Oblivion: Surrender

by Cristina Salinas

  I wake up earlier than my phone’s alarm clock today. Stretching, I feel rested. It must have been the exhausting night. My subconscious mind hopes that the fire tickling my insides is satiated enough to be able to look Carter in the eyes without unexpected emotions again. Focusing on Michael’s search will distract me enough from many things. At times, I wonder what would happen if Michael knew all the things I’ve done to deal with his loss.

  Would he ever forgive me? I shudder at the thought. The possibility of a no is much easier to accept than him not being in my life. I approach my bedroom window and smile at the bright morning. Miami’s passion for life is contagious. The morning is too beautiful to drown in remorse. I choose a blue belted dress with a pair of black heels, and while getting dressed for work, I’m surprised I don’t hear Juliette’s usual ramble around the house. I walk into the kitchen to find breakfast already served and next to the microwave is a note from Juliette:

  I got a call from a model this morning. She asked me to replace her sick makeup artist that was on schedule for a photo shoot. I’ll be back late tonight. Love you—Juliette.

  I am overjoyed for my sister and the achievements she is amounting from her artistic skills. Juliette is quickly gaining notoriety from relevant advertising agencies that have been featured in famous magazines. Her work with important models from around the country is paying off. From one moment to the next, her unique makeup creations will be featured on famous Manhattan billboards. I can’t wait. Indulging in Juliette’s happiness, I finish up my pancakes and leave the apartment. Today is going to be a good day.

  ******

  I growl. Perhaps I spoke too soon. “Did that work?” Ferdinand asks over the phone. I turn the car key in the ignition of my 2005 Ford Focus…again…twice…three times. Nothing. “It won’t turn on. So much for being a mechanic’s daughter!” I admonish myself for not taking better care of my transportation. My dad would be ashamed. “Do you think the battery is corroded again?” he offers another possibility. I angrily run my fingers through my hair. “I don’t have time to check right now. I need to leave, or I’ll be late to work.” Who knows what Carter would do to me?

  “Don’t worry about that peach. I’m in the area. I’ll be there in less than 10 minutes” he hangs up the phone and surely enough, a few moments later I’m in the Rover with him. “What would I do without my rock star pulled from The Rolling Stones Magazine?” I sing and kiss him on the cheek. “Invite me to dinner. I’ll chip in the wine” he says.

  “We do have some of last night’s takeout.” I grin.

  Ferdinand responds with a wry smile. “Nice try, but I know you’re cooking those signature fish tacos tonight” he pinches my cheek. “Busted” I chortle. He mimics an archaic laugh. “That’ll give you the chance to tell me who set your pants on fire this time.” He sounds disappointed. “Since when do you hide things from me?”

  I shake my head and loop my fingers in his long black hair. “Fern, I wouldn’t dare keep anything from you, I love you. It just happened too quickly for me to process it. I needed time.” He frowns. As we drive away from the interstate we stop at a red light. An elderly woman is waiting in the opposite lane. Ferdinand’s gaze is still quizzical.

  “When did it happen?” Sheesh. He won’t let any little detail go. “Yesterday morning” I conclude. Ferdinand gasps loud. “Dude you had an orgasm while dreaming of your boss!?”

  “Fern!” I stare in crimson chagrin as the elderly woman’s windows roll up in horror. I’m petrified. “Sorry! She has a condition!” he has the audacity to wave at her. “Will you shut up?!” I yell. The mortified woman kills the gas pedal at the sight of the green light. I glare at him. “Can you be anymore indiscreet?!”

  Ferdinand is wise not to respond when I’m fuming. We don’t look at each other for the next few minutes. “Relax peach.” His free hand squeezes mine. Warm comfort steadies my hectic nerves. It’s not possible to be mad at him for long. “You caught me off guard, Alyson. Sue me. I didn’t think CEO’s were your type of catch.”

  “He’s a COO in this case. And he’s not a catch. He’s a controlling prick who happens to be my boss. I put out that fire last night, and there’s nothing else to say about it.” I look down at my hands. I’ve been making fists for so long, my knuckles are bloodless. Carter Stevenson is turning into a bigger deal than he deserves to be, and I’m fed up with it.

