by Zoey Draven
Tavak rubbed the back of his neck, another strangely human gesture that she couldn’t help but notice.
“I’m sorry,” he said, his jaw tightening, though his shoulders seemed to relax. “I should not have…”
He trailed off.
“You know you can just ask me, right?” she couldn’t help but say, sliding her arms onto the counter, leaning towards him. The brief flicker of shame on his face told her that he was sorry. But Stella didn’t mind. She kind of liked that he was a little jealous. Because it told her he gave a damn, that maybe her feelings weren’t as one-sided as she’d assumed.
“Ask you what?”
She smiled a little. “About my lovers.”
He tensed.
“Past lovers,” she amended when she saw his shoulders bunching up again. She might be playing with fire a bit but she did love to tease him. He made it so easy. “I’ve only ever had two. But I am currently in the market for a third.”
“Female,” he warned, those broad shoulders definitely coming forward again. Maybe she was shamelessly flirting with him but she couldn’t help but poke at him a bit too.
“You know you can ask me anything,” she said, her eyes flickering to his lips briefly, before seeing those swirling orbs flash. “I’d tell you anything you wanted to know about me. There’s no need to get jealous.”
“Vauk, vellia,” he rasped. Quietly, he said, “You might very well be the end of me.”
His words sounded like an omen. They made goosebumps prick her flesh.
“Sounds like fun,” she teased.
Chapter Eleven
It was early enough in the morning that the sky was still a deep indigo. The ship port was mostly quiet though a few workers were scurrying around because they were expecting a passenger vessel to arrive soon.
Tavak’s chest was heavy as he watched Ravu set down his travel satchel, his brother’s gaze straying to Haase’s ship. The engine was already humming. Pre-inspection was beginning but the captain was waiting outside his vessel, looking towards the entrance of port.
Waiting for Stella? Tavak wondered.
Given their relationship, Tavak knew he would see her there that morning, to send off the male that she looked up to like a father, or so she’d told him last night.
Haase nodded at Ravu from a short distance away and then called out, “Igon will show you to your quarters and give you a look around the ship once you get on board.”
Ravu inclined his head in a nod, his gaze going to the ramp that was extended from the ship’s stern all the way down to the ground of the docking port. Tavak couldn’t see much beyond it, couldn’t make out anything in its blackness.
Tavak’s voice was gruff when he said, “Be careful, pax?”
Ravu’s lip twitched. “You want me to Coms patch you every night before I go to sleep?”
He was only joking but Tavak was tempted by the mere suggestion. At least then, Tavak wouldn’t be plagued with worries that he’d been captured.
Ravu shifted on his feet and then asked quietly, “You will be all right here?”
Tavak’s brow furrowed, confused by the question. “Of course.”
Did Ravu worry about him? When it should be the other way around? It was Ravu that was leaving the safety of Dumera.
His brother nodded. “It’s just…we have never been apart. Not even for a day. It seems strange, doesn’t it?”
Tavak’s throat tightened at the words. Pax, they had always been close. But it had been a necessity. On Everton, they’d had no choice. On Jrika…
Tavak bit out a rough sigh and his eyes roamed over Haase’s ship. Then his eyes strayed over to the captain, only to see Stella had appeared, looking sleepy but happy. She was hugging Haase and he was saying something to her quietly. Tavak’s eyes lingered on her briefly, dismissing the sting of jealousy he felt because he knew now what the nature of their relationship was.
Last night, their exchange had been interrupted by Haase, who had ordered his crew back onto the ship because it was nearing curfew. He’d told Ravu the same, telling him to get sleep, so Ravu and Tavak had left Reji’s bar, even with Stella’s tantalizing and teasing words still ringing in his ears.
Ravu seemed to notice where his gaze had strayed and a small smile, one that came so easily to his brother, crossed his features.
“She will be good for you, brother,” Ravu told him.
“She’s human,” Tavak couldn’t help but say. “I don’t even know if I can…”
Be with her, was what Tavak was about to say.
Rauv sobered.
Stella already stirred a lot of memories within him, memories of Everton, even though he knew it wasn’t fair.
But human females had been buying his body for the last ten years. How could he shake that off in the span of a handful of months?
And yet…he couldn’t seem to stay away from Stella.
“Still,” Ravu continued. “I wish you would give it a chance, if you think you’re able to.”
Tavak didn’t reply. He looked back at Stella again and noticed that Haase had pulled away from her and was squeezing her hand, though he was starting to head back for his ship.
And Tavak knew what that meant.
“Ravu,” Haase called out a moment later. He studied the two brothers and said, “Time to push off.”
A jolt went through Tavak because he knew it was time to say goodbye. It was only for three weeks, so why did it feel like a lifetime?
He clasped his brother on the shoulder. In the Keriv’i way, they pushed their foreheads together and placed a hand on the other’s first heart. Tavak felt Ravu’s, strong and steady. It reassured him, to know that Ravu was certain about this decision.
The warmth of his brother seeped into his hand. They stayed like that for another few moments and then Tavak knew it was time to pull away.
