by Rosie Praks
“Max!” Clarice’s sharp voice sliced through his thoughts. “So the conductor finally arrived back from camp.” Clarice stood and advanced toward him with her predatory gait. “What am I going to do with you?”
“Make me your baby’s godfather,” Max suggested timidly.
“Ha. That’s a good one, Max.” Hunter burst out laughing.
“Shut up, Hunter. This is between me and my cousin. Now you be quiet and stay out of this.” Clarice scolded Hunter.
“Sorry. I’ll keep quiet now. You guys just talk. Just pretend I’m not here.” Hunter relaxed himself on the couch.
Max gave Hunter a pleading look. “Big bro,” he called out. “Help me.”
“What? It’s your fault for dragging me into this mess. You’re the one who thought I was Anton,” Hunter bit out, then picked up a random book to start reading.
“But why weren’t you a gentleman?” Max shouted back, getting angry when Hunter ignored his plea. “You should have left the room when you realized Clarice wasn’t the woman you intended to sleep with.”
“What?” Clarice turned around to face Hunter now. “So the night you slept with me you thought I was someone else?”
Clarice’s laser death beam was now directed at Hunter, and no, he didn’t like it one bit. The soft and subtle lusty eyes were nice to look at, but not the laser death beam eyes. No, he needed help here.
He looked to Max, who was standing there with a smug look on his face like the cat had just stolen cheese and the blame was now shifted to someone else. “I… ur… Hey, Max, would you help me out a bit, little buddy?” he pleaded.
“Too bad. You didn’t help me when I asked for it,” Max said, smirking. Then he turned to his cousin and said, “Clarice, chop him into little bite-size pieces and feed him to the sharks.”
“Hunter, why didn’t you tell me this?” Clarice said with a wounded expression. “I know you went to my room because Max pushed you in, but I didn’t know you thought I was another woman.”
“That was before, all right.” Hunter stood, having enough of Max blaming him. “I told you right afterwards. I couldn’t sleep with anyone else. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Now I’ve changed.”
“Changed, big bro. Really?” Max mocked him.
God, right now I just want to shut the kid up with a sock or something, Hunter thought.
“Of course I’ve changed.” Hunter defended himself. “You haven’t been here for the past few days. I’ve changed a lot.”
“Well, I’ll have to wait and see, then,” Max said. And then he narrowed his eyes at Hunter. “But don’t expect me to help you with anything else. Especially about that case when you pretended to be that blind old man so Clarice couldn’t confess to the real Anton that she was pregnant with your baby.”
Clarice snapped her head to Hunter. “You were that blind old man that fell on my lap? I thought he was real.”
“Of course he was the blind old man, cuz. He blackmailed me to help him. I had no choice.” Max had to add more fuel to the already burning fire.
“Shut up, you little rat. You dressed up as that Japanese anime character, so you tricked Clarice too. Clarice, he tricked you.” Hunter pushed the blame back to Max.
Clarice snapped her head to her cousin again and gave him her laser death stare. “You were that Japanese boy? You helped Hunter?”
Max put up his hand in surrender, cowardly denying the fact. “Cuz, I told you he blackmailed me. If you knew I was the one that got you the wrong sperm, you’d kill me for sure. And big bro, he lit that flame. He scared me. So I didn’t know what to do but help him out. Don’t hate me, cuz. Don’t hate me.”
“I did not. I only told you the truth. Clarice would kill you for sure if she knew,” Hunter snapped back.
While the two argued back and forth, a headache began to brew in Clarice’s head.
Really, it’s all in the past now. I got my sperm. I’m pregnant now. That’s all I asked for. So what if I got the wrong sperm? At least now Hunter is taking responsibility.
So not wanting to hear the shouting contest between the two anymore, she shouted, “Shut up, you two. God, I’m getting headache. I’m going to bed.”
“Clarice, wait. I’m sorry.” Hunter held her back, preventing her from leaving him alone with Max. “Let’s not shout at each other. We can talk to each other in a civilized manner. Can you manage that, Max?” Hunter eyed the younger boy.
