The footnote (in a much smaller font) was quite amusing:
“This protocol is not to be followed if the emergency situation concerns the work of the reactor. For salvation in case of reactor malfunction please refer to the Bible.”
As I move forward, the lights in the elevator behind me switch off. As programmed, the elevator has shut down: it will keep Principal’s hounds away from here, hopefully - for long enough…
The chamber is illuminated with the surreal bluish glow of the emergency lights, which give the complex machinery hideous, nightmarish shapes. There are tubes and wires running everywhere and disappearing into the walls. It is like I am inside a giant spider web, looking for the little vile spider lurking somewhere in the shadows.
The facility is huge and the labyrinth of tubes, wires and machines leads me ever closer to the center. I readjust the duffle bag on my shoulder and take out the gun. I look closely for any sign of the Principal but the only activity around me is the even work of the machinery (your friendly atom, prolonging the life of the (last?) survivors of the nuclear apocalypse). And then there is a movement as I see a dark robe disappear somewhere ahead. I raise my gun but the shape is gone. I take a deep breath and move forward. Every step takes me closer to… there is a sharp pain in my back, I instinctively kick backwards, turn around and shoot. There is a groan of pain and my attacker is trying to crawl away, leaving a dark trace behind. I walk over and shoot him again. He crawls another inch and stops. I turn him over with the tip of my boot expecting (hoping) to see Viler. The face I see instead belongs to Chief Maintenance Officer Emmet (a good man, actually). His hand is still tightly gripping a bloody screwdriver he stabbed me with.
I move on with an effort - my vision dims for a second (hello darkness, my old friend). No time to give up now, if you stop - you die. I shake my head, wipe the blood covering the right side of my face and push on forward. After the next turn I see it – the beating heart of our little underground realm – the nuclear core, locked in a transparent sphere with a myriad wires (veins) coming out of it. The Geiger counter in my bag starts making furious clicking sounds. Still no sign of the Principal… wait, is that a human shape standing in the shadows? I move closer and then there is a sound of a shot and a bullet zips right next to my head and hits a computer terminal behind me. The exploding screen and the sparks light the chamber and I see him – the Principal, I see his crazy eyes and his inhuman grin as he is bringing up his gun to make another shot. I don’t think, I don’t aim - I just shoot. I may hit the core and destroy the whole School but, frankly speaking, I don’t fucking care. This bastard has got to die. I can see how one of my bullets penetrates his leg spraying the wall behind him with his black blood. And then the light from the burning terminal fades and Viler disappears back into the shadows. I run forward but he is gone. Not too far, you bastard, not too far… I am on his trail, there is no pain, there is no fear, there is no yesterday, there is no tomorrow, there is no Suzannah, there is only here and now, there is only me and him, the hunter and the prey. Somewhere ahead I can hear a door slamming shut. I move closer… I freeze. I’m in front of a massive metallic door with words Personal Protection Chamber written in bold letters. There is a small illuminator on the door and from there I can see Viler’s wild eyes following me. He is screaming something, he is delirious in his triumph for he has won and I have lost…
Chapter XXI
There is an access terminal next to the door and I head there ready to work my “code override” magic again. I enter the code. The screen goes blank for a second. Now, I will hear the sound of the door opening and finish the bastard off… Seconds go by and I can literally feel the blood boiling in my veins. My fists are opening and closing in anticipation. Then the screen comes to life again… “processing your request” … “system malfunction” … “access denied” … “manual lock engaged” … Something snaps inside me. I know I need to calm down and think but I simply cannot. I start kicking the door (this makes Viler even happier, he is practically jumping around in his little safe house), I take out my gun and empty the entire clip at the illuminator window - the bullets are ricocheting wildly around me and there is not even a scratch on the surface (stop!). I cannot. I reload the gun and keep on shooting and through my rage, another feeling starts to surface (stop!). I do not want to acknowledge it (but it’s over, Nad). I do not want to acknowledge it (it’s over – now stop and die). I do not want to acknowledge it (but you know it’s true)… and that feeling is despair and the little vicious voice haunting me ever since the world ended whispers – you lose… I put away my gun and sit on the floor facing the door. Viler is looking at me and he is insane and he is no longer pretending and in his little cage he has finally released his true essence…
I am so tired. I am bleeding. My arm and shoulder have gone numb from injuries and the gash on my forehead won’t stop bleeding. I am so tired…. Most of all right now I want to sleep or is it that I want to die? Doesn’t matter - I want this to be over. I close my eyes. I have stopped, may I die now?...
