by Sam Hall
“That’s a really old, outdated term for what Paige is, but I guess that doesn’t matter.”
“You knew?” I asked.
“Why else would Zack give you to me for training? He asked me many questions about our nature—”
“Our?” I went stock-still. “So you’re… Jian isn’t your only…” He was the only mate I’d seen her with. “Sorry, that’s none of my business.”
Her smile was slow and serene, like it always was.
“You can ask. I knew that this time would come, when you’d start to acknowledge and explore your nature. Zack pumped me for details constantly. From going into heat to taking new mates. Initially, I thought it was just a man trying to understand his mother, but then there was you.” Her smile became sweet. “You took him as your mate?”
She knew, had seen the scar, but she was giving me an opportunity to acknowledge that.
“They are my pack.” I gestured to the guys, feeling a shock of shame at that. It just seemed…greedy somehow. When other people weren’t around, I could accept, even glory in it, but now? “I’ve formalised things with Zack, Lorcan, and Micah.”
As if summoned, the guys got up and walked over.
“And you will with more.” She eyed the men, then her eyes narrowed down. “More than this.”
“What?” Declan asked, stiffening.
“Aidan knots for her,” Micah reminded him, but he didn’t look pleased about it. “That’s who you mean.”
“I don’t know this Aidan or any of you,” she replied. “I can just sense the nature of this pack like most…nix do.” Her lips thinned down. “I prefer the older term, ulva. It literally means she-wolf, so it could be used with any female wolf shifter, but I think it is a better one for us. You have fought your nature for some time, consciously and subconsciously wanting to block what you are. It’s probably what saved you here, that and your Zack.” He flushed at that comment. “When you fully accept what you are, your sense of your pack and of other’s packs will strengthen.”
“So…” I leaned forward, clasping my hands as I stared at the carpet. “You’re an…ulva.” I remembered the words of Mother Moon, not having paid much attention to it at the time, but… My eyes slid to Zack. “And that’s how you always knew what to do or say.” I nodded to myself, then let out a long breath. “Then maybe you can help. We’ve had some interesting things happen since I formed my pack. Some of it weird, some of it fucking scary. I dunno if that’s just the way of being an ulva or what but… We have to go back to my hometown, we need to sort out a situation where a family member is doing some really bloody awful things, but we can’t until we understand what’s going on.”
“OK,” Margaret said, frowning slightly. “Apart from the relationships all settling and the men learning to mesh with each other, it’s usually a fairly easy process. Self-acceptance is a big part of your journey, but… Why don’t you tell me what’s been happening?”
So I did.
Margaret’s skin was bleached to a fine porcelain colour by the mid-morning light. I watched her blink as she tried to process everything, then reach for her phone, scrolling through her contacts.
“With your permission, I’d like to reach out to some people,” she said finally.
“Like who?” Zack said, instantly on the alert.
“There’s a group of us ulva that meet regularly. A support group if you will. There’s also my mentor.” Her eyes flicked from me to Zack. “She’s the matriarch of a big pack. She came over from the old country, much more recently than most of our families. She… Most of what I know about what we are comes from her. She has…other contacts as well that are beyond my reach.”
“She sounds like some kind of mafia don,” I said with a grin, but that soon faltered. Margaret didn’t return my smile, she just frowned slightly.
“Otherwise, I’m no help to you. I feel stronger, more vital when I’m around my mates, the pull towards them settling the closer I am, but what you described…” She looked over at Micah. “Father Wolf?”
“That…feels right,” he replied, “but I don’t know why.”
“Reach out to your contacts and let me know how it goes,” Zack said. “But I’ve gotta ask—”
“Keep this confidential? I know.” Margaret’s gaze returned to me. “Controlling your narrative after all of this misinformation? It would be what I would want.” She got to her feet, then moved towards me when I stood as well, taking my hands in hers and squeezing them. “It’s a hard path, but it’s the only one for us, being an ulva. I’m glad you’ve taken your first steps upon it. We’ll discover what’s going on with your pack soon enough.” She pulled away with a final nod. “I’ll be in touch.”
