by Kelly Napoli
CHAPTER 24
WEAK
Navadar let out a breath of relief as they rounded the corner and strolled out of sight. His formal manner vanished as completely as they did and the spark she had missed in his eyes was suddenly there again. He turned towards her with a lazy grin stretched across his face.
“That went better than I expected,” he told her. Kiethara found herself smiling in relief as well.
“That was much too formal! Is it like that every day?” she asked.
“And more,” he said with a grimace. “It’s unbearable. That’s why I love when I can escape to the forest…”
“I don’t blame you,” she replied fervently. “It’s like being in a cage! I mean, the forest can be boring…”
“Boring?! Nonsense!” Navadar exclaimed with a laugh. She laughed with him.
Her laugh trailed off when she thought further of the forest and an unexpected wave of home-sickness overtook her. It reminded her of her utmost importance, the danger that lurked if she fell on accomplishing that responsibility.
She could feel Navadar’s eyes on her face, but she did not look up at him. Instead, she turned and walked over to the porch railing that faced the sea. The sight of the water made her throat burn with thirst, but she ignored it, once again mesmerized by the beauty of the sun’s golden rays dancing along its surface. It seemed that everything in Redawn was golden at one point or another.
She watched it for a long minute; the soft waves lulling, practically making her eyes droop.
Kiethara pulled herself up on the rail and swung one of her legs up, placing her bare foot on the cool wood, knee bent, while allowing the other to lie straight, toes barely touching the wall of the house. She laid her head back against the beam.
Navadar walked over and leaned his back against the rail, as well as her legs.
“Your father is a very lively man,” Kiethara noted, breaking the silence.
“Yes,” he agreed. “Although some people would call it arrogance.”
“He didn’t seem arrogant to me,” she said, surprised.
“No, he was more humored with you than anything else,” he replied in a slightly bitter tone.
“Humored with me?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.
“I’m sorry, Kiethara,” Navadar said. “People here—or in any kingdom, really—find that the faults of others are the most entertaining forms of gossip. It’s cruel, and it makes them appeared to be filled with selfishness and conceit. Take a look at yourself, and the fact that you have grown up practically alone in that forest, and then compare the good heart you have managed to find to the heart of someone from here, who has had righteous values sitting in front of them on a silver platter, ready for the taking, all of their lives. Perhaps it is the lack of suffering, more than anything else, which has driven us to such extremes.
“I can’t say that for everyone out here, though. There are some truly great people in these kingdoms to; for example, just look at our king. Most of us have just been brought up by strict rules of society and, just as we are punished when we break them, we punish outsiders who don’t ‘follow the norm’ because we have been forced to.”
Kiethara was silent as she absorbed this in. Musing, she reached behind her and undid the bun on the back of her head, which was making her head sore. Her locks tumbled down around her. She shook them out, looking up to see that Navadar was watching her.
“I’m sure there is some suffering here as well,” she said softly.
“Oh, there is, don’t get me wrong. Everyone has lost someone here or there. Sometimes people take the pain of loss out on others”—he grimaced—“but not often. We’re not barbarians. We care and love for one another just as you love your forest. It’s only people like Trinnia, who have everything they want and more, that act with such vanity. And unfortunately, those are the people I am constantly surrounded by.”
Kiethara nodded. The conversation made her remember something else that had been troubling her since dinner. Would it be rude of her to ask him?
“Navadar,” she began tentatively. “Why do you have slaves?”
“What?” he asked in confusion.
“At dinner, the two men, and the woman…”
“Oh!” he said, and laughed. “Kiethara, those aren’t slaves, they’re servants.”
“Servants?”
“Yes. We pay them and treat them well. Don’t fret.”
She nodded, relieved. Of course Navadar wouldn’t keep slaves. She shouldn’t have doubted him.
“Kiethara,” he said in a suddenly soft tone. “You still haven’t explained to me what happened.”
She bit her lip, turning back to the dazzling sight of the sea. Surprising herself, she unexpectedly found herself not wanting to tell him what she had gone through, to relive it. It was a foolish feeling, really; what was done was done. Talking about it was a laughable concept compared to the challenge it had been to her. Why was it hard? She did not want to appear as some weak, defenseless little girl who had been pushed around for a week or two, especially to Navadar.
