“That you have an issue with black people?”
“That’s absurd,” she said curtly. Right alongside the lie of her comment, her shoulders stiffened and her posture shifted in her seat. I heard her sister clear her throat right before she forced a smile my way, her jaw tightening, in obvious discomfort.
“Your issue with is not about me having a child, whose father isn’t in the picture. No, it’s more about your issue with me being black. Isn’t that your main issue, Mrs. Caivano?”
I watched as Veronika put a comforting hand on her sister’s forearm . . . possibly calming the inner racist who was thisclose to calling me the “N” word.
“Chanel, my sister isn’t here to judge you, honey. Her approach may have been a little off, but I can assure you that she . . . we . . . do not have a problem with you being black. None whatsoever.”
“What’s going on in here?”
I snapped my head toward the room’s entrance to see Dario standing not too far away. Although I didn’t need him to fight my battles, I thought it was probably best that he appeared when he did so that he could know why every future invitation to his mother’s house would be rejected.
“Who’s gonna answer me?” he demanded.
My first instinct was to stand and tell him that I was ready to go, but I decided against the more dramatic reaction. I turned to Antonina and commented, “I’ll let your mother answer the question.”
“We were just having a discussion, son. Nothing too serious.”
“It sounded serious to me. I heard the last part, so don’t lie. What’s going on?”
I turned back around toward Dario and decided that I would be the one to respond, in truth. The less time I had to sit there and listen while these two women ran around mulberry bushes, the better.
“Your mother just made it pretty clear that she doesn’t approve,” I said, standing from my seat and grabbing my purse into my hand. “She seems to think that I’m trying to put you in mode of being a father to my son. At least that’s what I got at first. But the more she talked, the more she led me to believe that it had something to do with the color of my skin as well—though she didn’t, or rather wouldn’t, say that directly.”
“And I wouldn’t say that because it’s not true,” she shot in her own defense. “Those aren’t my feelings at all,” she cried. “She’s taking what I said out of context, and frankly, I don’t appreciate it one bit.”
“Ladies! Come on, what is going on?” Dario’s uncle, Christoph asked, suddenly appearing alongside him. “We leave you alone for what . . . half an hour and this is what’s happened? It’s supposed to be a festive evening, getting to know Chanel. What happened?”
“It was all a misunderstanding,” Veronika responded, to her husband. “I think that if we sat back down and continued to talk, things could be smoothed out.”
“I think it’s just best if I left,” I said. “I need to be getting home now anyway. I appreciate dinner. The food was very good. Dario, I can call for an Uber if you need to stay longer. It’s not a—”
“No, I brought you here; I’ll be the one to take you home.”
“Chanel, you really don’t have to leave,” Veronika spoke.
“You absolutely do not have to leave,” Christoph cosigned. “Please stay.”
But the damage was already done and I really needed out of there like yesterday. I didn’t want to be in the presence of Antonina Caivano any longer.
“I really do need to go, but thank you for your kindness, Christoph.”
CHAPTER 32
Chanel
As much as I wanted to cry, I couldn’t let myself do that. I just kept replaying the conversation with Veronika and Antonina and it had my blood raging. I was hurt, but I was even more pissed. All my life, without people knowing me, I’d been judged. It was why I was such an overachiever. I felt like I had to prove something at all times! It was only when Rai came into my life that I stopped feeling like I had to prove shit. He brought me full circle. It was me and him against the world and I beat the odds and made sure that I wasn’t going to become a failed statistic. Yes, I was a statistic, but one with a success story, and I refused to let that woman, or those women take me back to a time where I felt less than—and damn sure not for the color of my fucking skin.
“Chanel, talk to me,” Dario said, after having driven for a long period of silence. “We need to talk about how you’re feeling.”
I shook my head and closed my eyes. I really didn’t want to talk for fear that I might shed tears while doing so. I didn’t want to give emotion at that level.
