Marla wishes they were still fighting about her scene at the baby store. “Look, I’m sorry I’m not perfect, but it wasn’t fair.”
She’s waiting for him to tell her that of course he loves her and she’s a good person, if a little flakey. But he looks at his watch. “I’m sorry you had a crappy day, but I have to practise.” He opens his book again with his bow and gets in ready position to attack the strings.
“Why is that? Your audition’s over.”
Liam bangs his heel on the floor. “Because I want to, okay? I don’t want my head full of someone else’s drama.”
Marla wants to kick his stand over, but she doesn’t. She proves to herself that she can walk to the bedroom without freaking out.
He calls after her. “How about this—you don’t have to keep the baby. You don’t have to prove it to anyone.”
Marla screams into the pillow, the sound of Liam’s exercises filling the house.
11. EGGPLANT
GAVIN FEELS THE WARMTH of spring and senses the change in the angle of the sun as it enters Dani’s basement window. Her body is healing and the trees are budding and Gavin feels like everything is right in the world.
They walk daily—to the grocery store, Bowness Park, and the library. Now they sit on the steps and wait for a cab because she’s going to visit her son.
They’re supposed to be out of Marla’s basement at the end of the month, but Gavin’s not sure if Marla really followed through with the details. He doesn’t know where to live, and he’s out of money, so he’s tentative. WHAT JOB YOU WANT? WHEN AT YOUR OWN PLACE?
Dani looks at him like he’s a little boy. “Oh, honey. I’m not hurting for money.”
That doesn’t make sense, because she must have pissed away a lot on drugs even if she did get a big settlement from that car accident. And she doesn’t really have a lot of nice stuff, but then some people aren’t into that. HOW?
She waves him off. “I’m fine. What about you? Will you go back home, go to school?”
Gavin shakes his head and is pleased to see relief on her face. MIGHT APPLY HERE INSTEAD. GET A JOB CLOSER TO MARLA. AND YOU.
“I know some people. Maybe I can set you up with a job until September.”
Gavin picks a hair off her sweater. CAN WE STILL LIVE TOGETHER?
“You ready to tell Marla? I’ve been waiting to talk to that girl.”
He nods, feeling good. Everything’s falling into place.
Marla is lonely in Liam’s house, finding him no more available than he was when she didn’t live here. Sure, he apologized for yelling at her, but she can’t shake the feeling that he doesn’t know what to do with her, like she’s the same sort of disappointing person as his mom. Except at night, when their sex is angry and mostly amazing.
One gorgeous spring afternoon, Marla opens the door and Dani rips into Liam’s house trailing Gavin. They’ve brought fast food takeout in big greasy bags.
“Happy housewarming, you fuckers!” Dani’s voice bounces around the house like a basketball. Marla can hear a distinct pause in the screeching bow from Liam’s studio down the hall.
“Shhh,” Marla says. “Liam’s teaching in the back.”
“We’re celebrating your new big-shot life. Don’t you want to see us?” Dani drops the bag on the couch and picks Marla up to twirl her around. Dani’s body is so much softer than Liam’s. So much sturdier. Marla gives her a peck on the neck and lets go. “Yeah. I missed you.”
Dani dumps a pile of music books from the coffee table to the floor. She sets up four meals, dividing burgers, fries, and chicken nuggets onto napkins, then stuffs a handful of fries in her mouth, talking through them. “Voilà.”
Marla hugs Gavin. “How are you?”
Gavin smiles. BUSY. SORRY DIDN’T COME SOONER. He doesn’t touch his meal.
Dani turns on the TV, skipping through channels until she finds a trashy talk show and laughs raucously.
There are ten minutes left in the lesson before the kid’s mom comes through the front door. Marla has to get Dani out of here. “Listen, I have something for you. A makeup present.” Marla takes a vase from the bookshelf and upends it into her palm. She hands Dani a bag of weed. “Here.”
“He smokes pot?” Dani laughs so hard she slaps her leg. She flounces around the room with the bag, peering in the f-holes of Liam’s double bass and tipping paintings away from the wall. “Where else does he keep it?”