“Kiethara,” he repeated gently. She knew once he had spoken her name with such a caring, concerned tone, that she had no choice but to unwind to him her tale.
Careful to keep her eyes on the sea, she took a deep breath and began.
“I woke up one morning and there were four men surrounding me,” she started. “They had this necklace, this jewel, which seemed to drain me of my magic and render me incapacitated. It was the single most horrid thing I have ever felt”—she shuddered—“and before I knew what was happening, they knocked me unconscious.”
Kiethara continued with her tale, stuttering as she tried to edit and downplay as much as she could. She figured Navadar could tell what she was doing at some points, for his back would tense against her legs throughout the story.
When she finished, she remained quiet. She kept her gaze fixed on the image in front of her, not seeing it, gnawing on her lip nervously.
Warm, strong fingers grabbed her chin and pulled it forwards, towards him. Navadar’s brow furrowed in concentration as he scrutinized her face. Whatever he saw did not seem to satisfy him; in fact, his expression seemed a bit heated.
“Kiethara,” Navadar asked in his stern tone. “Did they do anything to you?”
On, my. No, he could not have just asked her that question. She turned to him with wide eyes, too shocked to feel awkward.
“N-no!” she stuttered after a moment.
“Kiethara,” he said, angry now.
“Well, what do you mean?” she asked. Feigning ignorance was the only escape she could think.
“You know perfectly well what I mean,” he growled. He no longer had his back on her legs. Instead, he turned to face her. The hold on her chin was starting to hurt. “I want to know if those flee-bitten bastards raped you.”
“No, Navadar,” she said fiercely, looking him straight in the eye. “Nothing happened.”
That seemed to finally convince Navadar that she was telling the truth. He nodded and relaxed into his previous positions and she relaxed too. Navadar’s face was red, but whether that was from embarrassment or anger she couldn’t say.
“No man dared come near me,” she teased proudly. “I made sure of that.”
He laughed, but the expression in his eyes did not change.
“I’m fine, Navadar,” she almost pleaded.
“No,” he said. “If anything, you are certainly not fine.”
“Maybe not,” she allowed with a smile. “Yet still alive, if anything.”
“Alive? That’s really all you care about? Alive, maybe, but not in any reputable condition. You need rest, and food, and time to heal…”
“That would all be very fine if I had any time, Navadar,” she said. “Out of everything, that’s probably the thing I have the least of. Well, besides magic…”
“One more day,” he begged. “One day, that’s all I’m asking of you. You can afford at least one more day to recover.�
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“I don’t know,” she said, hesitant.
“You can take a break from your guardian duties for one more day.”
“Navadar!”
“Please!”
She sighed. “Not being a guardian for a day, huh? Well, it does sound like fun…”
Kiethara closed her eyes. Being a guardian these past few days had been the hardest thing she had done for her duty so far. What Navadar was offering her was…irresistible. A chance to be a normal person? The opportunity to not bear the weight of a responsibility that she had been born with?
What would Aaron say to that, though? This was exactly what he had feared Navadar would do, interfere with her responsibilities. She felt like she was betraying his confidence with this decision and she yearned for nothing more than Aaron’s approval. But had she not proven something over the past days? If he knew just how much she had suffered for his precious forest, would he give her leave to take tantalizing gift presented before her?
“You need it,” he said, brushing his fingers lightly against her bruised cheek. She grabbed his fingers before they could escape, opening her eyes to look at him.
“Aaron wouldn’t like this,” she told him.
“He doesn’t need to know,” Navadar suggested with a shrug.
“Aaron knows everything,” she said, rolling her eyes. “One way or another, he’s bound to find out.”
“I don’t think he’ll mind,” Navadar said. “Not after how brave you’ve been.”
“Me?” she snorted in disgust. “What I did over these past few days certainly isn’t brave. Brave would have been to fight them off while I had still been in the forest. Brave would have been managing to escape instead of gaping at my surroundings, even if it would have cost me my dying breath. No, the only reason I’m returning to Aaron at all is because you saved me.”