“Jesus, did you put the word out already, Zack?” Bridget asked, stomping up the stairs after Margaret had left, finding the lot of us just standing there, still. “Because damn, those guys in your gym are flirty. I’ve gotten…” —she scrolled through her contacts— “seven phone numbers? What? Shouldn’t I have—?”
“It’s fine, Bridge,” I said, finally breaking the silence. “And of course you’ve got a heap of offers. You’re gorgeous. Who could resist all this?”
It was a line we often used when we were younger, trying to bolster each other up under Nance’s scrutiny. She struck her customary pin-up pose, and I grinned.
We needed more of this. More laughs, more silly, more family, more love. A pall had fallen over the room after Margaret left, but I didn’t want it to stay there. I could see the sun shining through the windows, a beautiful sunny day out there waiting for us.
“So, you got too many dates lined up to wanna spend the day at the beach with us?” I asked.
“Beach?” Declan asked in a low mutter. We had things to do, people to see, but I remembered what it was like, coming from the country. Lupindorf was well away from the coastline, so days at the seaside were few and far between.
“God, on a day like this? I didn’t want to ask, but…”
“C’mon, let’s see what Zack has tucked away in these cupboards.”
Every day introduced me to new challenges with the pack. Now we needed to take two cars to the beach, because one wasn’t enough to fit all of us, but the worst part? We were standing outside the gym, watching my guys file out in just low-slung board shorts that seemed to have been designed solely to showcase those damn Vs of their hip muscles. I had to learn to keep my hands to myself in public.
“You’re…you’ve got a little…” Bridge leaned in to wipe away some imaginary drool. Well, I thought it was imaginary. I elbowed her away in response. “Look, would it be a bad thing to ring one of the blokes that asked me out, see if they want to meet us at the beach?” My eyes slid sideways, a grin spreading across my face. “What?”
“You’re feeling better. Surprisingly so.”
Her smile faltered, but I saw her determination when she reapplied it. “I had a moment last night. I was still buzzing after that run. It was like once I settled my body, my mind really kicked in. I hate my mother. Fuck, I hate her so much.” She shook her head, just sitting with that feeling for a bit. “Like, I’ve loved her in an abstract way, because I felt like I had to, because she was my parent or some shit, but…” Her chin jerked up. “But freed of that expectation, what do I have?” She held her hands up to indicate what she had—nothing. “What she did, it hurt, it fucking hurt. Seeing that complete absence of love in her eyes, knowing that was always the case…”
Her eyes met mine, burning bright silver. “I imagine it hurts chicks to tap their way out of eggs and it hurts caterpillars to turn themselves into goo and then transform somehow into bloody butterflies.” She didn’t flinch away from my stare, meeting it head-on. “I’m out of Lupindorf, I’m out from under Mum, I’m free. That still stings. It’ll keep stinging, but fuck it, if she’s gonna make the dumbarse decision to let me off the chain, I’m gonna make the fucking most of it. I want to work hard, play hard—”
“Fuck hard? Gav’s
a nice bloke.”
“Yeah, that too. It feels like every bloody thing I knew to be true has been blown up, and I should be worried about that, but I’m not. I’m really not.” Her eyes dropped to her pocket, where she fished out her phone. “I’m gonna give him a call. What was his name again?”
I snorted and helped her find the details, watching the guys work out who was going in which car. Me and Bridge, we’d be in the same one, I vowed. But I stopped and listened to her make the call, smirking when I heard her initially tentative pitch, something that just got brasher as her eyes narrowed at me.
“So yeah, if you’ve got the time, come down for some sun, sand, a swim, and whatever else comes to mind that starts with an S.” Her expression became one of triumph when my mouth gaped. “What?” She jolted at his response. “Um…yeah. Hang on, I’ll just check.” Her eyes went wide when she asked, “Which beach are we going to?”