“I can manage that, big bro. The question is, can you?” Max retorted with his own sarcastic comment.
“Of course I can. I just said that,” Hunter argued.
“Oh yeah, then let’s start talking in a civilized manner,” Max shouted again and thrust his chest out to show he wasn’t intimidated by Hunter’s domineering stature.
And before Clarice knew what was happening, they both went into another round of argument.
“All right, enough, you two. I don’t care anymore. Shout all you want. When you’re done, don’t forget to lock the door on your way out.”
With that said, Clarice stomped all the way upstairs and slammed the door to her bedroom before collapsing on the bed.
“God, such a headache.” She massaged her temples and closed her eyes.
Downstairs, both Hunter and Max stood staring at each other like they were mortal enemies, until Hunter let out a deep sigh.
“I’m sorry.” He raked back his hair. “I was overreacting. I did blackmail you. I really like Clarice a lot and I don’t want to lose her. She just agreed for me to take care of her, and it’s a responsibility I don’t want to lose. It’s a chance I don’t want to miss.”
Max stood staring at the floor, his big hazel eyes blinking.
“I’m sorry too, big bro. I didn’t mean to push the blame on you either,” he said, twiddling his thumbs.
“I guess we can both forgive each other, then,” Hunter suggested, extending his hand.
Max stared at Hunter’s big hand and grinned.
“I was going to say that.” And he took Hunter’s hand and shook it. “Friends, then?”
“No.” Hunter winked. “Future cousin-in-law.”
“You’re kidding?” Max shouted in excitement.
“Not kidding, rat. Not kidding at all. But not a word. I need her to say she loves me first, and then booyah, wedding cakes and invitations.”
“Seriously, big bro?” Max had to ask again because his excitement was on the verge of overflowing.
“Seriously, Max. Seriously.” Hunter nodded in confirmation.
“Oh shit. I’m so happy. I’ll help you out, big bro. Whatever you want to do, I’ll help you out,” Max offered.
“Excellent. Thanks in advance, Max, but we have another hurdle we have to overcome first before I can call you my cousin-in-law.”
“What’s that?” Max asked.
“We must do something to make Clarice happy again.”
“Pfffh,” Max scoffed. “Pipsqueak, I know the trick.” He then went to rummage through Clarice’s pantry.
“What are you looking for?” Hunter asked from behind.
“Cup noodles,” Max said. “My cousin is crazy for noodles. If she’s upset, then that’s the only way to cheer her up.”
Max was in the pantry for some time and he still hadn’t come out. Hunter was wondering what was taking so long. It’s just cup noodles. Surely you can just pick one out and be done with it.
So because he was too curious, Hunter yanked the pantry door open too and there stood Max, assessing all the packaged food. Except now he was inside the pantry too, staring with his mouth gaping open like a fish out of oxygen.
“Holy mother of God,” he let out in astonishment. In all of his life, he’d never seen stacks and stacks of cup noodles like this before.
Aligned on one side of the wall, from floor to ceiling were cup noodles. From egg noodles in a cup to rice noodles in a cup. Then there were buckwheat noodles and potato noodles in a cup. Shit. There were all sorts of noodles in a cup. I
t was like a grocery store filled with cup noodles.
What have I gotten myself into? Falling in love with a woman who’s obsessed with cup noodles.
“Oh my Lord.” Hunter let out another curse.
On the other side, there were stacks and stacks of noodles too. Spaghetti, lasagna, more rice noodles, egg noodles, buckwheat, udon, and even ramen. If there was a noodle shortage in New Zealand, he was sure Clarice would be to blame. She could survive on these noodles for over six months.
“Where’s the rice? I don’t see any rice here,” Hunter asked when he didn’t see any bag of rice anywhere. He thought Clarice was part Asian, so she should eat some rice, right?
“My cuz don’t like rice all that much. She keeps some, but not a lot. I think she ran out. I might need to get another bag for her,” Max muttered. “Which one shall we pick for her, big bro?”
“How the hell am I supposed to know? I thought you stayed with her more. I’ve only just gotten to know her.”
