Her eyes twinkled. “Didn’t we pass that stage a while ago?”
He ground his teeth. “We had sex, Jordan. Now I want a date.”
A smile played on her lips. “What caused this sudden change?”
He felt unsure of himself. He licked his lips and shifted from one foot to the other. “Maybe I’ve had enough of seeing you only when we sleep together.”
“Oh.”
“And maybe I’ve also had enough of not knowing whether I should be jealous when I see you with other men,” he added softly.
Jordan took her time before answering. And when she did, she sounded as insecure as he felt. “Would that also mean I no longer have to wonder if you’re seeing other women when you’re not with me?”
A tiny spark flickered to light in his chest. It felt suspiciously hopeful. “I guess that’s exactly what it means,” he said with uncharacteristic shyness.
After a few seconds, she nodded slowly. “Then I want you to ask me out on a date, Ryan.”
Chapter 11
Jordan was standing next to the man she’d seen naked countless times, but she felt shyer than she had in a long time as she stared up at the movie theater’s neon sign above them.
Up until now, she’d been totally unrestrained in Ryan Fitzpatrick’s presence, undressing before him or chatting while they were lying next to each other drenched in sweat from their wild sex.
But a date was something different. It made her nervous.
The sheer fact that she’d spent almost an hour in front of her wardrobe, trying to decide what to wear, showed that she took this date very seriously.
And Ryan didn’t seem to be taking it lightly either. He’d held the car door open for her, complimented her on her appearance, and had just told her she should choose which movie they saw. The fact that his car looked spanking clean inside and out told her he was as nervous as she was, and he proved it by asking every ten seconds whether everything was okay, whether it was too hot in the car, whether she really wanted to go to the movies, whether she was hungry—and should he maybe hold her purse for her?
Where was the man she’d first encountered cuffed naked to his bed yet still cocky?
“The Julia Roberts movie is supposed to be really good.”
Surprised, Jordan raised her eyebrows and gave him a perplexed look. “Julia Roberts? You’re seriously suggesting a Julia Roberts flick?”
Looking sheepish, Ryan shrugged his broad shoulders, which were confined by a dark-brown leather jacket. Jordan was afraid she was slobbering like a St. Bernard. Her date looked good enough to eat. He was wearing old Chucks, stonewashed jeans, a simple white tee, and the leather jacket that made him look even more athletic than he already was. His blond hair was artfully mussed, and his cheeks were darkened by stubble.
To be honest, she had to restrain herself from saying, screw the date, and dragging him home to ravish him. But since he’d put so much effort into it all, Jordan pulled herself together and ignored the heavy feeling that suffused her when she thought of having him.
“I happened to see something on TV where all the hosts were totally enthusiastic about Julia Roberts in this movie,” he defended himself and cocked his head to one side. “So I thought you might want to see it.”
“I didn’t know you could be this sweet, Ryan.”
“Sweet?”
Jordan suppressed the smile threatening to form and gave him a questioning look. “Do you really want to see a three-hour movie about a woman in a midlife crisis who gets divorced and travels half the world to find herself? For me?”
His eyes returned her gaze shyly. “Well … uh … it is a date, after all.”
“Exactly.” Cautiously, she took his hand. “Both parties should have a good time on a date.”
“Who says I’m not having a good time?”
Jordan permitted herself a tiny smile and reveled in the feeling that her hand almost disappeared in his much bigger one. “Something tells me you won’t enjoy the Julia Roberts movie that much.”
The mischievous grin that lit up his face made her heart beat faster. “As long as we sit in the last row and make out, I’m going to enjoy virtually any movie.”
Jordan laughed and raised her finger to her temple, making a circling motion to indicate he was nuts. She left her other hand where it was, however, and nodded at the sign overhead. “Why don’t we check out the action flick instead?”
“The one where terrorists hijack the White House?”
“Oh, yes.” Jordan let out an ardent sigh and closed her eyes to fake a shiver down her back. “The hero supposedly runs around shirtless the whole time …”
“I see. We’ll take Julia Roberts then,” Ryan announced determinedly.