“Just tell him down near the jetty. He’ll know where to go.”
I watched her relay the message with a happy heart. I wanted, needed to see that smile.
Chapter 31
“What’re you smiling about?” Declan asked. We were strolling down the beach, hand in hand, kicking at the low waves that lapped in.
Of course I was smiling. The sun was hot, but the fresh breeze coming off the sea kept me at the perfect temperature. My hand was in his, held tight by those long, strong fingers. My eyes kept sliding sideways, taking in those broad shoulders, those well muscled arms, particularly as I’d lathered every inch of them with the highest SPF sunscreen money can buy.
“You, them, Bridge.” I looked up the beach to where Gavin was smoothing sunscreen on her bare back. “This.”
“And what’s this?” He pulled me to a stop, putting his arms around my waist.
“No stress, no fighting, no Nance, nothing but us. Coming here, it’s made me feel like this’ll work.” I let out a breath, feeling a whole lot of other stuff going with it, and when I smiled, there was a lightness to that. “In that apartment, I can see our future and I like it. What about you?”
“It’s gonna take some getting used to. We’d come up to the city sometimes for Adam, but not often. It’s beautiful here and ugly in some places, but…” His eyes met mine. “Any life that has you in it is a good one for me.”
I stared into those warm eyes, wanting to drag him down on me, on top of me, just to feel the welcome weight of him. Instead, I reached out, wrapping my arms around his neck, and went up on tiptoes to kiss him.
The beach was the perfect place to kiss Declan. He was warm, sweet, funny, and a whole lot dirty, and it kinda fitted with the beach. It was easy to imagine us having never split up, staying a couple, moving to the city, and building a life together. It was as if the separation had never happened.
“C’mon,” he said, grabbing my hand and tugging me after him, back to the others.
“Where are we going?” I yelped, stumbling after him.
“The theme park?” He walked us up the beach towards the big cluster of rides, booths, and games, the scent of fairy floss and Dagwood dogs being cooked flavouring the air. “What about the others?”
“I’m texting them,” he said, his phone in his other hand. “But having a head start?” He grinned at that. “I never took you out on that date. We went and…”
His smile failed as his words faltered, both of us remembering what had happened as we danced in front of his car. I squeezed his hand, needing to see that grin back.
“So this’ll be like that time you took me to the show?” I asked.
That had been early in our relationship, the two of us still awkward and weird around each other. But being smooshed together on wildly swinging rides had resulted in his arm being slung around me, holding me to him while I’d breathed in his woody scent and…
“Yeah,” he exhaled, his eyes shining silver, making it clear he saw the exact same thing.
“Well then, let’s go.”
“We gotta go on the rollercoaster,” he said, his eyes following the looong track which encircled the whole area. We heard people screaming as it clattered past, whisked away quickly by the electric vehicles. “And the dodgem cars!”
“You want to smash into me with an electric car? I see how this relationship is gonna be.”
“Then what about the Ferris wheel?” Our eyes went up to the gigantic wheel in front of us, full of kids and their parents looking down. “I wouldn’t mind taking my girl up in that,” Declan said. His eyes slid to me, heavily hooded. “When we stopped at the top, I could hook that tiny little bikini to one side and…”
“Dodgem cars it is then,” I said briskly. “Let’s save fingering me in public for somewhere with a lot less kids.” He grinned in response, then pulled me over.
We paid the man running the stall and each jumped in our own car.
“You don’t want to be my ride or die bitch?” he quipped as he fitted those long legs into his car.
“I’m gonna ride and you’re gonna die,” I replied, settling behind the wheel.
It’d been a long time since I’d been on one of these, so I scanned the controls and worked out what I was supposed to be doing with it. The guy running the ride instructed us on the rules, but as he said there was to be no deliberate bumping, my eyes met Declan’s across the bonnet of the car, narrowing down. That infectious boyish grin of his twisted slightly, becoming more intent, and the minute the buzzer went, he came gunning for me.