“So you have to know what she likes, then,” Max said as if lecturing him. “You should write this down. Rice noodles with a hot spicy soup for cold days. Buckwheat noodles with hot chili paste for hot days. Egg noodle stir-fry for any given day, as long as she’s hungry, and vermicelli for rainy days.”
“What’s vermicelli?” Hunter asked.
“They’re wee thin rice sticks. They taste very nice,” Max added.
“She’s upset, so which one do we pick?” Hunter asked.
“The hot rice noodle soup,” Max said, picking it up.
Back inside the kitchen, they boiled some water and Max raided his cousin’s fridge.
“Clarice doesn’t like to eat plain noodles. She likes to add in a mixture of vegetables and meat. Seafood, especially seafood.”
“Clarice likes seafood?”
“Yep. Like really likes-likes. Check this out.”
Max opened the fridge door wider, and Hunter was once again gobsmacked. There were muscles, squid, prawns, shrimp, crab meat, and surimi.
“And that’s not all. She loves bean sprouts. And tofu. In fact, she’s obsessed with tofu.”
“Are we going to put tofu in the noodle soup too?”
“No. Too much hassle. I’m too lazy right now. Let’s just add the seafood and bean sprouts.”
Hunter and Max worked as a team to get the noodle soup ready for Clarice. Once they were done, Hunter stood back and said, “I don’t know if she’s going to go for it. We just had our dinner.”
“Don’t worry. When it comes to noodles, there’s no wrong time or place for it. Clarice will be like a little hungry rabbit. Eating and nibbling everywhere and anywhere.”
And they did treat Clarice like a little hungry rabbit with their bait of hot noodle soup in a cup. They both went up to her room and stood right outside her door, Max holding on to the bowl of soup.
“Why do we have to bring the soup here? Can’t we just tell Clarice to come down and eat? Why do we need to lure her out with this?”
“Shh,” Max hushed. “Listen to me. This is the only way.”
“Fine.” Hunter shook his head, then waited for whatever Max was up to.
Max pressed one ear near the door and listened. He heard nothing.
“Why are you pressing your ear to the door?”
“Shh.” Max hushed Hunter again. “Just wait. All will be revealed in a second.” Then he gestured for Hunter to open Clarice’s bedroom door a crack.
“Is that enough?” Hunter mouthed to Max.
“A bit more. Just one more inch.”
Hunter pushed the door a little bit wider, all the while making sure there was no sound.
“That’s enough. Now hold this bowl,” Max instructed, giving the bowl of noodle soup to Hunter while he peeked in to look at his cousin’s sleeping form.
“Is she asleep yet?” Hunter whispered since he couldn’t really see what was happening inside.
“No. She’s only pretending to sleep. I bet she’s waiting for us to leave.”
“Well, I’m not leaving that easily.”
“Me too.”
And they both grinned at each other like two mischievous little kids looking for trouble.
“Okay, big bro. Now lift the lid a little more. Let the aroma waft into her room.”
Hunter did as the boy bid. Then he shifted his position so he could see the effect of the soup in action. “She’s still pretending to sleep,” he whispered in disappointment.
“Let’s see.” Max stood and leaned over Hunter, his hands pushing on Hunter’s head for support.
“Watch where you put that hand, you little rat.”
“Sorry, big bro,” Max said, retrieving his hand and leaning against the doorframe instead. “Big bro, lift the lid a bit more.”
Hunter lifted the lid a bit more, and more of the scent of the red-hot soup wafted into his nose, making it twitch. And it didn’t help either when Max constantly waved his hand around to try to push the hot and spicy scent into Clarice’s room.
“What are you doing, Max?” Hunter almost choked on the chili scent going into his nose. “I’m about to choke here.”
“I’m sending this scent to Clarice so she knows we’ve cooked her favorite noodle dish.”
“Right. Go for it. Put all your strength in it. I’ll just not breathe for a second, then.”
Max continued to wave his hands around above the bowl of noodle soup, like he was a magician, until miraculously, as if watching a dead animal come to life, her head started twitching.
“Max! Max!” Hunter couldn’t contain his excitement. “She’s moving. Her head is moving.”