  He makes the turn into Caravana’s parking garage and drives to the second level where yesterday, the Maybach Landaulet 62s was parked next to Gabrielle’s car; it’s not there anymore and in its place is an equally stunning 2005 Porsche 911. “There’s a reason I was named Ferdinand. Look at that baby!” he purposefully drives around the level for a better view. “Just one glimpse, I may get in trouble if there are cameras around here” I warn. As we approach the silver vehicle, I am mesmerized by its kempt and polish, delicate as gossamer.

  I want to lift my head to look inside the car’s interior, but a moving shadow inside the vehicle stops me. “There’s someone in the car. Drive to the door with the sign before they see us” I tell Ferdinand who is still in apparent awe. Jeez, he’s as much of a car nerd as I am. He parks the Rover, and we both step out for a second. “Thanks for the lift.” I snake my arm around him when the hairs on my neck stand on one end. A sudden eerie chill crawls up my spine. “Are you cold?” Ferdinand asks.

  I look around to see if anyone is watching us, but there’s no one in the parking garage except for—the person inside the Porsche. “No, I have to go. I think we’re being watched by whoever is in the car. I’ll see you later.” I kiss him on the cheek. “You’re being paranoid. Dinner over good wine will fix you.” Ferdinand waves me goodbye. “We’re not done talking about this Adonis” he reminds me. I watch the Rover leave the parking garage and breathe deep. Maybe he’s right, and my sexual tension is taking a toll on my common sense. The owner of the Porsche had no reason to observe us.

  ******

  I’ve spent the majority of my morning checking out guests with Matt. Working the front desk of Caravana Hotel & Resort is a satisfying experience I can compare to few things in life. People merrily enter and leave the various areas of the hotel, approaching the smiling agents they will remember as part of their trips. When Juliette and I were kids and our parents would take us on vacation, we would take turns playing receptionists.

  Mom and dad lived their happiest moments traveling, and that’s when I decided I would work in a hotel one day, transmitting the same memories to other people. As cheerful families leave the premises, I’m filled with a mild sense of melancholy, too aware of fate’s cruel twists. Do you need some coffee?” Matt kindly asks…for the third time. I smile softly. He’s been good to work with today. “No, thanks, maybe you should take a break.” I offer.

  “Nah, I’m fine.” He waves me off. There’s a cute dusting of freckles on his cheeks. He looks at me from the corner of his eye like he wants to say something else but doesn’t. Looking at the clock, I see it is almost 11:30am. I have not heard anything from Carter, and a part of me worries about how I will react to seeing him again. If the hunk wasn’t my boss, I would have masturbated and forgotten he existed. I can’t wait until Gabrielle’s return in three days.

  Since Carter hasn’t called me to remind me about our meeting, I assume he wants me upstairs without prior notification. I staple my reports while Nancy, head of the housekeeping department, is inputting information on one of three computers. She is a friendly, stout, middle-aged woman who doesn’t say much more than what she needs to. I’m about to leave when she answers a phone call and calls my name. She searches for a profile on the computer.

  “Ms. Barnes, one of the business guests needs to speak to a manager.” Nancy points to the screen. “Mr. Pierce is on his way to the front desk.”

  “Thank you, I’ll take care of it.” I half-smile. Carter is going to throw a fit because I am late. A few minutes later, a handsome man in his late thirties approaches the front desk. D
ark brown eyes glow with the fluorescence. He introduces himself as Mr. Pierce and explains the air conditioner in his room stopped working late last night, and he wants a new room. Great. Nothing too time consuming.

  When I give him his new room key, Mr. Pierce squints to see my name tag. “I misplaced my glasses. Thank you, Ms. Barnes.” I return his sweet smile and grab my things to get this meeting over with. I imagine the fragile crystal hourglass reflects Carter’s fickle patience. I take one last look at my reports and almost bump into Matt, who’s suddenly blocking my path. His feet are shifting nervously. “What is it?” I ask.

  It’s the first time I see him debate with what he wants to say. He’s not the shy type at all. Right now he seems to be fighting with himself. “Since Mr. Stevenson let you go around lunch time yesterday, I was wondering if you wanted to eat at the Thai restaurant down the block.” His smile doesn’t match the jitters in his eyes. I gulp. Matthew Sanders is asking me out. Jesus, this internship is proving to be more than I can handle. Struggling for words, I hate to hurt his feelings. “It’s not a date or anything like that. It’ll just be a friendly lunch.”

