by Nikki Wild
I wrapped myself around him tightly, never wanting to let go, never wanting to come up from air, never wanting to leave the delicious darkness of his bed, never wanting to leave the warmth of his arms.
I forgot about the past…
I forgot about Billy, my parents, my job, my very existence outside of that room…
All I could do was feel him…
And in that moment, it was all I needed…
Afterwards, we lay in each other arms, the darkness surrounding us, only our rhythmic breathing breaking the silence.
My heart was full and my body was still humming from his touch. I’d never felt more alive.
“I’ve waited a long time for this,” I whispered. His arms surrounded me as my head lay on his chest. I could feel him smile above me.
“Haley,” he said, bending down and brushing a kiss against my lips. He tasted like a mixture of the two of us and I melted. “I want to be in your life. I want us to try again.”
I smiled and nodded, “Me, too,” I said.
“I’m so sorry I hurt you the way I did. I was a fool. It must have been so hard for you back then…”
“It was,” I said. “I couldn’t have gotten through it if it wasn’t for Billy, but he’s been amazing.”
“Billy?”
“Yeah, you remember Billy, right?”
His arms stiffened around me, harder than before.
“Yes, of course, I remember him,” he snapped, his voice tight and angry.
“Whoa,” I said. “What’s the problem?”
“Nothing. What about him? He’s still in your life?”
“Well, yeah. We work together. We live together. Like I said, I couldn’t make it without him.”
He untangled himself from me and jumped out of bed, leaving me staring after his shadow in the darkness.
“Toby?”
Silence.
“Toby, what the hell?” I asked.
“Look, Haley,” he said, switching on a bedside lamp, and illuminating the room in a warm glow. He stood naked over me, his gorgeous body bathed in amber light that made me want to lick him. Unfortunately, the angry scowl on his face sent me reeling. “I can handle a fling, but if we’re going to try to be together, I really don’t think I can handle sharing you with Billy.”
“Sharing me?” I asked, my voice rising in disbelief.
“Yeah, I’m just not into that, okay?” he said, running a hand through his hair. “I don’t share my women. I’m a one woman guy and I expect the same.”
Suddenly, I realized what he was talking about and I burst out laughing.
“You think me? And Billy? Have a thing?” I said, gasping for air between words, giggling hysterically.
“I don’t think this is very fucking funny,” he said, putting his hands on his naked hips, his cock bobbing between his muscular thighs. I looked at his face and it only made me laugh more.
“I’m sorry,” I said, trying to stop, tears forming in my eyes. “Really, I’m so sorry…”
“Forget it,” he said, turning away in anger.
“No, Toby, wait! Wait! Seriously…” I called.
He turned back to me, his eyes filled with stormy anger and pain.
“Look, obviously this was a mistake.”
“It wasn’t a mistake!” I cried. “Just listen to me.”
“Why?” he asked, his eyes flashing. “If you want to be with him, be with him.”
“Toby! Billy’s gay.”
He froze, his eyes widening in disbelief.
“What? Gay?”
“Yeah, you know…homosexual.”
His mouth dropped and he looked as if he’d seen a ghost.
“That can’t be, Haley,” he said, shaking his head.
“Yeah, it can,” I insisted. “He’s not dating anyone right now, but sure as hell, he’s gayer than Elton John.”
“How long has he been gay?” he asked, his voice demanding.
“Well, forever,” I said. “At least as long as I’ve known him.”
“He was gay in high school?”
“Yep.”
“Why didn’t he tell anyone?”
“Are you seriously asking me that question?” I said, raising an eyebrow. “Do you know how hard it is for adults to come out? Did you know any other gay people in Columbus?”
“No, but—.”
“—Exactly. Our high school wasn’t exactly the most progressive. Besides, lots of people don’t come out till long after high school. Hell, even I didn’t know at first. Billy’s parents didn’t know either. He told them right before we graduated and it didn’t go well, in fact.”
“I can’t fucking believe this,” he said, shaking his head.
“Well, what’s the big deal?” I asked, starting to get a little irritated. “It’s 2017, for fuck’s sake. Even football players are coming out these days. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone on your team was gay.”
“Giffords. Number twenty-six. Full-back.”
“Aha!” I said. “See?”
“Yeah,” he said. “Look I don’t have anything against homosexuality at all, that’s not it.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
“You really don’t know?” he asked, sitting back on the bed.
“No,” I replied, squinting my eyes at him curiously. “Know what?”
“Haley,” he said, running his hand through his hair again, a gesture that was quickly becoming endearing, “that’s why I broke up with you.”
“You broke up with me because Billy’s gay?” I asked, my nose wrinkling in confusion.
“Yes! I mean, no, for fuck’s sake…” he trailed off, shaking his head. “I can’t fucking believe this.”
“Yeah, you’ve said that a few times. I don’t get it, Toby. You always had problems with Billy and it never made sense to me.”