There is darkness, oh how sweet it is (get up)…this was a crazy plan to start with and I went further than it was logically possible (get up!)…soon, the guards will unblock the elevator and come down to put me out of my misery (GET UP!). I open my eyes. The voice inside me screams and it is not the voice of the dark whisperer, it is not the voice of Suzannah, it is not the voice of Teacher Kendall, it is my own voice and I am screaming and I look up and I look into Viler’s eyes and he looks away for he has seen...
I get up. I am shaking - it’s not fear, it’s not nervousness – it is excitement. A sudden idea pierces my mind. I start digging frantically in my bag – for a second I cannot find it (you forgot to pack it you idiot!) and then I feel it, under a bundle of clothes. I take it out and the letters En-We flash in the semi dark. I pull up the energy gun and aim it at the door. Viler’s eyes become very round as he recognizes the weapon I’m holding. I pull the trigger…and there is nothing. I pull the trigger several times but the gun seems to be dead. The Principal’s head makes reappearance and he starts laughing again. Just then, I notice a little switch on the side of the gun. I push it and the cables on the gun immediately start to glow. I hold my breath and pull the trigger again. There is a dazzling flash of white light and I am flying backwards. I crash into a computer terminal and am showered with a myriad sparks. I look forward - at first there is a lot of smoke (I am going to see the closed door again). The air clears and there is no door. Instead, there is a giant tear with jagged pieces of metal twisted in surreal shapes. A peculiar whining sound is coming from inside the safe room. I slowly walk inside…
Chapter XXII
I do not immediately see Viler. The facility I’m in is a lot like the communication hub on the upper level except for the giant screens taking up an entire wall… the screens are displaying images from the surveillance cameras – I can see Security Assistants running around in rabid fury. They are waving their weapons in the air… some of them have started shooting at people. There are bodies of Teachers and Students strewn on the floors, there are scenes of carnage and chaos. Some people are fighting back… others have barricaded themselves inside classrooms. One of the screens is showing the church – the Students and Teachers are on their knees while the Pastor is walking around with a gun in his hand. Once in a while he walks up to a member of his flock and shoots him in the head. I am mesmerized by what I see – how did we ever come to this? A muffled groan from the far side of the room brings me back to reality. A bloody hand is sticking out of the metal rubble. I walk over and push away a massive chunk of the door. Viler’s insane stare makes me take a step back. The Principal’s left arm and most of his leg are gone. He is badly burned. It’s a wonder he’s still alive. His mouth is opening and closing periodically squirting out blood. His eyes are fixed on mine. Suddenly, he starts laughing and it is the ugliest sound I have ever heard.
”Raven! So good of you to drop by… I have been e
xpecting you!”
”Well, Principal, the wait is over. Your time has come.”
”No, my friend, it is your time that has come… you have done exceptionally well.”
”What the fuck are you talking about?”
”You have done it, Raven. You have proven yourself.”
He starts laughing again. The laughter turns into a feat of coughing, there is black blood bubbling on his lips.
”You have proven yourself and the School can be proud.”
”Proud of what?”
”Proud of its new Principal, Raven. Isn’t it what you always wanted?”
”You know nothing of what I wanted, you murdering bastard.”