Marla swipes the bag from Dani and pushes her towards the kitchen “Shhh! We’re going outside.” Dani giggles and does The Mexican, her r’s rolling everywhere.
When the lesson is over, Liam stands in the patio doorway frowning, first at Dani in general, then at the joint she’s holding. She licks the edge of the rolling paper like it’s a chocolate-covered strawberry.
Liam slides the door open. “Thanks for leaving your garbage everywhere. Makes me look really classy.”
Dani holds up Liam’s bag of weed. “No, this is what’s classy.”
“That’s for emergency use only.” He walks onto the deck in his socks and takes the joint from Dani. She raises her eyebrows as he lights it. He smokes it like he does everything else—no hesitation. He looks at Marla. “I hope you’re not having any.”
She shakes her head, incredulous. She knew he was keeping it around, but she’s never seen him use it. “Don’t you have more students tonight?”
“Nope. The sisters cancelled.” He flexes his fingers and gives a sudden cringe. Marla takes his hand in hers and massages it.
Dani’s nodding. “So that’s what you’ve got. My grandma had that. Couldn’t knit anymore.”
Liam takes another hit and passes the joint to Dani. “It’s a lot better than it was.” Dani offers the joint to Gavin. When he inhales, Gavin holds his breath for a long time, like he’s done this before. He doesn’t cough.
Marla’s impressed. “Look at you, all grown up.”
Gavin exhales, and smoke gets in her face. For a second she worries about what he and Dani have in common and what they’ve been filling their days with. TV?
“I got a little phone call today,” Liam announces.
Marla knows what he’s talking about immediately, just from his eyes and how they get soft and sparkly just for her. “You got the job?”
“Did I ever.” Liam beckons them in close. “Tell me if this is wrong: there’s this one kid who comes on Wednesdays. She has so much ear wax I almost can’t concentrate—I just want to use a cotton swab. I don’t know how she hears anything.” He puffs on the joint. “I don’t have to worry about her ears anymore.”
Dani slaps Liam on the back. “I never knew you could be disgusting. I like it.” She starts snapping, humming a jazzy little riff, singing about Liam’s waxy kid. To Marla’s surprise, Liam joins her, harmonizing and tapping a syncopated rhythm on the railing.
Liam wraps his arms around Marla and Dani. “Let’s go eat. I’m ravenous.” They all shuffle through the patio door like people playing choo-choo train.
Inside, Gavin drinks pop, finishing half the giant cup in one slurp. Marla raises her eyebrows. “I could be wrong, but I’m thinking sugar’s involved there.”
He drinks and writes at the same time. SO GOOD. SO SOO GOOD. OOOOOO. He starts giggling in his weird deaf-guy way and drops the pen. It rolls across the old, sloping hardwood, and he limps over to get it.
Liam sits beside Marla, his arm around her. “What’s wrong with your leg?” he asks Gavin.
Gavin shrugs and points to Dani. She sits up primly and looks down at them over her nose like a teacher would.
Marla doesn’t understand why Liam is laughing. “What?”
Dani gives a theatrical eye roll. “I threw an ashtray at your brother, but he’s fine. He’s just faking it now.”
“That’s not very nice,” Marla says. She wonders what it would take
to get that angry at Gavin, but it’s ridiculous. More likely it’s Dani being crazy; she should get Gavin out of there. She motions him over and rolls up his pant leg to check the bruise. It’s ugly and green. Marla gapes at Dani. “Why’d you do that?”
“The guy wouldn’t leave me alone!”
At this, Liam laughs even harder, trying to hold it in this time. Dani licks her lips at him. Marla glances at Gavin, who looks like he’s almost enjoying this. Everyone’s laughing except her. “What’s going on?” Marla asks.
“I’ve been making love to him,” Dani says, deadpan.
Gavin and Dani are exchanging a look Marla doesn’t like. “You mean …”
Everyone looks at Gavin, who nods and gives two thumbs up. He’s proud of himself, the little fucker.
Marla throws a french fry at Dani. “You messed with him? What’s that going to do to him?”