“Because I thought he was in love with you!” he exclaimed.
“That’s absurd,” I replied, shaking my head. “We’re best friends. That’s all. I’m certainly not his type. And I still don’t understand.”
“Do you remember that last night? After the game? We were supposed to meet up at the hotel and I never showed up.”
“I remember it clearly.”
“Well, I came looking for you.”
“You did?”
“Yeah, you were with Billy. On the bleachers. You were talking. You didn’t realize I was there and you said you were going to finally tell me the truth.”
“The truth?” I asked.
“And then he told you he loved you. And you said you loved him, too.”
“I do love him.”
“I was sure you were going to break up with me to be with each other.”
“I remember that conversation,” I said, nodding slowly. “That was the day Billy told his parents that he was gay and they kicked him out of the house. He’d told me for the first time just a few months prior to that night and he swore me to secrecy. I knew you didn’t like how much time we spent together and I’d wanted to reassure you that we were indeed just friends, because he was gay, but he wouldn’t let me tell you. That night he was giving me permission to tell you the truth then.”
“I can’t fucking believe this,” he said again, shaking his head.
“You broke up with me because you overheard that conversation?” I asked, my mind spinning.
“Yeah,” he said, his voice full of disappointment. “Seems kind of stupid now, doesn’t it?”
I sat there, dumbfounded.
“All these years…” I said, searching his eyes.
“Haley, I’m so sorry,” he said.
“I wish you’d given me a chance to explain.”
“I was so young, so stupid. You’re right, I should have given you a chance to explain.”
I nodded, reeling from the sudden shock of the truth, after all these years.
“Listen,” I said, my voice rising, “you need to know that Billy is a huge part of my life and he isn’t going anyw
here.”
“You mean you still want to date me after knowing all this?” he asked, flashing me a crooked grin.
He was frightfully irresistible and although I was completely irritated to find out that he’d broken off our amazing relationship under false pretenses, I knew I still couldn’t turn him away.
A slow smile spread across my face and I nodded.
“I might need a little more convincing,” I said, winking at him, and laying back on his bed, my nakedness stretched out before him. His eyes flashed with passion and, in two-seconds flat, he was on top of me, his kiss hungry and urgent and absolutely delicious.
Twelve
Haley
The next couple weeks went by in a flash. Toby and I spent more than a few nights together.
Our love — long left dormant and forgotten — now blossomed, filling me with the deepest contentment and joy. He showed me how much he cared about me in more ways than one, leaving my heart full and happy. . I loved everything, especially the things he did that left us sweaty and winded and tangled in each other’s arms.
We also spent more time together out of the bedroom.
After pestering him about my exclusive photo shoot with the team, he came through, convincing his coach it was a good idea.
As I stood on the field with all the men, I glanced around, coming up with the perfect shot. Unlike a game where they were running around without thinking about me, they were awaiting my instructions.
“Where do you want us?” Toby asked as he walked up.
“I don’t know yet. You didn’t give me much time to think about this.”
“Coach is in control. It was his call.”
I smiled.
“How about you guys line up like it was a game. I can move around and get shots from different angles.”
“That works, I guess.”
“You guess?”
“Just seems boring, you know.”
“Do I come here on game day and tell you how to play football?”
He grinned.
“Fair enough. You’re the boss.”
I watched as he walked to the group of players. While they lined up, I walked around them on the field, snapping a few shots along the way.
“Look like you’re about to snap the ball,” I said after they were in position.
“This is about as good as you’re going to get, sweetheart,” the quarterback said.
Toby looked over at him with a nasty look.
“What?” the quarterback asked innocently.
“Knock it off,” Toby said.
Are they fighting? Over me?
“Let’s do this!” I yelled, surprising myself.
The huge, beefy players got down in position as I crouched to find an interesting angle.
“Go Browns!” Toby yelled out of nowhere.
“Go Browns!” the others responded with equal intensity.
I rushed forward and laid down on my stomach. Lifting the camera, I snapped a few more shots, loving the way the linebackers looked from that angle.
Snap. Snap. Snap.
After getting to my feet, I walked to the left of their front line, stopping every few feet to take another photograph. The more photos I snapped, the more I got into it.
Their head coach, Mr. Harris, surprised me when he walked up and tapped me on the shoulder.
“You about done?” he asked.
“A few more shots?” I begged.
“Make it quick. We have to start practice.”
“I will. Thank you.”
“Act casual,” I yelled to the players.
They straightened up, turning to talk to each other.
This is it, I thought excitedly. I’ll transpose this photo with one of them crouching down. It’s going to be incredible.
Scott wouldn’t like the artistic slant of the photo, but it would be shared at least a hundred thousand times online if not more.
I took a few more photos of them standing up in relatively the same position then looked over at their coach.
“Thank you so much!” I said.
“No problem, Haley, thanks for the publicity!”
