Our Secrets and Lies

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Our Secrets and Lies Page 33

by Sinéad Moriarty


  Dylan put his phone away. Lucy reached up to touch his face. ‘I love you, Dylan.’

  ‘I know, Mum.’

  ‘Does Kelly know I love her?’

  Dylan’s face crumpled. ‘Yes. I just hope she knows I love her because I haven’t been acting like it. She’s my twin, she’s part of me, and I’ve just been pushing her away. I thought the video was nothing, a sick joke. I told her to ignore it. Jesus, what kind of a brother am I?’ He was crying again, and all Lucy could do was hold him.

  They sat in silence for another half-hour. The tension in the room was suffocating. Ollie dozed off against Billy’s shoulder. Eventually, the door opened and a doctor in scrubs appeared. ‘I’m Dr Caffrey. Can I speak to Kelly’s parents, please?’

  Lucy stepped forward. ‘I’m her mother.’

  ‘Perhaps you could step outside so we can talk in private?’

  ‘Oh, no!’ Shannon cried. ‘Oh, Jesus! Kelly’s dead!’

  Sarah grabbed her daughter by the shoulders. ‘She didn’t say that. Get a grip. She didn’t say that.’

  ‘We’re all beside ourselves,’ Lucy said. ‘Please just tell us all. It’s fine to talk here.’

  The doctor nodded. ‘Okay. The good news is that although Kelly is critical she’s stable. The chances she’ll fully recover are very good. She’s weak and needs lots of rest. We’ll be monitoring her closely in the ICU for the next twenty-four hours, at which point we hope to be able to move her to a ward. You can see her in a little while, but it’s probably best to keep visitors to a minimum for the moment.’

  Lucy blinked. ‘So you’re telling me she’s going to be okay?’

  The doctor smiled. ‘All going well, it looks that way. The incisions were quite deep and there was significant blood loss, but you found her in good time and got her here, which made all the difference. I’m sure it’s been a huge shock for all of you,’ she said, looking around at their stricken faces, ‘but I think she’ll recover physically. It’ll be the emotional wounds you’re really going to have to deal with. But we can direct you towards help.’ Her beeper went off and she looked at it. ‘Sorry, have to go. I’ll be back later to let Mum in for a visit.’

  She left the room. It was like everyone exhaled at once. Kelly wasn’t going to die.

  Lucy walked over to Shannon and grabbed her in a tight hug. ‘Thank you,’ she said. ‘You really did save her life. I wouldn’t have gone to check on her for ages. If it wasn’t for your quick thinking, Shannon …’

  ‘Oh, God, don’t say it,’ Shannon said. ‘I’m so sorry. I adore her, and I didn’t help her.’

  ‘You were her lifeline,’ Lucy said. ‘The rest of us failed to help her, but you didn’t. You are an amazing friend, Shannon. Just amazing.’

  Sarah put her arms around the two of them. ‘One big family,’ she said, smiling through tears.

  ‘That’s exactly what Kelly’s going to need to get through this,’ Jenny said. ‘And we’ll all be there for her. And for you and Dylan.’

  Lucy knew they would, but she also knew that what lay ahead wouldn’t be easy. The doctor was right: there were going to be all sorts of wounds from this, and they would take time to heal.

  51

  The Intensive Care Unit was very quiet. It was eleven p.m. and the night staff had come on duty. The lights were low. Sarah and her family had gone home some time ago, after it became clear that Kelly’s condition was improving but they wouldn’t be allowed to see her that night. Ollie and Shannon were drooping with exhaustion, so Sarah and Darren had bundled them up and taken them home.

  It had been difficult to convince Jenny to leave, but eventually Lucy had persuaded her. She had an early shoot the following day, and there was nothing more she could do. It was just Lucy, Billy and Dylan left in the waiting room. Billy insisted he would stay to drive them home. None of them wanted to be anywhere else.

  Lucy had drunk so much coffee, she could feel her heart racing. She couldn’t face food. Billy had brought in sandwiches and chocolate bars, but she couldn’t eat a thing. She just drank coffee and prayed.

  The door of the waiting room opened and a nurse came in.

  ‘Yours is a long vigil,’ she said, smiling at them. ‘You’re Kelly’s family, aren’t you?’

  ‘Yes,’ Lucy said. ‘Is there any news?’

  ‘I’m Aideen, and I’ll be minding Kelly for the night. She’s doing well, vitals all good. She’s young and strong, which helps a lot.’