“We’re grownups. He’s my sugar-daddy.” Dani winks at Gavin, who’s clutching his notepad like he wants to write but can’t miss anything.
“You’re paying her?” Marla asks Gavin.
Before he can answer, Dani pulls a wad of twenties out of her bra. “I’m getting my own place, and you can’t come there,” she sings.
“Slut,” Marla hisses, and before she can think she’s smushing Gavin’s untouched burger into Dani’s face. “Once a whore, always a whore.”
Dani stands up, taller than everyone in the room except Gavin. She wipes at a patch of melted cheese on her face, eats it. “I’m a whore, you’re a whore. Who hasn’t fucked for money?” She smirks at Marla. “I don’t see your hand up.”
Marla feels all the air get sucked out of the room. She’s suddenly back on a dirty mattress kissing Dani. Checking car doors to make sure the locks hadn’t been disabled.
Dani leans into Marla, her breasts soft, her hands on Marla’s neck and trailing down. “I was always gentle with you when we were fucking. You remember, right?”
Marla was stupid to think she could keep everything hidden with her past living in her basement, everything ugly she’s pushed down. She shoves her friend away. “You didn’t just do that, Dani.”
“Stop.” Liam’s face is white, and Marla feels the room go frozen like it’s been abandoned for years. “Tell me she’s lying,” he says.
Marla has to get that look off his face. “It was in high school. I ran away from home.”
Gavin’s hand shakes as he writes. WHAT YOU SAY?
Dani dumps a tomato from her shirt onto the table. She grabs Gavin’s face and mouths the words at him, cups her breast. We hustled.
Liam backs away from Marla. “You’re a prostitute. And the two of you—”
Dani waves her hand. “Well, not this week. Think of it as temporary work. Seasonal. Debt dependent.”
Gavin waves his hand in frustration, holding up his notepad. CAN’T HEAR.
Liam nods. He says, slowly, through clenched teeth, “That’s how they know each other.”
WHY?
“Doesn’t matter. I’m not like that anymore,” Marla says.
Gavin throws his pad, and it flutters to the floor. “Oh, I’m sorry. Isn’t that what you just said? Once a whore, always a whore?”
It’s been so long since she heard his voice that it takes her a second to understand, like listening to someone speak underwater. He sounds like a man. He’s shifting his weight, his breath hitching.
Marla reaches for him, confused by how many feelings are happening, thinking that if she could hug him it would be okay, but Gavin pushes her away, hard enough that she falls backwards. “Filthy,” he says, his voice dragging on the floor. “Don’t touch me.”
Marla sprawls on the ground, shaking with the same rage she used to feel at her mother. Gavin takes no notice, glaring at Dani.
“Whoa, buddy. She’s pregnant.” Dani is watching Gavin the way Marla’s seen her watch men before. Checking. Making sure.
Marla slaps the floor in frustration. “Listen—” Even as she speaks, Gavin’s walking out the door. He doesn’t want her apology, and somehow, that’s worse than any of it.
Gavin’s heart races. He kicks through black dirt in a flowerbed just to watch it scatter on the sidewalk, and punches a cinderblock wall hard enough to leave blood. Filthy, that’s how he feels. He shouldn’t have drunk all that pop. And no more weed. He laughs to himself, a snide laugh. That will be easy without Dani. He walks down Edmonton Trail past the bus stop and the snarl of small businesses crammed where the road divides, and onto the bridge towards downtown. There are still some hundred-year-old brick buildings from when this was an Italian working-class neighbourhood, but the scale has been altered by condos. Everything in this city is ballsy but haphazard, like a dream that happened in fragments. Gavin appreciated it at first, but now the city’s renegade character stings and makes him long for home.
Tap on the shoulder. He turns around and there she is, her smart mouth. “Get back here, you idiot.”
“Fuck off.” A man wearing a suit and an ID badge turns around, but Gavin doesn’t care who hears his retard voice.
“The bus is back there,” Dani says.