Navadar was silent for a moment, opening and closing his mouth, searching for something to say.
“You know that’s not true,” he finally managed.
“It’s okay, Navadar. You can call me weak.”
“Weak?!” he asked in disbelief. “Weak shouldn’t even be in your vocabulary. Anyone else wouldn’t have made off as well as you did, in the state they put you in. No one would have had the courage to hold their head high like you did, or put their faith in their enemy in order to obtain salvation.”
“Some people might call that foolishness,” she pointed out.
“It was cunning,” he said. “Bravery and courage do not only rely on physical strength, dear. Mental strength counts for half the battle.”
“Maybe so,” she said, relenting.
“There you go,” he said, smiling.
Kiethara swallowed, trying to ease the burning in the back of her throat. She was just so thirsty. Yet she was too shy to ask Navadar for anything else now, not after everything he had given her already.
The transition from day to night brought on new sounds and new smells to the kingdom of Redawn. Torches were lit on every corner and beautiful sounds that resembled those that came from her locket rang out. She turned her head to where it echoed from, but she couldn’t see where it was coming from. She frowned as she listened harder. Why, she had never heard anything like it!
“Do you like the music?” Navadar asked, raising his eyebrows and the corners of his lips in amusement.
“Music? I’ve never heard anything like it!” she exclaimed.
“You’ve never heard music?” he asked in amazement.
“Besides the music in my mother’s locket? Not at all,” Kiethara answered.
Kiethara brought her hand up to her neck instinctively, reaching for the locket. Her fingers combed empty air. With a jolt, she realized nothing hung around her neck. Of course, she didn’t have it! How had she ever expected that those blasted fools would have let her keep such a piece of finery that actually did come off of her? Even so, it sent angry stabs of pain through her heart. The last piece of her mother, the final truth and proof of her heritage, was gone. Her last physical possession was lost to an unfamiliar, overcrowded world that swarmed around her viciously. The only comfort left to her was the fact that she knew that nobody would be able to open it, but still, she felt so hollow…
“Tomorrow, for sure, I will take you for the time of your life. Most of it will be up to you, though,” Navadar said, oblivious to her discovery, or her pain.
She didn’t answer, but turned her head to the sea again, trying to overcome a fresh wave of dizziness that rattled her head. She didn’t trust her voice at the moment. Her throat seemed to have something stuck in it.
“I’ll have to see if Trinnia can lend you something to wear,” he continued, suddenly becoming very interested in his shoes. “Not that I care, really, Kiethara, I don’t. But I don’t think you would enjoy it if people were staring at you everywhere we went. Plus, a fresh dress might even feel nice.”
“I really think we should set off tomorrow,” Kiethara whispered hollowly.
“I understand if you don’t want to go out,” he said quickly, holding his hands up. “But I can’t let you go. Not yet. It’s too soon.”
“Being a guardian isn’t all fun and games, Navadar!” she snapped, raising her voice. “You do not comprehend the gravity of my situation! People everywhere are talking about me! I attracted enough blasted attention in Nikkoi; Gandador must have heard of my presence by now! What will become of me if he burns down the entire forest, eh?!”
“K-Kiethara…” he stuttered, shocked.
“I’ll be destroyed! I have no source of power and with nothing to guard, I’ll die! But of course, that doesn’t matter to you, does it?! People don’t use magic here; in fact, I don’t think I’ve seen people using magic anywhere! It seems like my existence doesn’t matter to anyone anymore!”
“No, I-I didn’t mean it like that…”
Kiethara let out a huff and placed her hands on either side of her head. If only she could get this pounding in her head to stop! If only she had her locket…
“I’m sorry, Navadar,” she whispered, squeezing her eyes shut. Why did she do that? Oh, how she hated herself. “That was uncalled for.”
“You don’t have to apologize,” he said quietly.
“I do, I do. You’ve done so much for me, and that’s how I choose to repay you? I’m so grateful for your hospitality, please understand that,” she pleaded.