  ‘Is there any chance we could see her?’ Dylan asked, stepping forward. ‘Even just for a few minutes. I’d just love to …’ He bit his lip. ‘Just to see her, touch her hand, let her know we’re here.’

  The nurse smiled at him. ‘You’ve had a really bad day,’ she said kindly. ‘Look, let me check. Give me two minutes.’ She went out and left them alone again.

  ‘I’ll let you two go in,’ Billy said.

  ‘What? Oh, no, Dad. You’ve waited just as long. And you adore her as much as we do.’

  ‘I know,’ Billy said. ‘But they’re probably doing us a favour to let us in at all at this hour. Three is a bit much. I want you two to see her. Just tell her I love her, and that I’m here.’

  Lucy squeezed his hand. ‘Thanks, Dad.’

  ‘Right,’ Aideen said, coming back into the room. ‘I’ve checked and you can go in. Not for long, but we know how important it is for you to see her. Follow me, and if you can go quietly, please. Most of the patients are sleeping now.’

  Lucy and Dylan walked along the quiet corridors. The bluish glow of the night lights made it feel like a dream. Lucy felt almost disoriented, as if she was in a halfway world, between real and not-real, felt like a ghost.

  ‘Here we are,’ Aideen said, pushing through a set of double doors. ‘She’s in here.’ She turned right, walked past a nurses’ station, and in through a door.

  Lucy held her breath, almost afraid to see her daughter. Dylan took her hand and they went into the room together.

  Kelly was lying on the bed on her back, breathing steadily. The machine beside her beeped quietly, and she was hooked up to a drip. She looked incredibly peaceful. There were two other women in the room, both sleeping. Aideen pulled the curtain around Kelly’s bed and gestured to the chairs on either side of it. ‘Sit down there now and let her hear your voices,’ she said. ‘I’ll give you ten minutes, okay?’

  ‘Thank you so very much,’ Lucy said.

  They approached the bed and went either side to sit down. Kelly seemed so pale and young – Lucy was afraid that if she touched her, she would disappear.

  Dylan reached out and stroked her face. ‘Kelly,’ he whispered. ‘I’m here.’

  Lucy swallowed the lump in her throat as she watched him look tenderly at his sister. He brushed her hair back from her forehead, then bent to kiss the top of her head.

  ‘I’m so sorry, Kelly,’ he murmured. ‘I didn’t understand. I was useless to you. I wasn’t there when you needed me. But I will be from now on. I promise.’ He was still stroking her face. ‘I’ll be here properly for you, Kelly,’ he said. ‘Like you’ve been for me since the day we were born.’

  A small sound came from the bed. Kelly stirred slightly, then her eyelids fluttered. Dylan and Lucy sat forwards, staring intently at her. Slowly, her eyes opened. She looked at them tiredly. Then she smiled.

  ‘Kelly,’ Lucy said, reaching to take her hand. ‘Can you hear us?’

  Kelly nodded slightly, as if the effort was almost too much.

  ‘Oh, Kelly, I love you and I’m so sorry.’ Lucy kissed her forehead. ‘I’d better get the nurse and tell her you’re awake.’ She jumped up and walked quickly out onto the corridor.

  Kelly whispered something. Dylan didn’t catch it. He leant down, putting his ear to her lips.

  ‘I’m sorry.’

  ‘I’m the one that’s sorry,’ he said. ‘We thought we’d lost you. Jesus, Kelly, I couldn’t be in the world without you. You’re the other half of me. I love you.’

  Kel
ly smiled at him. ‘I love you, too,’ she said, and her voice was a little stronger this time.

  Lucy came back through the door with Aideen at her heels.

  ‘Well, that’s a good sight,’ the nurse said, as she moved quickly to check Kelly’s pulse and the machine beside her. ‘Kelly, you cut your wrists quite badly. But your family got you here quickly and the doctors think you’ll make a full recovery. But we need you to rest and not talk too much, okay? Is there anything I can get you?’

  ‘Water,’ Kelly said.

  ‘No problem. Be with you in a moment.’ She turned to Lucy and Dylan. ‘You can stay while I fetch the jug, but I’ll have to ask you to leave then. She needs her rest.’

  She left the room. Lucy leant over, laid her hand on Kelly’s cheek and looked into her eyes. ‘Oh, God, Kelly, I’m so glad you’re okay. Once you’re better, we can deal with anything. I love you so much, sweetheart. You’re my world.’