As I walked off the field, I lifted a hand in the air to wave goodbye to Toby..
He nodded his head at me then went to work, yelling and motivating the players as their real practice began.
As they practiced, I shot a few more photos, hoping to come up with a really strong gallery to support my main photo of the team at least.
By the time they finished practicing and were heading for the locker room, I had three full memory cards of high-resolution photos to work with later when I returned to the newsroom.
I walked back to my car with a bounce in my step. No other photographers had been given such open access to the team. Scott, Billy and the others at the paper would have to be impressed.
As Scott stared at the main photo on my computer screen, I took a deep breath to calm my nerves. He had been staring at it for over three minutes without saying a word.
He usually muttered something non-committal about my photos before moving on, but this was different. I had spent a good three hours getting two photos to fit together.
Over a shot of the players crouched down at the scrimmage line, I had transposed another photo of them standing in relaxed states. They fit together beautifully.
“Damn, this is good,” Scott said, still staring at the screen.
“Thanks,” I said.
“No, I’m serious. I’m going to send the photo to the Associated Press and maybe enter it into a few photography contests. You don’t mind, do you?”
“Not at all.” I turned to Billy, standing next to me, and smiled.
He nodded his head, returning the smile. I turned my attention back to Scott.
“I’ve got to admit, I didn’t think you had it in you, but this is something special.”
Joyful and confident for the first time in a long while, I silently thanked Toby. Something about him had helped me open up to the world around me. I felt brand new.
“Thanks, Scott.”
I glanced over at Billy. He rolled his eyes.
“I’ll be back,” I said then walked up to Billy and took his hand. “Come on. We’re going for a smoke.”
“Girl, I don’t know what’s gotten into you,” he said but followed.
Outside, as soon as the door closed, I launched into him.
“What's going on, Billy?” He’d been distant for weeks.
“What are you talking about? I haven’t even said anything to you all day.”
“Exactly. I thought you would be happy for me. These photos are going to help my career.”
“Woo, woo, good for you,” he said sarcastically.
“Come on, Billy. Why do you have to be this way?”
“You’re changing on me, and I’m not sure I like it.”
“Aren’t you the one always telling me to stand up for myself?”
“Well, yeah, but I think you’re going too far. We don’t hang out anymore, and my whole life is a mess, okay? Are you happy now?”
He turned around, facing away from me, as his voice faltered.
“Hey,” I said, putting on a hand on his shoulder. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m happy your life is going so well now that you’ve reunited with your high school sweetheart, but some of us still have problems.”
Uh oh.
“You’ll find someone that’s right for you,” I said.
He turned to face me.
“It’s not even about finding someone.”
“I’m so sorry. What else is going on?”
“It’s just weird, that’s all. For years, it’s been just the two of us and now you’re rarely home.”
He was right. I’d been distracted.
Once I’d told him about Toby’s confession about overhearing our conversation, I’d assumed he would be understanding. And forgiving. He’d been anything but.
“Look, I’ll be fine, but I’
m stressed. I'm glad you’re doing so great, I really am. I am proud of you standing up for yourself.”
“Billy, I know things are crazy right now. I’ve been asking a lot of you. I really appreciate you, I do. I’ll try to straighten up.”
“We should get inside.”
“Billy,” I said, following behind him as he turned to walk away, my heart sinking that I’d disappointed him.
“Forget it, okay?” he said, flashing me a fake smile over his shoulder. “Let’s just get back to work.”
“Yeah, I’m not done hearing Scott say how great I did today,” I joked, hoping to get a real smile from him.
He rolled his eyes, but he smiled.
We went back into the newsroom and I vowed to make time to spend with him in the near future.
The rest of the day flew by and all the praise from Scott was nice, but what I was looking forward to was another weekend with Toby.
He had invited me to his house for a pool party this weekend. I agreed to come, but not telling him I didn’t have any intention of bringing a swim suit with me.
I had no problem showing him my body, but I didn’t want to flounce around half-naked with his other guests.
Would there be other players from his team there? Ex-girlfriends?
I hadn’t asked and I wanted to not be nervous about it, but my palms got sweaty every time I thought about it. I looked over at Billy before walking back to my desk, ignoring the twinge of guilt I felt.
I realized it was only because I was seeing Toby. If I’d been working, or meeting up with another friend, I wouldn’t have felt a bit of guilt about it.
I’m just being silly, I thought, pushing it all away before turning back to my computer. Once Billy met Toby again, everything else would fall into place. They’d love each other, I just knew it.
The problem was, I didn’t know when that was going to happen.
I was more than ready for it.
It was Billy and Toby that were being reluctant about the whole thing.
Billy, because he was being protective.
And Toby? Well, I wasn’t sure exactly why he was avoiding the inevitable. We’d all have to hang out together eventually, and yet Toby kept insisting we should take things slowly in that area.