by Gini Koch
Raves for the Alien novels:
“For those craving futuristic high-jinks and gripping adventure, Koch is an absolute master!”
—RT Book Reviews (top pick)
“Koch still pulls the neat trick of quietly weaving in plot threads that go unrecognized until they start tying together—or snapping. This is a hyperspeed-paced addition to a series that shows no signs of slowing down.”
—Publishers Weekly
“Aliens, danger, and romance make this a fast-paced, wittily-written sf romantic comedy.”
—Library Journal
“Gini Koch’s Kitty Katt series is a great example of the lighter side of science fiction. Told with clever wit and non-stop pacing . . . it blends diplomacy, action and sense of humor into a memorable reading experience.”
—Kirkus
“The action is nonstop, the snark flies fast and furious. . . . Another fantastic addition to an imaginative series!”
—Night Owl Sci-Fi (top pick)
“Ms. Koch has carved a unique niche for herself in the sci-fi-romance category with this series. My only hope is that it lasts for a very long time.”
—Fresh Fiction
“This delightful romp has many interesting twists and turns as it glances at racism, politics, and religion en route . . . will have fanciers of cinematic sf parodies referencing Men in Black, Ghost Busters, and X-Men.”
—Booklist (starred review)
“It’s no secret that I love the series, and wish more people would pick it up and start reading.”
—Gizmo’s Reviews
DAW Books Presents GINI KOCH’s
Alien Novels:
TOUCHED BY AN ALIEN
ALIEN TANGO
ALIEN IN THE FAMILY
ALIEN PROLIFERATION
ALIEN DIPLOMACY
ALIEN VS. ALIEN
ALIEN IN THE HOUSE
ALIEN RESEARCH
ALIEN COLLECTIVE
UNIVERSAL ALIEN
ALIEN SEPARATION
ALIEN IN CHIEF
(coming in December 2015)
Copyright © 2015 by Jeanne Cook.
All Rights Reserved.
Cover art by Daniel Dos Santos.
Cover design by G-Force Design.
DAW Book Collectors No. 1690.
DAW Books are distributed by Penguin Group (USA).
All characters and events in this book are fictitious.
Any resemblance to persons living or dead is strictly coincidental.
If you purchased this book without a cover you should be aware that this book may have been stolen property and reported as “unsold and destroyed” to the publisher. In such case neither the author nor the publisher has received any payment for this “stripped book.”
The scanning, uploading and distribution of this book via the Internet or via any other means without the permission of the publisher is illegal, and punishable by law. Please purchase only authorized electronic editions, and do not participate in or encourage the electronic piracy of copyrighted materials. Your support of the author’s rights is appreciated.
Nearly all the designs and trade names in this book are registered trademarks. All that are still in commercial use are protected by United States and international trademark law.
ISBN 978-0-698-19708-4
DAW TRADEMARK REGISTERED U.S. PAT. AND TM. OFF. AND FOREIGN COUNTRIES—MARCA REGISTRADA HECHO EN U.S.A.