  Kelly’s eyelids fluttered again. She was struggling to keep them open, but she couldn’t. Her head dropped to the side and she was asleep again.

  ‘She knows we love her, Mum,’ Dylan murmured, ‘and that we’re here for her.’

  Lucy nodded as tears slid down her cheeks. ‘I just hope she can forgive me.’

  52

  Sarah looked up from her phone and beamed at Darren. ‘Good news. They’re letting Kelly out today. She’s doing great, and they’re happy for her to recuperate at home now.’

  ‘Fantastic,’ Darren said. ‘I’m sure she can’t wait to be back in her own bed. Thank God it worked out the way it did.’

  Sarah nodded. ‘I can’t even allow myself to think of the alternative,’ she said.

  Darren hugged her. ‘You don’t have to. So don’t. I wonder does Shannon know. She’ll be straight over there.’

  ‘I’ll have to have a word with her. Kelly will need lots of rest. She can’t camp out around there like old times.’

  ‘I think our Shannon has grown up a lot in the last forty-eight hours,’ Darren said. ‘I’m sure she’ll be fine about it. But she’s also important for Kelly. It will do Kelly good to have time with her.’

  ‘I need to ask you a favour,’ Sarah said. ‘Can you watch the kids and cover for me with Lucy for a while?’

  ‘You’re going for him, are you?’ Darren asked.

  ‘Yeah,’ Sarah said. ‘The timing is so crap, but what can I do, Darren? He’s coming no matter what. At least if I bring him, I can try to smooth the path. A little.’

  Darren kissed her. ‘It’s not your fault,’ he said. ‘And I’ll stand by you, no matter what happens.’

  ‘Thank you,’ she said. ‘I’m going to need all the support I can get.’

  The airport was crowded with people coming and going. Sarah swallowed the panic rising in her throat. Had she done the right thing? Lucy would never forgive her. But she was doing this for Kelly and Dylan: she knew what it was like to have no father and believe he didn’t care. She clung to that thought.

  She saw him. It was easier than she’d ever imagined. He was Kelly, Kelly was him. The resemblance was so striking that it took her breath away. She waved. He rushed over to her and threw his arms around her. ‘Thank you,’ he muttered into her hair. ‘Thank you for letting me know. How is she?’

  ‘She’s doing really well,’ Sarah said. ‘Out of the woods and recovering. She’s on her way home now.’

  ‘That’s so good to hear,’ Tom said. He looked exhausted. ‘So can I see her at the house?’

  Sarah bit her lip. ‘I’ll take you there, Tom, and I’ll do my best, but don’t be surprised if Lucy runs you out of the place. Your timing really isn’t good. She’ll hate that you’re seeing her family at a low point. It’s going to be tough.’

  ‘That’s all I expected,’ he said. ‘I’ll have to take it on the chin and hope we can somehow move on from there.’

  ‘Maybe,’ Sarah said doubtfully.

  ‘And what do we know about the circumstances?’ he asked, as they walked to Sarah’s car.

  Sarah filled him in on the horror of the last forty-eight hours, and of the hell Kelly had been living through in the months prior to that.

  ‘Those venomous bitches,’ Tom cursed. ‘Sorry, excuse my language, but how could they do that to her?’

  ‘It’s unthinkable, but kids can be incredibly cruel sometimes. Shannon has taken screen shots of everything, all the messages. She said she has lots of others from previous bullying and awful things posted. We had no idea Kelly was having such a terrible time.’

  ‘And how’s Dylan coping?’ Tom asked.

  ‘Devastated. He blames himself for not looking out for her more. Lucy blames herself for not being a better mother and Shannon blames herself for not being a better friend. Everyone’s in shock and shattered.’

  Tom nodded. He looked out of the window as Sarah drove away from the airport. His first time back in Ireland in almost eighteen years. It hadn’t changed so much. More built up, but the same. He bit his knuckle. What would he say to her? What would he say to his little girl, his beautiful Kelly? How can you apologize for missing every second of your child’s life? How do you explain why you ran away like a coward? He felt his heart tighten. He’d thought he was having a heart attack on the plane – they’d had to give him oxygen. A doctor on board said it was a panic attack and asked Tom if he had something on his mind. Tom had wanted to shout, Yes! Seventeen lost years!

  They parked outside Sarah’s house.

  Sarah turned to him. ‘Okay, here’s what we’ll do. I’ll go in first. I’ve printed out your email, where you described how you didn’t know and how sorry you are. It changed my mind so I’m hoping it will help now. I’ll ask Lucy to read it, then tell her you’re here and call you in. Okay?’

