by Miranda Lee
‘Thinking ahead to what?’
‘To that day when he gets bored and gives you the bullet.’
‘He’s not like that.’
Isabel groaned. ‘You do think you love him.’
‘I do love him, OK? So shoot me.’
‘For pity’s sake, girl, it could just be lust, you know. Even on your part.’
‘Like it was on yours? With Rafe?’
‘That was different.’
‘How?’
‘It just was.’
‘Wait till you meet Justin. Then tell me if you still think that.’
‘All right. I will!’
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
‘I STILL can’t believe it,’ Isabel said to Rafe as the returned honeymooners made the after-dinner coffee together in the kitchen.
‘What can’t you believe, darling? That you’ve come back home to find Rachel looking utterly gorgeous and glowing? Or that her creep of a boss—the one you’ve been ranting and raving about all afternoon—is actually a genuinely nice guy?’
‘Both. Frankly, I don’t know what to think any more. If I didn’t know Justin McCarthy’s history I’d say he just might be in love with her. The way he looks at her sometimes… As for Rachel, I’ve had to abandon any desperate hope I was clinging to that she might only be in lust with the man. She’s obviously mad about him.’
Rafe glanced over the kitchen island at the woman he was mad about. ‘Then why are you still so worried?’ he said.
‘I just couldn’t bear to see her get hurt again. She’s had such a rotten deal in life so far, Rafe. She deserves to be happy.’
‘I know, sweetheart,’ Rafe said soothingly. ‘I know. But she’s a grown woman. She has to make her own choices and decisions in life. You can’t make them for her. Even if you could, what would you say? Leave him before he leaves you? You saw for yourself the physical transformation in her. Whatever happens between them in the end, that can’t be a bad thing.’
‘No… No, you’re right. If nothing else, falling for Justin McCarthy has done wonders for Rachel’s looks. It’s difficult to believe she’s the same girl who was worried about having a bit of red dye put in her hair three weeks ago today. I wonder what Alice makes of all this.’
‘Alice?’ Rafe frowned.
‘Justin’s mum. She was the one who got Rachel the job as Justin’s PA in the first place.’
‘Aah, yes. I remember now. Well, maybe Alice doesn’t know that her son’s new Girl Friday has been promoted to Girl Saturday and Sunday as well.’
‘If she doesn’t then that would be telling, don’t you think? You told your mother about us quick smart. Maybe I’ll try to find out over coffee.’
‘Isabel,’ Rafe said sharply. ‘Don’t interfere.’
‘But…’
‘No buts, darling, except butt out. It’s their life.’
‘Oh, don’t be so typically male! The trouble with you is you don’t really care. Rachel’s not your best friend.’
‘No. She’s not. Which is possibly why I’m a better judge of what you should and shouldn’t do. Now, let’s take this coffee out to our guests and finish this very pleasant evening chatting about non-inflammatory subjects.’
‘Such as what?’
‘How about Rachel’s new look? That should keep you two girls going till after midnight, talking about hair and make-up and clothes.’
‘Very funny.’
‘Justin and I could discuss manly things, such as money and football and sex.’
‘You’re a male chauvinist pig, Rafe St Vincent.’
‘Not at all. Just a typical male, as you so cleverly pointed out. And, speaking of typical males, I wonder if Rachel would consider accidentally on purpose getting pregnant to the marriage-shy Mr McCarthy. It’s amazing how the thought of your own cute little baby-to-be can focus even the most commitment-phobic people.’
Isabel’s eyebrows arched. ‘Now, that’s an idea. But a bit too soon, I think. Though I might mention it to her later on. Trust you to come up with that one,’ she finished ruefully.
‘All brilliantly successful ideas should be shared. Come along, darling. If we don’t get out there with this coffee, it’ll be stone-cold!’