I, however, was trying to make sure I didn’t take out any of the kiddies who were legitimately here for the experience of driving a car legally, veering and wobbly around the course, which put me at a distinct disadvantage. My teeth clattered when I felt the first bump, then locked down tight into a growl. I put my foot to the floor, only receiving a modest boost in speed, and tried to race around the oval track to get the drop on Declan. That, of course, did not happen.
Kids struggling to manage their vehicles clogged up the lane until we had a mini gridlock form. Not for long, as parents helped steer them out of it, but I looked over my shoulder when I felt the bump again at the back of the car. My first love, my childhood sweetheart, just smirked at me, a devilish gleam in his eye. I just shook my head, promising death and destruction with my eyes.
I didn’t get a chance, not yet, feeling him bump into me as we finally went around the corner, the cars spreading out to allow for more gaps. Kids improved their driving, taking the corners more smoothly, when I put my plan into place. I lured him in by speeding up as fast I could go, making a few turns, copping a few bumps to the back as I went before swerving wide when a big gap presented itself and planting my foot on the break. It meant some people behind me bumped into the back of my car, but that was OK. It was Declan sailing past that made me grin. I floored the car, taking off after him.
Bump, bump, bump!
Even over the kaleidoscope of garish music being played throughout the whole complex, I could hear him grinding his teeth in frustration. Then all the cars stopped abruptly, and a lanky teen came over to us with a tentative frown.
“Look, I know you’re just having fun, but legally, we’re not allowed to let you deliberately hit each other. Public liability insurance and all that. I can only give you one warning.”
I smiled slowly at his furtive expression and nodded.
“That’s fine. We’ll behave.”
“Thanks.”
The music came back on, parents shooting us dirty looks for the rest of the duration, but around and around we went at a sedate pace like model citizens until our time was up. He grabbed my hand, hauling me to my feet and pulling me after him as we left the ride. I nodded to the kid running it and then was dragged down a narrow alleyway between game stalls.
I grinned at my mate, liking the silver in his eyes, the clench of his jaw. He wasn’t really angry, but his blood was up and he looked fucking hot when it was, the muscles in that bare chest popping as his hands went to fists. I was seriously reconsidering th
e whole Ferris wheel scenario right now. What I didn’t expect was this.
He used his grip on my hand to spin me around, the whistle of the air the only thing that alerted me to what was coming. Smack! His hand slapped down on my arse with a loud crack and an immediate sting.
“What the fuck!” I hissed, aware that parents were passing not far away, so I choked back my yelp. “You started that!”
“I know.” His grin was pure mischief. “And now I’ve ended it. The guys are coming and I’ve told them to meet us at the haunted house, but I want to get one more ride in before they bogart the babe.”
“For that, I should just go and wait for the others,” I said, rubbing my butt.
“But you won’t. Anyway, a little spanking never hurt anyone.”
“Remind me of that when we get home. Turnaround is fair play.”
He stepped in closer, looming over me until I could smell the salty scent of his sweat. “You want me bent over your knee, arse bare, your hand rubbing over it before you raise it?” This had been a joke initially, but as he spoke, as his hand lifted to trail down my arm, something darker rose. Something I hadn’t been aware lurked inside Declan. “My cock would be aching, hanging there, dying for you to touch it, before slam!” I jumped at that last word, almost feeling it on my skin. “Your hand cracks against my arse.” He shrugged, funny, casual Declan reasserting himself so fast, it made my head spin. “Yeah, I could dig it.”
“What the fuck was that?” I asked in a low voice as we moved out into the main boardwalk.
“Hidden depths, baby.” He waggled an eyebrow at me. “We’ve all got ‘em”
He timed this well because I couldn’t say a thing in response when we walked past all the families and other couples, nor when we stood in line for the roller coaster. He turned to me when we were strapped in with a wild grin.