“Not right now, okay?” I said, my voice low and leveled.
“If not now, when?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Well, you need to be. I may be new to the whole relationship thing, but even I know that communication is key. So, that’s what we need to make sure that we have at all times.”
I snapped my neck toward him and rolled my eyes in frustration. “And I’m communicating to you that talking about this shit right now is not what I want to do.”
When I felt the car accelerate to a higher speed, I knew that there were now two of us that were angry. As far as I was concerned, that was just what it would have to be for now because talking wasn’t something I could pull off without yelling and cussing. I half expected Dario to ask again, but he didn’t. Instead he gunned the engine, maneuvered two lanes over, and took the next exit.
“What are you doing?” I asked angrily.
Of course he didn’t answer me. I expected as much. When we pulled over into a Walgreen’s parking lot seconds after getting off the freeway, I knew that keeping quiet was no longer an option.
“Listen, Chanel,” he said, cutting the engine and removing his seatbelt to turn towards me. “I don’t do well with attitudes. Never have and I’m not gonna start now. This thing that we entered into isn’t just your relationship, it’s our relationship. So stop the shit and let me know what the hell is going on.”
“Dario, you walked in on the tail end of that conversation. You heard what was said.”
“I heard you imply that my mother had an issue with you because of the color of your skin. That’s what I heard. So, now I’m asking you what led to that? It’s gonna be the difference between me taking you home and coming inside with you, or taking you home and going back to have a discussion with my mother. If you weren’t in such a damn hurry to leave, we could’ve done this there, but I saw your discomfort and wanted to honor that. So, now is the time for you to return that damn favor so we can move past this shit.”
“This shit? Pssh. It’s more than that, Dario!”
“Then tell me how that is! How many different ways do I need to ask you?”
I smacked my lips in frustration and defiantly folded my arms across my chest. “She was asking me all kinds of questions about my son! Where is his father? Don’t I think it’s important that every child has his father? Dario has a career that he needs to tend to!”
In the middle of my yelling, I realized that tears were pouring. I couldn’t stop them and that made me even angrier that I’d lost that kind of control. My chest heaved with emotion before I had a chance to reel it in. I had my face buried inside my hands when I heard the driver’s side door open and close. Moments later, my door opened, and I felt Dario softly grab onto my wrist.
“Come here, baby,” he requested.
Through my sniffles, I struggled to get out, “I-i-it’s c-cold . . .”
But he pulled me anyway and before I knew it, I was wrapped inside of his arms against the car and sobbing relentlessly into his chest. I stood there and cried my soul out. So much so, that after a while it no longer had anything to do with Dario’s mother. I was crying because her words did ring true—every child does need their father. I thought I had found that in Tyler, but when he couldn’t have me the way he wanted, he transferred the treatment onto Rai and that should never have been.
I never even believed i
n ‘forever’, because I hadn’t ever experienced it, but what I did believe was that a man would always be a man regardless, and Tyler had proven me wrong and dogged my son out in the process. He made me look like a liar. Like I lied to my baby about the life I could give him and that fucked me up, wholly!
Dario’s light kisses to the top of my head as he comforted me, was soothing, but the thoughts arrested me, leaving me chained to the pain that refused to let me go.
“Get it all out,” he urged. “I’ll hold you as long as I need to.”
Suddenly, hearing Dario’s voice and knowing that he cared, my voice emerged. “It was so fucked up when he did that to him, Dario!” I cried. “I trusted that he would keep his loyalty to Rai even though I wasn’t with him! That’s what hurts! That’s what hurts! Maybe your mother didn’t mean it the way it sounded, and at this point I don’t even know! I just know it struck a nerve because of the mark that he fuckin’ left! My son didn’t deserve that!”