Rachel knew Isabel was out there in the kitchen gossiping to Rafe about her and Justin. But nothing her friend could say would stop her from continuing with her relationship with Justin. The more time she spent with him, the more deeply she fell in love with him. And it wasn’t just the sex bewitching her. It was definitely the man. He was everything Eric had never been. Kind. Considerate. Caring. And funny, when he wanted to be. She’d been amazed at what a witty conversationalist he’d been over dinner with people he hadn’t met before. It was obvious Rafe liked him. And Isabel too, if she’d put aside her personal prejudice long enough to admit it.
‘I like your friends,’ Justin said whilst they were sitting there at the dining table alone, waiting for the coffee. ‘And I like their house,’ he added, glancing around the cosy dining alcove which came off the main lounge room upstairs.
‘They’ll probably buy a bigger place after their baby is born,’ Rachel remarked.
‘They’re expecting a baby?’
‘Didn’t I say so? I thought I had. Yes, Isabel was already expecting before they got married. But that wasn’t why they got married. They planned it that way. Or Rafe did. Actually, Isabel wasn’t going to get married at all. But she wanted a baby. Oh, dear, I’m not explaining this very well. It’s a bit complicated.’
Justin smiled. ‘It sounds it.’
‘Let me try to explain it better. Now, let’s see…a few months back Isabel decided to have a baby using artificial insemination, then raise it by herself, because she was sick to death of falling in love with Mr Wrong. You know the kind. Not exactly good husband or father material. She’d already tried the idea of marrying with her head rather than her heart, and was engaged to this really nice architect who felt the same way, but two weeks before their wedding he fell head over heels for another girl and called the wedding off. It was around this time—only a couple of months back really—that Isabel met Rafe. He was going to be her wedding photographer. Right from their first meeting, she was very attracted to him. No, that’s understating things. She fancied him like mad. So much so that when she found out he was single and unattached she asked him to go away with her on her pre-booked and pre-paid honeymoon, on a strictly sex basis with no strings attached. Naturally, Rafe agreed.’
‘Naturally,’ Justin said laughingly.
‘Well, yes, what man wouldn’t?’ Rachel concurred. ‘Isabel’s drop-dead gorgeous. Anyway, to cut a long story short, Rafe fell in love during their fling and didn’t like the idea of Isabel having a baby all by herself. So he set about deliberately getting her pregnant without her knowing, hoping that then she’d marry him.’
‘How on earth did he get her pregnant without her knowing it was on the cards?’
‘I gather he doctored the condoms.’
‘That was an extremely bold move.’
‘Love can make you bold, I guess. And wanting something badly enough.’
‘I guess,’ he said, his eyes clouding over, then drifting off somewhere distant.
‘Did you want children when you were married, Justin?’ Rachel asked before she could think better of it.
‘What?’ He stared at her for a second as though he had no idea what she was talking about. But then his eyes cleared. ‘Yes, yes, I did. Mandy did, too, till she…’ He broke off abruptly. ‘Can we discuss something else, please?’
Isabel and Rafe’s return with the coffee was a blessing, though Isabel’s intuition antennae seemed to pick up on something straight away, and she flicked Rachel a frowning glance.
Rachel gave a little shake of her head and dredged up a covering smile. ‘You haven’t shown me all the lovely things you bought in Hong Kong yet,’ she said brightly.
‘I was just saying that to Isabel,’ Rafe replied. ‘Why don’t you two g
irls take your coffee into the bedroom and do just that? We two men can stay here and talk about man stuff.’
Isabel rolled her eyes as she handed the stylish blue and white mugs of steaming coffee around. ‘In that case, you have a deal. Two arrogant, self-opinionated males exchanging macho bulldust is not my idea of a fun time. Come on, Rach, let’s get out of here and leave these two to play one-upmanship all by themselves.’
‘I’ll have you know that I never play one-upmanship!’ Rafe called after the girls as they retreated, mugs in hand.
Rachel and Isabel’s laughter lasted till the bedroom door was safely shut behind them.
‘What happened out there?’ Isabel asked straight away. ‘You were both happy as larks when Rafe and I left to go make the coffee, and as tense as anything when we came back.’
Rachel sighed. ‘The conversation came round to you and Rafe expecting a child and I stupidly asked him if he’d wanted children when he was married.’