  “Well…” Since you omitted the term ‘date’, I guess you’re more intuitive than I thought.

  “I heard they have the best Pad Thai around” he pleads. “Come on, we’ll be back just in time.” Gosh. He’s trying so hard. I sigh. One time can’t hurt.

  I smile as best as I can. “Okay. I’ll meet you—”

  “Ms. Barnes isn’t available for lunch. She’s late for a long meeting, isn’t that correct, Alyson?”

  Oh god. He called me by my first name. The sound of Carter’s voice alone disrupts the balance between glory and chaos inside me. Turning my head to face him, he’s nothing short of stunning with a black suit, navy dress shirt and no tie. My inner turmoil of releasing to his dim mirage is now magnified under the full blare of light. “Yes sir.” I lick my arid lips, hating the warm puddle staining my panties.

  Chapter 4

  Matt tries hard to hide his disappointment. His face is a grim straight line, an awful mixture of anger and embarrassment. I feel terrible. “Hey, don’t sweat it.” I sympathetically place my hand on his shoulder. Glancing at Carter, he’s eyeballing at us like a vulture stalking its prey. “Maybe next time, thanks for offering though. I’ll see you around.” I open the connecting door to the lobby. Carter walks close behind me and does not bother to look back at Matt as we step inside the glass elevator.

  What is his problem? Despite the clenching of my stomach muscles and the libido brought on by his olive toned skin, I am not blind to his crudeness, especially with Matt. He treats his staff like they are material belongings and not working people. Glimpsing at Carter, he’s scowling at me, and it’s unnerving. Lone charcoal hair strands rest on his forehead. There is something dark and threatening about his rigid posture. It sends painful shivers down my spine. I have the desperate urge to calm the raging blue fire in his eyes.

  “I was delayed by a business guest” I whisper. Carter’s glare intensifies as if my response had slapped him in the face. When the elevator stops, he commands the way to his now lit office. Wow! I’m stupefied. It is much larger and colorful than what I initially perceived. Dark lavender walls are filled with awards of all kinds in addition to the moss green couches. From the open casement windows, water volleyball teams can be heard cheering on their teams to 80’s pop singles.

  Carter’s office is alive. I love it way more than my livid cave downstairs. A low growl brings me back from heaven. Crap. He’s already sitting down. “What are you waiting for to show me the reports?” Antarctic oceans glower at me inside out. His palm crunches up a sticky note on the desk. Oh my. Carter’s ire is brutally unmasked now. Of course, he’s furious, calm, quiet, and impassive all at the same time. How could I have forgotten his damned mutating mood swings?

  Sitting down, I look everywhere else as I hand him the documents to avoid scowling at him with the same dislike. He almost snatches them. “Since you seem to enjoy wasting my time by defying my orders, I’ll have it replaced with half of your own lunch hour. Is that understood, Alyson?” Carter lifts his eyebrows in putrid arrogance. Anger overpowers the erotica from a few minutes ago. I nod, unable to vocalize a reply.

  A ghost of a smirk crosses his sharp features. Ugh. Pompous jerk! I can’t believe he made me admit his humiliation. Could I be any more stupid? I feel like a complete idiot having not one but two orgasms while dreaming of him feigning lust over me. Maybe this will teach my sex addiction some well needed boundaries. Carter is browsing through the reports as if nothing had happened. I internally shake my head. What a sham. Women who fall like swatted mosquitoes for his elegant handsomeness don’t know what the hell they are in for.

  How can his sex appeal even matter to them if he’s more of a jerk than I give him credit for? But that’s right—he’ll never choose a woman that can see the skeletons in his closet. Michael would never abase anyone like this…My love is the reason I endure life without him. Our past, present, and future led me to this internship in the first place and to find him; I will affront anything—including COO, Carter Stevenson. I savor my new determination and make a mental note; Things are better this way. The fewer distractions, the more time I have to focus on what really matters to me.

  I regard the mutant’s smug face when he hands me back the reports. “Thank you, Mr. Stevenson. I’ll start with the maintenance report today” I hold his gaze, confident and unwavering. Just as I thought! Carter was not prepared to see me challenge his demonic mood swing with a grin. Instead of looking pleased, he’s now exasperated. I cackle to myself. Stick that in your juice box and suck it. “Continue”, he cocks his head to the side and nods blandly as I reiterate the rest of the morning’s information.