Jordan wanted to lean in and kiss him to make up for her teasing, but someone called her name.
She turned around and was suddenly glad that Ryan was holding her hand, because she spied her brother Luke coming towards her … and with him, Sienna.
They were obviously on the way to the movies, too. Next to her tall brother with his dark hair and tan skin, Sienna looked downright tiny. Jordan remembered that Sienna had also appeared tiny next to Brad, but unlike then, the red-haired woman no longer radiated happiness. She looked miserable. As soon as their eyes met, Sienna paused and looked scared.
Jordan’s high spirits dissolved into nothing, and she turned her eyes away from the other woman.
Ryan’s presence was the only thing that kept her from turning on her heel and walking away. It wasn’t just bad luck to meet Luke and Sienna here, it would spoil her entire evening. For months, she’d been evading her former best friend and refusing to talk to her. She didn’t want to talk to Luke, either, because she knew he had nothing on his mind but that Jordan and the redhead at his side needed to bury the hatchet and reconcile.
Still, Jordan stayed where she was, automatically drawing closer to Ryan.
“Hey, Jordan,” her brother said. “What are you doing here?” He was obviously overjoyed to see her here and cocked his head with a relieved smile.
Jordan didn’t feel even remotely the same way. She narrowed her eyes. “What do you think I’m doing?” she said gruffly. “I’m about to see a movie, Luke.”
She intentionally ignored the other woman and fixed her stare on her brother, who rolled his eyes. “Hi, I’m Luke Esposito,” he said to Ryan, “Jordan’s brother. And this is Sienna Parker … a friend.”
“Hi,” Ryan replied without hesitation. “I’m Ryan Fitzpatrick, Jordan’s date.”
“You’re on a date?”
“No, Luke,” Jordan shot back with a snort. “Ryan’s really a gigolo, but I asked him to pretend he’s my date.”
Ryan chuckled in amusement, though he was obviously surprised by her antagonistic tone. “Yeah, that’s the Jordan I know,” he said to her brother. “But just to be clear: I’m not a gigolo, I’m a police detective.”
Luke was notorious for being openly curious and asking too many questions, and now he studied Ryan thoughtfully. “Don’t you work in the eighth? I think I’ve heard of a Fitzpatrick there. And you look somewhat familiar.”
“That’s my brother Shane. He’s with homicide,” Ryan told him. “I work in the third—fraud.”
“Ah, then I’m sure you know Dickie Mills.”
Ryan laughed good-naturedly. “Dickie’s been my partner for two years now.”
“Really? My dad took him under his wing when he was fresh out of the academy. Send him my regards. Say hi from Frank and the Espositos.”
Jordan pressed her lips together impatiently. She wanted to tell the two men to wrap up their polite conversation, so she could disappear into the dark theater with Ryan. She didn’t want to stand here, listening to their bonding and feeling Sienna’s eyes on her, trying to catch her gaze.
“Will do,” Ryan promised, and much to Jordan’s chagrin, continued, “What department are you in? Jordan only told me her brothers are cops.”
Her brother
buried his hands in his pockets. “I was transferred to the drug unit a short while ago. Our brother, Logan, is still on the beat.” He looked from Ryan to Jordan. “How do you two know each other?”
Before Ryan could open his mouth, Jordan replied angrily, “Ryan’s brother is the lieutenant of my station. I’m surprised you don’t know that yet, given that our entire family is busy spying on me in my new job!”
Jordan felt Ryan stiffen at her side, and out of the corner of her eye, she saw him study her.
Luke heaved a sigh. “Damn it, Jordan. Nobody’s spying on you.”
“Right,” she said sharply. “It’s more accurate that my job is the elephant in the room at home, and nobody wants to talk about it. I forgot.”
Luke’s face darkened. “Jordan, can’t we sit down and talk about this like adults?”
“No, we can’t. Ryan and I are on a date,” she said with finality.
“Don’t be so bullheaded!”
