"Thanks, Dad," she replies.
And that's when any thought of talking to her dies away as I watch the girl continue talking to her father. He's her family now, not me. I gave up that right twenty-two years ago when I did what I had to do to save her. She already has a good life, one she could have never had with me, and she doesn't need me coming in and fucking everything up. I won't risk ruining it for her or getting her killed because of her association with me, anymore than I could do that to Lyric. It was bad enough I let that happen one other time since losing my family.
And with that brutal revelation, I turn away to stare at my drink again as my already broken and empty heart shatters into even tinier pieces. I gasp in a ragged breath, and another and another as I battle the sobs threatening to break free and unman me. I watch a single tear drip down onto the worn wooden bar top next to my glass. Then with a jolt of startled realization, I know that I need to get the fuck out of here before I lose my resolve and approach my sister anyway. I can't let that happen.
I surge up off my stool and pull out my wallet to slap some bills onto the bar for my tab before turning to hurry toward the exit. I keep my eyes fixed on the floor for fear I won't be able to walk away from her again if I see her face one more time. I barrel my way through the door and end up colliding with a heavyset man approaching the entrance. I bounce off of him and stumble to the side as he growls out a few choice words at me. I'm too panicked and distraught to care, and wordlessly push past him into the frigid rain as he hollers another string of obscenities after me.
By the time I reach the Mustang, I'm soaked and freezing with chattering teeth and shaking hands that can only be partially blamed on the cold, thanks to my wolfsbane weakened system. I climb inside and start the car before cranking the heat on all the way, then throw it into drive and hit the gas. I recklessly speed across the parking lot, kicking up gravel as I fishtail the last few yards before pulling out onto the road. I floor it as I drive away with the engine roaring in my ears.
The rain continues to come down hard, making visibility limited and my current speed a recipe for disaster, but I don't care. I can't get away fast enough as vivid memories of leaving my sister behind the first time assault my mind. I feel like I'm coming apart, completely untethered and lost in pain and grief, and a deep yearning for Lyric falls over me. I need her to pull me back together, to soothe my frayed and scattered emotions through our bond. But that can never happen again, just like I can never have my sister back either.
I hold myself together just long enough to get back to the cabin, and end up sitting in the car struggling to calm my gasping breaths as rain continues to batter the metal roof above me. I try to shove my emotions into the tight little ball I usually keep them all in, but they won't stay, and just keep leaking out around the edges. I close my eyes and hunch over the steering wheel as I try to stem the pain and heartache continuing to rip me apart. All I can see in my mind's eye is Lyric's beautiful face taunting me. All I can feel is this bone deep ache to be with her, to hold her, touch her. The man in me wants to curl into a ball of despair and grief, and never move again. The wolf in me wants to run howling into the night to find his mate, even though I have no idea where to find her. I feel like I'm losing my mind.
Abruptly, a dark shadow passes over my eyelids, making my wolf's senses tingle with awareness. My eyes flash open to squint through the rain-blurred windshield toward the security light on the pull barn across the clearing in front of me. I don't see a goddamn thing. I look all around and see nothing but rain and empty darkness surrounding me. Fuck. Between the wolfsbane, the booze, seeing my sister, and missing Lyric, maybe I am losing it, and I'm starting to hallucinate shit. I shake my head in disgust with myself, then drag my sorry ass out of the Mustang and dash across the yard toward the cabin.
I'm wet and shivering all over again by the time I step up onto the small porch and out of the rain. I struggle with trembling hands to shove the key that I found the first night I stayed here into the lock, and still when a heavy feeling of foreboding awareness comes over me. It almost feels like I'm being watched. I whirl around to stare off into the darkness as the wolf surges up inside me in wary readiness, but hear and see nothing out of the ordinary. I breathe in and can only smell the earthy scent of rain and the forest surrounding me. I make a disgusted noise, certain that I'm imagining things in my fucked-up state, before I turn back to fit the key clumsily into the lock and open the door.