“Be careful,” he told Ravu again, gruffly, stepping back. Watching as his brother collected his travel satchel from the ground of the docking port.
Ravu gave him a small grin. He was already turning to Haase’s ship.
“I’ll try,” Ravu responded and then he was striding towards the ramp, where Haase stood waiting. The captain nodded at Tavak before clasping Ravu on the shoulder, saying something to him that Tavak couldn’t hear.
Ravu and Haase walked up the ramp—Ravu looked back to nod at Tavak one last time—and then his brother disappeared from view entirely, heading into the belly of the ship, the mechanical beast that would take his brother away.
Tavak didn’t know if he believed in the Demav anymore. In the Keriv’i deities. But he prayed to them right there regardless. Asking them to protect Ravu, for his brother had already needed to endure too much in this life. He deserved to be happy and if setting off on a merchant ship to travel across the universe made him happy…then so be it.
Rooted in place, Tavak waited until the ramp rolled itself back into the ship’s stern like a tongue, disappearing. He knew it would still be a little while until the inspections were done, until the ship left port, but he intended to wait until it did.
After a few moments, he sensed Stella’s presence drawing near, her gentle, soft scent finding his nostrils.
“Good morning,” she murmured softly, so quietly, as if she feared breaking the quiet that had settled around the port.
Tavak met her eyes, saw her studying him in a way that made him highly aware of his own melancholy from saying goodbye to his brother.
“Kasunu,” he returned.
One of the things he appreciated about Stella was that she seemed to read his moods and emotions in a way that not many could. She read him with ease, something only Ravu had ever been able to do.
He didn’t want to talk that morning but he liked that she was near. Stella simply stood at his side and they were both quiet as they waited.
Last night, Tavak had watched her interactions with the crew, with Haase. He wondered it then and he wondered it now…
And it sl
ipped from his lips as he asked quietly, “Why did you leave?”
He wondered why she’d come to Dumera when she was so obviously loved and cared for elsewhere. By beings who weren’t her blood but beings she considered family nonetheless. They were all leaving on that ship, without her. She’d chosen to stay behind.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Stella glance up at him. Then she looked back at the ship.
“Because I want a place to call home,” she replied. “I want somewhere permanent. A home that doesn’t move all the time. And all the crew…they have families of their own. I want that too and I knew I wouldn’t find it in space.”
A family of her own.
That thought soured something in his belly because he knew that he couldn’t give that to her. Maybe she wished it of him. He knew she liked him. He knew she was interested in exploring more with him.
But she was the type of female who wanted—and deserved—forever with someone. And Tavak was definitely not someone who could give it to her. Hell, he didn’t know if he could even give her right now because he was so fucked in the head.
Tavak didn’t reply, watching as the passenger vessel that had been on the schedule for this morning finally docked into port. Many came to Dumera. Few stayed longer than a week, however. The housing was being snapped up quickly and most of the jobs were taken, save for the ones in the mines. Khiva’s firestones had piqued the interests of many but Dumera was small, unable to accommodate most who sought to live here, and the colony was simply not established enough for expansion.
Finally, he heard the engines of Haase’s vessel roar to life, the sound deafening. The inspection was done and the vessel was free to leave. Ravu was free to leave.
Tavak watched the ship begin to move from its docked place in port, the ground seeming to quake with its power. It began to rise. Higher and higher, heading for the clear space before it.
Then the engine opened up. Faster and faster, it began to disappear into the sky, needing to reach a certain speed to puncture through Dumera’s atmosphere without incident, without overheating the shields.
Just as the first hint of sunlight broke over the colony, the ship disappeared with a silvery wink in the sky.
“There they go,” Stella said softly. Tavak detected a hint of sadness in her voice. She wrapped her arms around herself.
He turned to her, peering down at her soft face, her dark brows like little slashes above her eyes. Stella met his eyes, a sudden warmth threading through them.
Pax, she was a female who would definitely make a lucky male very, very happy. It just wouldn’t be him. It couldn’t be…because Tavak knew that he would never be able to make her happy. He was too jaded. Too surly and cold and mistrustful for a wonderful, open, bright female like Stella.
The thought brought a maelstrom of emotions swirling in his chest, emotions he didn’t want to unpack. He was tired. So vauking tired.
Tavak couldn’t help but wonder what she even saw in him.
“Hey,” she said softly, nibbling on her lip before giving him a small smile that made his hearts pound. “Do you want to come back to Reji’s with me?”
A quiet murmur of voices broke the serene silence of the port, and when Tavak looked up, he saw the passenger vessel was beginning to disembark. Males and females of all different races, some of them with children and baggage in tow, stepped onto Dumera, gazing around port, blinking up at the lightening sky.
Stella looked over her shoulder at the group briefly before turning her attention back to Tavak.
She seemed a little nervous now and was tucking her hair behind her ear. “I know you probably don’t eat breakfast but I make a good tea out of dried merru leaves. I think you’d like it.”
Tavak swallowed. He was tempted to say pax, if only because the thought of returning to his empty jivera tree now seemed…depressing. Then again, being alone with her had only proven to be one hell of a temptation, one he wasn’t certain he’d be able to resist much longer.
