by Annie Brewer
“Can I have a shot of Jack?” I ask the bar tender. “You got it pretty girl.” Right then, I feel a blush heat up my face.
“Oh, I see. So his compliment was better than mine?”
I look at Derrick, baffled. “He called me pretty, you said “nice” which isn’t a compliment girls like to hear. And why are you over here flirting with me anyway?”
“I’m fucking with you. It’s so much fun. But now I’m bored so I’m gonna find Landon.” What the hell was that?
“What the hell was that about?” Andi speak my thoughts aloud. “I’m not sure. I’m trying to figure that out myself.” I glance at Andi and shake my head. “Boy are you right about guys saying one thing and meaning something else. Ha.” The bar tender slides my drink and I take the shot in one gulp.
Andi huffs, eyeing the glass. “Damn, you started without me?”
“No, I just wanted one. I need to sing a little before I get too tipsy to remember the words. Let’s drink slowly, we’ve got time.” I shouldn’t be drinking at all considering I have to work tomorrow, but oh well.
“What are you going to sing?”
“Let’s do I Will Survive.” I leave the bar and find Mike, the DJ to ask for a book. “Hey, Mike.”
“Looking good Maddy.” He smiles, handing me a book and paper.
“Why thank you.” I blow him a kiss. He’s a huge Aerosmith fan, which he’s wearing one of his concert shirts he got a few years back. Well, he wears a lot of their shirts. We chat for a few minutes before I return to the bar and shuffle through the songs.
“I want to sing Bitch by Meredith Brooks.” I hand Andi the paper and pencil so she can fill it out.
“How appropriate.” Landon appears beside us. I glare at him and of course he’s grinning, I look away and search for a song. “What are you singing?”
“Umm, probably Jewel or Sarah.” I settle on Sarah tonight, fill out the slip and shove it at Landon. “Here, please turn it in.” I smile, sweetly. He shrugs but hands it in.
Mike announces the first song of the night from a middle-aged man with glasses and brown hair, singing a song from Kansas. It makes me think of my father, listening to this band in the car. Music was our biggest passion when I was young and I’ve always carried it with me. “Hey, can I have a shot of Goldschlager?” I ask the bar tender, whom I notice has been watching Andi when she doesn’t pay attention. “And a water too, please.” He smiles and says something I don’t hear. I don’t ask either.
“Maddy to the stage please. You’re up.” I hear my name called and stand up. Andi whoops and hollers.
“Come on sweetheart, do your thing.” Mike winks at me as I approach the microphone. I take it off the stand and hold it and smile at him. I look to the ceiling, ready for the music to take me away. It’s my happy place. The light shines in my face as I face my audience. Some are watching, anticipating, some are chatting amongst themselves or playing pool. Andi dragged a chair to the front and gives me a thumbs up.
The music starts and right away, I begin my first verse from Sweet Surrender. I close my eyes, completely in my realm. I can’t hear anything but my own voice as I’ve tuned everything else out.
It doesn’t mean much; it doesn’t mean anything at all.
The life I’ve left behind me is a cold room.
I’ve crossed the last line; to where I can’t return.
Where every step I took in faith betrayed me.
And led me from, my home. Sweet surrender is all I have to give.
I open my eyes and sing to the ceiling, to the audience, to myself, to my mother, my father. I sway a little to the melody, pace the stage, play with the cord and then sing….
I only hope that I won’t disappoint you.
Well I’m down here on my knees.
Sweet surrender; is all I have to give.
Once I finish the last line of the song, I return the mic to its stand and take a bow when the cheers erupt from the crowd. “Alright Maddy. Sarah would be proud. Let’s hear it for Maddy, everybody.” More cheers and hoots make me blush. I smile at Mike and leave the stage.
“Yay that was awesome bestie! You blew the crowd away.” Andi hugs me as we reach the bar. Landon nudges my shoulder and smiles. I smile back. Derrick gives me high five, raising his glass. I ask for a beer now and take a sip of my water.
“That was fucking amazing.” I twist in my chair and see Noah’s smiling face. He’s here.