“Think I’m going with you?” He must be yelling, because some kids on the bike path approaching the bridge are laughing at him. He knows they think he’s drunk. There’s no room for error when you’re a retard, because a retard always looks worse than a regular person, even with immaculate grooming and excellent posture. A red-eyed guy fighting on the street with a woman wearing pleather, too much eye makeup, and scuffed pumps is as bad as it gets. Of course she doesn’t know who the father of her son is. How could he not see? Gavin stumbles and remembers he’s high. Dani laughs, and he wants to hit her.
She hands him his notepad and points to the bus stop. Gavin grabs it away roughly, ripping the cover. People are watching. She shrugs and walks away, and Gavin holds the railing of the bridge, leaning forward to let cyclists, students, and office workers pass. It’s the end of rush hour, and everyone’s going home. Not Gavin. He looks over the water. The river runs cold, a current Gavin can almost feel, as if ice-covered horsemen were rushing under the bridge to a war just around the bend. Gavin wishes it had been Marla who walked out so he could commiserate with Liam. Why would Marla sell her body when she had a family? Cause she liked it? He finds Dani in the crowd, watches her step right in a puddle, splashing grey water on the back of her legs, then stomps after her so he can keep being angry.
Gavin grabs her by the shoulder and turns her around. YOU USED ME.
She pulls a file from her purse and buffs her nails. “Okay, yeah. But only for today.”
AND YOU LIED.
“I did.”
YOU RUINED MARLA.
Dani shakes her head adamantly. “Nope. I met her on the job, and when I realized what she was about, I helped her get out. Where are you going?” She puts the nail file back in her purse.
DON’T CARE. Dani has lured him and turned everything inside out with her breasts and her hand jobs. Without her, he wouldn’t be smoking weed and sleeping till noon. He would be a regular guy with friends and school. Normal. Except that now he’s out of money and he has no way to get back to Ontario. He pictures himself hitchhiking, people knowing right away that he’s deaf and how he’d spend the whole time looking over his shoulder.
“Don’t be stupid.” Gavin hates the way she looks at him like she knows he’s got nowhere better to go. He feels naked and afraid, like a kid who got his pants pulled down. A kid who would rather go home with Dani than worry about getting messed with walking downtown.
Gavin can see the bus coming around the bend in Memorial Drive. YOU’RE BAD FOR ME.
The bus driver lowers the ramp for Dani and waves them on, impatient.
Dani straightens his jacket and dabs with a tissue at the blood on his knuckles. She’s so gentle. “I’m here for you. Think about it.
”
Marla blots grease stains out of the carpet, using a special spray until Liam takes it away from her. “Don’t use that. You’re pregnant.” She can’t read his tone, whether it’s weary or angry or disappointed. Probably all of the above.
He gets on his hands and knees to use both hands on the rag, doing a much better job than she did. He’s practically sweating, and she just stands there, useless and guilty again. She suddenly has more compassion for Elise—cleaning broken casserole dishes and calling all around to find Marla when she ran away, filing reports, reminding everyone that a young girl was unaccounted for. It feels enormous, the endlessness of how she is.
“It was only for one summer.”
Liam looks at her, the muscles in his forearms standing out as he scrubs back and forth. He doesn’t say anything.
Isn’t it enough that she feels horrible? “I’m not a whore, you know.”
Liam throws the rag in the bucket and the dirty water sloshes. “I know. You’re a child.” He shakes his head, then leans down to sniff the carpet. It’s still bad.
Marla hates this useless anger he has. The room is dripping with tension. “I’m a woman, actually.”
Liam uses more spray, disgusted. The stain isn’t coming out. He lifts the bucket with one hand underneath in case the handle breaks, holding it away from his body as if it’s toxic sludge. “You put on a big show of being this beautiful woman, and you seem like you have it all together, but you don’t.” Liam takes the bucket into the bathroom to dump it. She can hear him muttering over the sound of the dirty water splashing into the toilet. “I think this is over.”
She follows and installs herself in the doorframe so he’s forced to look at her. “You don’t want to marry me because of some teenage mistake? I’ve definitely made some bad decisions, but so does everyone.”
Liam throws his arms out to the side in exasperation, still holding the bucket. Water slops on the tile floor. “Marla, I can’t trust you now, about anything!”
A Handbook for Beautiful People Page 16