by Sam Hall
Not yet, not this time… a voice said in his head, and I saw Ulfric emerge from the shadows to stand between Mason and the alpha, looking down at him with a combination of determination and pity. The fight will come, but not yet.
“You better back down, boy,” the alpha snarled, the whiplash of his dominance felt on Mason’s skin. “Put your claws and your fangs away before I take them from you.”
The weight of the alpha’s will pulsed, slamming down upon him, the man smiling when Mason was forced back.
“That’s right, little whore’s boy. Back down from your betters. Now run away back to the playroom with the other children.” The man’s eyes narrowed when Mason held his ground. “RUN!”
Run! Ulfric echoed, the compulsion slamming into Mason, his shift into his animal instantaneous, followed by the frantic scrabble of paws on a smooth floor. He careened down the hall, out into the living area, slammed into the open door before emerging out into the sunlight. He didn’t think, look, or identify a direction, just bolted down main street, past cars and people, past shops, the houses, the fields. Run, run, run! The need pulsed through him, pounded like his heart, carrying him farther and farther away.
I could hear my own heartbeat racing in time with his as the darkness fell again. For a moment, that’s all there was—my pulse, my pain at watching what had happened to Mase and Zack, at what had happened to their mother. Some of what the Spehrs did made some sense now. That skin crawling scene with Kailee… Alphas always prepared their daughters for their role in the pack, but what the fuck were they preparing her for? Mine hemmed me in, made sure I adhered to all the rules, ignored what I was, and so the town followed their lead. But too bad if it crushed me during the process.
Which is perhaps why the next memory surfaced.
An older Mason watched a ten-year-old me stomp down the stairs at home, tearing at the voile or chiffon or whatever the fuck had been embellished all over the stupid damn dress Nance had made me wear. He’d been living with us for a while now, Dad having found him out in the forest, bringing him home, feeding him, starting to train him. Mason was on patrol, while a family function was being held in the big ballroom at the back of the house. He watched me get to the bottom, clumps of shredded fabric littering the steps, when the tears started.
I remembered this. Nance had ripped into me, off to one side of the party, away from all the other adults. Critiqued the way I wore the dress, my hair, my behaviour. She cut me down with short, sharp, precise words, made me feel like nothing, before turning and being all smiles when one of the town elders appeared. She’d tucked her arm in his and walking away, as if she hadn’t just destroyed me.
Mason watched me shred the dress. By tearing off the stupid frills and stupid flounces, by letting them fall onto the floor, just leaving them there as a trail of destruction, I got my petty revenge. It made me feel better, stronger, so I just tore harder. Then the tears came.
It was that which drew him forward. He could’ve left me to destroy my dress because there was no immediate threat to me, only the fabric. He’d intended to fade back into the shadows, go back outside, and leave me to it. But the sobs? Rough, hacking, painful sounding things, he couldn’t walk away from them. He moved forward, deliberately letting his footfalls ring through the space, announcing his presence. I was up and off the stairs at that, looking frantically around at the shredded fabric, but pushed myself into a small ball against the bannister instead.
There he was, this Mason, much taller, stronger, having spent so much time working and training with my dad. The one whose eyes caught mine across the dining table when we sat down to eat.
“Shit, are you…” he said, starting towards me, then stopping when he saw how hard I was pressed against the wall. “Hey, it’s OK. Do you want me to get your dad?” I shook my head definitely. “Right, well…”
He bent down, making himself smaller to try and make me more comfortable, I now realised. He was somewhere into his teens and already wearing the responsibilities of a man. He moved forward slowly, picking up the shreds of fabric and balling them in his hand before shoving them in his pocket. He came closer but not too close, and then sat down on the bottom step.
“Something went wrong?” he asked carefully.
I hated when adults did that, asked you questions, pinpointed the issue with what felt like prescient accuracy. As soon as they identified what was wrong, everything I’d been fighting so hard to hold back came rushing up, as if summoned by their words. My eyes stung with tears I fought to hold inside, my face starting to crumple.
“Oh, shit, Paige…”
He was terrified, knew that if he was caught sitting on the stairs with a crying heir, anyone but Adam would toss him out on his ear, but he couldn’t move away. He knew this sound, those tears. Not the spoiled protests of a wilful child, this was real pain. Part of him wondered what the hell was able to provoke that in the Spehr heir, but that was quickly replaced by a rush of protectiveness. He wasn’t accepted, this wasn’t his family, but when he saw me crying my little heart out, something big and hot and important swelled in his chest. He eased himself over, reaching for me, and to his utter shock, I threw myself into his arms. His closed around me, feeling how small, how fragile I was, and they tightened further still.
I got different things from the memories. Sometimes it felt like I was watching them play out, sometimes that I was in Mason’s shoes, but this? What rushed from his heart into mine almost had mine standing still.
This is when I knew, he said. This is when I knew I had to protect you. Adam told me more than once that I wasn’t his beta, I was yours. He found us that night, saw me holding you…
“Shh…” Mason said, over and over, shakily at first, then more confidently, rocking me with his body over and over, until finally, I stopped crying.