Chapter 18
Noah
I didn’t realize she sang. And I didn’t realize she sang so damn well. I didn’t plan on coming but once Maddy left my apartment, I lied on the couch for a while until my conscience was aware of the error. I got up and got dressed. I felt bad for turning her down. I mean she came over and painted my wall. The least I could do is have some more fun with her.
So I jumped off the couch and took a shower. I found myself going through my closet to find nice clothes to wear. It was just a bar but I felt compelled to make an impression. I knew my cousin would be there, which meant Landon would be there too. At first, I was against going because of him. But after thinking a few minutes, I realized that he shouldn’t stop me from enjoying myself. Not just with Maddy but with Derrick too. So I told myself to suck it up and be a man. I didn’t have to mingle with him, just keep my trap shut. My days of getting kicked out of a bar are over.
I’d called Spencer, and he laughed at me of course. “Fuck dude, you like her, don’t you?” He’d said.
“No, I don’t. She’s Derrick’s friend, she’s my friend.” Laughter on the line made me move the phone from my ear and glare at it, even though he couldn’t see me. I was mentally flipping him off.
“Hey asshole, I didn’t call so you could laugh at me.”
“Sorry, you’re right. It’s good to see you’re still a guy with a dick. Maybe you’ll bang her, huh?”
“Okay Spencer, forget I called.”
“No, wait. I’m sorry. I’ll shut up. I’m just glad you met someone, whether you’re friends or whatever. It’s all good. Just live and have fun.” I pulled up my jeans and changed my shirt for a navy blue dress shirt with buttons on the collar and short sleeves.
“Noah, are you listening to me?”
“I gotta go, bye.” I walked into the bathroom and checked my reflection, splashing water on my face. I fixed my hair and left the apartment.
When I got here, I wasn’t sure where to find her. I almost talked myself into leaving but then, I found her on the stage, singing to Sarah McLachlan. And I was entranced. Her demeanor, her body language had me finding a table in the back, just to listen. I always loved Sarah. She was one of my favorite musicians. Actually Lex had gotten me hooked on her music. Her voice is so angelic; it’s peaceful to listen to. And Maddy did her justice. The way she gave the song her all, her closed eyes, facial expressions, it was like watching her at a concert.
I sang along with her to myself, but kept my ears open to listen to her. I was consumed by her tune. And when the song ended, people were cheering and clapping. I didn’t want it to end. She did well, better than well. Her performance was mesmerizing. It seems music is another thing we have in common. So of course I came.
“Hey Noah.” Derrick fist bumps me and I turn my attention back to Maddy. One thing I didn’t anticipate was to be captivated by her beauty. How had I not noticed it before? She’s beautiful, more than I had taken the time to notice. Or I was in denial.
“I never properly thanked you for helping me paint my living room.” Landon chokes on his drink, which I’d momentarily forgot he was there.
“You painted his living room?” He sounds disbelieving.
“Can we talk somewhere?” I ignore Landon and shove my hands deep in my pockets. Andi and Derrick are nowhere to be found. “Sure.” She stands up and we walk through the bar. “I need fresh air.” I open the door for her and we get blasted by warm air.
We walk in silence for a moment before I blurt out, “I didn’t know you could sing like th
at. It was amazing.”
“You don’t know much about me, really.” She states, truthfully. I’d like to change that. But I’m not ready for anything other than friendship. I can’t become dependent on anyone or have anyone dependent on me. But fuck I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t somewhat turned on by her angelic voice.
“How long were you here?”
“I came in and didn’t know where to look for you so I almost left but then I was kinda hypnotized by the person on stage so I sat in the back and watched you. I mean, Building A Mystery is my favorite Sarah song, but Sweet Surrender is a close second. She’d be proud.”
She stops walking and turns to me, surprise written all over her face, “You know Sarah?”
“Well, not personally. But I’m a big fan of her music. Though I almost went to her concert one year. I got sick at the last minute, had the fucking flu…the day before. I was hella pissed.”