“Let’s go. Let’s go back downstairs.” Max pulled Hunter up and dragged him back downstairs.
“Why are we going back downstairs?” Hunter was perplexed at this whole apology scheme.
“Because she will come looking for it. Like a rabbit starving for food. You’ll see.” Max gestured for Hunter to place the bowl of noodles on the dining table. “And you might want to hide somewhere where you can see her face when she starts eating.”
Not a second after Max said this, they heard footsteps coming downstairs.
“Oh crap! She’s coming down now, big bro. Hide! Hide quickly!” Max screeched before he plunged himself underneath the dining table where the yellow tablecloth would cover him.
“I’ll hide underneath the table too.” Hunter pushed his head in, only for Max to push his head back out again.
“No, big bro. Not enough room. Find somewhere else. Quick. She’s coming.” That was all the warning Max gave before he dropped the long tablecloth back in place, covering his body from everyone’s view.
“Oh shit. Where to hide? Where to hide?” Hunter looked around the room like a deer trying to find a place to hide from the hungry wolf, his eyes scattering everywhere, scanning for any obscure spot that could act as a barrier to hide himself.
Hunter had never felt this flustered before. This was even worse than taking his oral exam for his final year at university. And then as if by magic, he saw the door to the pantry was open. He jumped in just as Clarice walked in.
“Thank God. They’ve all left.” She smiled in relief. “And Max even made me my favorite noodle soup.”
Clarice couldn’t contain her hunger. Nothing would make her feel better than noodles in a cup. She approached the dining table with ease and lifted the lid.
“Oh, Max, my sweet little cousin. Thank you,” she whispered under her breath and sat down.
It was just simple food, but Clarice looked so happy that Hunter couldn’t help smiling himself. God, she looked so beautiful when she was happy like that.
Hunter wanted to kiss her then. So he tiptoed out and walked to Clarice, then surprised her with a back hug and a kiss on the nape of her neck.
“Forgive me,” he said.
Clarice dropped her chopsticks and turned to Hunter, her lips smeared with a layer of greasy film due to the soup.
“I… I…” Clarice coul
dn’t word her acceptance. Here she thought Hunter and Max had already gone home and by way of apology had made her the bowl of noodles. She had been gorging on her noodles like there was no tomorrow, slurping and sucking, thinking no one was here to witness her awful table manners. And now Hunter had just seen her with her lips all greasy.
“Forgive me?” he asked again, looking at the happy woman in his embrace. “Say yes. Please say yes.”
“Come on, cuz. Just say yes.”
“Max.” Clarice searched the room for her cousin. “Where are you?”
“I’m here.” Max crawled out from underneath the table. “I think you should get a bigger table, cuz. I can hardly fit in there anymore.”
“Max,” Clarice called out, all stunned again.
“Please, cuz. Just forgive us. I feel so bad right now. And so is big bro. We really want to see you happy again. We don’t like to make you mad.” Max begged his cousin.
“Please. Please.” Hunter begged too.
“Yes, please, please, please.” Max begged again.
Clarice couldn’t help it. They were begging her like little lost puppies. They were so cute that she started laughing. First, it started with a little hiccup of a laugh, then progressed to head-thrown-back laughter. Before long, her whole body shook and she couldn’t help herself. Clarice’s laughter was so contagious that both of the boys ended up laughing too. Once the laughter died down, Clarice smiled with a twinkle of love in her eyes.
“So all forgiven?” Max asked his cousin, massaging her shoulder as added incentive just in case Clarice said no.
“All forgiven,” Clarice said, ruffling his hair.
“You know I don’t like you ruffling my hair, but for the sake of your forgiveness, I’ll let you ruffle it one more time.”
“You rascal.” Clarice laughed and ruffled Max’s hair again.
“And me.” Hunter stood by her side, waiting patiently for the two cousins’ playful game to stop. “How about me? Do you forgive me too?”
Clarice turned to look at Hunter and gave him a smile too.
“Yes.” She nodded.
“Yes, Max. Clarice said yes. Give me a high-five, little man.”
“Little man?” Max was wounded. “Big man… say big man if you want me to high-five you.”