I slip inside, locking the door behind me, and stagger toward the small bathroom off the kitchen. In a numb haze, that I know is only temporary, I turn on the shower to near scalding levels, then peel off my wet clothes and step in to let the heat seep into my bones. When the cold begins to fade, my riot of emotions surge back to life with a vengeance. A choked sob bursts free from my chest and opens the flood gates wide. It's followed by another and another until the weight of my pain and sorrow finally drops me to my knees. I give in to it completely and crumple in on myself, curling up into a tight little ball on the tile floor beneath me. I barely feel the warm water raining down on me as it blends with my tears and washes them away. I stay there for a very long time, blubbering and sobbing until the water finally runs cold and forces me out of the shower.
I dry off and drag myself across the cabin over to the couch and collapse onto it in a pathetic heap, then grab my discarded blanket lying on the floor nearby. I pull it over my body and cocoon myself in the only comfort I can have, the lingering wild honeysuckle scent of my Lyric, before slipping away into an exhausted sleep.
23
LYRIC
When I wake up Tuesday morning, I don't feel rested at all. Exhaustion lingers heavily in my limbs along with an aching emptiness that sits like lead in my chest. Both tether me to my bed as I watch the room slowly lighten with the dawn and the sounds of Wyatt and Harmony moving around downstairs filter up to my room. I lie there with no desire to move, not even when I hear the front door open and close as they leave for the day, and silence falls oppressively around me.
I spent all day yesterday in the forest on four paws, trying to run away from my grief and anger over Ronan's rejection. But it merely dogged me unrelentingly the entire day. Then it followed me home when I smelled the rain on the wind, but not before I ended up getting soaked in the cold downpour. I fucking despise having wet fur. I shifted and stormed into the cabin, drenched and in a foul mood as I ignored Harmony and Wyatt lounging in front of the TV with startled and concerned expressions turned my way. I stomped up to my room and slammed the door behind me, then locked it before drying off and crawling into my bed where my anger immediately transformed into tears. My siblings were wise enough not to follow me or bother me after that, even though I'm sure they heard me crying myself to sleep. The rest of the night passed interminably as I vacillated between vivid dreams of being in Ronan's arms again and the tears that followed every time I awoke to find myself alone and bereft once more.
I miss him so much. I love him. I need him. I want to rip his fucking throat out for discarding me so easily, so callously. I whimper pathetically as I rub at the angry tears now spilling from my eyes again, then curl farther beneath my comforter to weep until I fall into a deep and exhausted asleep.
When I'm awakened by a soft rapping on my door, I open my eyes to find brilliant sunshine gleaming down through the skylights above my bed telling me it's midday now. I somehow managed to sleep for several blessedly uninterrupted hours, but I still feel groggy and drained, and so very empty inside. I pull the edge of the comforter over my head with a low groan before shouting in a muffled voice, "Go away and leave me alone!"
The door knob rattles and I hear a familiar voice on the other side of the door. "Lyric, honey, open up!" Dad's voice is stern and holds the commanding edge of an Alpha.
Great, my brother and sister must have told Dad about my dramatic entrance last night, and the blubbering that followed. I sigh and sit up, knowing there's no point in denying my father. He's too stubborn to let thing
s go where his children's wellbeing is concerned, and he'll just wait me out until I give in anyway. I climb out of the bed and snatch up my long fluffy white robe from where it's draped across the foot of the bed, then pull it on before reluctantly going to the door to let my father in. I swing the door open to find him standing there with his arms crossed over his chest, his expression just as steely as his tone when he spoke on the other side of the door.
"We need to talk," he says in a quiet yet firm voice that instantly sets me on edge.
I huff out a breath. "Fine." I turn to walk back to my bed to plop down on it as Dad moves further into the room. I watch him expectantly as he snags my desk chair and spins it to face me before taking a seat. His eyes narrow as he takes in my disheveled hair and confrontational posture.
"First of all," he says as he leans forward to rest his elbows on his knees with his hands clasped. "Wyatt and Harm said you came home really upset last night." His expression is gentle now and begins to thaw my irritable mood. "Are you okay, honey?"
"Yeah," I say. "I'm alright...at least I will be." I don't actually believe that, but I don't want Dad worrying about me when there's nothing he can actually do about it. I'll just have to learn to live with the pain and loss. I'll have to learn to live without Ronan. My eyes sting at that thought, and I shove down the waterworks.