“Shhh,” he consoled, as he rubbed my hair with one hand and across my back with the other. “It’s okay, baby. You can’t hold onto that. You can’t think you failed because of some shit that he did. And by all accounts, Rai seems like a well-rounded kid to me. You’ve done an amazing job and don’t ever let anybody or any situation make you feel differently. I’m still going to talk to my mother and I need you to trust that. But as far as Rai . . . you being a good mother to him is just one of the many things that make you so beautiful to me. Look at me,” he requested, pulling back slightly. “You are as good as it gets. I’ve seen it and so has everyone else. If that kid is lacking anything in the way of love and guidance, it does not fucking show. Okay?”
I nodded at his words of encouragement. It surprised me that I was even in my emotions at the level that I was. But maybe I needed that cleanse. Yes, I needed that cleanse. And after I’d gotten it, I calmed all the way down, and managed a smile.
“I think it’s time to go now. I can feel the tip of my nose becoming numb and we’re out here hugged up against a car in the Walgreen’s parking lot like we sneaked out of our respective homes, away from our spouses to meet up. I’m sure people are—”
Before I could finish my sentence, Dario silenced my attempt at speaking with a kiss as soft as cotton—a kiss so soft and so hypnotizing that I forgot everything before the kiss. It was what I needed and so I readily fell into it.
CHAPTER 33
Chanel
After dropping Rai off at school Monday morning, I was excited because the day had come for my appointment at my spa reservation. Ahh, luxury. I was long overdue for a day to myself. I’d been working like crazy, of course mothering like crazy, and now being a girlfriend! That was a lot of roles to manage, each expecting their very own level of attention. And they were all enjoyable, but Mama needed some time alone. I dropped my car off at home and called myself an Uber. If I was going to do it, I was doing it the right way. I’d be much too relaxed by the time I got done to want to be behind the wheel of a car, thinking for everybody on the road, including myself.
Rai was headed to a friend’s house after he got out of school, and Dario was going to the boxing gym for a few hours, so there was really no rush for me to get back to the other side of the bridge.
When I walked into the doors of Kabuki Springs & Spa, either it was my imagination, or some kind of spiritual calm came over me. With exotic Japanese music playing throughout the serene environment, I just felt every muscle—including my brain—begin to relax. It was like a full body woosah! All thoughts were slowly leaving; any stress was not far behind. The pretty Asian girl at the front desk greeted me with a smile and checked me in before someone else arrived to escort me to what would be my wardrobe for the next two hours—a cotton towel.
I was happy to know that once I did arrive to the room where I would receive my Nirvana treatment, the music was still filtering through. I craved those soothing sounds. As pretty as the music was, the moment that my Eastern massage began, all sounds ceased to exist in that small dimly lit, candle-clad space. It felt so good I wanted to sigh out loud, but I just remained mute and settled comfortably into my trance.
By the time my eighty-minute massage concluded, I remember being nudged gently so that I could reposition in order for my facial and body polish to begin . . .
Two hours and some change later, I was a brand new girl. I felt as though I was floating feet above the ground and on cotton with every step that I took. I felt good, refreshed, like a reset button had been hit on my spirit. It was by far the best $270 I have ever spent. I decided, in that moment, that I would have to treat myself to something like this at least once a month. I had been severely neglecting myself and that was going to stop.
As I was getting dressed, I found myself smiling. My relaxed state allowed my thoughts to venture to the happiest of places. It just seemed so surreal that while I wasn’t looking for a man to call my own, that Dario just appeared. I swore I was going to be doomed to a life of dating here and there and never really settling down. But the more I was with him, which was now going on three months, the more I began to see that I could for sure do the long-term thing.
Yes, indeed.
When I was done at Kabuki, I instructed my Uber driver to take me back home where I tipped her, then hopped in my car to go to Macaroni Grill. I was desperately seeking the most deliciously-grilled shrimp salad that I could find. And that was the place to get it.
“Good afternoon. Table for one?” the hostess asked.
“Just me,” I smiled cheerfully.
“Would you like a booth or a seat at the bar?”