‘Stupidly asked!’ Isabel exclaimed, her expression one of outrage. ‘What’s stupid about a normal question like that? Truly, Rachel, you’re not going to turn into one of those women afraid to ask their boyfriend anything about his past. Or your future together, for that matter. I, for one, would like to know exactly what his intentions are towards you.’
Rachel had to smile. Dear Isabel. She really was a good friend. When she wasn’t playing bossy mother. She didn’t know it but she was just like her own mother in some ways, a fact which would pain Isabel if she realised it.
‘He wants me to be his lover, his friend and his PA,’ Rachel answered patiently. ‘But not necessarily in that order of priority. He doesn’t want me to be his wife. And obviously not the mother of his children. He doesn’t love me. Neither does he want to remarry. He told me so upfront. He’s been very honest with me, Isabel, and I have no right to cross-question him, or try to change the status quo.’
‘Oh, Rachel, that’s just so much crap.’
‘No, it’s not. I’ve gone into this affair with my eyes wide open. I know the score. Justin doesn’t want my love. He wants my friendship, my companionship and my body.’
‘And you can live with that?’
‘For the time being. That doesn’t mean I don’t have a very different long-term agenda. I’m not that self-sacrificing. I love Justin more than I ever loved Eric and I aim to marry him one day.’
‘Wow. Now, that’s more like my old Rachel. So what are you going to do? Get pregnant accidentally on purpose after a little while?’ Isabel asked excitedly.
Rachel was taken aback. ‘Are you insane? That strategy would never work with Justin.’
‘How do you know? Rafe said it’s a winner if the guy cares about you at all, and you obviously think he does.’
‘Yes, I do. But he hasn’t totally got over his wife yet. I’m hopeful he will, though, the same way I eventually got over Eric. Time does heal all wounds, you know.’
‘No, it doesn’t,’ Isabel countered sharply. ‘Sometimes people get gangrene. On top of that, it took you damned years to get over that rotter, my girl. By the time Justin is ready to move on from his slutty ex, you might be too old to have children. Don’t wait, I say. Take a chance and get preggers and see what happens.’
‘Uh-uh, Isabel. That worked for you and Rafe because you loved each other. Justin doesn’t love me yet. He wouldn’t marry me at this point in time and I don’t want to be a single mum. I want any child of mine to have it all. Both parents who love him or her, and who love each other.’
Isabel frowned, and cocked her head on one side. ‘Are you sure he doesn’t? Love you, that is?’
‘What? Look, what are you playing at now, Isabel?’
‘Just looking at the situation from a different angle. To be honest, if I didn’t know Justin’s personal history I would have said he was quite besotted with you.’
Rachel could feel herself blushing. ‘You really think so?’
‘Absolutely. He might very well be in love with you. He just doesn’t know it himself yet. Rafe didn’t realise he loved me for ages. So tell me one thing. Is Justin going to tell his mother about you, or is your sleeping together to be kept a tacky little secret?’
‘Funny you should ask that. I thought he’d want to keep our affair a secret. But no, he’s already told Alice over the phone and we’re going to her place for lunch tomorrow. Apparently, he has lunch with his mother practically every Sunday.’
‘Well, well, well,’ Isabel mused. ‘That’s good news. That’s very good news indeed.’
‘I thought so too.’
‘We have reason to hope, then, don’t we?’ Isabel said, feeling more optimistic over this relationship than she had all evening.
‘We do, Isabel,’ Rachel agreed and smiled at her best friend. ‘Now, no more talk about Justin. I want to see all the goodies you brought back from Hong Kong.’
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
‘WHAT are you thinking about?’ Rachel asked dreamily.
They were in bed together, post-dinner with Isabel and Rafe, post-coitus, both on their backs, both staring up at the bedroom ceiling.
Justin didn’t answer immediately, since the truth was out of the question. How could he possibly tell her he was thinking that if she wasn’t on the Pill they might have just made a baby together, or, even more amazingly, that he wished that were the case?