She covers her mouth and moans. “Oh my god, how awful. I’d be pissed too. I would have gone anyway, just stayed toward the back away from everyone.” I almost did. But I made Spencer take Lex to the concert and just gave him my ticket. It sucked because it was a gift I got her for her birthday. But she went and it was all that mattered. I casually walk off, down the gravel path and she follows. It’s a nice, albeit, warm night. But it’s not stifling. There’s no humidity, thank god. I’m not even sure if they have humidity here. I notice her gazing around, tucking her hair nervously behind her ear.
“It’s one of my favorite songs. I used to dream of singing like her when I was younger.” I smile at her fantasy. We all had those. I had too many, though my books helped me too. I knew I’d never have been lucky enough to be a famous baseball player or guitarist. But they were my fantasies.
“Maddy, what are you doing out here?” We whirl around at Landon’s voice and my jaw clenches in irritation for being disturbed.
“We’re just talking and I needed some fresh air.” I glance at her, almost wondering why she feels the need to explain herself to him. He doesn’t own her.
“Well are you coming back in?” I growl under my breath, perturbed. He ignores me.
“I’ll be right in. Tell Andi not to fret.” She rolls her eyes and I gape at her. Finally Landon stalks back inside, but not before giving me a death glare. I’m so scared. Not.
I turn back to her and she gives me an apologetic smile. “You don’t have to go back in there if you don’t want to, you know that right?”
She shrugs and starts to walk away. “I don’t want to start anything. Do you want a drink?”
“He doesn’t fucking own you, Maddy. Why do you let him walk all over you?”
“He’s not. Look, let’s just go inside and hang out with everyone.” I almost decline, once again but shrug off my irritation and follow her back to the bar.
“There you are Maddy. We’re next.” Andi strolls to her side and pulls her forward to the bar.
“Two beers, please.” Maddy tells the bar tender. She looks to me for a quick scan. “I’m sorry; did you want beer or something harder?” Neither please, I wanted to say, but instead I smile and ask for a beer.
“Thanks,” I say when she hands it to me. “I opened a tab.” I shake my head. “I got this one, Maddy.” I take a sip and sit back, stretching my legs out. “Besides, I owe you for the painting.”
“Thanks, but it was my idea and dragged you along. Let me get this one.” I open my mouth to protest but shut it quickly, when she firmly states she’s buying my drink. I don’t argue.
“Maddy and Andi to the stage please.” Andi jumps off the stool, grabbing Maddy with her.
“So how’s it going?” Derrick scoots closer to where I’m sitting so I can hear him.
“Good.” I say, watching the girls. They’re singing I Will Survive. They’re dancing, a little tipsy. Or more accurately, Andi’s borderline wasted and almost pulling Maddy down with her as she’s losing her balance, throwing the song off, but they don’t care. I admire their ability to sing and dance in front of a crowd and not give a crap about how ridiculous they look or sound. I find it awesome.
“Are you and Maddy an item?”
I meet my cousin’s gaze, flabbergasted by his assumption. “Why would you say that?”
“I’m just curious. I mean, if you were, I’d know about it. But I was just wondering what it would take for you to stop staring at her and look at me.” I narrow my eyes and look back to the stage. They’re singing really loud into the microphone and laughing. She looks happy.
“I’m not staring, I’m watching. Isn’t that what you do when people are singing? You come to watch them, do you not?”
“I see how you look at her. It’s cool though. I won’t say shit.”
“Look,” I snap at him, having enough of this conversation. “She’s attractive, okay? There I said it. Happy now?” I take a big gulp of my beer. She’s watching me now, I look away.
“She’s not with Landon anymore.”
“That’s great, though he acts like he owns her. But whatever. That’s her business, not mine.”
“I think she likes you too.” I watch her again, feeling the need to escape. If she likes me, this can’t be good. I can’t let it happen. “I think she’s great, but I can’t be with her. Shit.” I voice my thoughts aloud.
I can’t stop my wandering, betraying eyes from slowly skimming her bare legs and drifting upward, over her dress. Derrick’s loud, obnoxious singing brings me back to focus.
I jump, startled when my phone vibrates in my pocket, causing me to twist and pull the muscle in my groin. I pull it out and see a text from Spencer, probably laughing at me again. Fucker.