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CONTENTS
Praise for the Alien novels
Also by Gini Koch
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Acknowledgments
Prologue
CHAPTER 1
CHAPTER 2
CHAPTER 3
CHAPTER 4
CHAPTER 5
CHAPTER 6
CHAPTER 7
CHAPTER 8
CHAPTER 9
CHAPTER 10
CHAPTER 11
CHAPTER 12
CHAPTER 13
CHAPTER 14
CHAPTER 15
CHAPTER 16
CHAPTER 17
CHAPTER 18
CHAPTER 19
CHAPTER 20
CHAPTER 21
CHAPTER 22
CHAPTER 23
CHAPTER 24
CHAPTER 25
CHAPTER 26
CHAPTER 27
CHAPTER 28
CHAPTER 29
CHAPTER 30
CHAPTER 31
CHAPTER 32
CHAPTER 33
CHAPTER 34
CHAPTER 35
CHAPTER 36
CHAPTER 37
CHAPTER 38
CHAPTER 39
CHAPTER 40
CHAPTER 41
CHAPTER 42
CHAPTER 43
CHAPTER 44
CHAPTER 45
CHAPTER 46
CHAPTER 47
CHAPTER 48
CHAPTER 49
CHAPTER 50
CHAPTER 51
CHAPTER 52
CHAPTER 53
CHAPTER 54
CHAPTER 55
CHAPTER 56
CHAPTER 57
CHAPTER 58
CHAPTER 59
CHAPTER 60
CHAPTER 61
CHAPTER 62
CHAPTER 63
CHAPTER 64
CHAPTER 65
CHAPTER 66
CHAPTER 67
CHAPTER 68
CHAPTER 69
CHAPTER 70
CHAPTER 71
CHAPTER 72
CHAPTER 73
CHAPTER 74
CHAPTER 75
CHAPTER 76
CHAPTER 77
CHAPTER 78
CHAPTER 79
CHAPTER 80
CHAPTER 81
CHAPTER 82
CHAPTER 83
CHAPTER 84
CHAPTER 85
CHAPTER 86
CHAPTER 87
CHAPTER 88
CHAPTER 89
CHAPTER 90
CHAPTER 91
CHAPTER 92
CHAPTER 93
CHAPTER 94
CHAPTER 95
CHAPTER 96
CHAPTER 97
CHAPTER 98
CHAPTER 99
CHAPTER 100
CHAPTER 101
CHAPTER 102
Excerpt from ALIEN IN CHIEF
To all my fans at home and around the world—may we never be separated.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Once again all my love and thanks to my fantastic and incredibly patient editor, Sheila Gilbert (she’s a saint), and my awesome agent, Cherry Weiner (she’s my hero), without whom my career, and sanity, would not be what they are today. (Take that as you will.) Much love and chocolate is in the mail to you both.
Same again to my awesome crit partner, Lisa Dovichi, and to the Fastest Beta Reader in the West, Mary Fiore, who once again came through at the eleventh hour because I was writing up until the eleventh hour, so to speak. (Okay, more than so to speak.) You’re the best and I love you both.
My list of those I want to thank gets longer each book, and for that I’m extremely thankful, grateful, and just plain jazzed about. So, once again and in no particular order, here’s this book’s list of especial
ly awesome folks who made my writing journey that much more special.
Love and thanks to all the good folks at DAW Books and Penguin, to all my fans around the globe, my Hook Me Up! Gang, members of Team Gini new and old, all Alien Collective Members in Very Good Standing, Twitter followers, Facebook fans and friends, Pinterest followers, the fabulous bookstores that support me, and all the wonderful fans who come to my various book signings and conference panels—you’re all the best and I wouldn’t want to do this without each and every one of you along for the ride.
Special love and extra shout-outs to: my awesome assistants, Joseph Gaxiola and Colette Chmiel for continuing to keep me sane, on time, and efficient; Bob & Mary Rehak for loving support and a fantastic vacation; Adrian & Lisa Payne, Hal & Dee Astell, and Duncan & Andrea Rittschof for continuing to always show up everywhere, with smiling faces and books (and Poofs) in hand, ensuring anywhere I’m at is always a warm, fun place to be; Oliver & Blanca Bernal for always having the welcome mat out and the comfy bed ready whenever I’m in town; Tom & Libby Thomas, Pat & Barbara Michel, Koren Cota, Chrysta Stuckless, Missy Katano, Christina Callahan, Amy Thacker, Jan Robinson, Mariann Asanuma, Koleta Parsley, Mikel Dornhecker, Tina Williams, Terry Smith, Joan Du, Janet Armentani, Colette Chmiel, Anne Taylor, and Shawn Sumrall for bestowing beautiful, wonderful, and delicious things upon me what seems like all the time; Robert Palsma for continuing to like everything I do; Paul Sparks for continuing to send me scientific proof that I know what I’m writing about; Edward Pulley for instantaneous research on minutiae that’s driving me nuts; and all members of The Stampeding Herd—Lisa Dovichi, Hal Astell, Barb Tyler, Marcy Rockwell, Lynn Crain, Sue Martin, Terry Smith, Phyllis Hemann, and Teresa Cutler-Broyles, for ensuring that, even though I was the most frighteningly late I’ve ever been on anything, the Herd kept me running at top speed—this book would not have gotten done without you guys.