He could feel the wet spot my tears had left on his shirt, felt it sticking to his skin, but that didn’t matter, not like this did. I moved within his embrace, finding a drier spot to rest my head, and then snuggled in deeper. It felt like a million years passed between one heartbeat, then the next, before I settled, pressing my nose into his chest and taking a deep breath of him.
“What’s this?”
His head jerked up to see the alpha standing over him, looking so much younger. My brows creased as I watched him meet Dad’s eyes.
“A-Alpha, she—” Mason stammered out.
“Not alpha, Mason. We talked about that.”
“Um…Adam. I found your daughter inside, obviously upset. She was ripping at her dress—”
“Nancy,” the alpha said in a careful tone.
“I’m not sure. She didn’t say anything. She was just really upset, and so I—”
A hand came to rest on Mason’s shoulder, a gentle one, and Mason stilled at that, letting out a long breath.
“You looked after my daughter when she was sad, made her feel better?”
“Yes, sir.”
Dad smiled, shaking his head at the honorific sneaking back in.
“That’s all I ask of my men—that they keep my girl safe. Paige, she’s got a hard road ahead of her, harder than most women. Anyone who’s there by her side, keeping her safe? He’s all right in my book.”
Dad…
Tears pricked my eyes as the memory faded. Dad, Mase… I wanted to grab a hold of it, of them, and not let it go. But it faded, as it always would now, leaving me aching behind.
My own recall of that night was fuzzy at best. I’d been a kid, easily upset and easily soothed, but our relationship changed after that, me and Mase. He was there, he was a source of quiet strength. He wasn’t beholden to Nance or the family or the town.
He was mine.
My little heart had claimed him back then. Not in any sexual way, I wouldn’t even have had any inkling of that then, and I didn’t get that from Mason either. Back then, for him, I was probably a Zack substitute and an extension of my father, who Mason loved fanatically. But it was the first steps taken
towards where we were now.
The stairs, the memory, all fell away, and then there was just darkness and him. This Mason, my Mason, he stepped towards me, holding out a hand but looking unsure of how I’d react, just like he had on the stairs. And I walked into it, wanting, needing that feel of his body against mine. He closed his arms around me, just held me for a moment, and then placed a kiss on my head.
“I was to protect you, that was my promise to Adam. He gave me shelter and a place to live, sure, but really, it was so much more. Everything that happened, with my parents, with Zack’s dad, it created this world of chaos and pain. I seriously thought everyone treated each other like shit, like we did. What your dad gave me was…peace. And in return, I protected his girl.” I looked up at him, saw his eyes so deep a brown, I could dive into them, staring back at me. “So that’s what I do.”
“But you don’t have to protect me from what happened to your mum,” I replied. “I don’t blame her for how it went down. She obviously felt she had no other options, but I do. I’m not gonna suck off the whole enforcer team of random alphas for any other reason than because I felt like it.”
That earned me a low growl, but he smiled after to soften it.
“I know, and none of this makes sense, but…” He stared off into the darkness. “I had to know.” He paused, as if that made sense, but it didn’t. “The blokes in those towns, people thought they were fine, upstanding men. Ambitious, sure, but all enforcers are. The alphas were tough, but that’s what it takes to run a pack, but…”
His gaze slid back to me. “I needed to know. Zack trusts you, has worked all this time to make you as resilient and tough as you possibly can be, and I know that if any of those you chose to include in your pack turned out to be muppets, you were perfectly capable of kicking them to the curb, but…”
His jaw muscles flexed, his grip on me tightening imperceptibly.
“But Declan hurt you so fucking much when you were a kid, and I didn’t know Lorcan. I don’t give a shit that he’s an Engel, but he seemed to be a smartarse shit when we first started talking. Micah’s a good bloke, but he’s a dark horse. Doesn’t give much away. I had to know that they were good for you, that they’d love you, look after you, protect you from all the fuckheads in our world who are gonna wanna tear you down, because I’ve met a lot of them. I needed to know if they were worthy.” The burning gaze faltered. “And then there’s me.”
He frowned as he pushed my hair back from my face, then stopped.
“Who hurt you more than me? My job was to protect you, to keep you from harm and I… I had it all planned out in my head. I’d show you, fall down on my knees and beg for forgiveness—”
“You did.”
“I was gonna stand by, watch, wait, hold things back, keep things on an even keel for you. Make sure you had time and space. Stop them from pushing you too hard because who knew better that fierce fucking pull towards you than me? I needed to know that this pack was solid, that this wasn’t just mating heat throbbing through all of them. That when shit got real, they’d have your back. That no one would treat you like her, not even me.”
“Mase…”
“I was supposed to honour what Adam asked of me all those years ago. I needed to know that you’d be safe, secure, loved. Before I did anything, before I even factored into the equation. Sort them out, sort the pack out. Except…”
When he looked at me, we both saw it, all the times he broke his own rules so fucking beautifully. Naked in Stevie’s flat above the bar, together with Micah as the god rode them in the hotel room.