  ******

  It is past midday when I finally get Carter off my back. To my surprise, we haven’t bumped heads once in the last hour. He’s been too preoccupied gauging my reactions to notice he doesn’t affect me. Today, Carter doesn’t stand when I gather my things to leave. His sapphires are too buried beneath ice, to know if he is still mad at me. I shrug it off and lick my lips, considering a splurge of chicken, green pepper, black olive, and goat cheese pizza for lunch. I think I deserve it as a reward for not losing my mind. My stomach grumbles loud, agreeing with my point of view.

  Soft, masculine chuckles momentarily stun me. “Your body is just as outspoken as your mind” Carter taps a pen to his sculpted lips, leaning back into the chair. He’s deadpan. Arousal in the pit of my insides flushes my cheeks. Somewhere in my body, a mild electric current is still reacting to his charm. I’m not telling him he’s partially right, but my scandalous stomach betrays me and growls louder than before.

  “It’s not used to being denied what it wants” I confess. His eyebrows lift in amusement. Brave enough to dive into those sapphire oceans, I can’t find any trace of the ogre from an hour and a half ago. Honestly! I can’t keep up with his mood swings. And I hate that he’s making my blood hot. “Denial is delayed gratification” he smirks. “Challenges are the elixir of life. Don’t you agree?”

  Uh…I don’t know where he is going with this, and I can’t stop the ball from rolling in my direction. Delayed gratification is unfathomable in my world; I’d go berserk. I bite my bottom lip. “I believe that challenges aren’t refreshing if they keep you from experiencing spontaneous pleasure”

  Carter baffles me with a brilliant, immaculate white smile. “Is that what your body is craving, Alyson?” You have no idea. The electric current stings painfully, threatening to combust into a fire. No. Stop it. I can’t let him obliviate my intimacy after he behaved like a barbarian. Who does he think he is?

  I meditate a simple response. “Pizza is my gratification.”

  “Ah.” He strokes his chin with the pen. “Not Thai food, courtesy of your subordinate, Matthew Sanders?”

  The question catches me off guard followed by epiphany, heavily dawning on me. Good grief. I sh
ould have known this had to do with possessiveness in the first place. Carter thinks he owns his employees like he dominates everything else in life. I’ll show you…Spitefulness boils in place of the electric current. My pearly white smile matches his smirk. “Not today but I think I’ll make it up to him with dinner.” In his tailored and expensive dark suit, Carter continues to tap the pen to his chin and nods coolly. It’s my turn to smile secretly.

  ******

  Coming back to my anemic office is depressing. Compared to the chromatic interior design of the rest of the hotel, my office is a blanched glass cave. I took the stairs on the other side of the hotel to avoid walking past the front desk. Particularly, I wanted to avoid Matt’s complaints about Carter ruining our lunch. I don’t want or need to know anything else about him. He’s a jerk beyond my wildest nightmares. Just then, I hear a text message go off in my purse.

  I haven’t seen you in ages!

  How about we have a ladies night with Sandra and Nina at The Island?

  —Opi

  I grin. I haven’t seen my girlfriends since I started working! A night at the club and a few drinks are what I need to take my mind off things, especially from Carter. I quickly answer back.

  I heard that’s an awesome club. You’re on!

  Meet you Saturday at 9pm

  --Ali

  Slipping the phone back into my purse, my breathing quickens as I find the list of private investigators and their phone numbers in my purse—only five candidates to be exact. I researched the names that were closest to Miami Beach. I heave a heavy sigh. Gabrielle’s return is eminent, and I don’t have any more time to waste. My resurrecting heartbeat pumps energy into my veins halfway pulverizing the boulders of agony blocking all life from entering.

  For almost two years, I’ve pushed my sanity to the edge of an abyss to muster the courage for this moment. The walls I’ve built crumble down and my nerves turn to jelly as I dial the first private eye, Elias Goldstein & Associates. His office is about 20 minutes away from Caravana. I can’t help but laugh when he automatically assumes I’m an angry wife wanting to catch my husband red-handed.