Always last in the list but never in my heart, thanks to my husband, Steve, and daughter, Veronica. You’re the best in the world and, as always, I’m glad you’re mine.
REVENGE IS A DISH BEST SERVED COLD.
Yeah, I have no idea what that means, either. But it’s what they say when you’re ready to go after someone who’s done their best to destroy you. I think it’s supposed to mean that you should be levelheaded and calm while plotting your enemy’s ultimate, untimely, and ugly demise.
Sound plan. Pity that I work better angry. But then again, I’m pretty angry. So we should be good here.
Of course, that’s probably being far too optimistic.
Not sure what was more shocking—discovering that there’s a zillion and one universes out there and I’m representing in most of them, or discovering the identity of the Mastermind.
Visiting another universe was kind of cool. Nice to see how the other half was living with basically no aliens on the planet. Not as well in some ways, just dandy in others. It was a “fun” vacation, if we define fun to mean spending a couple weeks unsure if I’d ever get home again or if I was going to spend the rest of my life in Oz, both literally and figuratively.
Coming home was better—always nice to have that “took a trip but boy it’s great to sleep in my own bed and have great sex with my mega-sexy alien husband again” feeling.
But while I got to save the day for the other world, I’m not so sure how to manage back in mine. The term “it’s complicated” has never been more apt. And, as in the other world, a frontal attack is probably not the right plan.
A battle will be coming, though, one way or the other. Because it’s time to take the bull by the horns and ram those horns right into the Mastermind’s personal tenders. So to speak.
But at least I won’t be fighting this battle with only a small commando force. For this battle, I’m going to ensure I have an army. And, to quote one of my favorite ’80s glam rockers, it’s time to make the Mastermind Stand and Deliver. For I am a Woman of the Multiverse and I will not allow evil to continue unchecked.
• • •
Yeah, fine, fine. Let’s go with what’s been working all this time. Yo, Mastermind—just thought you should know that Megalomaniac Girl is back and she’s madder and badder than ever. So watch your step, ’cause I’m coming for you.
CHAPTER 1
EARLY MORNING AND I are not best buds. I’m not a girl who sees any virtue in watching the sun rise. However, it was the morning after I’d come back from an unintended vacation, and my husband and I had spent the night wide awake and extremely active in the best possible way.
Now we were lying next to each other, relaxing in the afterglow of a night very well spent.
“I know who the Mastermind is.” As post-coitus comments went, this was probably not going to go down as the World’s Most Romantic Statement.
“Yeah?” Jeff rolled onto his side to face me, leaning on his hand. His other hand stroked my body. It was great to feel his hand on my skin—I’d spent the last couple of weeks wondering if that would ever happen again.
We had music on, and as Weezer’s “My Best Friend” hit our airwaves, I shifted likewise so we were face-to-face and I could also stroke Jeff’s chest and such. And I could look at him. Considering I hadn’t been sure I’d ever see his face again, it was nice to be here, like normal, as if nothing much had gone on.
We were in Sydney Base, so the standard nightlight glow was in the room, meaning we could see each other. Aliens, of which Jeff was definitely one, were different from humans in many ways, not all of them physical. As near as I could tell, no A-Cs liked to sleep in the extreme dark. I’d never asked why—and as I’d learned during my foray out of this world, I probably needed to be a bit more curious about many things.
However, since we’d moved into the American Centaurion Embassy in Washington, D.C., I’d gotten used to sleeping in the actual dark again. But this was kind of a nice retro moment. I’d spent my first night after discovering aliens were on the planet in a room very like this one, half of it with Jeff. The best half.