“I do, Kiethara, and your apology really isn’t necessary. You know that you don’t owe me anything.”
“Of course I do! What was it I owed you? Thirty pieces of gold? Huh,” Kiethara said, raising her head. She didn’t even know what that meant. Gold, she knew, but what constituted as one piece? Where in the world was she supposed to get something like that, anyway?
“You don’t have to pay me back,” he laughed.
“Good, because I can’t,” she told him with a grin. “Sorry.”
Navadar straightened up and turned around so he could look her squarely in the face. He took one of her hands in his. How could he be so…happy? She wished that she could feel the peace that seemed to be radiating off of him. She was so happy to be with him right now, ecstatic, but darker thoughts shadowed the light, easy fun they usually had. Thoughts of loss.
Kiethara squeezed Navadar’s hand. “So, a day off for me, huh? Now, what in the world does a normal person do in Redawn?”
Her false enthusiasm made his eyes light up in a new kind of excitement. It was similar to the light she sometimes caught a glimpse of when he was in the forest, one that seemed to be paired with anything that could be defined as an adventure.
“Well, we’re going to have fun, that’s what we are going to do. It will be the time of your life. I’ll give a tour, take you on the docks, and buy some honey cakes—”
“Honey cakes?”
“Sweets, Kiethara,” he sighed. “Not to worry, it’s impossible for someone not to like them.”
“Well, I’m up for anything and everything with you, Nava
dar, as long as you give me your word we’ll leave first thing the day after tomorrow.”
“You know, this would be much more fun if you didn’t worry as much,” he pointed out.
She only glared at him.
“I promise, I promise,” he chuckled.
“That’s all I’m asking,” she said with a nod. “Now, what were you saying about a fresh dress?”
“It’s only so you might not attract as much attention as you are. With a dress from Trinnia, you’ll blend right into the crowd.”
“Yes, because I’m sure Trinnia is just dying to lend my one of her dresses.”
“I’ll persuade her to lend you one,” he said confidently. “She has more than she can count.”
“I don’t understand,” Kiethara said. “What in the world does she do with all of them?”
“Outings, dinners, formal occasions, dances, and whatever else—the king only knows. She hardly wears one twice.”
“Interesting,” Kiethara commented dryly. She herself had only worn one dress her entire life and it was the one she was wearing now. Though it did get dirty, it never got worn, but she always figured that was because it was the garments of the guardians.
“Navadar,” Kiethara said, and he turned his attention back onto her. Their faces were mere inches apart; she could feel his hot breath in her face. “Thank you, truly.”
He answered her with his eyes. Their faces came together, and their lips met. Like always, his tender kisses sent strange sparks through her body, awakening it to new feelings, new sensations. They were beginning to become expected, but not yet familiar. Everything intensified as she began to feel his new touches—a hand was entwined into her hair and an arm was placed around her waist as he pulled her closer. He crushed himself to her, helping her to stay on the banister, but his effort was silly, really. She had been in more perilous positions in the trees of the forest. Balance was second nature to her now.
But this kiss…
It came to her now like a newly discovered instinct. She was still…hesitant at some points that Navadar was not. He seemed to know just where to move his tongue, to places that made her breaths come in gasps; her hands clutch him tighter…
At last, the kiss stopped, and they relaxed back into their easy positions. His back moved up and down her legs in tune to his breathing. She caught her breath too, smiling, running her hand through his golden hair. No wonder he came from Redawn. He looked just like it.
They sat quite peacefully for a while, no one bothering to restart the conversation. Kiethara was trying to focus on the stars in the sky, but she was finding it difficult. Her head throbbed, her throat burned, and the world spun intensely before her. Her early sense of panic returned. Random thoughts popped into her head; she saw her mother’s locket, she saw the empty forest, and she gasped. Navadar looked up at her in confusion. Just as his father had when she had spit out of wine…oh, how she had wanted something else to drink…something to drink…
Water, her mind finally screamed. Water! She had not drunk a drop in days. Or was it weeks? Foolish, foolish, foolish! She tried to tell Navadar, but he was spinning too fast. She began to fall into what appeared to be blackness, into voices that were screaming her name…