Spencer: How’s it going?
Me: What do you want?
Spencer: Checking up on my boy. Are you with your secret crush?
Who the fuck says “crush” anymore? I’m seriously tempted to fly to New York and kick his ass just for being a dumbass.
Me: I’m busy, gotta go.
Spencer: Well, I’m drunk and felt like being an ass. Have fun. Get laid. Fucking live…not as a monk. Haha
I snicker at that last comment, wishing he’d let me do what I want without making me feel wrong. I don’t bother answering him and shove the phone in my pocket. The song is about to be over and I need to leave.
“Hey Dere, I’m taking off. Make sure she gets home safely.”
“Okay, take it easy man.” I reach the door and peer behind me once more before exiting the bar.
Chapter 19
Maddy
“Oh my god Maddy, I’m so drunk.” Andi stumbles off the stage once our song ends, taking me down with her. I help her up and lead her to the bar.
“Okay, it’s time to go.” I tell Derrick. I’m drunk, but nowhere near as bad as Andi. I could walk a straight line, albeit, a little crookedly but still. Derrick leads us outside to Andi’s car. I’m definitely in no shape to drive, I’ve past the limit.
I’m luckily not scheduled until noon, which will give me time to sleep off the hangover, I’ll probably have.
When we get home, Derrick and I help Andi into her bed. I undress her while Derrick gets her water. “I love you Maddy. You’re such a great friend.” I lean my face away from hers. I wrinkle my nose, from her breath on my face. “Okay sweetie, you should brush your teeth.” She laughs in my face as I replace her clothes with pajamas.
“Here.” Derrick hands me a glass of water and Advil to give her for the headache she’ll be getting later. “Open up, Andi.” She takes the medicine and water. We put her down in her bed…and she’s out like a light.
“Maddy.” I turn and see Landon stumble inside the apartment. I roll my eyes, irritated.
“I’m really tired Landon, please leave.”
“We need to talk.” He shuts the door to my room before I can say anything. I open my drawer and withdraw a pair of matching pajamas. “Not tonight.” I say with finality, but it doesn’t do shit to stop him from trying. Of course being drunk doesn’t h
elp his ability to listen. “What was he doing there tonight?” And I know with certainty who he’s referring to. I turn around to face him but grip the dresser after the dizziness takes over and I almost stumble. I straighten and grit my teeth.
“Last time I checked it was a god damn bar Landon. Which means anyone is free to come and go as they please. So don’t start interrogating me.” I leave out the part where I invited him but then again, he declined so how was I to know he’d change his mind? I place my hands on my hips, clearly peeved and wishing he’d take the hint that I need to change my clothes and I’m not about to change in front of him. When he doesn’t, I close my eyes and pinch the corner of my eyes.
“I’m sorry Maddy. I shouldn’t give you shit about this. I don’t like him and I don’t know why. But we’re not together, not really.” Not at all, I stop myself from voicing. “I know I can’t stop you from seeing someone. Do you like him?” He lies on the bed and I realize I’m not going to be able to change unless I do it here…
“Please turn the light off.” He reaches over and pulls the switch on the lamp. I quickly strip my clothes off and replace with my pajamas. I lean against the dresser, fully intent on telling him the truth. “I don’t know what’s going on, but right now I enjoy being Noah’s friend. He has none, he just moved here and he needs someone to talk to. You may not like it and I’m sorry, but I’m not going to stop being his friend because you feel threatened by him. And past aside, he’s a good guy.” He doesn’t speak for a long time; I almost fall asleep standing up.
“Maddy, come lie down.”
“Go home Landon.” I move to stand beside my bed and wait for him to leave so I can lie down. I’m so tired.
“Come on, I won’t bother you. I’ll stay on this side, I promise. I’m too tired to get up.” I relent and climb under the covers and fall fast asleep.
I wake with a slight headache and an empty stomach. Landon left early, before I even got up, surprisingly. I made a pot of coffee and take a cup to Andi’s room. Her hangover is worse than all of ours. I knew it would be. “Here.” I hand her the steaming cup and an advil.