"Do you want to talk about it?" he asks, noticing my distress.
I shake my head. "Not really," I answer, my voice thick with emotion. "I'd just as soon forget about it and move on." Move on? Like that was even possible, but what choice did I have if Ronan didn't want me. I blink back more tears.
Dad presses his lips together, then nods. "That's what I thought." His expression turns grave as he breaths out a heavy sigh. "But here's the thing," he says. "That's not an option now."
I jerk my head back and stare at him in stunned confusion as he continues. Not an option?
"This is an issue that could affect the entire pack and our safety here in Wolcott," he continues, his voice hardening along with his demeanor. "So I need you to tell me about this trueborn man you've been seeing."
The command in his voice is unmistakable, and I realize I'm talking to the pack Alpha now, and not just my father. I gape at him in stunned shock, followed by instant anger as I realize Cooper narced on me. That son of a bitch. I open my mouth to tell Dad where he can shove it, but he lifts a hand in a placating gesture to stop me.
"I understand why you're angry," he says. "I don't want to pry into your love life, bu-"
"Then don't," I say. Not only do I not want to talk about what happened, but I also don't want to betray Ronan's trust by telling anyone about his presence here either. No matter how hurt and angry I am with him, I still feel a deep-seated loyalty to him.
Dad's jaw clenches and his eyes glitter with irritation as he straightens in his chair and continues speaking, his voice growing more heated with each word. "You have to understand after what happened with Raven and what came to light from it about the past, just how precarious our existence is here. That bastard Chavez could very well have gotten away with her and told Bravas about our location. Our lives are at stake, and I won't allow any threat to my family and those I care about to exist. I've been forced to do things I never thought I was capable of for the sake of all of us, and to give all of you a future you would've never had without the sacrifices I've made. No matter who or what the threat is, I will do whatever I have to do to eliminate it and keep this family, this pack safe."
"This has nothing to do with the pack," I say, not liking my father's confrontational tone one damn bit.
"Are you sure about that?" he asks with an infuriatingly arched brow. "Because I've already put my trust in the wrong people in the past and paid for it in ways you can never imagine."
I level a glare at my father. "Am I one of these wrong people that can't be trusted then, Dad?" I ask. "Is that what you're saying?"
His eyes harden and his nostrils flare, and I see exactly where I got my hot temper from. "You know damn well that's not true."
"Do I?" I reply as I stand. "Because it sure as hell sounds like it to me. You come waltzing in here pretending to give a shit by asking if I'm okay, then immediately start demanding information about my personal life that is none of yours or the pack's goddamn business, and doesn't matter anyway because it's over and done. Then you treat me like a child and insinuate that I'm untrustworthy and don't care about the safety of our family and our pack."
"I didn't-" Dad begins in with a horrified expression.
"I can't even look at you right now, and I need you to leave." Haven't I been through enough emotional shit the last few days without having to deal with this too?
"Lyric, honey," he says as he rises and reaches out toward me with an open palm. "I'm s-"
"Get out!" I practically scream at him as angry tears spill from my eyes. "Please, Dad," I add, my lips trembling, "just go." I'm about to fall apart again, and I want to be left alone to do it.
Regret and remorse glitter in my father's eyes as he presses his lips together and wisely says nothing more. He sighs softly once, then moves toward the door with leaden feet. When he reaches the doorway, he hazards one more glance back at me. "I'll see you tomorrow night?" he asks with deeply furrowed brows. Our pack's monthly hunt on the full moon is tomorrow night, but to be honest I don't think I have it in me to care about it at all. Just the thought of going makes me tired and sad.
"I don't think so," I say as I barely choke down a sob.
He nods once with a pained expression, before finally walking out and closing the door softly behind him. Then I crawl back into my bed still in my robe and curl up in a ball, my heart raw and bleeding all over again, before I cry myself to sleep once more.