She shook her head and started to turn away, but Sienna’s soft voice stopped her. “Jordan … I really want to talk to you. Please.”
Jordan’s throat went dry and tight. Sienna’s unhappy voice was like a punch in the gut. She hesitantly met the other woman’s eyes and felt gooseflesh form on her skin.
The urge to turn and run, to get away from the downright desperate look in her former friend’s eyes, which shimmered with unshed tears, grew stronger with each passing second. Jordan didn’t want to see this unhappy Sienna, because she knew what had turned her into this picture of misery that stood before her now. At the same time, Sienna reminded her of what Jordan had lost, too—and what Sienna had accused her of after Brad’s death.
Jordan’s eyes started to burn.
She shook her head, turned away from her former friend, and pressed Ryan’s hand in a desperate attempt to make him understand. “Can we please leave?” she whispered in his ear. “I … I’m not in the mood for a movie anymore. Please.”
When he searched her eyes and nodded with a serious expression, she wanted to lean against him with utter relief. She left her brother and Sienna standing there without another word, clung to Ryan’s hand for strength, and followed him out of the throng of people in front of the theater.
***
“Are you sure you don’t want to eat anything? I have stuff for a salad, or I could fix us a sandwich or order a pizza.”
Jordan raised her head a little and, from her spot on Ryan’s couch, looked over into his kitchen, where he was standing before the open fridge, staring at its contents. Her hands were wrapped around a coffee cup, and she took a deep breath as if to calm herself. The encounter with Sienna and Luke had rattled her more than she would have thought. The last time she’d spoken to her former best friend had been right after Brad’s funeral, when Sienna had told her that Jordan’s inconsiderate behavior was the reason for Brad’s death.
Ever since, the whole family had kept trying to tell Jordan that Sienna had been in shock and hadn’t meant her devastating words, but Jordan didn’t want to hear any of it. Sienna had accused her of the worst thing possible, and she couldn’t turn back the clock and change that.
Of course it had been tragic for Sienna that her fiancé had died in the line of duty, but Jordan was sick of everyone only caring about Brad’s fiancée. Nobody was concerned about what Jordan had been going through ever since the day her dad had come to her place, tears streaming down his face, to let her know her brother had been transferred to the morgue after he’d been shot dead during a routine arrest.
Nobody bothered to ask her how she felt and whether she could sleep at night, or if she could stop thinking about the fact that, one day before the fateful arrest, she had told her own brother she didn’t want to see him ever again.
With a shiver, she lowered her head and gritted her teeth so hard it hurt.
She hadn’t just lost her brother; Brad had also been one of her best friends.
That she would never get to see him again broke her heart, but the thought that he’d died believing she wished the worst on him drove her insane. Jordan couldn’t bear the memory of their last conversation, which had been an enraged argument that ended with her screaming for him to go to hell. She still saw his hurt expression when she thought of how she had stormed out and slammed his door, calling him a jerk as she left.
How could she ever atone for the fact that their last meeting had been a senseless, angry fight?
She couldn’t forgive herself for what had happened eight months ago, and she was sure she’d never get past that.
“Hey.”
A heavy hand landed cautiously on her shoulder. Jordan ducked her head automatically.
“I asked whether you’re hungry,” Ryan reminded her, his voice horribly warm and friendly, which brought tears to her eyes against her will.
She shook her head but said nothing.
“Move over,” he demanded, squeezing his frame between her and the armrest and placing his hand on her back. “You look like you need cuddles,” he murmured sympathetically.
Since Jordan didn’t want him to know that, deep down, she was a broken freak, she cleared her throat. “I’m sorry the movie date fell through.”
“Even though I deeply regret missing three hours of Julia Roberts finding herself, I can live with spending the evening here on the couch with you.”
That sounded so sweet Jordan had to snuggle up to his shoulder. “You saying something so sweet, that must mean you don’t want sex from me now, right?”
“Well, when you ask like that …”
“Very funny,” she murmured and inhaled his scent.
