That was just an excuse. I’d seen the way the two of you looked at each other and, fool that I am, I chose to play matchmaker. I thought you would see her for the gift she is. I never, ever imagined you would break her.”
Brax gaped at him in amazement.
“I thought you would be perfect for her. You seemed like everything she’d been looking for, a man who could see the insecurities she carries, but who wouldn’t allow her to put up any barriers. I thought you’d recognize that she needed a mix of firmness and tenderness. I thought, hell, I guess I didn’t really think it through at all, though, did I? Look at the mess things ended up in. She’s feeling worse than before I sent her to you.”
“Not your fault.” Brax rubbed his temples. “I’m the one who fucked up. I had this ideal woman in my mind, and I couldn’t see what was right in front of me. I focussed on all the problems and not on the positives. I was so unwilling to compromise.”
Brax sighed. “I don’t know what to do now. I have to convince her that I’m willing to change, that I can be whatever she needs.”
Derrick snorted. “You sure like to go from one extreme to another. What makes you think that Holly wants you to change?”
Brax looked away. “She won’t want what I am.”
“And what’s that? A builder? A Dom? A control freak?”
Brax looked up at him in surprise.
“You and me, we’re very alike. Any relationship you entered into, you’d want to be in charge. Me, I like to have someone rely on me to take care of them, look after them. I want to be totally in charge, of everything. I don’t know how extreme you are, but you enjoy being in control, don’t you?”
“Yes,” Brax replied. “But I’m worried about terrifying her.”
“Holly doesn’t scare easily. You need to apologize. She told me everything. I had to force it out of her. I was growing worried because she was barely eating or sleeping.”
Brax sat up. “She’s okay, though?”
“Better. I wouldn’t say okay. But I expect you’ll fix that. You need to take control of this situation. Don’t let her run from her needs. Make her talk to you. Explain everything to her. What you want from her. Don’t immediately assume that she won’t want what you want.”
Brax nodded. “Communication. Just as my brother said.”
“Sounds like a wise man.”
“He is. So can I wait here for her to come home?”
Derrick shook his head and Brax’s stomach plummeted. “Not here. Home needs to be a haven for her. Come to Club Darkness tonight. I’ll make sure she’s there.”
“Darkness? You’re taking her to a BDSM club?”
Derrick nodded. “She’s been a few times. Begged me to take her and it’s the only bribe I had to get her to eat.”
Brax clenched his hands, trying to fight back the rage, trying not to imagine other men touching her, playing with her.
“She hasn’t done anything more than watch,” Derrick told him. Brax managed to bring himself under some semblance of control until Derrick added, “Of course, that hasn’t been from lack of invitation.”
*****
Holly looked at herself in the long mirror. She didn’t know why she was fussing like this. Nerves, she guessed. Derrick had taken her to Club Darkness a few times now, but she hadn’t worked up the courage to play yet.
Maybe tonight was the night.
She was overdressed for the club, but she couldn’t make herself wear anything that would put her leg on display. So she wore black, flowing pants that hid the brace, even though she’d had to declare it on the medical form Derrick had given her to fill out before they’d allow her in the club.
She wore a tight, sparkly silver top that showcased her breasts. Everyone would be looking at her chest and not her leg or her face.
Over the last few weeks she’d lost weight, too much in too short a time and she looked a bit gaunt. She applied her makeup carefully, hoping to cover the signs of fatigue.
Straightening her shoulders, she drew on her strength. Truthfully, the club kind of terrified her. Even the name was a bit off-putting. Club Darkness. Sounded as though it should be filled with vampires.
But she’d decided that this was the best way forward. She needed to move on. Brax didn’t want her, he’d made that painfully clear. She did have something to be thankful to him for, though. He’d given her the impetus to be brave and grab what she really wanted. That’s why she’d begged Derrick to start taking her to his club. She was looking for a Dom.
Holly had decided that she was no longer going to make excuses or apologize for the fact that she wanted to submit to a man. She didn’t need to make all the decisions, hell she didn’t want to. She’d had enough of only having herself to rely on. Well, she had Derrick, but it wasn’t the same.
She’d yet to find another Dom who affected her the way Brax did. But that didn’t mean she was going to give up. She’d find her happy ever after.
Even if it took years.
She left the guesthouse and met Derrick by his car.
“Ready, Holly?” Derrick asked. Robert always drove them to and from the club. Not that either of them drank, but Derrick said he preferred not to have to drive afterwards and she was usually too tired.
“What? No arguments? No telling me that I should stay at home?” It was a kind of ritual they both went through. Derrick tried to convince her to stay at home, while she ignored him.
“Not tonight, I figure you’re old enough to know what you’re do
ing.”
He helped her into the backseat of the dark Mercedes-Benz and then climbed in beside her.
She stared out the window as they wound their way through the city to the large building that housed the private club. Derrick helped her out, giving her a curious look, but he didn’t say anything about her pensive mood.
They went through security, handing their coats over before Derrick took her hand and, placing it on his arm, led her into the heart of the club. The whole ground floor was one large room. In the centre was a round bar. Couches were spread throughout the room, breaking off the different play areas into sections
She’d yet to go upstairs. Derrick had refused to take her. Apparently the second floor consisted of a series of themed rooms that could be used for more private fun. She thought that sounded far more intriguing than being on show down on the main floor.
“Hello, Holly.”
Holly turned, blushing slightly as she saw Andy standing there. She didn’t know his last name. People tended to stick to a first name while they were here.
Glancing around, she found Derrick standing at the bar, chatting with a friend.
“Want to try out the spanking bench?” Andy asked in his deep voice.
Andy was a cute guy. Tall and slim but with firm muscle. He carried himself confidently, was polite and kept asking her if she wanted to play despite her rejecting him each time.
Holly was frustrated that she still hadn’t worked up the gumption to do anything more than watch.
She opened her mouth, prepared to say yes but then shook her head. She just couldn’t do it. Couldn’t give herself over to someone she barely knew. Didn’t trust.
Disappointment lit his eyes before he gave her a small nod. Then his gaze narrowed as he stared at something over her shoulder. She turned her head, wondering what he was looking at and caught her breath.
What was he doing here?
She was like a breath of fresh air. He’d watched her enter, barely able to breathe. Everyone had stared her. She was gorgeous with her long, dark hair, her air of innocence.
His Old-Fashioned Love (Old-Fashioned Series) Page 11