  Tom nodded. He looked terrified.

  Sarah gestured up the road towards Lucy’s. ‘When we walk into that house, both of our lives are going to change for ever. I’m going to lose my best friend and you’re going to meet your children.’

  Tom reached across and hugged her. ‘I can never thank you enough for what you’ve done.’

  Sarah exhaled deeply. ‘It’s the right thing to do and I have to cling to that. Okay,’ she said, ‘let’s do it, or I’ll lose my nerve.’

  They walked down the road together, then Tom waited just out of sight of the house.

  ‘Wish me luck,’ Sarah said, and walked up the garden path.

  ‘Does she want anything to eat?’ Billy asked. ‘I can make anything. Anything she likes.’

  ‘I’m going to run into the shop and get some of those vitamin drinks she likes,’ Jenny said, fussing around.

  Billy was opening and closing cupboards, making a racket. ‘I think we should go to the supermarket, Jenny, do a proper stock-up, so no matter what she wants, we’ll have it.’

  ‘Good idea,’ Jenny said.

  ‘Would you two please sit down and stop running about?’ Lucy said. ‘We’re only in the door. She doesn’t need anything right now. You’re like headless chickens.’

  ‘I just … Jesus, I don’t know what to do with myself,’ Jenny said. ‘I want to help, but I’ve nothing to do.’

  ‘She’s upstairs with Shannon. Let’s have a coffee while they have ten minutes together, then see if we can do anything for her.’

  Billy and Jenny looked at each other, then reluctantly sat down.

  ‘Are you doing okay?’ Jenny asked her sister.

  ‘I’m tired, still in shock, but yeah,’ Lucy said. ‘I was worried about that wedding I was meant to do, but the Humanist Association helped me out and found a replacement celebrant. The couple were very understanding.’

  ‘That’s good,’ Jenny said, rubbing her sister’s arm. ‘Just put everything else out of your head now. We can even ignore Christmas. You don’t need any more stress.’

  Shortly after Sarah walked into the kitchen. ‘Hi, guys,’ she said. She gave Jenny a meaningful look. Jenny’s hand flew to her mouth, her eyes wide. She gave a li
ttle shake of her head, and Sarah knew she was saying, ‘Don’t do it,’ but it was too late now.

  ‘Shannon’s up with her,’ Lucy said, smiling at her. ‘Pour yourself a coffee and join us.’

  ‘Lucy,’ Sarah said, and the tone of her voice made Lucy look up. ‘I have something I need to tell you. It’s going to be difficult for you to hear, but I’m really hoping you can keep an open mind.’

  Jenny reached over and took Lucy’s hand.

  ‘Oh, God, what now?’ Lucy said, looking distressed.

  ‘I need you to read this,’ Sarah said, taking a sheet of paper from her bag and unfolding it. She placed it on the table in front of Lucy, who bent to read it.

  As she read, Lucy began to gasp, ‘No, no, no.’ Then she bent her head down, right onto the table, and let out a wail, like that of an injured animal.

  ‘Jesus Christ, what does it say?’ Billy asked, jumping up in alarm.

  Lucy raised her head. ‘How could you, Sarah? How could you do this? He … he … I can’t deal with this. He can’t come back … He can’t just turn up! What the hell are you doing to me?’

  Sarah’s eyes filled with tears. ‘I’m sorry, Lucy. I tried to put him off, but he has a right to know them,’ she said.

  ‘He has no rights,’ Lucy shouted. ‘None.’

  ‘Lucy,’ Jenny pleaded, ‘he’s their dad. He didn’t know they existed.’

  ‘He didn’t want to know!’ Lucy screamed. ‘You’ve both betrayed me, you know how much he hurt me. How could you? Now! When I’m on my knees. Now, with Kelly … How could you?’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ Sarah whispered. ‘But there’s never going to be a good time and he’s here.’ She walked to the front door and opened it.

  ‘What the hell is going on?’ Billy said.

  Sarah came back into the kitchen with a tall man walking behind her. He stood before them, his face flushed, hands bunched together.

  ‘Hello, Lucy,’ he said.

  ‘Who the hell is this?’ Billy shouted. ‘What is going on?’

  ‘Dad,’ Jenny said, holding his arm. ‘This is Tom. The twins’ father.’

  Billy’s mouth dropped open.

 

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