When his hand began caressing her back, Jordan let out a satisfied sigh. A few short weeks ago, she would have thought it strange to sit on the couch with Ryan Fitzpatrick, fully clothed and cherishing his comforting embrace, not at all preparing to tear off his clothes and have her wicked way with him. It no longer felt like casual sex or an affair. Somehow, they’d managed to make it feel like a relationship.
And the strangest thing about it was the fact that Jordan didn’t feel the urge to jump up and run when she thought about being in a relationship with a cop again.
Her realization that Ryan was truly far more than a casual one-night stand was what made her finally speak. “Sienna … the woman we ran into at the theater …” Jordan began in a halting voice.
“What about her?” Ryan asked when she paused.
Jordan took a hasty breath. “Sienna was engaged to my oldest brother. She and Brad met through me. She and I … we went to college together. We were best friends.” Jordan swallowed hard. “Brad was a cop, too.”
Ryan’s voice became unbearably soft. “Jordan …” He seemed to know what she was trying to say. He pulled her into a firm embrace and buried his mouth in her hair. And then he said exactly the thing she was thinking. “Fucking shit.”
Jordan could only nod for a moment. “Yes,” she agreed with a suppressed sob. “Fucking shit.”
“I’m sorry,” he murmured earnestly. “I’m so so sorry.”
She struggled to draw breath. “You know what it’s like, don’t you? Your dad …” She paused. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to start on that.”
His hand brushed a strand of hair from her forehead, and then he looked into her eyes. “No need to apologize. I know exactly how bad it hurts to lose someone in the line of duty.”
“It happened during an arrest,” she whispered painfully. “Brad was … He died on the spot, but that … it doesn’t …”
“It doesn’t make it better.”
“Exactly,” Jordan said fervently, and then she confided in him the thing she had never told anyone else. “The worst part for me is that I told Brad to go to hell one day before it happened. And now … now all I can think of is that we parted in anger.”
He was silent for a moment, before asking softly, “What was your fight about?”
Jordan pressed her face against his shoulder and breathed heavily. “I was so
mad at him, Ryan, I could have throttled him. It was the day I found out Gary was sleeping with another woman, which obviously wasn’t the first time. I drove to Brad’s place to demand an explanation. He and Gary were partners. And then …” She sat up and rubbed her eyes. “Brad had known for a while. That Gary was cheating on me. And I was so angry that my brother hadn’t told me. We fought. I yelled at him. And the next day …”
When Ryan didn’t say anything, only studied her silently, Jordan sniffled and took a shaky breath.
“Tell me,” she pleaded unhappily. “You think I’m a monster, right? Sienna blamed me for Brad’s death, too. She said Brad couldn’t focus because he was still upset about our argument.”
Ryan shook his head and leaned closer, taking her face into both his hands. He inclined his head until their noses almost touched. “That’s bullshit, Jordan.” His breath was heavy now, too. “You’re anything but a monster. Don’t let anyone tell you differently.”
“Ryan …”
“And above all, you’re not to blame for your brother’s death.”
“I know that,” she whispered miserably. “But if I hadn’t gone through the roof like that, he wouldn’t have died believing I hated him. I didn’t. I really loved him.”
When his lips pressed against her temple, a sob escaped her throat, and she fought to suppress it. She pressed herself against him and wrapped her arms around his neck.
“He must have known that, Jordan,” Ryan murmured and kissed her temple again.
She hugged him harder, and then her lips searched his for a kiss. She wanted to devour his mouth with hers, but Ryan wouldn’t let her. Instead, he conquered her lips with a kiss so tender she felt as if her senses would leave her.
She returned the kiss with her heart beating wildly, a tingling sweetness coursing through her veins, and her limbs feeling warm and heavy. She didn’t know what was happening to her.
“I wasn’t going to sleep with you tonight,” Ryan murmured a short while later, waking Jordan from her trance-like state.
Confused, she blinked. It took a moment for her eyes to focus and actually see him.
All Tied Up (The Boston Five Series #4) Page 13