Ever since Rachel had told him that story tonight about Rafe deliberately getting Isabel pregnant to get her to marry him, he’d been having the most incredible thoughts. He knew he didn’t love Rachel. Hell, how could he when he still loved Mandy? Yet here he was, wanting her to be the mother of his child. And maybe even his wife!
Was he losing his mind? Or had Rachel’s also asking him if he’d wanted children when he was married to Mandy made him realise just how much he had wanted children? Losing the woman he loved to another man didn’t mean he had to lose the chance of having a family of his own, did it?
Another remark of Rachel’s tonight came back to tantalise his mind, and torment his conscience.
Wanting something badly enough can make you bold.
Would it be bold to tell Rachel he’d fallen in love with her and wanted to marry her? Or was that just plain bad?
‘Justin?’ Rachel prompted, but Justin closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep. Better not to answer right now. The lies could wait. Till the time was right.
He heard Rachel eventually sigh, then turn over and go to sleep, but he didn’t sleep for quite a while. He was too busy planning his strategy for getting Rachel to fall in love with him.
Taking her to his mother’s for lunch tomorrow was an excellent first move. But it would only be the first of many.
Justin hadn’t realised till that moment how bold he could be when he wanted something badly enough. Or how ruthless.
‘Rachel, my dear!’ Alice exclaimed shortly after opening her front door to them. ‘I hope you don’t take offence but you look simply marvellous! I can hardly believe it.’
Rachel laughed and didn’t take offence. ‘It’s a bit of an improvement from the last time you saw me, isn’t it? No more dreary black for starters.’ In deference to Alice’s suggestion that blue would suit her, she was wearing a blue silk trouser suit that did look very well against her colouring. Her hair had taken ages to do that morning, and so had her make-up, but it was worth it to see the expression of surprise and pleasure on Alice’s face.
‘And Justin, love,’ Alice said, her gaze swinging over to check out her son from top to toe. ‘You’re looking ten years younger yourself. Whatever you’ve been doing with Rachel, keep it up.’
‘Mum. Really.’
‘Oh, don’t go all prudish on me. You know I can’t stand it when you do that. It reminds me of your father, who, might I add, was not in any way prudish behind closed doors. He just liked to act that way in public. Come along, you two. Come through to the back terrace. I’ve got a nice cold lunch all set out there, with a couple of delicious bottles
of Tasmanian wine for us to try.’
‘Like father, like son,’ Rachel whispered to Justin when he took her arm and guided her down the long central hallway.
‘Behave yourself,’ he rasped back. ‘Or I’ll put you over my knee when I get you home tonight.’
She shot him a cheeky look. ‘Would you? You promise?’
‘Have some decorum,’ he said, but smilingly. ‘We’re at my mother’s.’
‘What are you two whispering about?’ Alice shot over her shoulder.
‘I was telling Justin how much I like your house,’ Rachel said.
‘Which reminds me, Mum. I want you to show Rachel your teapot collection later. She’s into pottery and knick-knacks.’
‘Oh, wonderful. I’ll take her to a few auctions with me. We’ll have such fun.’
They emerged onto the sun-drenched back terrace that looked like a new addition to the house, which was federation-style and inclined to be a little dark inside with smallish windows. Cosy, though, from what Rachel had glimpsed during her journey down the hallway. The terrace, however, looked like something that belonged to an Italian villa, with a lovely vine-covered pergola overhead and large terracotta tiles providing an excellent floor for the rich cedar-wood outdoor setting.
The lunch set out on the table looked as if it would feed an army, with all sorts of seafood and salads, and two already opened bottles of white wine resting in portable coolers. The wine glasses waiting to be filled were exquisitely fine, with small bunches of grapes etched into the sides.
‘I’ll just get the herb bread out of the oven,’ Alice said. ‘Justin, pour the wine. I don’t mean to rush you into eating but a storm’s been forecast for this afternoon and I’m worried it might spoil everything. We haven’t seen the sun for some time and I wanted to take advantage of it whilst it was there.’
She hurried off, leaving Rachel to openly admire the rest of the huge back yard with its large tract of lawn and neat garden beds along the side and back fences.