As soon as ‘bar’ came out of her mouth, I instantly regretted sending my Uber away because now I was stuck with having to sip on an ordinary beverage.
“Booth is good.”
Close to half an hour later when my salad arrived, I just knew I was in for a treat. The jumbo shrimp were grilled to golden perfection and modestly placed on top of a mixed green bed of lettuce. The chopped olives, red onions, and chopped boiled egg made the ensemble even more attractive and had my entire mouthwatering. After my server blessed my dish with a small amount of crushed pepper, I thanked him and stared at my meal for a few long seconds before I took a picture and sent it off to both Dario and Rai’s phones with the message: “Oh, the life…Jealous much?”
I smiled to myself and put my phone aside, then prepared to dig in, when I heard, “Eating all alone, pretty woman?”
When I heard Tyler’s voice hovering over me, anything close to serenity that I felt before, left me immediately. I’m going to be sick. I looked up at him with a daggered stare. He realized it right away.
“What’s the mean-mug for?” he asked, sliding into my booth seat across from me, without awaiting an invitation. “Grilled shrimp salad, huh? Still your favorite, I see. I guess I’d be hungry too after a long day at the spa.”
My heart constricted and began a full on attack beating against my chest. My body flushed from the inside full of heat . . . and not the kind of heat you feel from passion, but the kind that you feel from fear. When I dropped my fork onto the plate, a crooked smile slid across Tyler’s face.
“W-w-what . . .”
At the sound of my stuttering, he stepped in.
“What am I talking about? Is that what you’re trying to ask me, Chanel?”
I looked around nervously, hoping that this was all a big joke and that this bastard hadn’t followed me, but deep down . . . and on the surface, I knew that it was far from a fucking joke.
“Yeah, what are you talking about?” I asked him slowly.
“It’s not me stalking you if that’s what you think. I just happened to be driving by your house, and just happened to see you get into an Uber, and just happened to follow you over to the City. It was all innocent.”
“Innocent? Stalking is not innocent, Tyler,” I said with urgency.
“Relax. And leave that stalking word out of shit because that’s not what it is. You’re put
ting way too much on it. That’s not who I am. I just wanted to see how my girl was living. That’s all.”
“I’m not your girl, Tyler.”
“Yeah, but I’m here to change that.”
Now, I was really sick. My heart was racing at a speed that I couldn’t control even with light, careful breathing technique. I was actually getting scared of just how fast it was beating. A part of me felt on the verge of a panic attack and so my mind shifted to trying to keep that occurrence at bay. I’d had them before and having one in public, with this person being the only one around, would not be good.
“Relax, Chanel,” he coached when it became clear by my shaking hand that I was in a predicament. “Breathe slow,” he advised, this time reaching over to touch my hand.
I cringed at his touch, then steadied myself and mustered up all the strength I could to gain control of the moment. He can’t fucking see you sink! Don’t let him! I inhaled a deep breath and sat as erect as possible, than stared at him blankly.
“There she is . . .” he said, cryptically, crediting himself for my return to normal. “Now, can we talk?”
CHAPTER 34
Chanel
“Tyler, what do you want?”
When the words flew out of my mouth as freely as they did, I was proud of myself. There was no tremor in my body; there was no sign of nerves or anything. I even reclaimed my fork and began to eat in his face. I needed to send him a strong message. And with that message he would get a rude awakening because as soon as I left Macaroni Grill, Tyler Johnson, would soon be on the other side of a restraining order. Yeah, the time had finally arrived for that to happen. Either that, or tell Dario about this incident and then Tyler would wish that he’d only been served with paperwork.
“Chanel, you know what I want. I want my family back. How many times do I have to tell you that?”
“You don’t need to tell me anything, Tyler, because you already know that it’s not gonna happen. You only want what you can’t have.” I stopped eating for a second and put my fork down again, when a thought hit me. He knows about Dario. “So, all of a sudden—”
In the Ring: A Dario Caivano Novel Page 13