I was willing to stay in bed with Jeff forever but, partially because I’d had a two-week “vacation” in another universe, duty was calling in a loud and insistent manner. Also, Mr. Clock shared that it was six in the morning, and that meant that our daughter was going to be up in an hour, give or take.
“Yeah. Only . . . I don’t know if I can tell you.”
“Because you’re worried I’ll give away the fact that I know because I can’t lie any better than the rest of the A-Cs, right?”
“Right. You sound like you had this conversation already.”
“I did. With you, in that sense.”
“Oh. Other Me figured it out?” I’d switched universes with another version of me. Yeah, my life was just that kind of exciting. Hers was, too, now, come to think of it. Oh well, she was me. She’d roll with the punches.
“Pretty much.”
“How? I mean, I realize I’m great at looking at accepted truths and quickly spotting the flaws and all that, but she couldn’t have had a lot to go on.”
“Oh, she didn’t. But she had the one key piece of information we’ve never had. The same new fact I figure you discovered while you were in her universe—her Chuck hates the Mastermind’s guts, with good reason.”
Other Me was married to my best guy friend since high school, Charles Reynolds. Well, her universe’s Charles Reynolds, at any rate. It had been instructive and interesting to see how my life might have been different. Hoped she’d enjoyed seeing how the other universe lived.
“Wow, yeah. So, you know who it is?”
Jeff nodded as “Bad Blood” by Ministry came on. “Almost the worst person it could be.”
“Got that right. So, does Chuckie know?”
“No.” Jeff sighed. “We’ve managed to keep it from him. For the whole week and a half that we’ve known. And only because we’ve been so busy and focused on fixing thin
gs with the Australian government and getting you and your Cosmic Alternate to switch back.”
“Did Malcolm already know?” Malcolm Buchanan had Dr. Strange powers. At least as far as I was concerned. If he didn’t want you to see him, you didn’t see him. If he said it was so, it was probably so. Luckily for me, my mother had assigned him to be my bodyguard when we first got to D.C. She’d assigned the Buchanan in the other universe onto Other Me a lot sooner. Apparently things were dicey wherever I was. Go me.
“Yeah. Buchanan’s known for what sounds like three years. But he has no actual proof. None of us here do.”
“We had no proof, either, other than the fact that Cliff Goodman was that universe’s Charles’ lifelong enemy. And the fact that he tried to kill Other Me, their kids, Charles, James, and Malcolm. He’d already . . .” Murdered my mother in that world. Along with the rest of her and Buchanan’s teams, which included other people I knew and loved in this world.
“I know,” Jeff said gently. “We figured it all out. Well, most of it. I’m sure we’re both missing parts of the whole nightmare.” He grinned. “And I know I don’t have the full story of how you kicked butt and saved the day.”
“You just assume I did that?” I hadn’t really had time to brief everyone on what had happened, in part because Chuckie was here with the group that had come to fix things with Australia and I hadn’t wanted to let anything slip.
Jeff kissed me, his typical awesome kiss. “Yeah, that’s my default assumption,” he said after his lips and tongue had owned mine for a good, long time, emphasis on good. “That you’re going to do what has to be done, better than anyone else ever could.”
“I could get used to this form of hero worship.”
He laughed. “There’s nothing wrong with accurate hero worship, baby.”
Snuggled my face in between his awesome pecs and rubbed against his chest hair as the Veronicas sang “I Could Get Used To This.” “Works for me. After all, I hero worship your bedroom and leadership skills, so we’re even.”
Jeff chuckled. “Always nice to be appreciated.”
“Back atcha. So, what do we do? I don’t know how to tell Chuckie that the guy he thinks is his best friend is the reason his wife is dead. He’s normally laid back and able to roll with whatever’s thrown at him, but I’m not willing to bet he’ll be able to deal rationally under the circumstances.”