”Oh, I know you very well, Raven. I have been watching you. You are a lot like me in a way - smart, ambitious, cruel. You are not a part of the pack - you are on your own. It is our destiny to be alone, it is our destiny to rule the sheep. Fulfill your destiny.”
”I am not like you.”
”Why, of course you are! And just to prove it, you are repeating my path… only by killing the leader of the pack can you become one. I did it to the old fool Higgins and today, you have done the same to me. Your initiation is now complete.”
Another feat of coughing. Viler’s body is convulsing in agony… his eyes are very much alive, probing me, trying to get inside my mind. His voice is no more than a (dark) whisper now.
”Remember the story? The boy kills the dragon and becomes the dragon. This was my story and now this is your story. The circle is complete and I salute you… Principal Raven.”
Dark metal flashes through the air and before I realize what is happening, Viler presses his gun to his temple and fires. His head is thrown back… his unseeing eyes are still fixed on mine - an expression of infinite mockery forever imprinted in them.
I stand here in this room with Principal’s disfigured body at my feet. Giant iron claws have clasped me by the throat - I am suffocating. I want to scream and I cannot. I want to tell Viler all I think about him and his fucked up ideas, I want to tell him that he is wrong (but isn’t that what you wanted?). I want to bring him back to life and tell him all that (boy kills the dragon and becomes the dragon). I want to… My vision blurs. Tears start flowing from my eyes and I am crying… and I am laughing (I salute you, Principal)…
There is a microphone attached to one of the terminals near the screens and I walk over to it – my vision is unsteady, I can hardly move my limbs (like swimming through the sea of sorrow). As I reach the terminal and take the microphone, another wave of unreality washes over me and then it’s gone and there is clarity and for better or worse – I have decided…
Chapter XXIII
I am going up. The Principal’s elevator is a small cylindrical cabin – amazingly (and not without a shade of irony), there is music playing inside: an instrumental version of another oldie from Mick Jagger – God Gave Me Everything I Want (did he really, Viler?).
The elevator comes to a halt. I am in the Principal’s room. It is a reflection of Viler’s bloated ego and his peculiar taste with posters of himself (as well as cutouts from men’s fitness magazines) covering all the walls. The dead man’s eyes are following me… I pay little attention. I open the door and step outside into the corridor. Blood is trickling down my wounded hand and dripping to the ground. There is no pain – only the overwhelming sense of determination and clarity. There are people out in here. Some of them are holding the weapons they have seized from the Security Assistants. Some of the guards are tied up and thrown on the ground with groups of Teachers and Students watching over them. They are shouting profanities and occasionally kicking the late Principal’s henchmen. As I walk out, people notice me and go very silent. And I pass by them and they look up and they nod in acknowledgement and look down very quickly. And I walk on and there is the Pastor, his face bloodied, his nose broken. He is leaning against the wall mumbling something unintelligible. The crucifix has been ripped from his neck. He goes very pale when he sees me. The mumbling intensifies – I think (I hope) he is praying. I do not stop and I walk on. Around the next corner, I see a large group of Students who have surrounded three Security Assistants. The guards are threatening them with their weapons but to little effect. I come up to one of them and put my hand on his shoulder. He turns around and there is terror in his eyes. I say very quietly:
”Put down your weapon, soldier. Your war is over.”
And he does – all of them do. And I walk on…
The siren has been shut down and the School is very quiet now. The people I see look as if they have just awakened from a protracted nightmare - there is a new understanding in their eyes for now they know the truth…
I turn another corner and there is Ms. Kendall. She is talking and the Students gathered around her are listening. She sees me and they see me and they all turn towards me. I come up to Ms. Kendall – a woman who saved me from the End, the woman who was closest thing to a mother in a place where all of us were orphans.
”Principal Kendall, how are you feeling?”
She looks at me for a very long time. Her face bears the marks of a sleepless night but her eyes are still the same – kind and full of understanding. A tear runs down her cheek, she takes a step forward and hugs me. She then draws away and looks into my eyes.