“But if you’d rather be alone right now,” Stella said quickly, taking his silence for a rejection, “then of course I understand. I…”
Stella continued on, but for once, Tavak wasn’t quietly processing every single word as he usually did…because he caught sight of a familiar being, caught up in the gaggle of passengers that had just stepped off the ship, though most were giving him a wide, cautious berth.
Tavak’s two hearts seemed to freeze in his chest before the rushing of his hot blood restarted them, making them pound furiously in his chest as his belly began to churn with acid.
Yikerza.
Yikerza had just stepped off the passenger vessel. Yikerza was here, on Dumera. On his home colony.
His breaths came fast, his nostrils flaring, as old memories surfaced. Memories that came even before Everton.
Because Yikerza had been his handler on Jrika.
Jrika, that hellhole of a place, where Tavak had been whoring himself long before Madame Allegria had ever found them. And Yikerza had been his handler, the male who oversaw the largest group of whores on that forsaken colony, who had passed them around to whoever could pay him. Because that was how it worked. Tavak couldn’t just have sex with anyone and be paid for it, in full.
On Jrika, all transactions had been made through Yikerza, who took half of all the credits his whores brought into his slimy brothel. With his slick smile and sharp teeth and shrewd, beady eyes, all six of them, etched across his face in a single line.
He was a Wa’zuyi. Big, hulking, dark grey creatures with swirls of green in their flesh. Not many races could match their bulk and strength, not even the Luxirians. He’d heard of a race called the Dakkari who were rumored to be as strong—but they were a primitive race, far in the Third Quadrant, keeping to their own planet and allowing none into their home.
Yikerza was towering over all the passengers disembarking. It was a wonder how they’d managed to fit a Wa’zuyi on board at all.
Then, just as suddenly as he had spotted him, Yikerza’s gaze cut to Tavak and it was like a knife in his gut, spearing and icy cold.
Yikerza twisted that knife when he smiled, those sharp black teeth flashing, and bile rose in Tavak’s throat, quick and overwhelming.
Yikerza is here, he kept thinking, over and over again.
For the first time, he was thankful that Ravu had left. That he wasn’t here, that he was safe on Haase’s ship.
Tavak couldn’t stand Yikerza’s eyes on him. He felt like he was going to be sick, the nausea rising and rising in his throat. He needed to get away, needed to breathe.
And that was what he did. He left the port without a moment’s hesitation.
Only when he was back at the towering trunk of his own jivera tree did he remember Stella.
This is why I can’t have her, he thought, emptying the meager contents of his belly against the trunk because he couldn’t stand it anymore.
As he retched, he thought, I can’t have her because in some ways, I will always feel like a whore.
Yikerza’s whore. Madame Allegria’s whore.
Tavak knew she deserved a male much better than him.
He was tainted. Used up.
And there was very little left of his soul that he could offer to her.
Chapter Twelve
Stella sighed for the millionth time that night, even though Reji’s bar was empty and quiet.
Her eyes strayed over to the table that Haase and some crew had sat around the previous night, laughing and talking about old memories, and a dull ache went through her, wondering if she’d made the right decision to stay. It was always hard to say goodbye. She hated it more and more every time…especially since she felt so lonely on Dumera.
Last night, she hadn’t felt lonely.
Her eyes left the table and went to the other end of the bar, to the stool that Tavak always sat on, though it had remained empty tonight. He hadn’t come. Stella had waited for him, her gaze straying to the door whenever she h
ad a brief break, his usual goblet clean and ready.
For the first time in over a month, he hadn’t shown, which was unusual in itself.
She worried about him too. That morning at port, his mood had shifted so suddenly, going from quiet and focused and pensive to…something else entirely.
Almost savagely angry. Waves of it had rolled off his body as he’d stared over her shoulder. But something else had come from him too.
Fear?
She couldn’t be certain. Stella had been so bewildered when he’d stalked away from her, turning his back without a word, and leaving port quickly. When she’d turned to see if he’d been looking at anyone, she saw the passenger vessel but couldn’t determine if any of them had made him angry.
But why would they? Had he seen someone he knew? Or had he been angry at her, for asking him to come back to Reji’s with her, so soon after his brother had left with Haase?
Stella was uncertain and had turned over every part of that interaction in her mind, but she was still stumped.
Tavak’s moods were mercurial. Stella had always known that. But then she remembered the way he’d said goodbye to his brother, in an embrace she could only guess was utterly Keriv’i in nature. Her own throat had closed up just watching the two brothers. Anyone could see how much they cared for one another, how gutted Tavak was to say goodbye, even if it was for a little while.
He had such a big heart, hidden under those cold, unyielding layers, meant to keep everyone else out. But Stella was determined to wiggle her way underneath them, to uncover the steadfast, loyal, and caring male she’d always sensed beneath.
Still…that morning had left her reeling. She’d been in a morose mood all day, something even the bar’s patrons had picked up on. Even Poy’ra had inquired if she was feeling well and she hadn’t missed the way his gaze had gone to Tavak’s empty stool, as if that was the cause of her quietness.