“I didn’t need a beta,” I started to say, a figure emerging from the dark at our words. Ulfric stepped forward, a smirk on his face, arms crossing his bare chest. “I needed a mate. I needed you. I’ve always needed you, back then on the stairs, when I was eighteen, when you called me home, and now. No matter who comes into my fucking life, you’re there in my heart, so deep down, I haven’t got a hope in hell of dislodging you. Even when you fucking slayed me.” He flinched at that. “Even when you left me wondering, doubting, unable to work out why the fuck you were running so hot and cold.”
“I’m sorry, love.”
“I’m glad I saw this. I’m glad I know where you come from, what you went through. If I could have done anything to prevent that…”
Something occurred to me as I paused, staring at the darkness below us. What the hell happened to Kailee, to other ulva growing up in these insular little packs?
“But it’s done, Mason,” I said, my eyes snapping back to them. “We have to walk away from that…fucking shit of the past and forge something new, and if you’re not one hundred percent on board…”
He grabbed my hand and placed it on his chest, over the warm thudding beat of his heart.
“I will always choose you,” he said. “Always. You’re fucking everything to me. There is no one else in my life that means even a fucking half of what you do. I love you, Paige. I’ll always love you. Always.”
And as if he knew I needed something more than words, he dropped down onto his knees before me, staring up into my eyes right up until the moment his head was tilted away. He revealed the corded muscle of his neck to me, made himself as vulnerable as a shifter can to another. His beast would have fought it, hating the risk this posed, but still, he held it. Not moving, not checking to see if I would accept his offer, just waiting for me.
The world filtered back, the training room, my mates. They’d come back, summonsed by some unknown call, and had formed a loose ring around me, Greta having faded away. I heard the sounds of bird calls, the wind in the trees, and his breath.
I went down with him, because wouldn’t I always? My hands went to his shoulders, my lips finding his skin on automatic. I took a breath of him, sucked him in deep until all I could smell and feel was him. Saliva filled my mouth, my fangs snapping down, ready.
“This will make you mine,” I growled out. “You run, shut me out, hold out on me, and I’ll track you down and force you open. You keep nothing from me anymore.”
I didn’t wait for his answer, I was done waiting. My jaws opened, and my teeth sunk themselves into his flesh to the sound of his gasp, to the feel of his arms around me.
“And so it is done,” Ulfric said, staring down at me as I marked my mate.
Chapter 44
“Time to get out of those damn clothes, Mason,” I growled out, getting to my feet and stripping mine away. “We’re formalising things now.”
He hesitated for a minute, no doubt considering what happened all the other times we connected. It was madness for sure, but somehow, as I looked around the circle of men, my men, my pack, I felt it would be all right. Then I saw him step free of his shorts, hard and ready for me.
I took my time. Part of me couldn’t let go of that feeling that this would all be snatched away soon, so while I had him, I was determined to explore. He watched me trace the hard lines of his chest patiently, right up until I got to his abs. His hand wrapped around one wrist, then the other when I insolently decided to cop a feel with it. He just stared at me for a second, a small smile forming when he shook his head, then he pulled a yelp from me when he swept me up into his arms, my thighs wrapping around his waist on automatic, before he laid us down on the padded mat floor.
“I’ve watched them please you,” he said, trailing a possessive hand down my throat, partially collaring my neck before pulling it away when I growled. “I’ve learned your reactions and your responses. Now it’s my turn.” He reared back, looking down at me with a catlike smile before grabbing one ankle, stroking a thumb against its inside edge, then hauling both thighs open wide.
“Beautiful girl…” I arched up into his caresses, just a broad palm tracing the contours of my body, but not where I needed him the most. He didn’t relent, making a study of my body with stroke after long stroke, making my skin sing.
My little grunts of pleasure had become some kind of continuous stream of consciousness. I was cau
ght up in a daze of sensation, unable to track what he did, how he moved, until finally, I pushed him away, not able to stop from rolling up, meeting him on my knees. We knelt there, face to face, a war waging on his.
“You want to look after me, shield me, please me.” I whispered the words, but they hit him like blows. Something soft and molten shifted in his eyes, the deep brown surface glistening. His brows creased, as if that were enough to brace him, protect him from this. But there was no protection, he had to know that. Taking a mate, making them yours, it was a suicidal swan dive, one you dove into without a net and were thankful for the ride.
“Always,” he growled, tugging me closer, the depth of his tone and the strength of his grip communicating how much.
“That’s not what this is,” I replied, feeling it right now. “Other days, other times, we can spend days doing just that, teasing each other.” A rumble from the group drew our eyes up to meet the silver ones of my pack, making it clear that they liked that idea, and everything in me hoped we would have a chance. “But it’s not what I need right now.”
I shook my head, as if that would stop my eyes pricking, aching. I might have been flooded with memories, the pain of the past, and a dark god’s agendas, but underneath it, I was still that girl. I might’ve been sure I could punch Mason through a wall, but he was still the man uniquely able to break my heart in two. Even now, part of him expected…what? My aunt to come swinging through the door, some sort of earthshaking situation that had to be dealt with now, now, now. Even Ulfric, who stood behind my pack like some kind of creepy arse dude in a live porn booth. Something that would take him away from me again. My thighs were slick, my cunt and my heart ached, and all I wanted was him, so I told him that.