”I am just fine, my boy. Are you sure you want to do this? After all, this is your home, you fought for it - it can now be a good place again.”
”I am sure it will be a good place just as I am sure you will be a wonderful Principal. But it is not my home. I have no home, not yet…”
”Still as stubborn as ever?”
”Yes, madam. Take care of the School and if anyone wants to leave…”
”Yes, I know. I heard your speech, my boy, and I will do as you said.”
She kisses my forehead and I walk on.
”Raven!”
”Yes, Principal.”
”Whatever happens, wherever you go, always remember - I am proud of you, we are all proud of you and the doors of the School will always be open for you whenever you want to come back.”
”Thank you, Principal.”
Soon, I arrive at the Exit door. I hesitate for a moment and then punch in the code. The screen goes blank and then a green light comes on and the words “thank you for using Government certified nuclear shelter. We hope you enjoyed your stay” appear on the display. The words bring a grim smile to my face. The massive door slowly slides open. I close my eyes (only if it makes you happy). I open them. I step out…
Chapter XXIV
I am walking up the remains of a stairway that once led me down here - to a place where I spent most of my life. The first thing I feel is the wind. It’s blowing in my face, cooling my overheated head. The wind - a long forgotten memory… I close my eyes and take it in. The images from my childhood wash over me. My senses have sharpened and my heart is ready to jump out of my chest. The sound of pebbles under my boots stands out in the silence broken only by the crazy beat of my heart. The silence itself feels different. It is not the same as in the constraints of the nuclear shelter. Up here it is somehow…alive. I look up and there is light at the end of the stairway. It is very dim at first but as I climb on it gets stronger and stronger and I have to squeeze my eyes shut and even through my closed eyelids I can feel it. At one point, the light is so strong that I think that if I open my eyes now I will simply go blind. And still I walk on… I stumble and almost fall over as the stairway comes to an end. My eyes are still closed as I stand in a world that I once abandoned forever. Slowly, timidly I open them - the white invades my vision and it floods my mind and I scream out in pain and I look around and there is only the overwhelming whiteness. Am I dead? Is this the nothingness of the murdered world? But little by little, I am starting to pick out shapes swimming out of the whiteness and then, suddenly, the haze is gone and I can see again… I am in the middle of a desert. It stretches as far as I can see and disappears into the stark blue hori
zon. I block my eyes from the sun and look to the east where I finally discern the thin line of the ocean. There are no buildings around me – everything has been swept away by the blast and buried in the sand. The school is also gone - the stairway I climbed up looks like a surrealistic portal – leading the lost souls into the underground kingdom. But wait! What is that structure right ahead? At first I took it for a hill. But it is not. Its shape seems vaguely familiar. I walk towards it. It takes me around half an hour to get to it. As I finally get close enough I come to a sudden halt, my heart is beating savagely for I have recognized it. What at first seemed like a mountain is actually the hull of a giant ship. The half erased letters on the rusty carcass read – Orpheus. I suddenly remember our first conversation with Suzannah so many years ago as we set together near the air filters: “I made him promise that he would get it repaired as soon as he could and would take me out to sail…” and I continued: “Into the maroon colored horizon…”. Some dreams are never meant to come to life…
I don’t know how long I stand there. The (un)reality of what is happening is overwhelming.
Finally, with an enormous effort of will I make myself look away for right now is the time… right now is the time I make a decision. I knew this time would come but never really allowed myself to think about it…until now. The decision, the choice, the question is - where do I go from here? A sentence from Suzannah letter surfaces in my mind: “I will be heading north towards Bosstown…” “…Remember, Nad - only if it makes you happy.” And as I stand here in front of the majestic remains of the Orpheus, these final words circle in my brain – only if it makes you happy, Nad, only if it makes you happy…
The After/Life (The After/Life Odyssey) Page 7