24
LYRIC
I stand in the shower weeping softly with my head bowed, and my arms wrapped around myself as the steaming spray beats down on my back, long since finished washing myself. Standing under the warm water eased some of the tension tightening the muscles between my shoulders from all the crying I endured since yesterday, but it also left my mind free to dwell on my emotional pain and only led to more tears. Even my she-wolf is subdued inside me, licking her wounds and curling in on herself in self-preservation. I'm pretty much a total basket case right now, feeling like I'm missing a piece of my heart, and I don't know what to do to make it better. Well, besides going back to Ronan and throwing myself at him in desperation, an idea that's quickly becoming a viable option despite my stubborn injured pride.
I hear the front door open, followed by Wyatt and Harmony's indistinct voices, and realize I need to pull myself together and get out of the shower before my siblings hear me crying and come knocking on the bathroom door. They gave me space last night and this morning, but that wouldn't continue if I kept up with the waterworks. The two of them, and Wyatt, in particular, are very protective of their younger siblings, especially me since I'm the baby of the five of us.
I suck in a few breaths and shove down the pain to a barely manageable level, then turn off the shower. I get out and towel off, then pull on my robe before heading out the door to sudden silence as Wyatt and Harmony's conversation stops out in the main living area. I glance in their direction where the food is, since I should probably eat something, then at the stairs to my room. Yeah, it's an easy choice, and I turn toward for the stairs. I don't have it in me to deal with anymore of my family today, and I don't want to talk about why I'm upset, even if I could mention anything about Ronan.
I shut myself in my room and glance around at the rumpled comforter and the clutter on my desk, feeling this restless jittery energy rise up inside me. Suddenly, I feel trapped and stifled in my own space, and the she-wolf and I are in complete accordance. We need to get the hell out of here...now. I pull my hair up into a damp ponytail and go to my closet to pull on some clothes before slipping on my boots, then hurry downstairs. I march out into the open concept space, passing between the kitchen where
Wyatt is standing at the island chopping vegetables and the living room where Harmony sits on the couch with the TV remote in her hand.
"Hey," Wyatt says with a grin, but I can see the worry in his eyes. "I'm making dinner if you're hung-"
"Nope," I say as I cross the room at a fast clip.
Harmony rises to her feet, concern furrowing her brow as her eyes track me across the room. "Where are you going?"
"I'm going out for a while," I say as I reach the door, then pull it open and rush outside.
"Lyric!" Wyatt and Harmony shout behind me.
I ignore them as I hurry toward my truck, grateful I left the keys and my purse in it yesterday. I hop in and start it, then pull away as my brother and sister stand on the porch watching me leave, their worried eyes burning a hole of guilt into me. But it's not enough to make me turn back. After my failed conversation with my father, I can't handle being at odds with anyone else in my family today, so avoidance it is for me.
I hadn't planned on anything besides just going for a drive, but before I even realize what I'm doing, I'm traveling toward Rowdy's cabin on autopilot. I don't fight it either because I can't take it anymore. Being without Ronan is ripping me apart. No matter how he rejected me, abasing myself and begging are a small price to pay if I can get him back and regain my sanity.
When I finally turn onto the rutted gravel driveway, I have this horrible fear of finding him gone as I bounce along the curving path. But to my utter relief, I enter the clearing and see Ronan's Mustang parked in front of the pull barn. I breathe out a heavy sigh that releases the knot of fear that had twisted itself in my chest.
I park next to the Mach 1 and hurry to the cabin's front door to knock on it briskly. "Ronan?"
When a moment passes without any kind of response, I cup my hands over the tiny window set in the door and peer inside. I don't see Ronan or any other sign that anyone's inside, but thankfully I see his duffel bag still sitting on the kitchen table. Good. It's another sign that he's still here along with his lingering familiar scent. A part of me worried that he might have abandoned the Mustang and left the area. If he can renounce our mating bond so easily, then leaving behind his car would be a piece of cake, and it increases the chance that I may have shown up here just to be rejected all over again. That thought has my eyes stinging with immediate tears, but the fear isn't enough to make me leave, even though I probably should. I'm so pathetic. And with that thought, I take a deep shuddering breath and lower myself onto the top step of the tiny porch, then bury my face in my hands to bawl my eyes out again.
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